Relaxation
Chapter 3
By Skeletoncrew
During a quiet moment at the station April checked her voicemail. She broke into a grin when she heard Splinter's voice. "Good evening April. I'm afraid that we had a bit of a misunderstanding earlier and I wanted to clarify what happened."
He sounded so concerned, she fought back a giggle. His voice took on a slightly stern tone, "As I tried to tell you earlier, that was most certainly not my magazine. I had found it stuffed into the couch and was going to throw it away on my way back to the bathtub. Please allow me to assure you that the owner of that particular piece of smut will be reprimanded." April giggled; someone was in big trouble now.
Splinter continued, "As for the rest of what happened; I had just eaten a saltine with a dollop of peanut butter before you arrived. I really didn't want to spew cracker crumbs on you, and the peanut butter ended up hindering my speech as well. As for my attire, I was on the way to the tub and was not expecting company. I do hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me for accidentally ah," he hesitated, "losing the towel in front of you."
April burst into laughter. Poor Splinter! He was always so proper and modest, that must have nearly killed him! Her reaction probably didn't help much either, but she had to get out of there before she lost her composure. She had been filled with the strongest urge to say, "My, what big balls you have!" April snorted at the thought and continued laughing. That most certainly would have made things much worse. She wondered how he would have responded to that. "The better to-," no, he would probably have been utterly horrified.
Her laughs subsided after a few minutes. She'd have to call him back and let him know that she wasn't angry with him. But not tonight, she didn't want to further embarrass him by starting to laugh again; or worse yet, blurting out something about the size of his testicles. She idly wondered whether or not that was a normal trait for male rats as she returned to her paperwork.
Nearly five hours after they had left, the Turtles returned to their home. Splinter had wanted them out for just four hours, but they had unanimously agreed to give him some extra time just in case. They paused outside the door listening.
"Well?" Michaelangelo whispered from the back.
"I think I hear the TV, that's it." Leonardo whispered before reaching for the door.
Raphael stopped his hand, "Wait, was that Splinter laughing?"
"She's not still there is she? Because I don't think I can handle seeing them together tonight," Donatello spoke quietly.
Leonardo looked pained, "I don't know. If this was supposed to be a secret- "
All four of them jumped in surprise as the door suddenly opened. Splinter stood in the doorway with a look of concern upon his face. "I thought I heard something out here. What are you doing?"
"Nothing! We were just getting ready to come in and go to bed," Michaelangelo blurted.
Splinter turned and started walking back towards the couch. "A little early for bed isn't it?" He could hear someone punch Michaelangelo as they filed in the door.
"Yeah I guess it is; we must have lost track of time." Leonardo tried to cover for his nervous brother.
Splinter shut off the TV and picked up a magazine from the coffee table. He held it up so they could see the cover, "Oh, and whose is this?" Splinter didn't wait for a response before continuing, "April saw it earlier, and the oddest thing happened as a result."
All of the Turtles except for Leonardo exchanged glances. He just paled. Had his negligence been directly responsible for what Mike had seen earlier? He gulped and croaked out, "Its mine Sensei." The others looked at him in surprise.
Splinter swept them with a stern look. "I've told all of you many times to keep these things in your own rooms." He fixed his gaze on Leonardo, "Do you have any idea what happened after she saw this?"
Leonardo's eyes widened and he began blushing furiously, but didn't answer him. Splinter noticed the others coloring slightly as well. Michaelangelo became suddenly and intently interested in a spot on the ground, while Donatello found something interesting on the wall to look at. Raphael seemed to be smirking slightly at Leonardo.
"Well?"
He received no answer.
"Surely one of you must have an idea. Michaelangelo?"
Michaelangelo jumped as though he had been stung, his face betraying panic. "I, I, well, um April, and uh, you," he gestured vaguely, "Well, um, you know."
Splinter raised and eyebrow and Raphael decided to speak up on Michaelangelo's behalf. "He thinks that you and April ended up playing 'President and intern'."
Splinter turned towards Raphael. "'President and intern?' I don't believe I am familiar with that game. How is it played?"
Raphael had hoped that his Sensei would understand the innuendo; he didn't want to have to explain it. "Well, ah you know, 'getting a protein shake'."
He received a blank look in response.
"Guys? A little help here?" Raphael whispered.
