Chapter 32
I cannot stand this anymore! Throughout the whole test, Christina was singing her version of Kylie Minogue's song- 'Fever'. It's so damn awful! I'm gonna go mad if I have to listen to one more line of 'Fever'! Hehehe. I think she just lost her notes for the test. Suffer, Christina! Suffer!
*
Artemis was blown half-way across the kitchen, in the explosion. "AGHR! WHAT WAS THAT?" he shrieked.
*funny thing to be writing about during a test, hey?*
"MY MINCE PIES!" sobbed Root. "THEY BLEW UP! I KNEW I SHOULD'VE TAKEN THEM OUT EARLIER!" he had discovered a love for cooking, and
*hang on. This is just too funny. Christina thought I was recording what she was doing again. So she leans over, scowls, and says, 'Do you mind not writing stuff about me?'. So I say, 'are you a short, fat elf, who smokes fungi cigars?'. She went back to singing 'Fever'. Then she said shish kebab, cuz Steph started digging her nails into her wrist, cuz she was so sick of listening to 'Fever' over and over again. Christina keeps begging me to stop recording. I'll leave it at that*
had recently found that he could make an even better blueberry pie than Grubbles (one of the house elves. Don't bother looking for him in the REAL books. I made him up).
"I can't breathe!" squeaked Holly. "I can't breathe!"
Artemis had fallen, with his elbow crushing her windpipe. "Oh. Sorry, Holly," he said, removing his arm. Elspeth was still busy guzzling meat patties.
"Mm. This is nice," she said.
Abruptly, Artemis stood up, dusting off his coat with the air of one who has finished playing a piano concerto. So, looking very much like....either Stephanie, Angeline, Alex, Molly (who's not in Hogwarts) or Christina, he strode out of the kitchen, doing his best not to burst into tears of embarrassment.
"Hey! Wait for me!" said Elspeth, running after him. She tripped over her feet, and went sprawling through the portrait door. Behind her, the door slammed shut, as Root did his best to re-bake all the pies that Elspeth had eaten. However, despite his most valiant efforts, the kitchen would still never be the same again.
"Why did you want to go there?" asked Elspeth. "They obviously weren't your friends."
Artemis looked very shocked, as he replied. "But they are my friends. I helped them once, and they helped me. That is what friends do, isn't it?"
"I wouldn't know," replied the girl, gloomily. "I don't have any friends."
"Oh," said Artemis. "How depressing for you."
Elspeth shrugged. "I get used to it."
*aw....ain't that sad? Sniff, sniff. Sorry, I've got a cold*
"I didn't have friends before," said Artemis, aloud. "The psychiatrists said that it was because I didn't respect anyone enough to believe them worthy to be my friend. But then I met Holly. She's brave. She saved my life. So she's my friend....right?"
"I guess," said Elspeth.
But Artemis wasn't listening. He was looking straight forward....into two bright yellow eyes.
'Meow', said Mrs Norris.
"Oh. It's only a cat," said Elspeth, in relief. "I thought that it might be a rat, but I'm really glad that it's not a rat and only a cat, because rats look like ugly brown mats, whereas cats are just cats."
The eyebrow went up. "I see...." lied Artemis, wishing that he had chosen someone slightly more intelligent to help him on his mission to rob Gringotts. Oh well. The girl could still unlock doors with her mind, so why shouldn't she be able to unlock vault number 135 in Gringotts? There really was no reason behind picking vault number 135, though. He had just chosen it because it added up to nine, which was his favourite number.
"So where are we going now?" asked Elspeth.
"Hiss,' said Mrs Norris. She hissed again, and spat at the grubby sneakers that were in front of her.
"Disgraceful!" exclaimed Elspeth, taking a handkerchief out of her pocket, and carefully wiping the cat's saliva off her shoes.
'Oops', thought Mrs Norris. Suddenly, an even greater hissing came from behind the terrified cat.
"Meow," said Mrs Norris, running and cowering behind the boy.
"Pathetic," sighed Artemis, taking a pair of sunglasses out of his pocket, and putting them on.
"What are you doing?" ejaculated Elspeth.
*ejaculated....sounds cool, doesn't it? Kinda weird, though*
"Shut your eyes," instructed Artemis.
"Why?" demanded Elspeth, suspiciously. However, she did so. Just then, the great ugly head of the Basilisk reared up in front of them.
"Can I open my eyes yet?" asked Elspeth. Artemis swallowed nervously, and licked his lips.
