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AlysonGrant@yahoo.com and you can say what you feel in form of a review
for:
In My Face
by
Alyson Grant
Chapter Five
A few month's later on one cool afternoon in the auditorium of Serena's school the commencement was toward it's end.
"Molly Osaka." A voice intoned and then Molly walked toward the principal she would soon call her former. She shook hands with both her teacher Ms. Haruna and the principal with her right hand and then accepted her diploma with her left hand.
Many names later the principal said:
"Serena Tskunio." And then Serena strode toward Ms. Haruna and the principal nervously and then remembered to shake the principal's hand with her right and accepting her scroll with her left. She smiled at them both and was surprised as Ms.Haruna winked at her and then she returned the kind yet playful gesture. She then walked carefully in her low heels back to her seat. Ms. Haruna who had her doubts about Serena was proved wrong in the end. It was a fact which made her truly proud of her now former pupil.
Numerous names after the principal said voice that was both joyous and reverent for the occasion:
"I now present to you the graduating class of 2001."
Graduating was nerve-racking. Some people cried. Some people vowed to call, write, and e-mail. They promised to keep in touch. Some people were actually going to miss our school. I wasn't going to miss it. I mean, like everyone, I'm sure, I was tired of going to the same place every day. Everyone knew me and expected me to screw up by getting bad grades in or by being late for school. People laughing at me or making fun of me is something I take personally. I always notice it. Some people think words don't hurt or affect you. That is so wrong because it does. It really does hurt a persons feelings. Just because I laugh it off or ignore it doesn't mean a thing. Thank God it's over. I won't miss it. No. Not a bit. I'm looking forward to a new start. I don't really think of it as a ending but rather more like a new beginning.
Chloe and her parents came to Japan to visit and see my graduation. My parents and brother were there also. We along with Molly and her parents went out to dinner afterwards. Laughter. Noise. Funny stories. Inspiring messages. Well wishes. A toast. The hope for the best. The warm wishes and 'mass potential' as my father put it, that we not only had but would continue to aquire. Under the dim lights and elegant setting we were told this. They believed in us and also that there would be many more roads that would be traveled and that they knew that of course we could overcome anything thrust our way. Warm words and gestures were not just that alone but more like lights that made me warmer and made me believe. Believe in the future.
............................................................................ .......................................…………………………………………………………….
Days later after the end of school and graduation. Days later after the end of my junior high school career and the start of yet another. My mother brought up the topic of shopping for my dorm in high school. My dorm room would have to 'show who I was as a individual' to quote Chloe and even though as a lowly freshman I doubt I would receive a single it would still be cool.
In my acceptance letter along with various forms there was also a list of both school policies and items deemed necessary. Of course no halogen lamps.
" Okay freshman can't have refrigerators." Chloe said next while skimming the list already above and way past....
My mother on the other hand, "No halogen lamps!" She said sounding surprised "They were used when I went there."
Yeah but that was like what, fifty million years ago? "Yeah well that was then and this is now." I said cheerily to her opting not to say what I was thinking.
"Okay, no halogen lamps" Chloe repeated while rolling her eyes, " And freshmen can't have refrigerators."
"Why would I need a refrigerator?" I asked her.
"Yes, they do*feed you at the school." My mother pointed out, "Didn't need refrigerators in my day." She muttered.
" Oh ever heard of a little midnight snack?" Chloe said a little sarcastically. "It's to store snacks, juice, soda, and maybe nail polish."
"Nail polish! In a refrigerator?" I asked incredulously.
"Yeah." And then she added , "Or near a window. Read that in a magazine. I'll explain that to you later."
"What kind of garbage is in those magazines today?" My mother asked
"Mom! Aunt Irene!" Two voices said in unison.
"Okay. Okay." She muttered resignedly.
"Face it Irene" Aunt Saundra said wryly from her seat on the couch , "There comes a time when we are just overrun by the younger generation. A time when we need to give up our perch and step down."
"Yeah Mom" I added, "Way to show your real age!"
" Hey! I'll have you know I'm not a day older than-"
45, I thought mentally.
"30!" She said triumphantly.
"Yeah right!" I said.
