Ah! My Lumbago!
(Never eat too many Twinkies)
'The Phone Call from the 'Maury' Show'
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.
"Sweetie?" Delia said, patting a damp towel over Ash's forehead. "Are you all right?" Ash slowly opened his eyes. Everyone was standing the couch, staring at him. "Whoa.. I had the weirdest dream.." Ash said, sitting up. "Mom was pregnant!" "But Ash, she is!" Misty said. "Isn't it great?" Ash fainted back on the couch again. "Oh dear. The shock was too much for him." Delia said. Mimie wet the towel again and handed it to Delia. She began patting Ash's forehead again. "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" Misty asked. She and May were the happiest. Of course, all girls love babies. "No. Not yet. I need to go into the doctors office tomorrow." "Can we come?" Nicki asked. "Sure." Delia said, wetting the towel again. "I can't believe you still had it in you." Brock was telling Professor Oak. "When I'm your age, I still want to be able to do it." Professor Oak cleared his throat. "Well. It surprised me too." "Sure.." Gary said. "You've always wanted to get Mrs. Ketchum pregnant. It's always your New Years resolution." Professor Oak cleared his throat again. "Yes, well.." Bobby looked over at Ash on the couch again. He seemed to be waking up again. "Honey? Don't faint again." Delia said, taking a hold of Ash's shoulders. "Gee mom. You should have told me sooner." Ash said. "Sorry dear. I didn't think we should keep it from you any longer." "We?" Ash said. "Yes. Me and the baby's father." "Who-" Ash began but Delia continued on. "Dear, I have another confession. Professor Oak and I are getting married so we can take care of our baby together." Ash fainted again. "Oh dear, what will we ever do?" Delia said, laying a hand on her tummy. "Well, I know what you can do. I'm starving my arse off so you can get your pregnant jabootie in the kitchen and cook us some grub." Gary said. "Yes. I bet everyone is hungry." Delia went into the kitchen. Everyone kept an eye on Ash in case we woke up. The phone rang. "I'll get it." Said Brock. "Hello?" "Hello, is this the Oak household?" said the voice on the other line. "Yes." "This the Manager of the 'Maury' show." Brock went pale. "We want to have everyone involved with the Ketchum/Oak conflict to be on our show." "How do you know?" Brock asked. "A Tracy Sketchit called us." Brock swore inside his head. "We'll be there." He said.
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"Today, on the Maury Show," Said Maury in all his gray haired, blue shirted glory. "Our theme is 'Families Gone Wild'. Let's meet our first guests, the Ketchum and Oak families!! First, we'll bring out the parents. Everyone, let's give a warm welcome to Professor Oak!!!" Professor Oak walked out on set. "Ah! My Lumbago!" He said as he reached the bottom step. "Are you all right?" Maury asked, looking dumber than ever than as an Anime Cartoon. "Yeah. I'm all right." He said. "Come sit down." Maury said. Professor Oak sat down on that pathetic cushioned bench. "Now, Samuel. You've been married once, had one darling son, and two darling grandsons and another son or daughter on the way. Is that correct?" "Yes. I'm also getting married again after my son or daughter is born." "How old are you?" Maury asked. "How old are YOU?" Professor Oak shot back. Maury cleared his throat. "Next question!!! Now how old are your grandchildren?" "May is 19 and Gary is 16." "Are they rowdy teenagers?" "Well.." Professor Oak said. "Now let's bring out Samuel's Grandson, Gary!" Gary ran out onto the stair platform and slid down the banister. "Yo yo!!!!! Maury-o!!! I watch your shows a lot!!!! Especially the ones with the hot chickas!!!" Gary said, shaking Maury's hands. "Good to have you here Gary. Take a seat next to your Grandpa." "Isn't this great, Gramps? We're on national television! I wonder if everyone in Pallet Town is watching." The screen behind Gary and Professor Oak switched to Pallet Town. People were watching the show with their mouths hanging open in surprise. "Duuuuude." Gary said. "So, Gary.. Tell us about yourself." Maury said. "Well. I like girls. A lot. I screw my girlfriend every other weekend, and I like to play pranks." "Okay." Maury said. He sat down on his chair. "PPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!" went the chair. "HA HA HA HA HA *snort* HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!" Gary laughed. Maury reached down and whipped the whoopee cushion off of the chair. "Now, let's meet May." May came out and all the teenage guys in the audience had their little friends sing 'pop goes the weasel'. "Hi May." Maury said. "Hi." She said, flipping back her hair. "So, May. What do you think about your Grandfather getting married again?" "It's pretty cool. Mrs. Ketchum is really nice." "She has a jabootie the size of Texas." Gary said. "Shut up. She's going to be your Grandmother." "So?" Gary said, crossing his arms. "And remember, that means Ash is going to be your Step-Uncle." "I ain't callin' no 15 year old 'Uncle'." Gary said. "Let's take a commercial break, and we'll bring out the Ketchum family."