Donatello took a stab at it, "A hummer."
"What does a large vehicle have to do with this?"
"A hummer isn't just a large vehicle, its-," Donatello paused, trying to figure out how to most delicately phrase it.
Michaelangelo cut in, "Eating your Twinkie!"
Leonardo almost said something, but he decided that he was in enough trouble as it was. He just continued to cringe at the euphemisms his brothers were using.
Raphael tried again, "Playing the skin flute?"
"Getting to the center of your Tootsie Pop!"
Splinter cocked his head and looked at them doubtfully, "What on earth are you talking about?"
Donatello gave Michaelangelo a dirty look, "They mean fellatio Master Splinter."
"Are you saying that April and I ended up engaging in oral sex as a result of finding this magazine in the living room?" He held up the Hustler once more. Their eyes went wide, and one by one they all nodded, avoiding any eye contact. "Now what makes you think that?"
"Well, Mike said he saw it happening." Raphael gestured towards his brother.
"Really?" Splinter looked at him with interest, "Now, would that have been when you weren't supposed to be here?"
"Yes Master Splinter. Sorry Master Splinter."
"I am not so much unhappy with the fact that you returned to retrieve a forgotten item, as I am disappointed that you told everyone what you saw while you were here. This is how rumors get started."
"Sorry Master Splinter."
"You really think that April and I were engaged in a sex act when you returned home?"
Michaelangelo shrugged. "It certainly looked like it."
"Well, you can all rest easy, that's not what was going on."
Leonardo loudly released his pent up breath and resumed breathing normally, but the rest of the Turtles looked somewhat skeptical. Donatello spoke up, "But Mike said that he saw you naked with April kneeling in front of you."
"Yes, he did."
"Well then, what were you doing?"
"Feeling very embarrassed if you must know. It was all quite accidental. I had a towel around my waist and was on my way to the tub with my hands full, when I found the magazine in the living room. Intending to throw it away, I tucked it under my arm and picked my things back up. At that point, April walked in wanting to talk to me. Unfortunately my mouth was full, so I couldn't speak, and the magazine slipped out from under my arm. April stepped forward and knelt down to retrieve it for me. She was quite taken aback when she saw what it was." He fixed Leonardo with a steely glare. "And to make a long story short, the towel slipped off, Michaelangelo mad his surprise entrance and exit, and April ended up quickly leaving. She was quite distressed by the incident."
Everyone relaxed visibly at the conclusion of Splinter's story, and Raphael gave Michaelangelo a smack on the back of his head for good measure.
"Ow! How was I supposed to know?" Michaelangelo scowled at Raphael.
Splinter answered, "You weren't. However, you should have known better than to tell everyone that I was getting a blow job from April. That is what you did, isn't it?"
"Yes Master Splinter." Michaelangelo looked downwards.
"And you," Splinter looked at his other sons, "believed him?"
They nodded reluctantly, and Leonardo added, "I knew it couldn't be true though!"
"I'm sure, but this probably wouldn't have happened had it not been for this." Splinter handed the magazine to Leonardo, who reluctantly accepted it. "You will call April tomorrow and apologize for leaving it out."
"Yes Sensei."
"You will also write a 1,000 word essay on whether or not pornography exploits women."
Leonardo blushed, "Yes Sensei."
Splinter turned his attention back to Michaelangelo. "As for you, you will write an essay of the same length on privacy rights in the United States."
"Aww man!"
"You also need to work on thinking before you speak; therefore, you will be silent for 48 hours, starting now." Michaelangelo looked stricken. "If I hear anything out of you during that time, your period of silence will be extended 24 hours." The Turtle nodded sadly.
"As for you two," Splinter eyed Donatello and Raphael, "you have both demonstrated an impressive vocabulary tonight. I want you to write 1,000 word essays as well. Donatello, your subject will be diseases transmitted through oral-genital contact. Raphael, you will write about," Splinter's eyes sparkled with merriment, "the history of flutes, and I don't mean the skin type." Raphael groaned. "Now then, I expect these essays to be finished in three days, so you'd best get to it!"
Splinter watched with amusement as his sons bowed and left the room. "That ought to keep them busy for a while," He thought to himself. As he sat back down on the couch he chuckled, recalling their euphemisms. "Getting to the center of the Tootsie Pop?" He shook his head; he'd have to remember that one.
