Chapter 29
I'm really, really sorry that I haven't updated in such a long time, but my school's started blocking fanfiction, so I can't get on.
Stupid shitty crappy dodgy cheap mean, freaking school!
(I should have censored that, shouldn't I? Ah well. Too late)
It's so damn unfair! Humph. Well, here's my latest chapter, and I hope you enjoy it.
*
Slytherin Commonroom
"This is SO cool," said Claire, grinning around at the huge Slytherin banners. "I can't believe it. Hogwarts really exists."
Jess was smiling absently. "I wonder where Michelle went," she said.
"Well I'm glad she's not here," replied Claire.
"Definitely," nodded Jess. "She always hits me whenever I pick on someone."
Claire laughed. "I wonder why."
One of the many dark corridors in Hogwarts
"I don't understand," protested Elspeth. "Where are we going?"
Artemis turned to her, with his usual vampire-like smile. "Just to pick up a few friends," he replied. Then, upon reaching the painting of the fruit bowl, he reached a pale hand out, and tickled the pear.
"What are you DOING?" hissed the girl, eyes wide with shock.
"Quiet," Artemis placed a finger to his lips, as the portrait swung upon, revealing....
"Fowl!" screeched Holly, flinging herself at him, and pummelling his already-blackened face. Artemis winced, trying to cover his face.
"Hello, Holly," he said.
"Friends?" asked Elspeth, disbelievingly.
"I'VE GOT HIM, COMMANDER!" panted Holly, yanking Artemis inside, and gripping him in a headlock. And as she began strangling him, Artemis was only glad that it was just an elf, and not Michelle.
* In front of the portrait
"SEE?" grinned Rachel. "I told you so."
Michelle frowned. She always did, whenever she was proved wrong. She's gonna have a whole lot of wrinkles when she gets old. (Just kidding).
"So?" she snapped. "That doesn't prove anything."
"Shut the door! Shut the door!" squeaked Holly, in desperation, as Artemis fought her off. Root was too busy chopping carrots to bother.
However, this was an order, and House Elves are made to obey orders.
Quickly, Winky dashed up to the portrait, and grabbing its edges, pulled it back as hard as she could. Michelle reached forward to hold the portrait, but with a nasty smile, Rachel held her hand back. There was a sickening crunch as the edges closed on the House Elf's chubby fingers.
"Not much for brains, hey?" said Rachel.
"Ew," Michelle made a face. "You're gross."
"Yes, well her fingers are only bruised," replied Rachel, defensively. She reached forward, and taking hold of the portrait, pulled it open again.
"Help....me...." gasped Artemis, who was rolling around on the dirty ground like a mutant slug. Holly's face was red with the effort of holding the Mud Boy down, and she was wheezing.
"Help who?" Michelle glanced at the pair, then, seeing violence, instantly assumed that Holly wanted help killing someone. "Heh, heh, heh. Die, Fowl!" she cackled, throwing herself on top of the two, and giggling like a deranged hyena.
"You crazy maniac!" screamed Artemis, trying in vain to roll free of the new weight. Holly whimpered. In her leap, Michelle had managed to fix her elbow on top of the elf's throat. Accident? Yeah right. Practise makes perfect, more like it.
"Get....off....me....Mud....Girl...." croaked Holly. Who in a manner of speaking, was about to croak. As in die. Of suffocation.
"Never!" said Michelle, shoving Holly's head onto the ground.
"Michelle! Stop it, you ***************************!" shouted Rachel. "You're so stupid! Don't kill them!" Then, after a moment's glance at Artemis, added, "Yet."
The boy paled. Holly made a gurgling noise in her throat.
Sighing, Michelle did so. "Why?" she whined. "It's not like anyone's going to care."
Meanwhile, Elspeth was happily stuffing her thin face with as many cream cakes as she could lay her bony fingers on.
"You pig!" gasped Root, disgusted with her non-existent manners. "You know how LONG I spent, making those?"
