Ah! My Lumbago!
(Never eat too many Twinkies)
'Mission Yo-Possible'
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.
Warning: Uh.... Kind of bad chapter. It's still funny. Please don't trash.
"Give it to me baby!"
"Uh huh, uh huh!"
"Give it to me baby!"
"Uh huh, uh huh!"
"Give it to me baby!"
"Uh huh, uh huh!"
"And all the girlies said I was pretty fly for a white guy." Gary said, listening to Brock and May in their bedroom in the rented house.
"Brock is more tan." Misty pointed out.
"Shut up, ho." Gary snapped.
"Come on you guys!" Ritchie said. "We have more important things to worry about."
"Let's head to Viridian City! Are you coming Gary?" Ash asked Gary.
"Fine." Gary rolled his eyes and walked out of the house with them.
Donned in black clothing, Ash, Misty, Ritchie, and Gary snuck around Team Rocket Headquarters. *cue Mission Impossible music*
"Dun, dun, dun dun, dun dun, dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun, dun dun, dun dun. Do do doooooo. Do do dooooooo. Do do. Dun dun, dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun du-"
"Will you shut up?" Misty hissed to Ash who stopped singing the Mission Impossible theme song.
"Sorry." Ash whispered back. There was silence, until Gary started rapping... The ABC's.
"A is for Ass, B is for Booga, C is for Condom, and D is for Dude. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! E is for Eevee, F is for F***, G is for Ghetto, and H is for Ho. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! I is for Insomnia, J is for Jabootie, K is for Kissin'. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! L is for Love, M is for Makin', put 'em together and you get Love Makin'! N is for Naughty, and O is for Orgy. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! P is for Poop, Q is for 'Get out of my face'-"
"That doesn't start with 'Q'." Ritchie whispered.
"Fine!" Gary hissed back, and began rapping again. "Q is for Queef, R is for Right-ho, S is for Sex. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! T is for Titties, U is for Ugly Slut, V is for Victoria's Secret, W is for Whoopee cushion. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! X is for Porn-"
"That starts with 'P'" Ash says.
"How would you know?" Misty said, poking him.
"Porn is X rated, though." Gary said. He continued. "Y is for Yo, and Z is for Ash is Stupid! Yeah yeah, it's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah!" Ash turned around and glared at Gary through the darkness.
"Why are you singing that?" He asked the shadowy figure that was Gary.
"I'm... uh... None of your business whelp... Aw!!!! GROSS!!!!! He threw up on my new leather jacket!!!" Misty turned on a flashlight.
"GARY!!!! WHY DID YOU BRING SAM??????"
"He's my baby..." Gary said, holding Sam to his chest.
"No he's not. He's my brother. You should have left him behind with my mom!!!!" Ash said. "Give him to me." Ash held out his hands. Gary growled and snapped his teeth.
"Aiya!!!!" Ash said, withdrawing his hands, trying not to get bitten.
"Why did you bring him?" Misty asked again.
"He's gonna grow up to be a pimp like me." Gary said proudly. "I taught him the ABC's from 'The Homies Guide to Pimpness'." Ash glared at Gary.
"He's going to be a Pokemon Trainer." Ash said.
"Pimp."
"Trainer."
"Pimp."
"Trainer."
"Pimp!"
"Trainer!"
"He's going to be a pimp whether you like it or not!" Gary said.
"He's going-"
"Home!" said a voice, behind them.
"Brock!" Ritchie said.
"Mrs. Ketchum freaked out when she saw Sam was replaced with Tracy's blow up blow job doll, so I figured one of you must have him." Gary stuck out his bottom lip and unzipped his jacket. Brock took Sam.
"How did you get in here anyways?" Ash asked.
"I don't know. The authors put me here to save Sam."
"Oh." Everyone said.
"Bye." Brock said. The authors took him out of wherever Ash and Co. are.
"Damn Social Services..." Gary muttered. They walked along. They reached an air vent. The teens crowded around the vent.
"Look! I can see Team Rocket members!" Ash said.
"Members?" Tracy said, the authors making him appear.