By Skeletoncrew
During a quiet moment at the station April checked her voicemail. She broke into a grin when she heard Splinter's voice. "Good evening April. I'm afraid that we had a bit of a misunderstanding earlier and I wanted to clarify what happened."
He sounded so concerned, she fought back a giggle. His voice took on a slightly stern tone, "As I tried to tell you earlier, that was most certainly not my magazine. I had found it stuffed into the couch and was going to throw it away on my way back to the bathtub. Please allow me to assure you that the owner of that particular piece of smut will be reprimanded." April giggled; someone was in big trouble now.
Splinter continued, "As for the rest of what happened; I had just eaten a saltine with a dollop of peanut butter before you arrived. I really didn't want to spew cracker crumbs on you, and the peanut butter ended up hindering my speech as well. As for my attire, I was on the way to the tub and was not expecting company. I do hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me for accidentally ah," he hesitated, "losing the towel in front of you."
April burst into laughter. Poor Splinter! He was always so proper and modest, that must have nearly killed him! Her reaction probably didn't help much either, but she had to get out of there before she lost her composure. She had been filled with the strongest urge to say, "My, what big balls you have!" April snorted at the thought and continued laughing. That most certainly would have made things much worse. She wondered how he would have responded to that. "The better to-," no, he would probably have been utterly horrified.
Her laughs subsided after a few minutes. She'd have to call him back and let him know that she wasn't angry with him. But not tonight, she didn't want to further embarrass him by starting to laugh again; or worse yet, blurting out something about the size of his testicles. She idly wondered whether or not that was a normal trait for male rats as she returned to her paperwork.
Nearly five hours after they had left, the Turtles returned to their home. Splinter had wanted them out for just four hours, but they had unanimously agreed to give him some extra time just in case. They paused outside the door listening.
"Well?" Michaelangelo whispered from the back.
"I think I hear the TV, that's it." Leonardo whispered before reaching for the door.
Raphael stopped his hand, "Wait, was that Splinter laughing?"
"She's not still there is she? Because I don't think I can handle seeing them together tonight," Donatello spoke quietly.
Leonardo looked pained, "I don't know. If this was supposed to be a secret- "
All four of them jumped in surprise as the door suddenly opened. Splinter stood in the doorway with a look of concern upon his face. "I thought I heard something out here. What are you doing?"
"Nothing! We were just getting ready to come in and go to bed," Michaelangelo blurted.
Splinter turned and started walking back towards the couch. "A little early for bed isn't it?" He could hear someone punch Michaelangelo as they filed in the door.
"Yeah I guess it is; we must have lost track of time." Leonardo tried to cover for his nervous brother.
Splinter shut off the TV and picked up a magazine from the coffee table. He held it up so they could see the cover, "Oh, and whose is this?" Splinter didn't wait for a response before continuing, "April saw it earlier, and the oddest thing happened as a result."
All of the Turtles except for Leonardo exchanged glances. He just paled. Had his negligence been directly responsible for what Mike had seen earlier? He gulped and croaked out, "Its mine Sensei." The others looked at him in surprise.
Splinter swept them with a stern look. "I've told all of you many times to keep these things in your own rooms." He fixed his gaze on Leonardo, "Do you have any idea what happened after she saw this?"
Leonardo's eyes widened and he began blushing furiously, but didn't answer him. Splinter noticed the others coloring slightly as well. Michaelangelo became suddenly and intently interested in a spot on the ground, while Donatello found something interesting on the wall to look at. Raphael seemed to be smirking slightly at Leonardo.
"Well?"
He received no answer.
"Surely one of you must have an idea. Michaelangelo?"
Michaelangelo jumped as though he had been stung, his face betraying panic. "I, I, well, um April, and uh, you," he gestured vaguely, "Well, um, you know."
Splinter raised and eyebrow and Raphael decided to speak up on Michaelangelo's behalf. "He thinks that you and April ended up playing 'President and intern'."
Splinter turned towards Raphael. "'President and intern?' I don't believe I am familiar with that game. How is it played?"
Raphael had hoped that his Sensei would understand the innuendo; he didn't want to have to explain it. "Well, ah you know, 'getting a protein shake'."
He received a blank look in response.
"Guys? A little help here?" Raphael whispered.
Donatello took a stab at it, "A hummer."