"In your dreams Irene. Only in those dreams." Aunt Saundra said laughing.
"Just a few years to late Aunt Irene!"
"I'm insulted. I'm appalled. I am truly shocked! I could pass for 20! " Irene said in a mock dramatic way. That only brought more laughter. " Hey why don't we talk about your age hmm...Saundra?"
After everyone calmed down Chloe asked " What's next on the list?"
............................................................................ .......................................…………………………………………………………….
In mid July I found myself under the bright lights of the mall.
"Like this sweater?" my mother asked.
"Well..." I hedged.
"Maybe we should try it in a different pattern or just a solid color." Chloe said carefully.
"This skirt is great!" I said pivoting.
"It's sensible." Irene said approvingly
"And just where Serena Tskunio do you think you will be wearing that scrap of cloth!" My mother who always has to have the final word and say had one eyebrow raised high, the other down low and the expression which said -you- will-be-wearing-that-thing-which-shouldn't-even-be-called-a-part-of-a- wardrobe-over-my-dead-body- was only softened by a slight smile.
I then found myself in yet another store to buy a trunk and suitcases.
"Now this trunk is wide and spacious. It features two locks and padding plus two compartments inside -." The man said and kept on going.
Excuse me but if I'm not mistaken and if I hadn't been listening I could have mistaken his pitch (for just the latest trunk we have seen in the 30 minutes we were in the store) as a ad for a car. Wide and spacious? Please! I'm so bored right now. Glancing out the window I did a double take. Was that Darien walking past? Please don't look this way. Please don't look this way. I pleaded silently. He turned and glanced over in all his handsome glory and looked straight at me! Shit, so much for hoping. I hurriedly turned back to where my attention should have been all along. I always think the sensible thing to late don't I? I noticed in annoyance that my hands were slightly more damp then they had been before and my face more warm then I remembered. Glancing at my mother she seemed to be in rapt attention but Chloe gave me this sly grin like she had noticed not only the little -not-even-ten- second- Darien sighting but also my reaction. Like I even had one! Still I raised one hand nervously to my flushed cheek.
"I like the red trunk with the silver edge." I said when the time came to choose a trunk to buy.
My mother nodded and said, "Good choice."
After the trunk was decided we looked at the suitcases and bought a matching set. My mother arranged for both to be sent to the house the following day.
My mother made this plan for the wardrobe. My mother would buy most of the school attire and Chloe could help me get the rest. I mean everything else of importance was already bought. For example a lamp for my desk, sheets, pillows and other items for my bed, school supplies and many other things for my dorm room. The possibilities are truly endless when it comes to my mother and my new school. She gets so excited about it you would think she was going in my place. Or just going. For a second time.
............................................................................ .......................................…………………………………………………………….
Now it was the second week in August. Summer always does seem to pass you by. Yet I like it because you can sleep late and not get in trouble for it. That's yet another plus summer has over school and it's way above all the others wouldn't you say?
"Osaka residence."
"Hello Mrs. Osaka. Can I speak to Molly?"
"She's still sleeping Serena." She said patiently.
"Well I just wanted to remind her about our going to the mall today and to tell her that the plans have changed. My dad is going to drive all of us there so instead of taking the bus we could come over to your house to pick her up. Is that okay?"
"Oh sure it's fine Serena and-" she paused mid sentence as she looked toward the entryway, "Molly just walked in. I'll give her the phone." She said while looking at her mussed up auburn haired daughter walking in.
A slightly sleepy and drowsy voice said, "Hello?"
"Hi Sleeping Beauty." I teased.
"Oh. Serena hey."
"Wow Molly it's 10:48. What are you doing up so late?" I said in mock surprise.
"Wow Serena I could ask you the same question. What are you doing up so early? We all*know your hour of waking up it like 1:00 in the afternoon!" Molly said cracking a smile which Serena couldn't see.
"Hey! I get up early sometimes." I protested in vain.
"Yeah sure, like once a century." She retorted
"Quit it! Anyway I called to tell you that the plan changed and that my dad offered to drive us to the mall."
"Okay. What time are you guys coming to my house?"
"Is 12:00 okay?"
"Sure, it's fine."
"See you later."
"Bye."
............................................................................ .........................................