Elspeth swallowed another éclair. "Nope," she shook her head. Then she plunged it into a bowl of custard.
"Well she DID seem keen on dessert," said Rachel, uncertainly. From what she had read in the Obernewtyn Series, Elspeth sounded like a half-starved girl. From what she had seen so far, Elspeth /looked/ like a starved lion. Ess. Lioness. Kinda.
"Mm....sweets," smiled Elspeth, around a mouthful of honeycomb tart.
"More, Miss?" squeaked Binky, holding up a plateful of sugar cookies.
"Yes, please!" said the girl, tipping the contents of the plate into her mouth.
"No!" groaned Rachel. "Don't eat so much. You'll be sick, I guarantee it."
"Why should you care?" asked Michelle, curiously. She had not yet understood the ancient art of caring.
"Because! I don't want her to---" fed up with explanations already, Rachel snatched a quivering platter of jelly from Elspeth's hands, and prepared to throw it on the ground. However, one look at the elves crowded around her feet stopped her. If raspberry jelly could get any redder, it would be on the heads of the elves. And I don't mean with food colouring. Gross!
"Get her off me!" shouted Artemis and Holly, in unison. For despite letting up her headlock on the two of them, Michelle had not yet gotten off either of her victims.
"Do I HAVE to?" sighed Michelle, with a regretful look at the squashed figures beneath her.
Rachel shrugged, as she carefully placed the platter on the bench. "Whatever."
This meant that it was up to Michelle to make up her disturbed mind. Pitytherewasnolipstick. No. Sorry. SERIOUSLY lame joke that Victoria once told. No offence, Vicky, but fertiliser couldn't have stank more.
"Goody," said Michelle, rubbing her hands together, before pinning the boy and elf under her again.
"ROOT!" screamed Holly. "HELP ME!"
"Sorry, Holly. I'm busy," replied Root, as he diced his precious vegetables.
"Elspeth, girl! Don't just stand there! Do something!" bellowed Artemis, who was at the last of his pathetic strength.
"I am, I am," protested Elspeth, emptying a packet of chocolate chip cookies.
"STOP EATING!" screamed Rachel. "You're gonna be sick, and....yeah!"
Unfortunately, this was not a good explanation, and Elspeth continued to gorge herself on various sweets.
"Well now that you've caught me," drawled Artemis. "What do you want with me?"
"You?" sniggered Rachel. "Whoever said we wanted anything with you? I was just proving my point to Michelle, who was overtaken by a desire to kill you. I don't want anything to do with you, you moron."
Artemis looked shocked. Then hurt. Then angry.
"Get off me, then, girl!" he barked at Michelle. "I'm dying here!"
Michelle smiled blandly, and glanced at her watch. "Oh goody," she said, lightly. "Five point two seconds faster."
"WHAT? GET OFF!" screamed Artemis, hitting her. Holly groaned and slowly extracted a grenade from her belt.
"If you don't get off me," she told Michelle, her voice deadly serious. "I'll blow you off to Mars."
"Oh cool," said Michelle. "I won't have to pay, will I? Because if I do, the best way to decide how much I pay is by measuring the distance, and seeing that Mars is---"
"SHUT UP!" shouted Rachel. "Maths, maths, maths. Angeline's really getting to you, isn't she?"
Michelle shuddered. She looked like she was having a seizure. "But I hate maths," she whimpered.
Artemis gasped. "Hate maths?" he whispered. Then. "HATE MATHS?"
"Let's get out of here," said Rachel, grabbing Michelle's arm and pulling her off the two. Stumbling, Michelle ran, Rachel not far behind. Artemis looked as if he were about to explode. Then, just as they stepped out of the kitchen, there was an explosion, which shook the halls.
Rachel winced.
*
I LUUUUUUUURV reading reviews, so PLZ PLEASE PLEEZ PLEAZ PUHLEEZ......review.