"Not those kind." Gary hissed to Tracy, who is dressed in black and also joining Ash and Co. in their mission.
"Aw...." Tracy said, sitting back on his heals.
"Here's the plan." Ash took out a bunch of bars of soap out of his jacket. He let out Totodile, Cyndaquil, and took Pikachu off of his shoulder. He took the black hat off Pikachu's head.
"Listen carefully. Eat. The. Soap." The Pokemon gave the soap weird looks.
"Just do it!" Ash told them. Pikachu ate the soap. He burped and bubbles began foaming around his mouth.
"Cool! Fake rabies!" Gary said. Totodile ate the soap, bubbles started spewing from his mouth. Cyndaquil ate the soap. It melted. Cyndaquil let a poofie and bubbles came out of his butt.
"NEAT!!!!!!" Gary said. Misty and Ritchie took the vent off the vent.
"Now go and scare the Team Rocket Members!" Pikachu, Totodile, and Cyndaquil jumped down the vent.
"Ah!!!!! Rabid Pokemon!" Yelled a Rocket. The screamed and ran away. When the room was deserted Ash, Misty, Brock, Gary, and Tracy jumped down into the room.
"All right. Now we just have to find Jessie and James." Ash said. "Now where would they be constructing a very dangerous scam?" Ash looked around the room.
"Uh.... Ash?" Misty said. "What about that door that's labeled 'Do Not Enter: Important Experiment in Process'?"
"Nah..." Ash said. Ash thought for a moment and looked around some more.
"Hey! What about the door labeled 'Do Not Enter: Important Experiment in Process'!" Everyone fell over. Ash ran to the door.
"Come on you guys!" Ash said, turning the door knob. They went inside.
"Ah!" Said Cassidy (tee hee... This is gonna get good!) to the kids. "Are you the test subjects for the Mewtwo Hump Buddie?" she asked them.
"Yeah." Ash said quickly.
"I'm the official hump tester for you!" Gary said. Cassidy brushed him off.
"EW! Tester germs!" She said. Butch came over and sprayed her with Lysol.
"Thank you." Cassidy said. She snapped a pair of rubber gloves violently before putting them on. Ash and his friends gave each other scared looks.
"Right this way." Cassidy said, leading the kids to a tank where a female (yay!) Mewtwo was floating. Team Rocket scientists were taking notes off charts. Ash spotted Jessie and James making out in excitement because they were getting a Mewtwo Hump Buddie.
"Yuck." Ash muttered.
"Giovanni!" said a scientist. "The Mewtwo is finished." Jessie and James came up for air and cheered.
"Yay!" They said.
"Release the Pokemon!" Giovanni said, sitting on his mat, bong hose poised by his lips. Butch pulled a lever and the liquid drained out of the tank and it hissed open.
"EEEEEEEEE!" James said, rushing forward.
"Back!" Giovanni said. James stopped.
"Let the testers go first." Cassidy pushed Ash forward. Ash then ripped off his black clothing and stood in his regular outfit. Misty, Ritchie, and Gary did the same. Tracy took off all his clothes.
"WEEEEEEE!!!!! Hump Buddie!!!!!!!" Tracy said. He went up to the Mewtwo, who blinked her long eyelashes at him.
"AH!!!!!! A GIRL!!!!!!!" Tracy fled the room.
"Its those twerps!" Jessie, James, Cassidy, and Butch said.
"We came to stop you! We won't let you let this powerful Pokemon harm people by humping them." Ash said, pointing a finger at him.
"Fudge off, child of Delia Ketchum." Giovanni said. Ash paused.
"How do you know my mom?"
"We used to date. Until she dumped me because I got addicted to my pot." Giovanni held up his bong. "So, I could no longer get pleasure from your mother. I was masturbating everyday. So I secretly trained all my Pokemon to be hump buddies to satisfy my needs."
"That's disgusting." Misty said. Giovanni ignored the comment and continued.
"When I got my new bong, I could smoke more pot, considering the size. And I kept smoking pot because the pot fumes made my Pokemon more hornier and could satisfy me more. However, it also infected Pokemon all around."