Chloe was like a director. Or maybe a passionate artist.
"No! No! No! That color is horrible." She said with a flurry of her hands.
"Now that is perfect!" With a beaming smile.
"What are you thinking! Think of your image!" Standing with her arms akimbo.
"The blue is so much better than that green." She said nodding her head in approval.
"What are these designers thinking?" she said critically to herself.
Every motion and movement is a total expression of who she is. Even her fashion sense shows it.
"Wow I think that you guys have everything!" Chloe exclaimed.
"This was fun!" Molly said/
"Yeah we couldn't have done it without you." I agreed
What was so cool about is the fact that almost everything my mother bought with me was so sensible. Chloe's choices definitely were not. They were very cool, casual and lets just add modern whereas my mothers style was fashionable and elegant but definitely not old fashioned. The best of both worlds really plus my mother would approve of everything we bought. Yes my new wardrobe has a very cool mixture.
............................................................................ .......................................…………………………………………………………….
Ouch. I actually think my father was in pain when he saw all the bags Molly, Chloe and I were carrying as we sat down near him in the food court. The way his eyes bugged out and his mouth twisted was definitely a grimace. Hey, when you give your daughter money don't expect to get change back is all I can say!
"What's wrong Daddy?" I asked innocently.
"Ah nothing sweetie. Nothing." And he grimaced again.
"You should have come with us Mr. Tskunio." Molly said her eyes twinkling.
"Yeah Uncle Kenji." Chloe agreed mischievously.
Thank god I didn't join them. "No. No." He said hurriedly, "I just had to let you girls have your fun."
"Well in that case. Can I have some money to buy some CD's?" I asked.
"Serena what happened to the money your mother and I gave you?"
I gestured to my many bags. "You gave me money for clothes. For school remember? Not for CD's."
He sighed and went into his pocket pulling out his leather wallet and took two twenty dollar bills out of many.
"Thanks. We will be back soon!" I said jumping up.
"Then we leave." He said firmly.
"Of course." Chloe said sweetly following Serena's lead.
"Ten minutes tops Mr. Tskunio!" Molly added her voice growing faint as she called over her shoulder rushing after the two.
Kenji sighed and put his face in his hands. Anyone near enough could hear him saying just audibly , "What was I thinking when I offered to drive those girls to the mall. I've been stuck here for hours!"
............................................................................ .......................................…………………………………………………………….
Everyone had bought a CD and were heading for the exit when we bumped into the enemy. At least he's my enemy anyway. No one besides me ever seems to see him for what he truly is.
"Hey Meatball Head!"
"Don't call me that Darien!" I shrieked.
Molly groaned. "Oh brother here we go again."
"Don't call you what?" He asked me.
"You are seriously getting on my nerves!"
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
Chloe commented "Looks like the Serena vs. Darien war is on again."
............................................................................ .........................................
"Hi Daddy. Were you waiting a long time?" I asked.
"It took you nearly half a hour to get a few CD's?"
"You know how the lines are." I said giving him a apologetic look.
"It's even longer when your fighting with Darien." Molly mummered to herself.
"You are so right." Chloe responded.
I whirled around and out a finger to my lips. "Shh!"
"What did you say Molly?" Kenji asked a little confused.
Chloe muffled a giggle as Molly said "Nothing Mr. Tskunio."
Kenji glanced at the three girls suspiciously.
............................................................................ .........................................
It's now August 18th and I have fifteen days until school starts. It's eight days until I leave for New York. Then I will have to go to Connecticut where the campus is located on the 30th because freshman have to be earlier than everyone else for orientation. I lay face down on my bed. My cheek against the cool pillow. My room seems foreign because some things are packed away. Yet it's not because I'm in *my* room, on *my* bed, in *my* house. I keep telling myself that.
Despite my new notion to be more mature and calm about things and life in general I can't help but wonder if it's not to late to turn back and change my mind. I mean maybe I don't want to leave after all... Then I calm down and breathe deeply. Shut my eyes. Escape the view but not my mind. No, the thoughts are still there. Churning and spinning through my mind. Filled with doubts and worries. Even the inky blackness inside my eyes is not a escape route. Strange, I feel tired and depressed but don't know why.