*Commercial Break*
Announcer: Coming up, on today's Maury show.
*Dumb person is yelling at her husband* "You never put down the toilet seat!!!! You ***** *****!!! I'm sick and tired of getting stuck in the toilet!!! And you always are too ***** lazy to call the fire department!!!" "Sorry babe" says the husband. He lets out a big belch. "But I'm addicted to beer." "Beer!" Screamed the woman. "I hope you know that I've replaced all your beer with our dogs pee!"
Announcer: Next, on the Maury show..
*Back to the show*
"We're back. Now, before we bring out the Ketchum family, lets review things a little. Professor Oak has two wonderful grandchildren, May and Gary. Gary is 16 and May is 19. Professor Oak is going to be a father again. But not everyone that is dealt with this 'Family Gone Wild', is happy. Let's bring out Professor Oak's fiancé, Delia Ketchum!" Delia came out onto the stage. "Hi!!!!!!!!!!!" She said, waving. The screen behind Gary flashes back to Pallet Town. Everyone falls over at the sight of the pregnant Mrs. Ketchum. "Welcome, Mrs. Ketchum." Maury said, helping her to sit down next to Professor Oak. "So, Delia. How far along are you?" "Just about 3 months." She said. "Do you know the gender?" Maury asked. "No. That secret is revealed in a later chapter." Delia said, smiling. "Riiiiiiiiight." Maury said. "So how old are you?" "Old enough." Delia said. "How come no adult wants to reveal their age?" Maury said, throwing up his hands in disgust. "No adult does!!!!" yelled the camera man. "Shush!" Maury said. He then smiled at the camera. "Well, I guess we should bring out Delia's son, Ash Ketchum! Ash, come on out!" Ash walked out onto the stage and was forced to sit between his Mom and Gary. "Ash, how old are you?" "15." "How old is your mom?" "Don't answer that dear!" Delia told him. "That's confidential information." Ash said, obeying his mom. Maury rolled his eyes. "Are you excited about your new brother or sister?" "It's still sinking in." admitted Ash. "And what do you think about the fact of your mother marrying an older man?" "Well, the Professor is old, but he's still cool. And if he was still able to get my mom pregnant, that gives him bonus points." "I see.." Maury said, thinking that he had to do an update on these people for a later show when they run out of people who want paternity tests done. "Let's continue on." Maury said. "Ash, what do you think about being a Step-Uncle to two teens older than you?" "It's cool. I get to boss them around." "You can't even drive." Gary said. "Uncle's are supposed to drive." "You don't even HAVE a real Uncle." Ash shot back. "You're right.." Gary said, putting on a thinking face. Maury cut in. "Now, will people be kind enough to explain how you've all got this way?" "Well, my wife died." Professor Oak said. "And my husband died." Delia said. "He did? I thought you said he ran off with a whore on the stre-" Ash began. Delia smacked a hand over his mouth. She bent down and hissed in his ear. "He did. Then he got run over by a car while he was doing something wrong on a street corner. A car ran the curb." She said. "Oh." Ash said. Delia smiled at Maury. "Okay. Now, how did YOU two meet and hook up?" Maury said, turning to the professor and Delia. "I was lonely because Ash was away." "And I was lonely because I was stuck in a house 24/7 with a gay assistant." Maury's eyes grew wider by the minute. "And so I went over to the Professor's house. And I thought he could use some help around the house." "And I have lumbago so I needed good 'therapy'." "And once we discovered I was pregnant with the Professor's kid, we decided to get married!" "Okay then!" Maury said. We'll take another commercial break and then we'll meet the friends of the Ketchum and Oak families!! Stay tuned!
