Strange Occurrences
Intermission
Disclaimer: I don't own "The Lord of the Rings" that excellent trilogy is owned by the Tolkien Foundation. I also don't own "Jeopardy".
This doesn't really continue the story. I decided to take a break and answer I
review I got from my only positive reviewer, The Evil Old Woman. I've decided to
answer the question-review in what I think I humorous. My alternate persona, the Author
(insert cheesy overdramatic music here) will run the show, entitled, THE REVIEW
ZONE..
(a TV newsroom appears. Sitting in the main chair is the Author, dressed in a
dress suit with stupid looking sunglasses with lenses shaped like stars.)
Author: Welcome to The Review Zone. Here we probe the deep, dark secrets of
the not-so-great fanfic entitled "Strange Occurrences." An individual known only as The
Evil Old Woman, has asked this question. (Insert rip-off of Jeopardy music.)
The Evil Old Woman: (speaking about Aglenya, one of the two main characters in
the fanfic.) So why DID she stay in Middle Earth if she hates it and is treated badly
there? I don't understand, particularily as she's free to leave at any time.
Author: An excellent question TEOW (sorry for shortening your penname, if you
like, you can shorten mine to LOTRF). Fortunately, I have brought the main characters of
"Strange Occurrences" to answe it for you. Hopefully your question will be answered.
Author: (Mutters to self): If all hell doesn't break loose when those two idiots get
here.
(Urushk and Aglenya burst through the door, arguing with each other. Nothing's changed.) Aglenya: I should have driven up here but nooooo, you said: "Aglenya, I just got
my driver's license, and I know how to drive. Let me drive, please?
Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?" And being the nice, sweet hearted, kindly Elf maiden, I
agreed. Then you go and get us a speeding ticket for driving 115 MPH in a 35 MPH zone.
Well, I'm not paying this ticket buster! You pay it!
Urushk: Well, if you hadn't made me read the map when I was driving, I
wouldn't have sped like that. I was just trying to get us here on time!
Aglenya: If you are driving you should only read a map if you have pulled off the
road, or, if you're a very skilled driver, at a red light. You shouldn't read it after the light
turns green!!! Every driver knows that, but I realize I shouldn't expect that from a
muscle-bound, bone headed, stubborn male Uruk-Hai such as yourself.
Author: (massaging his forehead): SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!!!
(Aglenya and Urushk both shut up, but still glare at each other)
Author: That's better. Aglenya, please read that question I have on the screen.
(Aglenya and Urushk both read it.)
Urushk: TEOW's got a point Aglenya, why haven't you left? I mean, your stay in
Middle Earth hasn't really been a bed of roses.
Aglenya: (scowls): So you want me to leave, is that it? You'd get all my stuff
then, wouldn't you, that'd make you happy.
Urushk: (glares and starts to reply, but is cut off by Author)
Author: Please, just answer the question Aglenya.
Aglenya: Okay. Well, being an Elf, I don't believe in going back on a decision. I
am determined, as one of the last of my kind to uphold the Elven values and traditions.
My people are or were very determined, and no matter how much I hate Middle Earth or
how rough the going gets, I'm staying, and I'm going to see eternity in this land through.
(Urushk is very impressed by Aglenya's statement, and starts clapping enthusiastically.)
Urushk: Bravo! Encore!
(Aglenya smiles slightly at her companion's enthusiasm.)
Aglenya: Thank you Urushk, now be quiet.
Urushk: Ok, I'll be nice and listen to you, just this once.
Aglenya: (annoyed) What is that supposed to mean?
Urushk: I'm merely saying that I'm not always going to listen to you.
Aglenya: (Glares at Urushk): Oh really? Listen good to this, I'm not going to let
you borrow my brush ever again!
Urushk: (Puts his fingers in his ears) I can't hear you.
(Within minutes the two are bickering fiercely.)
Author: I swear, you two are acting like a highly dysfunctional married couple.
(Urushk and Aglenya turn around and glare at the Author. Urushk pulls out a
large, powerful bow, draws it back easily, and shoots the Author in the foot)
Author: AHHHHHH! MY FOOT!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING
YOU TROLL-BRAIN!!!
Aglenya: You muscle bound, bull-headed nincompoop! You're supposed to shoot
him the chest!
Urushk: (shrugs) Well, it serves it's purpose.
Aglenya: (sighs and shoots the Author in the foot that Urushk didn't shoot.) Let's go back to the inn big guy.
Author: (Sitting on the ground screaming) YAAAAH!!!! AGLENYA, YOU'RE
AN ELF, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE NICE.
Aglenya: Nice, huh? Urushk, go start the car. I'll be right there.
(Aglenya beats the Author's face into a bloody pulp with her bare hands, then
leaps back.)
Author: (Screaming in utter agony)
( A sound of a car is heard approaching. Urushk slams through the wall, and
opens the front passenger side door, however, he runs over the Author into the process.)
Urushk: Aglenya, jump inside, it's time to burn rubber!
Aglenya: Got it!
(The car makes another hole the TV room, and speeds off at 180 miles per hour.)
Aglenya: YEEEEHHAAAAWWW!
Urushk: WHOOOOO-HOOOOOO!!!
(Author gets up slowly and painfully and watches car drive off into the sunset.
Stares mournfully at the crushed tacky looking, star-shaped lens sunglasses.)
Author: (groans): This has been the first exciting episode of (begins to loose
consciousness) The...Review...Zone. (falls to the floor. The medics run in and carry
the Author off to the hospital)
The End.
The Evil Old Woman, I hoped you liked this answer to your review.
As for the rest of you, what did you think of this? Funny, or not funny?