I fall asleep and then wake up a few hours later. I walk outside and head to the park near the water. I could have called Molly and asked her to join me but I couldn't. Or wouldn't. I feel the need to be alone. I sit against a tall tree and it's branches shield me from the sun but it can't shield me from the world. Nothing can. I don't know how long I sat there gazing out to the water. I can't say how many times I wondered about what is, what will be and what is to come. The future is so uncertain. Oh to be a child again and to have simple questions and a even simpler life is a longing I feel but can never get. It's my reality.
"Are you all right?" A soft and gentle voice asked.
I glanced up in surprise, "I'm fine."
"Really?" he said questionably, " You seemed so tense or maybe a odd mixture of calm and torment."
I don't know why I am still here. I can't even fathom why we haven't started to argue yet. It's a common occurrence usually. I don't even know why I didn't move away when he suddenly sat down next to me. Or why my heart started to beat a little faster or even question why I suddenly noticed the incredible blue of his eyes or the inky blackness of his hair.
"An odd mixture of calm and torment," I repeated, "Doesn't even begin to describe how I feel."
"Want to tell me about it?" he asked
"I don't think so." I said swiftly.
"Why not?"
"Why would I tell you about what I feel? You don't even know me. Anything you think you know about me is a assumption. A far disregard for the truth. You don't know me, you don't understand me, and no one does or ever will because you aren't me!" I said and my last few words were punctuated and almost a high cry.
I don't know why I am saying this. To Darien of all people too. I turned and gazed at the sunset for a second. A sunset which in it's hazy hue complements his face. I don't know why I thought that or even why I think about him at all. even why I think about him at all. Looking at the sunset made me remember my dream about Darien for some reason. I stood up quickly while absentmindedly brushing my hands over my dark blue jeans.
"Serena-" He began as he shifted uncomfortably with mildly shocked blue eyes.
"Don't bother. I don't want to talk to you or anyone for that matter. Leave me alone!" I said suddenly angry. Angry at myself, Darien, the world, I don't know and perhaps I never will. Maybe a mixture of them all. They all have witnessed a sounding fall in my part . Literally or not.
A whisper, a cry, a shallow breath... expect the unexpected.
In My Face
by
Alyson Grant
Chapter Five
A few month's later on one cool afternoon in the auditorium of Serena's school the commencement was toward it's end.
"Molly Osaka." A voice intoned and then Molly walked toward the principal she would soon call her former. She shook hands with both her teacher Ms. Haruna and the principal with her right hand and then accepted her diploma with her left hand.
Many names later the principal said:
"Serena Tskunio." And then Serena strode toward Ms. Haruna and the principal nervously and then remembered to shake the principal's hand with her right and accepting her scroll with her left. She smiled at them both and was surprised as Ms.Haruna winked at her and then she returned the kind yet playful gesture. She then walked carefully in her low heels back to her seat. Ms. Haruna who had her doubts about Serena was proved wrong in the end. It was a fact which made her truly proud of her now former pupil.
Numerous names after the principal said voice that was both joyous and reverent for the occasion:
"I now present to you the graduating class of 2001."
Graduating was nerve-racking. Some people cried. Some people vowed to call, write, and e-mail. They promised to keep in touch. Some people were actually going to miss our school. I wasn't going to miss it. I mean, like everyone, I'm sure, I was tired of going to the same place every day. Everyone knew me and expected me to screw up by getting bad grades in or by being late for school. People laughing at me or making fun of me is something I take personally. I always notice it. Some people think words don't hurt or affect you. That is so wrong because it does. It really does hurt a persons feelings. Just because I laugh it off or ignore it doesn't mean a thing. Thank God it's over. I won't miss it. No. Not a bit. I'm looking forward to a new start. I don't really think of it as a ending but rather more like a new beginning.
Chloe and her parents came to Japan to visit and see my graduation. My parents and brother were there also. We along with Molly and her parents went out to dinner afterwards. Laughter. Noise. Funny stories. Inspiring messages. Well wishes. A toast. The hope for the best. The warm wishes and 'mass potential' as my father put it, that we not only had but would continue to aquire. Under the dim lights and elegant setting we were told this. They believed in us and also that there would be many more roads that would be traveled and that they knew that of course we could overcome anything thrust our way. Warm words and gestures were not just that alone but more like lights that made me warmer and made me believe. Believe in the future.
