After a while Harry returned to his seat, and the diary. Rather than the feeling of pleasant anticipation he'd felt the last few times he began reading, he was now quite anxious. He wasn't quite sure that he wanted to read it, but he was also fascinated. He could understand now why Snape had seemed both apprehensive and slightly scared when Harry had mentioned the diaries. Of course, he'd known what Harry might find.
He felt he should be angry at the thought of Snape kissing his mother, but he realised that once he got past the shock, not to mention the knee-jerk reaction of disgust, he didn't feel much of anything. It was something that had happened, and he needed to know how it had ended before he could figure out what he felt. Perhaps he didn't understand the story as well as he had imagined.
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5th May 1976
I think Sev's annoyed with me. I suppose he has some right, after all I did kiss him and then run off. But he shouldn't have kissed me first, not when he knew that I love James. But then I had practically confessed to loving him too.
I have to make it up to him, but I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. We can't possibly just be friends anymore. I think James knows something is wrong too. How can he not? I haven't spoken to Sev all day, and when we saw each other at breakfast, we both blushed and looked away.
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Harry read the story of the next few weeks. His mother seemed more and more bewildered by the turn of events, uncharacteristically indecisive. Her friendship with Snape came to an abrupt halt, and even her relationship with his father seemed to be suffering.
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20th May 1976
I told James today. I had to. He was…remarkably calm about it. He said he couldn't blame Sev for loving me, and that he trusted me. I'm very lucky. He told me to talk to Sev, and if we managed to sort ourselves out a little, he'd like to speak with him as well. I didn't quite have the courage to ask him why. Tomorrow's a Hogsmeade weekend, which means Sev will be around, but no-one else will. I'll see if he'll talk to me.
21st May 1976
I didn't realise how much I missed him until we spoke today. He was hurt, but he listened to everything I was saying. I don't think I was making much sense towards the end, but he heard me out. He loves me. I think I may love him. I know I love James. James loves me. This is never going to work. But we're friends again, maybe something more. I told him that James wanted to speak to him. James is going to stay back with us tomorrow.
22nd May 1976
Wow. Maybe this will work after all. They had a civilised conversation. It was completely unreal. Sev told James about his parents, and about the fact that he will have no choice but to take up the Dark Arts after he graduates. He was brutally honest about the fact that we could have no future, even if he loves me and I think I love him. So we're going to find out what happens when a girl's pretty much equally in love with two men. I can't believe that they're both tolerating this situation so well.
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Harry had the feeling that 'what the hell' was once again the appropriate response. His father and Snape essentially agreed to share his mother? He couldn't believe it. It was, as she had said, unreal. It just couldn't be true. But he kept reading.
Over the next two years, the diary showed two couples very much in love. The first time she wrote about sleeping with his father, he felt sure that her relationship with Snape would end. But two months later, it became very clear that she'd…spent the night with Snape. Harry just couldn't call it 'sex' when his mother and Snape were involved. Together. He kept reading.
Finally, on the 29th of July, he read the entry written on the day before her graduation. And at last he understood what she'd wanted him to learn.
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27th June 1978
I don't know if I did the right thing, but I think I had to do it. The last few weeks, I've been feeling the time slip away. James is going to ask me to marry him tomorrow, and I will probably never see Sev again.
I can't shake the feeling that he's going to need someone, sometime, and that I can help. I found a spell, to summon the spirits of life. It felt right, demanded to be used. I created a spell, and I bound our blood.
I, and my children, will be linked to him and his. Since I used elements of passion, I think from my reading that it will activate for the children when they reach sixteen.
God, I hope what I did was right, because I don't think it can be undone. Tomorrow it ends. Tomorrow I become James', always and only. And it hurts. I'm so glad to be able to promise myself to James, but I know the kind of life Sev's going to have.
Dumbledore's plan – which I encouraged him to use – may let him retain his soul but I don't think it's going to help his life expectancy any. He is going to need me. I hope what I've done will be enough. Of course, I didn't tell Sev. He'll find out when the time comes.
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Harry couldn't believe it. In two days he would have a bond with Snape? A bond created by his mother? It just couldn't be possible. She wouldn't have done something like that. But then, it appeared that she had loved the man. Confused didn't even begin to describe his feelings. Although this did begin to explain some things, he supposed. He knew what she was hinting at when she mentioned Dumbledore's plan.
Perhaps Sirius would be able to help. He and Remus were due to return early the morning of Harry's birthday.
The day after his revelation, Harry quickly read through the rest of her diaries. Graduation, engagement, the wedding were skimmed past. It was clear she still thought about Snape, but she was also obviously happy. He read about her pregnancy, and his own birth. The anticipation and love that she expressed touched him, as did her descriptions of his father's reactions. However, he still couldn't quite forgive what she'd done. And he couldn't stop thinking about what it all meant. Tomorrow he would turn sixteen.