"No wonder Pokemon have been humping people!" Ritchie said.
"But I'm afraid this Mewtwo is indestructible." Giovanni took a long suck on his bong.
"Well.... We can always... make a deal..." Misty said, stepping forward. Giovanni looked her up and down.
"How old are you?"
"15." Misty said.
"The younger the better." Giovanni grinned.
"But Misty!" Ash said.
"I've got it under control." Misty said. Misty sat on Giovanni's lap. He dropped the bong hose. Misty made a purring noise in Giovanni's ear. He squirmed. Ash stood frozen in shock. Gary kicked Ash in the butt, to get his attention. While everyone else was watching Misty seduce Giovanni, Ritchie had snuck over to the Mewtwo. He was behind her back. Gary took a Pokeball out of his pocket and tossed it to Ritchie who caught the Mewtwo. The Mewtwo was new to the world and had never tested her powers, and didn't emerge from the Pokeball. Ash gave Ritchie a thumbs up. Rockets were having problems and went to more secluded places in the headquarters. Jessie and James fell over. Cassidy and Butch were the only ones still standing. Cassidy looked at Butch. Butch looked at Cassidy.
"I knew you loved me!" Cassidy said. Butch jumped Cassidy.
"Oh!!!!! Yeah!!!!! Botch!!!!" Cassidy said.
"IT'S BUTCH!!!!!!!" Butch yelled.
"Hurry!" Ash said to Misty, getting jealous. Misty grabbed Giovanni in a bad place and he passed out. They ran out of Team Rocket Headquarters.
"That was a close one!" Ritchie said.
"Let's get back to the frat. I need to chill with my Pimp in Training." Gary said, walking past all the passed out Rockets.
Note: SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! Nicole will be writing the next chapter. Give her a round of applause. This will be her first chapter she's written. I did all the rest. We are starting on the sequel to 'Ah! My Lumbago!' so stay tuned for that. It will hopefully be wackier than the first.
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'
'The Homies Guide to Pimpness'
(Never eat too many Twinkies)
'Mission Yo-Possible'
By Lauren (RowlingIdol) and Nicole C.
Warning: Uh.... Kind of bad chapter. It's still funny. Please don't trash.
"Give it to me baby!"
"Uh huh, uh huh!"
"Give it to me baby!"
"Uh huh, uh huh!"
"Give it to me baby!"
"Uh huh, uh huh!"
"And all the girlies said I was pretty fly for a white guy." Gary said, listening to Brock and May in their bedroom in the rented house.
"Brock is more tan." Misty pointed out.
"Shut up, ho." Gary snapped.
"Come on you guys!" Ritchie said. "We have more important things to worry about."
"Let's head to Viridian City! Are you coming Gary?" Ash asked Gary.
"Fine." Gary rolled his eyes and walked out of the house with them.
Donned in black clothing, Ash, Misty, Ritchie, and Gary snuck around Team Rocket Headquarters. *cue Mission Impossible music*
"Dun, dun, dun dun, dun dun, dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun, dun dun, dun dun. Do do doooooo. Do do dooooooo. Do do. Dun dun, dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun du-"
"Will you shut up?" Misty hissed to Ash who stopped singing the Mission Impossible theme song.
"Sorry." Ash whispered back. There was silence, until Gary started rapping... The ABC's.
"A is for Ass, B is for Booga, C is for Condom, and D is for Dude. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! E is for Eevee, F is for F***, G is for Ghetto, and H is for Ho. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! I is for Insomnia, J is for Jabootie, K is for Kissin'. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! L is for Love, M is for Makin', put 'em together and you get Love Makin'! N is for Naughty, and O is for Orgy. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! P is for Poop, Q is for 'Get out of my face'-"
"That doesn't start with 'Q'." Ritchie whispered.
"Fine!" Gary hissed back, and began rapping again. "Q is for Queef, R is for Right-ho, S is for Sex. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! T is for Titties, U is for Ugly Slut, V is for Victoria's Secret, W is for Whoopee cushion. Yeah yeah. It's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah! X is for Porn-"
"That starts with 'P'" Ash says.