"No. Definitely not," he croaked. "Just....keep your eyes shut until I tell you to open them."
However, Elspeth was already beyond listening. Her Beastspeaking ability allowed her limited conversation with the Basilisk, and she was using it best she could.
"Greetings," she said.
"Huh? What form of creature issssssssss thissssssssssss?" hissed the Basilisk, flicking its tongue out.
"I amknown as ElspethInnle," replied Elspeth, beginning to warm to the conversation, but wishing that she could open her eyes. That boy, Artemis was in dire need of an attitude transplant. Bossy, arrogant, touchy, and selfish.
"What kind of name issssss that?" asked the Basilisk, thoroughly confused. "You ssssssssssssspeak ssssstrangely....sssss...."
Standing in the corridor, the two Slytherins got a very queer feeling, as if there was someone talking in her head.
'Oh no....I must have hit my head really hard on the platform,' thought Michelle.
'I knew there was something wrong with me, for me to be friends with Michelle,' thought Rachel.
"What'ssss thissss?" asked the Basilisk.
"AH! THE VOICES ARE IN MY HEAD! THE VOICES ARE IN MY HEAD!" screeched Rachel. Well, actually, she THOUGHT she was screeching it. She was actually thinking it at full volume in her head, in parseltongue.
"OW!" screamed Michelle, who was experiencing the same problem as her 'fellow' Slytherin. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! AHHHHHHHH!"
"ElspethInnle headhurts," groaned Elspeth, clutching her forehead. Suddenly, she recognised Michelle's distinct homicidal personality leaking in her mind.
"Huh?" she thought.
"THE VOICES IN MY HEAD ARE....confused?" thought Rachel. "I have SERIOUSLY cracked."
"What makes you think you haven't, already?" chuckled Michelle. Then it clicked.
"Rachel? Elspeth? Big fat ugly snake?" she asked.
"Wazza?" said Rachel. "WICKED! I CAN TALK TO YOU IN MY MIND! THIS IS SICK!"
"Sick/wicked?" asked Elspeth. "Why?"
"Welcome to the twenty-first century, kiddo," said Rachel. "New age language."
"Ah...." nodded Elspeth.
"Whatever happened to FREAKING COOL?" whined Michelle.
"What'ssss going on....ssssss....?" thought the Basilisk, thoroughly confused.
"Hey! It's you again! Hiya, flat tyre dude!" exclaimed Rachel, elated at the opportunity to talk to the maker of sick jokes again.
"Flat tyre dude?" The Basilisk hissed, sinking its fangs into the ground, in its attempt to find its prey.
"Yeah. That is your name, isn't it?" thought Rachel. "Wow. I think I'm going mad."
"What makes you think---"
"Shut up, Michelle."
The homicidal maniac was just too predictable.
"Michelle....ssss?" asked the Basilisk. "Misssstresssssssss....you have returned at lasssssssssssst."
"Mistress?! What the hell?" thought Michelle, screwing up her face.
"You mean FROM---" began Rachel.
"Shut up," snapped Michelle.
"Why should I?" Rachel shot back.
"Because I want you to."
"So? You don't matter."
"Well....you don't matter even more!"
"You still don't matter."
"But you don't matter even more!"
"That still doesn't make you matter."
"Yes it does."
"Oh really?"
"Yes."
"How so?"
"Because I say so."
"But you don't matter, so what you say doesn't matter, either."
"No."
"No what?"
"No, what you said isn't right, because---"
"Face it, Squishy. You're fighting a losing battle there."
The Basilisk and Elspeth were forgotten, as the verbal fight raged.
"FIGHTING? I'LL SHOW YOU FIGHTING, YOU (censored) (censored) (censored)!"
"Tut, tut, tut. Such language, person who doesn't matter."
"I DO MATTER!"
"No you don't."
"YES I DO!"
"No you don't."
"DO TOO!"
"Do not."
"DO TOO!"
"Do not."
"DO TOO!"
"Do not, do not, do not, do not."
"DO TOO, DO TOO, DO TOO, DO TOO, DO TOO, DO---"
"Do not, times infinity."
"DO TOO TIMES TWO INFINITIES!"
"No such thing."
"YES THERE IS."
"Is not."
"Is too."
"Is not."
"Is too."
*
Déjà vu? That'd be because Christina and Hermione were saying that earlier, on the train. I'll put in more original ideas, if people start reviewing. Oh yeah. And if Harry dies a very sudden and unexpected death, blame Christina. I told her that something bad would happen if she didn't shut up.