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'
'The 'Maury' Show Part 2'
'The Phone Call from the 'Maury' Show'
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.
"Sweetie?" Delia said, patting a damp towel over Ash's forehead. "Are you all right?" Ash slowly opened his eyes. Everyone was standing the couch, staring at him. "Whoa.. I had the weirdest dream.." Ash said, sitting up. "Mom was pregnant!" "But Ash, she is!" Misty said. "Isn't it great?" Ash fainted back on the couch again. "Oh dear. The shock was too much for him." Delia said. Mimie wet the towel again and handed it to Delia. She began patting Ash's forehead again. "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" Misty asked. She and May were the happiest. Of course, all girls love babies. "No. Not yet. I need to go into the doctors office tomorrow." "Can we come?" Nicki asked. "Sure." Delia said, wetting the towel again. "I can't believe you still had it in you." Brock was telling Professor Oak. "When I'm your age, I still want to be able to do it." Professor Oak cleared his throat. "Well. It surprised me too." "Sure.." Gary said. "You've always wanted to get Mrs. Ketchum pregnant. It's always your New Years resolution." Professor Oak cleared his throat again. "Yes, well.." Bobby looked over at Ash on the couch again. He seemed to be waking up again. "Honey? Don't faint again." Delia said, taking a hold of Ash's shoulders. "Gee mom. You should have told me sooner." Ash said. "Sorry dear. I didn't think we should keep it from you any longer." "We?" Ash said. "Yes. Me and the baby's father." "Who-" Ash began but Delia continued on. "Dear, I have another confession. Professor Oak and I are getting married so we can take care of our baby together." Ash fainted again. "Oh dear, what will we ever do?" Delia said, laying a hand on her tummy. "Well, I know what you can do. I'm starving my arse off so you can get your pregnant jabootie in the kitchen and cook us some grub." Gary said. "Yes. I bet everyone is hungry." Delia went into the kitchen. Everyone kept an eye on Ash in case we woke up. The phone rang. "I'll get it." Said Brock. "Hello?" "Hello, is this the Oak household?" said the voice on the other line. "Yes." "This the Manager of the 'Maury' show." Brock went pale. "We want to have everyone involved with the Ketchum/Oak conflict to be on our show." "How do you know?" Brock asked. "A Tracy Sketchit called us." Brock swore inside his head. "We'll be there." He said.
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"Today, on the Maury Show," Said Maury in all his gray haired, blue shirted glory. "Our theme is 'Families Gone Wild'. Let's meet our first guests, the Ketchum and Oak families!! First, we'll bring out the parents. Everyone, let's give a warm welcome to Professor Oak!!!" Professor Oak walked out on set. "Ah! My Lumbago!" He said as he reached the bottom step. "Are you all right?" Maury asked, looking dumber than ever than as an Anime Cartoon. "Yeah. I'm all right." He said. "Come sit down." Maury said. Professor Oak sat down on that pathetic cushioned bench. "Now, Samuel. You've been married once, had one darling son, and two darling grandsons and another son or daughter on the way. Is that correct?" "Yes. I'm also getting married again after my son or daughter is born." "How old are you?" Maury asked. "How old are YOU?" Professor Oak shot back. Maury cleared his throat. "Next question!!! Now how old are your grandchildren?" "May is 19 and Gary is 16." "Are they rowdy teenagers?" "Well.." Professor Oak said. "Now let's bring out Samuel's Grandson, Gary!" Gary ran out onto the stair platform and slid down the banister. "Yo yo!!!!! Maury-o!!! I watch your shows a lot!!!! Especially the ones with the hot chickas!!!" Gary said, shaking Maury's hands. "Good to have you here Gary. Take a seat next to your Grandpa." "Isn't this great, Gramps? We're on national television! I wonder if everyone in Pallet Town is watching." The screen behind Gary and Professor Oak switched to Pallet Town. People were watching the show with their mouths hanging open in surprise. "Duuuuude." Gary said. "So, Gary.. Tell us about yourself." Maury said. "Well. I like girls. A lot. I screw my girlfriend every other weekend, and I like to play pranks." "Okay." Maury said. He sat down on his chair. "PPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!" went the chair. "HA HA HA HA HA *snort* HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!" Gary laughed. Maury reached down and whipped the whoopee cushion off of the chair. "Now, let's meet May." May came out and all the teenage guys in the audience had their little friends sing 'pop goes the weasel'. "Hi May." Maury said. "Hi." She said, flipping back her hair. "So, May. What do you think about your Grandfather getting married again?" "It's pretty cool. Mrs. Ketchum is really nice." "She has a jabootie the size of Texas." Gary said. "Shut up. She's going to be your Grandmother." "So?" Gary said, crossing his arms. "And remember, that means Ash is going to be your Step-Uncle." "I ain't callin' no 15 year old 'Uncle'." Gary said. "Let's take a commercial break, and we'll bring out the Ketchum family."