"How would you know?" Misty said, poking him.
"Porn is X rated, though." Gary said. He continued. "Y is for Yo, and Z is for Ash is Stupid! Yeah yeah, it's the ABC's, yeah yeah. The ABC's yeah!" Ash turned around and glared at Gary through the darkness.
"Why are you singing that?" He asked the shadowy figure that was Gary.
"I'm... uh... None of your business whelp... Aw!!!! GROSS!!!!! He threw up on my new leather jacket!!!" Misty turned on a flashlight.
"GARY!!!! WHY DID YOU BRING SAM??????"
"He's my baby..." Gary said, holding Sam to his chest.
"No he's not. He's my brother. You should have left him behind with my mom!!!!" Ash said. "Give him to me." Ash held out his hands. Gary growled and snapped his teeth.
"Aiya!!!!" Ash said, withdrawing his hands, trying not to get bitten.
"Why did you bring him?" Misty asked again.
"He's gonna grow up to be a pimp like me." Gary said proudly. "I taught him the ABC's from 'The Homies Guide to Pimpness'." Ash glared at Gary.
"He's going to be a Pokemon Trainer." Ash said.
"Pimp."
"Trainer."
"Pimp."
"Trainer."
"Pimp!"
"Trainer!"
"He's going to be a pimp whether you like it or not!" Gary said.
"He's going-"
"Home!" said a voice, behind them.
"Brock!" Ritchie said.
"Mrs. Ketchum freaked out when she saw Sam was replaced with Tracy's blow up blow job doll, so I figured one of you must have him." Gary stuck out his bottom lip and unzipped his jacket. Brock took Sam.
"How did you get in here anyways?" Ash asked.
"I don't know. The authors put me here to save Sam."
"Oh." Everyone said.
"Bye." Brock said. The authors took him out of wherever Ash and Co. are.
"Damn Social Services..." Gary muttered. They walked along. They reached an air vent. The teens crowded around the vent.
"Look! I can see Team Rocket members!" Ash said.
"Members?" Tracy said, the authors making him appear.
"Not those kind." Gary hissed to Tracy, who is dressed in black and also joining Ash and Co. in their mission.
"Aw...." Tracy said, sitting back on his heals.
"Here's the plan." Ash took out a bunch of bars of soap out of his jacket. He let out Totodile, Cyndaquil, and took Pikachu off of his shoulder. He took the black hat off Pikachu's head.
"Listen carefully. Eat. The. Soap." The Pokemon gave the soap weird looks.
"Just do it!" Ash told them. Pikachu ate the soap. He burped and bubbles began foaming around his mouth.
"Cool! Fake rabies!" Gary said. Totodile ate the soap, bubbles started spewing from his mouth. Cyndaquil ate the soap. It melted. Cyndaquil let a poofie and bubbles came out of his butt.
"NEAT!!!!!!" Gary said. Misty and Ritchie took the vent off the vent.
"Now go and scare the Team Rocket Members!" Pikachu, Totodile, and Cyndaquil jumped down the vent.
"Ah!!!!! Rabid Pokemon!" Yelled a Rocket. The screamed and ran away. When the room was deserted Ash, Misty, Brock, Gary, and Tracy jumped down into the room.
"All right. Now we just have to find Jessie and James." Ash said. "Now where would they be constructing a very dangerous scam?" Ash looked around the room.
"Uh.... Ash?" Misty said. "What about that door that's labeled 'Do Not Enter: Important Experiment in Process'?"
"Nah..." Ash said. Ash thought for a moment and looked around some more.
"Hey! What about the door labeled 'Do Not Enter: Important Experiment in Process'!" Everyone fell over. Ash ran to the door.
"Come on you guys!" Ash said, turning the door knob. They went inside.
"Ah!" Said Cassidy (tee hee... This is gonna get good!) to the kids. "Are you the test subjects for the Mewtwo Hump Buddie?" she asked them.
"Yeah." Ash said quickly.
"I'm the official hump tester for you!" Gary said. Cassidy brushed him off.
"EW! Tester germs!" She said. Butch came over and sprayed her with Lysol.