I cannot stand this anymore! Throughout the whole test, Christina was singing her version of Kylie Minogue's song- 'Fever'. It's so damn awful! I'm gonna go mad if I have to listen to one more line of 'Fever'! Hehehe. I think she just lost her notes for the test. Suffer, Christina! Suffer!
*
Artemis was blown half-way across the kitchen, in the explosion. "AGHR! WHAT WAS THAT?" he shrieked.
*funny thing to be writing about during a test, hey?*
"MY MINCE PIES!" sobbed Root. "THEY BLEW UP! I KNEW I SHOULD'VE TAKEN THEM OUT EARLIER!" he had discovered a love for cooking, and
*hang on. This is just too funny. Christina thought I was recording what she was doing again. So she leans over, scowls, and says, 'Do you mind not writing stuff about me?'. So I say, 'are you a short, fat elf, who smokes fungi cigars?'. She went back to singing 'Fever'. Then she said shish kebab, cuz Steph started digging her nails into her wrist, cuz she was so sick of listening to 'Fever' over and over again. Christina keeps begging me to stop recording. I'll leave it at that*
had recently found that he could make an even better blueberry pie than Grubbles (one of the house elves. Don't bother looking for him in the REAL books. I made him up).
"I can't breathe!" squeaked Holly. "I can't breathe!"
Artemis had fallen, with his elbow crushing her windpipe. "Oh. Sorry, Holly," he said, removing his arm. Elspeth was still busy guzzling meat patties.
"Mm. This is nice," she said.
Abruptly, Artemis stood up, dusting off his coat with the air of one who has finished playing a piano concerto. So, looking very much like....either Stephanie, Angeline, Alex, Molly (who's not in Hogwarts) or Christina, he strode out of the kitchen, doing his best not to burst into tears of embarrassment.
"Hey! Wait for me!" said Elspeth, running after him. She tripped over her feet, and went sprawling through the portrait door. Behind her, the door slammed shut, as Root did his best to re-bake all the pies that Elspeth had eaten. However, despite his most valiant efforts, the kitchen would still never be the same again.
"Why did you want to go there?" asked Elspeth. "They obviously weren't your friends."
Artemis looked very shocked, as he replied. "But they are my friends. I helped them once, and they helped me. That is what friends do, isn't it?"
"I wouldn't know," replied the girl, gloomily. "I don't have any friends."
"Oh," said Artemis. "How depressing for you."
Elspeth shrugged. "I get used to it."
*aw....ain't that sad? Sniff, sniff. Sorry, I've got a cold*
"I didn't have friends before," said Artemis, aloud. "The psychiatrists said that it was because I didn't respect anyone enough to believe them worthy to be my friend. But then I met Holly. She's brave. She saved my life. So she's my friend....right?"
"I guess," said Elspeth.
But Artemis wasn't listening. He was looking straight forward....into two bright yellow eyes.
'Meow', said Mrs Norris.
"Oh. It's only a cat," said Elspeth, in relief. "I thought that it might be a rat, but I'm really glad that it's not a rat and only a cat, because rats look like ugly brown mats, whereas cats are just cats."
The eyebrow went up. "I see...." lied Artemis, wishing that he had chosen someone slightly more intelligent to help him on his mission to rob Gringotts. Oh well. The girl could still unlock doors with her mind, so why shouldn't she be able to unlock vault number 135 in Gringotts? There really was no reason behind picking vault number 135, though. He had just chosen it because it added up to nine, which was his favourite number.
"So where are we going now?" asked Elspeth.
"Hiss,' said Mrs Norris. She hissed again, and spat at the grubby sneakers that were in front of her.
"Disgraceful!" exclaimed Elspeth, taking a handkerchief out of her pocket, and carefully wiping the cat's saliva off her shoes.
'Oops', thought Mrs Norris. Suddenly, an even greater hissing came from behind the terrified cat.
"Meow," said Mrs Norris, running and cowering behind the boy.
"Pathetic," sighed Artemis, taking a pair of sunglasses out of his pocket, and putting them on.
"What are you doing?" ejaculated Elspeth.
*ejaculated....sounds cool, doesn't it? Kinda weird, though*
"Shut your eyes," instructed Artemis.
"Why?" demanded Elspeth, suspiciously. However, she did so. Just then, the great ugly head of the Basilisk reared up in front of them.
"Can I open my eyes yet?" asked Elspeth. Artemis swallowed nervously, and licked his lips.