*Commercial Break*
Announcer: Coming up, on today's Maury show.
*Dumb person is yelling at her husband* "You never put down the toilet seat!!!! You ***** *****!!! I'm sick and tired of getting stuck in the toilet!!! And you always are too ***** lazy to call the fire department!!!" "Sorry babe" says the husband. He lets out a big belch. "But I'm addicted to beer." "Beer!" Screamed the woman. "I hope you know that I've replaced all your beer with our dogs pee!"
Announcer: Next, on the Maury show..
*Back to the show*
"We're back. Now, before we bring out the Ketchum family, lets review things a little. Professor Oak has two wonderful grandchildren, May and Gary. Gary is 16 and May is 19. Professor Oak is going to be a father again. But not everyone that is dealt with this 'Family Gone Wild', is happy. Let's bring out Professor Oak's fiancé, Delia Ketchum!" Delia came out onto the stage. "Hi!!!!!!!!!!!" She said, waving. The screen behind Gary flashes back to Pallet Town. Everyone falls over at the sight of the pregnant Mrs. Ketchum. "Welcome, Mrs. Ketchum." Maury said, helping her to sit down next to Professor Oak. "So, Delia. How far along are you?" "Just about 3 months." She said. "Do you know the gender?" Maury asked. "No. That secret is revealed in a later chapter." Delia said, smiling. "Riiiiiiiiight." Maury said. "So how old are you?" "Old enough." Delia said. "How come no adult wants to reveal their age?" Maury said, throwing up his hands in disgust. "No adult does!!!!" yelled the camera man. "Shush!" Maury said. He then smiled at the camera. "Well, I guess we should bring out Delia's son, Ash Ketchum! Ash, come on out!" Ash walked out onto the stage and was forced to sit between his Mom and Gary. "Ash, how old are you?" "15." "How old is your mom?" "Don't answer that dear!" Delia told him. "That's confidential information." Ash said, obeying his mom. Maury rolled his eyes. "Are you excited about your new brother or sister?" "It's still sinking in." admitted Ash. "And what do you think about the fact of your mother marrying an older man?" "Well, the Professor is old, but he's still cool. And if he was still able to get my mom pregnant, that gives him bonus points." "I see.." Maury said, thinking that he had to do an update on these people for a later show when they run out of people who want paternity tests done. "Let's continue on." Maury said. "Ash, what do you think about being a Step-Uncle to two teens older than you?" "It's cool. I get to boss them around." "You can't even drive." Gary said. "Uncle's are supposed to drive." "You don't even HAVE a real Uncle." Ash shot back. "You're right.." Gary said, putting on a thinking face. Maury cut in. "Now, will people be kind enough to explain how you've all got this way?" "Well, my wife died." Professor Oak said. "And my husband died." Delia said. "He did? I thought you said he ran off with a whore on the stre-" Ash began. Delia smacked a hand over his mouth. She bent down and hissed in his ear. "He did. Then he got run over by a car while he was doing something wrong on a street corner. A car ran the curb." She said. "Oh." Ash said. Delia smiled at Maury. "Okay. Now, how did YOU two meet and hook up?" Maury said, turning to the professor and Delia. "I was lonely because Ash was away." "And I was lonely because I was stuck in a house 24/7 with a gay assistant." Maury's eyes grew wider by the minute. "And so I went over to the Professor's house. And I thought he could use some help around the house." "And I have lumbago so I needed good 'therapy'." "And once we discovered I was pregnant with the Professor's kid, we decided to get married!" "Okay then!" Maury said. We'll take another commercial break and then we'll meet the friends of the Ketchum and Oak families!! Stay tuned!
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'
'The 'Maury' Show Part 2'