"Thank you." Cassidy said. She snapped a pair of rubber gloves violently before putting them on. Ash and his friends gave each other scared looks.
"Right this way." Cassidy said, leading the kids to a tank where a female (yay!) Mewtwo was floating. Team Rocket scientists were taking notes off charts. Ash spotted Jessie and James making out in excitement because they were getting a Mewtwo Hump Buddie.
"Yuck." Ash muttered.
"Giovanni!" said a scientist. "The Mewtwo is finished." Jessie and James came up for air and cheered.
"Yay!" They said.
"Release the Pokemon!" Giovanni said, sitting on his mat, bong hose poised by his lips. Butch pulled a lever and the liquid drained out of the tank and it hissed open.
"EEEEEEEEE!" James said, rushing forward.
"Back!" Giovanni said. James stopped.
"Let the testers go first." Cassidy pushed Ash forward. Ash then ripped off his black clothing and stood in his regular outfit. Misty, Ritchie, and Gary did the same. Tracy took off all his clothes.
"WEEEEEEE!!!!! Hump Buddie!!!!!!!" Tracy said. He went up to the Mewtwo, who blinked her long eyelashes at him.
"AH!!!!!! A GIRL!!!!!!!" Tracy fled the room.
"Its those twerps!" Jessie, James, Cassidy, and Butch said.
"We came to stop you! We won't let you let this powerful Pokemon harm people by humping them." Ash said, pointing a finger at him.
"Fudge off, child of Delia Ketchum." Giovanni said. Ash paused.
"How do you know my mom?"
"We used to date. Until she dumped me because I got addicted to my pot." Giovanni held up his bong. "So, I could no longer get pleasure from your mother. I was masturbating everyday. So I secretly trained all my Pokemon to be hump buddies to satisfy my needs."
"That's disgusting." Misty said. Giovanni ignored the comment and continued.
"When I got my new bong, I could smoke more pot, considering the size. And I kept smoking pot because the pot fumes made my Pokemon more hornier and could satisfy me more. However, it also infected Pokemon all around."
"No wonder Pokemon have been humping people!" Ritchie said.
"But I'm afraid this Mewtwo is indestructible." Giovanni took a long suck on his bong.
"Well.... We can always... make a deal..." Misty said, stepping forward. Giovanni looked her up and down.
"How old are you?"
"15." Misty said.
"The younger the better." Giovanni grinned.
"But Misty!" Ash said.
"I've got it under control." Misty said. Misty sat on Giovanni's lap. He dropped the bong hose. Misty made a purring noise in Giovanni's ear. He squirmed. Ash stood frozen in shock. Gary kicked Ash in the butt, to get his attention. While everyone else was watching Misty seduce Giovanni, Ritchie had snuck over to the Mewtwo. He was behind her back. Gary took a Pokeball out of his pocket and tossed it to Ritchie who caught the Mewtwo. The Mewtwo was new to the world and had never tested her powers, and didn't emerge from the Pokeball. Ash gave Ritchie a thumbs up. Rockets were having problems and went to more secluded places in the headquarters. Jessie and James fell over. Cassidy and Butch were the only ones still standing. Cassidy looked at Butch. Butch looked at Cassidy.
"I knew you loved me!" Cassidy said. Butch jumped Cassidy.
"Oh!!!!! Yeah!!!!! Botch!!!!" Cassidy said.
"IT'S BUTCH!!!!!!!" Butch yelled.
"Hurry!" Ash said to Misty, getting jealous. Misty grabbed Giovanni in a bad place and he passed out. They ran out of Team Rocket Headquarters.
"That was a close one!" Ritchie said.
"Let's get back to the frat. I need to chill with my Pimp in Training." Gary said, walking past all the passed out Rockets.
Note: SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! Nicole will be writing the next chapter. Give her a round of applause. This will be her first chapter she's written. I did all the rest. We are starting on the sequel to 'Ah! My Lumbago!' so stay tuned for that. It will hopefully be wackier than the first.
To Be Continued in the thrilling conclusion to 'Ah! My Lumbago!'
'The Homies Guide to Pimpness'