* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
She could still feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment. She should have known it was coming, but somehow she just hadn't.
She'd sat down for their disciple session along with everyone else, chatting with Rachel, smiling over at Bitsy. The session started with a group chant that helped them focus. The lights were turned off. The room was dimly lit by flickering candles. The girls formed one circle and the boys another and they massaged each other's shoulders. Mary and the other girls chanted: "A-na gha-bee-ya." Pastor David had told them that it was a way to focus on the quality of their spirituality.
Mary found it so easy to lose track of time when they did this. There was something about the repetitive action, repetitive noise and flickering candles that seemed to mesmerize her. It wasn't unpleasant, but afterwards she always felt she was wading through pudding, trying to focus her mind.
She felt herself drifting off as Peter began the night's discussion which focused once again on the need to maintain the purity of their mind and body. She stifled a yawn and tried not to slouch too much in her seat.
"Mary." Mary started. Her mind had been wandering. "Have you maintained the level of purity of mind and body required of a child of God this week?"
"Yes . . . I think so." Something in his tone made her think she must not have done. She fumbled through her reflection journal trying to think what she could have done wrong. She could feel everyone watching her. "I think so." She repeated more doubtfully.
But she hadn't, of course. She'd had that hamburger with Jane. She'd forgotten until he mentioned it. She stumbled through an explanation. She just hadn't thought of it. It had been the special. Jane had been treating, it would have been rude . . . . Her explanations were met with blank stares from others in the group. Peter cleared his throat as she drew to a halt.
She'd seen it happen to other people, but she'd never been called on the floor herself. She could taste the hamburger - burnt animal flesh - in her mouth and found herself feeling nauseous. It seemed to last forever. This condemnation. She found herself begging the group's forgiveness, asking for their guidance.
And she was forgiven. For this was a Christian group and they always acted as God commanded: "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him." (Luke 17:3)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Back in their room, Rachel started to say something, but thought better of it and left the room to give Mary some privacy.
The privacy didn't last very long. Charity came in to let her know that Pastor David wanted to see her.
Mary stood up nervously, smoothing her skirt. She looked over at Charity hoping for some reassurance that it couldn't be that bad, but Charity had her back to her and was not, in any case, the sort to give comfort. She straightened resolutely, went down the stairs and walked across the parking lot to the Church.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Her feelings of resolution had faded by the time Pastor David was free to see her. She'd had several minutes to wonder what might happen. Was this the sort of thing she could be kicked out for?
But when he was finally finished with his phone call and turned towards her he was smiling.
"I understand that you're going to see your family for Christmas, Mary. I wonder if I could ask you a favor."
She nodded, relieved.
"I have a present for a friend in Glenoak but I've left it too late to send by regular mail. Do you think . . . ?
There was no need for him to finish the request. "Of course," she said. Determined to earn back the group's trust.
"Promise me you'll be careful." he said as he handed the rectangular package to her. "It's fragile."
"Don't worry." She took the package in one hand and the paper with the address in the other. "I'll take good care of it. Cross my heart."
She could still feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment. She should have known it was coming, but somehow she just hadn't.
She'd sat down for their disciple session along with everyone else, chatting with Rachel, smiling over at Bitsy. The session started with a group chant that helped them focus. The lights were turned off. The room was dimly lit by flickering candles. The girls formed one circle and the boys another and they massaged each other's shoulders. Mary and the other girls chanted: "A-na gha-bee-ya." Pastor David had told them that it was a way to focus on the quality of their spirituality.
Mary found it so easy to lose track of time when they did this. There was something about the repetitive action, repetitive noise and flickering candles that seemed to mesmerize her. It wasn't unpleasant, but afterwards she always felt she was wading through pudding, trying to focus her mind.
She felt herself drifting off as Peter began the night's discussion which focused once again on the need to maintain the purity of their mind and body. She stifled a yawn and tried not to slouch too much in her seat.
"Mary." Mary started. Her mind had been wandering. "Have you maintained the level of purity of mind and body required of a child of God this week?"
"Yes . . . I think so." Something in his tone made her think she must not have done. She fumbled through her reflection journal trying to think what she could have done wrong. She could feel everyone watching her. "I think so." She repeated more doubtfully.
But she hadn't, of course. She'd had that hamburger with Jane. She'd forgotten until he mentioned it. She stumbled through an explanation. She just hadn't thought of it. It had been the special. Jane had been treating, it would have been rude . . . . Her explanations were met with blank stares from others in the group. Peter cleared his throat as she drew to a halt.
She'd seen it happen to other people, but she'd never been called on the floor herself. She could taste the hamburger - burnt animal flesh - in her mouth and found herself feeling nauseous. It seemed to last forever. This condemnation. She found herself begging the group's forgiveness, asking for their guidance.
And she was forgiven. For this was a Christian group and they always acted as God commanded: "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him." (Luke 17:3)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Back in their room, Rachel started to say something, but thought better of it and left the room to give Mary some privacy.
The privacy didn't last very long. Charity came in to let her know that Pastor David wanted to see her.
Mary stood up nervously, smoothing her skirt. She looked over at Charity hoping for some reassurance that it couldn't be that bad, but Charity had her back to her and was not, in any case, the sort to give comfort. She straightened resolutely, went down the stairs and walked across the parking lot to the Church.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Her feelings of resolution had faded by the time Pastor David was free to see her. She'd had several minutes to wonder what might happen. Was this the sort of thing she could be kicked out for?
But when he was finally finished with his phone call and turned towards her he was smiling.
"I understand that you're going to see your family for Christmas, Mary. I wonder if I could ask you a favor."
She nodded, relieved.
"I have a present for a friend in Glenoak but I've left it too late to send by regular mail. Do you think . . . ?
There was no need for him to finish the request. "Of course," she said. Determined to earn back the group's trust.
"Promise me you'll be careful." he said as he handed the rectangular package to her. "It's fragile."
"Don't worry." She took the package in one hand and the paper with the address in the other. "I'll take good care of it. Cross my heart."