I'm really, really sorry that I haven't updated in such a long time, but my school's started blocking fanfiction, so I can't get on.
Stupid shitty crappy dodgy cheap mean, freaking school!
(I should have censored that, shouldn't I? Ah well. Too late)
It's so damn unfair! Humph. Well, here's my latest chapter, and I hope you enjoy it.
*
Slytherin Commonroom
"This is SO cool," said Claire, grinning around at the huge Slytherin banners. "I can't believe it. Hogwarts really exists."
Jess was smiling absently. "I wonder where Michelle went," she said.
"Well I'm glad she's not here," replied Claire.
"Definitely," nodded Jess. "She always hits me whenever I pick on someone."
Claire laughed. "I wonder why."
One of the many dark corridors in Hogwarts
"I don't understand," protested Elspeth. "Where are we going?"
Artemis turned to her, with his usual vampire-like smile. "Just to pick up a few friends," he replied. Then, upon reaching the painting of the fruit bowl, he reached a pale hand out, and tickled the pear.
"What are you DOING?" hissed the girl, eyes wide with shock.
"Quiet," Artemis placed a finger to his lips, as the portrait swung upon, revealing....
"Fowl!" screeched Holly, flinging herself at him, and pummelling his already-blackened face. Artemis winced, trying to cover his face.
"Hello, Holly," he said.
"Friends?" asked Elspeth, disbelievingly.
"I'VE GOT HIM, COMMANDER!" panted Holly, yanking Artemis inside, and gripping him in a headlock. And as she began strangling him, Artemis was only glad that it was just an elf, and not Michelle.
* In front of the portrait
"SEE?" grinned Rachel. "I told you so."
Michelle frowned. She always did, whenever she was proved wrong. She's gonna have a whole lot of wrinkles when she gets old. (Just kidding).
"So?" she snapped. "That doesn't prove anything."
"Shut the door! Shut the door!" squeaked Holly, in desperation, as Artemis fought her off. Root was too busy chopping carrots to bother.
However, this was an order, and House Elves are made to obey orders.
Quickly, Winky dashed up to the portrait, and grabbing its edges, pulled it back as hard as she could. Michelle reached forward to hold the portrait, but with a nasty smile, Rachel held her hand back. There was a sickening crunch as the edges closed on the House Elf's chubby fingers.
"Not much for brains, hey?" said Rachel.
"Ew," Michelle made a face. "You're gross."
"Yes, well her fingers are only bruised," replied Rachel, defensively. She reached forward, and taking hold of the portrait, pulled it open again.
"Help....me...." gasped Artemis, who was rolling around on the dirty ground like a mutant slug. Holly's face was red with the effort of holding the Mud Boy down, and she was wheezing.
"Help who?" Michelle glanced at the pair, then, seeing violence, instantly assumed that Holly wanted help killing someone. "Heh, heh, heh. Die, Fowl!" she cackled, throwing herself on top of the two, and giggling like a deranged hyena.
"You crazy maniac!" screamed Artemis, trying in vain to roll free of the new weight. Holly whimpered. In her leap, Michelle had managed to fix her elbow on top of the elf's throat. Accident? Yeah right. Practise makes perfect, more like it.
"Get....off....me....Mud....Girl...." croaked Holly. Who in a manner of speaking, was about to croak. As in die. Of suffocation.
"Never!" said Michelle, shoving Holly's head onto the ground.
"Michelle! Stop it, you ***************************!" shouted Rachel. "You're so stupid! Don't kill them!" Then, after a moment's glance at Artemis, added, "Yet."
The boy paled. Holly made a gurgling noise in her throat.
Sighing, Michelle did so. "Why?" she whined. "It's not like anyone's going to care."
Meanwhile, Elspeth was happily stuffing her thin face with as many cream cakes as she could lay her bony fingers on.
"You pig!" gasped Root, disgusted with her non-existent manners. "You know how LONG I spent, making those?"