"No. Definitely not," he croaked. "Just....keep your eyes shut until I tell you to open them."
However, Elspeth was already beyond listening. Her Beastspeaking ability allowed her limited conversation with the Basilisk, and she was using it best she could.
"Greetings," she said.
"Huh? What form of creature issssssssss thissssssssssss?" hissed the Basilisk, flicking its tongue out.
"I amknown as ElspethInnle," replied Elspeth, beginning to warm to the conversation, but wishing that she could open her eyes. That boy, Artemis was in dire need of an attitude transplant. Bossy, arrogant, touchy, and selfish.
"What kind of name issssss that?" asked the Basilisk, thoroughly confused. "You ssssssssssssspeak ssssstrangely....sssss...."
Standing in the corridor, the two Slytherins got a very queer feeling, as if there was someone talking in her head.
'Oh no....I must have hit my head really hard on the platform,' thought Michelle.
'I knew there was something wrong with me, for me to be friends with Michelle,' thought Rachel.
"What'ssss thissss?" asked the Basilisk.
"AH! THE VOICES ARE IN MY HEAD! THE VOICES ARE IN MY HEAD!" screeched Rachel. Well, actually, she THOUGHT she was screeching it. She was actually thinking it at full volume in her head, in parseltongue.
"OW!" screamed Michelle, who was experiencing the same problem as her 'fellow' Slytherin. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! AHHHHHHHH!"
"ElspethInnle headhurts," groaned Elspeth, clutching her forehead. Suddenly, she recognised Michelle's distinct homicidal personality leaking in her mind.
"Huh?" she thought.
"THE VOICES IN MY HEAD ARE....confused?" thought Rachel. "I have SERIOUSLY cracked."
"What makes you think you haven't, already?" chuckled Michelle. Then it clicked.
"Rachel? Elspeth? Big fat ugly snake?" she asked.
"Wazza?" said Rachel. "WICKED! I CAN TALK TO YOU IN MY MIND! THIS IS SICK!"
"Sick/wicked?" asked Elspeth. "Why?"
"Welcome to the twenty-first century, kiddo," said Rachel. "New age language."
"Ah...." nodded Elspeth.
"Whatever happened to FREAKING COOL?" whined Michelle.
"What'ssss going on....ssssss....?" thought the Basilisk, thoroughly confused.
"Hey! It's you again! Hiya, flat tyre dude!" exclaimed Rachel, elated at the opportunity to talk to the maker of sick jokes again.
"Flat tyre dude?" The Basilisk hissed, sinking its fangs into the ground, in its attempt to find its prey.
"Yeah. That is your name, isn't it?" thought Rachel. "Wow. I think I'm going mad."
"What makes you think---"
"Shut up, Michelle."
The homicidal maniac was just too predictable.
"Michelle....ssss?" asked the Basilisk. "Misssstresssssssss....you have returned at lasssssssssssst."
"Mistress?! What the hell?" thought Michelle, screwing up her face.
"You mean FROM---" began Rachel.
"Shut up," snapped Michelle.
"Why should I?" Rachel shot back.
"Because I want you to."
"So? You don't matter."
"Well....you don't matter even more!"
"You still don't matter."
"But you don't matter even more!"
"That still doesn't make you matter."
"Yes it does."
"Oh really?"
"Yes."
"How so?"
"Because I say so."
"But you don't matter, so what you say doesn't matter, either."
"No."
"No what?"
"No, what you said isn't right, because---"
"Face it, Squishy. You're fighting a losing battle there."
The Basilisk and Elspeth were forgotten, as the verbal fight raged.
"FIGHTING? I'LL SHOW YOU FIGHTING, YOU (censored) (censored) (censored)!"
"Tut, tut, tut. Such language, person who doesn't matter."
"I DO MATTER!"
"No you don't."
"YES I DO!"
"No you don't."
"DO TOO!"
"Do not."
"DO TOO!"
"Do not."
"DO TOO!"
"Do not, do not, do not, do not."
"DO TOO, DO TOO, DO TOO, DO TOO, DO TOO, DO---"
"Do not, times infinity."
"DO TOO TIMES TWO INFINITIES!"
"No such thing."
"YES THERE IS."
"Is not."
"Is too."
"Is not."
"Is too."
*
Déjà vu? That'd be because Christina and Hermione were saying that earlier, on the train. I'll put in more original ideas, if people start reviewing. Oh yeah. And if Harry dies a very sudden and unexpected death, blame Christina. I told her that something bad would happen if she didn't shut up.