Disclaimer: I don't own "The Lord of the Rings" that excellent trilogy is owned by the Tolkien Foundation. I also don't own "Jeopardy".
This doesn't really continue the story. I decided to take a break and answer I
review I got from my only positive reviewer, The Evil Old Woman. I've decided to
answer the question-review in what I think I humorous. My alternate persona, the Author
(insert cheesy overdramatic music here) will run the show, entitled, THE REVIEW
ZONE..
(a TV newsroom appears. Sitting in the main chair is the Author, dressed in a
dress suit with stupid looking sunglasses with lenses shaped like stars.)
Author: Welcome to The Review Zone. Here we probe the deep, dark secrets of
the not-so-great fanfic entitled "Strange Occurrences." An individual known only as The
Evil Old Woman, has asked this question. (Insert rip-off of Jeopardy music.)
The Evil Old Woman: (speaking about Aglenya, one of the two main characters in
the fanfic.) So why DID she stay in Middle Earth if she hates it and is treated badly
there? I don't understand, particularily as she's free to leave at any time.
Author: An excellent question TEOW (sorry for shortening your penname, if you
like, you can shorten mine to LOTRF). Fortunately, I have brought the main characters of
"Strange Occurrences" to answe it for you. Hopefully your question will be answered.
Author: (Mutters to self): If all hell doesn't break loose when those two idiots get
here.
(Urushk and Aglenya burst through the door, arguing with each other. Nothing's changed.) Aglenya: I should have driven up here but nooooo, you said: "Aglenya, I just got
my driver's license, and I know how to drive. Let me drive, please?
Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?" And being the nice, sweet hearted, kindly Elf maiden, I
agreed. Then you go and get us a speeding ticket for driving 115 MPH in a 35 MPH zone.
Well, I'm not paying this ticket buster! You pay it!
Urushk: Well, if you hadn't made me read the map when I was driving, I
wouldn't have sped like that. I was just trying to get us here on time!
Aglenya: If you are driving you should only read a map if you have pulled off the
road, or, if you're a very skilled driver, at a red light. You shouldn't read it after the light
turns green!!! Every driver knows that, but I realize I shouldn't expect that from a
muscle-bound, bone headed, stubborn male Uruk-Hai such as yourself.
Author: (massaging his forehead): SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!!!
(Aglenya and Urushk both shut up, but still glare at each other)
Author: That's better. Aglenya, please read that question I have on the screen.
(Aglenya and Urushk both read it.)
Urushk: TEOW's got a point Aglenya, why haven't you left? I mean, your stay in
Middle Earth hasn't really been a bed of roses.
Aglenya: (scowls): So you want me to leave, is that it? You'd get all my stuff
then, wouldn't you, that'd make you happy.
Urushk: (glares and starts to reply, but is cut off by Author)
Author: Please, just answer the question Aglenya.
Aglenya: Okay. Well, being an Elf, I don't believe in going back on a decision. I
am determined, as one of the last of my kind to uphold the Elven values and traditions.
My people are or were very determined, and no matter how much I hate Middle Earth or
how rough the going gets, I'm staying, and I'm going to see eternity in this land through.
(Urushk is very impressed by Aglenya's statement, and starts clapping enthusiastically.)
Urushk: Bravo! Encore!
(Aglenya smiles slightly at her companion's enthusiasm.)
Aglenya: Thank you Urushk, now be quiet.
Urushk: Ok, I'll be nice and listen to you, just this once.
Aglenya: (annoyed) What is that supposed to mean?
Urushk: I'm merely saying that I'm not always going to listen to you.
Aglenya: (Glares at Urushk): Oh really? Listen good to this, I'm not going to let
you borrow my brush ever again!
Urushk: (Puts his fingers in his ears) I can't hear you.
(Within minutes the two are bickering fiercely.)
Author: I swear, you two are acting like a highly dysfunctional married couple.
(Urushk and Aglenya turn around and glare at the Author. Urushk pulls out a
large, powerful bow, draws it back easily, and shoots the Author in the foot)
Author: AHHHHHH! MY FOOT!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING
YOU TROLL-BRAIN!!!
Aglenya: You muscle bound, bull-headed nincompoop! You're supposed to shoot
him the chest!
Urushk: (shrugs) Well, it serves it's purpose.
Aglenya: (sighs and shoots the Author in the foot that Urushk didn't shoot.) Let's go back to the inn big guy.
Author: (Sitting on the ground screaming) YAAAAH!!!! AGLENYA, YOU'RE
AN ELF, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE NICE.
Aglenya: Nice, huh? Urushk, go start the car. I'll be right there.
(Aglenya beats the Author's face into a bloody pulp with her bare hands, then
leaps back.)
Author: (Screaming in utter agony)
( A sound of a car is heard approaching. Urushk slams through the wall, and
opens the front passenger side door, however, he runs over the Author into the process.)
Urushk: Aglenya, jump inside, it's time to burn rubber!
Aglenya: Got it!
(The car makes another hole the TV room, and speeds off at 180 miles per hour.)
Aglenya: YEEEEHHAAAAWWW!
Urushk: WHOOOOO-HOOOOOO!!!
(Author gets up slowly and painfully and watches car drive off into the sunset.
Stares mournfully at the crushed tacky looking, star-shaped lens sunglasses.)
Author: (groans): This has been the first exciting episode of (begins to loose
consciousness) The...Review...Zone. (falls to the floor. The medics run in and carry
the Author off to the hospital)
The End.
The Evil Old Woman, I hoped you liked this answer to your review.
As for the rest of you, what did you think of this? Funny, or not funny?