Elspeth swallowed another éclair. "Nope," she shook her head. Then she plunged it into a bowl of custard.
"Well she DID seem keen on dessert," said Rachel, uncertainly. From what she had read in the Obernewtyn Series, Elspeth sounded like a half-starved girl. From what she had seen so far, Elspeth /looked/ like a starved lion. Ess. Lioness. Kinda.
"Mm....sweets," smiled Elspeth, around a mouthful of honeycomb tart.
"More, Miss?" squeaked Binky, holding up a plateful of sugar cookies.
"Yes, please!" said the girl, tipping the contents of the plate into her mouth.
"No!" groaned Rachel. "Don't eat so much. You'll be sick, I guarantee it."
"Why should you care?" asked Michelle, curiously. She had not yet understood the ancient art of caring.
"Because! I don't want her to---" fed up with explanations already, Rachel snatched a quivering platter of jelly from Elspeth's hands, and prepared to throw it on the ground. However, one look at the elves crowded around her feet stopped her. If raspberry jelly could get any redder, it would be on the heads of the elves. And I don't mean with food colouring. Gross!
"Get her off me!" shouted Artemis and Holly, in unison. For despite letting up her headlock on the two of them, Michelle had not yet gotten off either of her victims.
"Do I HAVE to?" sighed Michelle, with a regretful look at the squashed figures beneath her.
Rachel shrugged, as she carefully placed the platter on the bench. "Whatever."
This meant that it was up to Michelle to make up her disturbed mind. Pitytherewasnolipstick. No. Sorry. SERIOUSLY lame joke that Victoria once told. No offence, Vicky, but fertiliser couldn't have stank more.
"Goody," said Michelle, rubbing her hands together, before pinning the boy and elf under her again.
"ROOT!" screamed Holly. "HELP ME!"
"Sorry, Holly. I'm busy," replied Root, as he diced his precious vegetables.
"Elspeth, girl! Don't just stand there! Do something!" bellowed Artemis, who was at the last of his pathetic strength.
"I am, I am," protested Elspeth, emptying a packet of chocolate chip cookies.
"STOP EATING!" screamed Rachel. "You're gonna be sick, and....yeah!"
Unfortunately, this was not a good explanation, and Elspeth continued to gorge herself on various sweets.
"Well now that you've caught me," drawled Artemis. "What do you want with me?"
"You?" sniggered Rachel. "Whoever said we wanted anything with you? I was just proving my point to Michelle, who was overtaken by a desire to kill you. I don't want anything to do with you, you moron."
Artemis looked shocked. Then hurt. Then angry.
"Get off me, then, girl!" he barked at Michelle. "I'm dying here!"
Michelle smiled blandly, and glanced at her watch. "Oh goody," she said, lightly. "Five point two seconds faster."
"WHAT? GET OFF!" screamed Artemis, hitting her. Holly groaned and slowly extracted a grenade from her belt.
"If you don't get off me," she told Michelle, her voice deadly serious. "I'll blow you off to Mars."
"Oh cool," said Michelle. "I won't have to pay, will I? Because if I do, the best way to decide how much I pay is by measuring the distance, and seeing that Mars is---"
"SHUT UP!" shouted Rachel. "Maths, maths, maths. Angeline's really getting to you, isn't she?"
Michelle shuddered. She looked like she was having a seizure. "But I hate maths," she whimpered.
Artemis gasped. "Hate maths?" he whispered. Then. "HATE MATHS?"
"Let's get out of here," said Rachel, grabbing Michelle's arm and pulling her off the two. Stumbling, Michelle ran, Rachel not far behind. Artemis looked as if he were about to explode. Then, just as they stepped out of the kitchen, there was an explosion, which shook the halls.
Rachel winced.
*
I LUUUUUUUURV reading reviews, so PLZ PLEASE PLEEZ PLEAZ PUHLEEZ......review.