"What does a large vehicle have to do with this?"
"A hummer isn't just a large vehicle, its-," Donatello paused, trying to figure out how to most delicately phrase it.
Michaelangelo cut in, "Eating your Twinkie!"
Leonardo almost said something, but he decided that he was in enough trouble as it was. He just continued to cringe at the euphemisms his brothers were using.
Raphael tried again, "Playing the skin flute?"
"Getting to the center of your Tootsie Pop!"
Splinter cocked his head and looked at them doubtfully, "What on earth are you talking about?"
Donatello gave Michaelangelo a dirty look, "They mean fellatio Master Splinter."
"Are you saying that April and I ended up engaging in oral sex as a result of finding this magazine in the living room?" He held up the Hustler once more. Their eyes went wide, and one by one they all nodded, avoiding any eye contact. "Now what makes you think that?"
"Well, Mike said he saw it happening." Raphael gestured towards his brother.
"Really?" Splinter looked at him with interest, "Now, would that have been when you weren't supposed to be here?"
"Yes Master Splinter. Sorry Master Splinter."
"I am not so much unhappy with the fact that you returned to retrieve a forgotten item, as I am disappointed that you told everyone what you saw while you were here. This is how rumors get started."
"Sorry Master Splinter."
"You really think that April and I were engaged in a sex act when you returned home?"
Michaelangelo shrugged. "It certainly looked like it."
"Well, you can all rest easy, that's not what was going on."
Leonardo loudly released his pent up breath and resumed breathing normally, but the rest of the Turtles looked somewhat skeptical. Donatello spoke up, "But Mike said that he saw you naked with April kneeling in front of you."
"Yes, he did."
"Well then, what were you doing?"
"Feeling very embarrassed if you must know. It was all quite accidental. I had a towel around my waist and was on my way to the tub with my hands full, when I found the magazine in the living room. Intending to throw it away, I tucked it under my arm and picked my things back up. At that point, April walked in wanting to talk to me. Unfortunately my mouth was full, so I couldn't speak, and the magazine slipped out from under my arm. April stepped forward and knelt down to retrieve it for me. She was quite taken aback when she saw what it was." He fixed Leonardo with a steely glare. "And to make a long story short, the towel slipped off, Michaelangelo mad his surprise entrance and exit, and April ended up quickly leaving. She was quite distressed by the incident."
Everyone relaxed visibly at the conclusion of Splinter's story, and Raphael gave Michaelangelo a smack on the back of his head for good measure.
"Ow! How was I supposed to know?" Michaelangelo scowled at Raphael.
Splinter answered, "You weren't. However, you should have known better than to tell everyone that I was getting a blow job from April. That is what you did, isn't it?"
"Yes Master Splinter." Michaelangelo looked downwards.
"And you," Splinter looked at his other sons, "believed him?"
They nodded reluctantly, and Leonardo added, "I knew it couldn't be true though!"
"I'm sure, but this probably wouldn't have happened had it not been for this." Splinter handed the magazine to Leonardo, who reluctantly accepted it. "You will call April tomorrow and apologize for leaving it out."
"Yes Sensei."
"You will also write a 1,000 word essay on whether or not pornography exploits women."
Leonardo blushed, "Yes Sensei."
Splinter turned his attention back to Michaelangelo. "As for you, you will write an essay of the same length on privacy rights in the United States."
"Aww man!"
"You also need to work on thinking before you speak; therefore, you will be silent for 48 hours, starting now." Michaelangelo looked stricken. "If I hear anything out of you during that time, your period of silence will be extended 24 hours." The Turtle nodded sadly.
"As for you two," Splinter eyed Donatello and Raphael, "you have both demonstrated an impressive vocabulary tonight. I want you to write 1,000 word essays as well. Donatello, your subject will be diseases transmitted through oral-genital contact. Raphael, you will write about," Splinter's eyes sparkled with merriment, "the history of flutes, and I don't mean the skin type." Raphael groaned. "Now then, I expect these essays to be finished in three days, so you'd best get to it!"
Splinter watched with amusement as his sons bowed and left the room. "That ought to keep them busy for a while," He thought to himself. As he sat back down on the couch he chuckled, recalling their euphemisms. "Getting to the center of the Tootsie Pop?" He shook his head; he'd have to remember that one.