............................................................................ .......................................…………………………………………………………….
Days later after the end of school and graduation. Days later after the end of my junior high school career and the start of yet another. My mother brought up the topic of shopping for my dorm in high school. My dorm room would have to 'show who I was as a individual' to quote Chloe and even though as a lowly freshman I doubt I would receive a single it would still be cool.
In my acceptance letter along with various forms there was also a list of both school policies and items deemed necessary. Of course no halogen lamps.
" Okay freshman can't have refrigerators." Chloe said next while skimming the list already above and way past....
My mother on the other hand, "No halogen lamps!" She said sounding surprised "They were used when I went there."
Yeah but that was like what, fifty million years ago? "Yeah well that was then and this is now." I said cheerily to her opting not to say what I was thinking.
"Okay, no halogen lamps" Chloe repeated while rolling her eyes, " And freshmen can't have refrigerators."
"Why would I need a refrigerator?" I asked her.
"Yes, they do*feed you at the school." My mother pointed out, "Didn't need refrigerators in my day." She muttered.
" Oh ever heard of a little midnight snack?" Chloe said a little sarcastically. "It's to store snacks, juice, soda, and maybe nail polish."
"Nail polish! In a refrigerator?" I asked incredulously.
"Yeah." And then she added , "Or near a window. Read that in a magazine. I'll explain that to you later."
"What kind of garbage is in those magazines today?" My mother asked
"Mom! Aunt Irene!" Two voices said in unison.
"Okay. Okay." She muttered resignedly.
"Face it Irene" Aunt Saundra said wryly from her seat on the couch , "There comes a time when we are just overrun by the younger generation. A time when we need to give up our perch and step down."
"Yeah Mom" I added, "Way to show your real age!"
" Hey! I'll have you know I'm not a day older than-"
45, I thought mentally.
"30!" She said triumphantly.
"Yeah right!" I said.
"In your dreams Irene. Only in those dreams." Aunt Saundra said laughing.
"Just a few years to late Aunt Irene!"
"I'm insulted. I'm appalled. I am truly shocked! I could pass for 20! " Irene said in a mock dramatic way. That only brought more laughter. " Hey why don't we talk about your age hmm...Saundra?"
After everyone calmed down Chloe asked " What's next on the list?"
............................................................................ .......................................…………………………………………………………….
In mid July I found myself under the bright lights of the mall.
"Like this sweater?" my mother asked.
"Well..." I hedged.
"Maybe we should try it in a different pattern or just a solid color." Chloe said carefully.
"This skirt is great!" I said pivoting.
"It's sensible." Irene said approvingly
"And just where Serena Tskunio do you think you will be wearing that scrap of cloth!" My mother who always has to have the final word and say had one eyebrow raised high, the other down low and the expression which said -you- will-be-wearing-that-thing-which-shouldn't-even-be-called-a-part-of-a- wardrobe-over-my-dead-body- was only softened by a slight smile.
I then found myself in yet another store to buy a trunk and suitcases.
"Now this trunk is wide and spacious. It features two locks and padding plus two compartments inside -." The man said and kept on going.
Excuse me but if I'm not mistaken and if I hadn't been listening I could have mistaken his pitch (for just the latest trunk we have seen in the 30 minutes we were in the store) as a ad for a car. Wide and spacious? Please! I'm so bored right now. Glancing out the window I did a double take. Was that Darien walking past? Please don't look this way. Please don't look this way. I pleaded silently. He turned and glanced over in all his handsome glory and looked straight at me! Shit, so much for hoping. I hurriedly turned back to where my attention should have been all along. I always think the sensible thing to late don't I? I noticed in annoyance that my hands were slightly more damp then they had been before and my face more warm then I remembered. Glancing at my mother she seemed to be in rapt attention but Chloe gave me this sly grin like she had noticed not only the little -not-even-ten- second- Darien sighting but also my reaction. Like I even had one! Still I raised one hand nervously to my flushed cheek.
"I like the red trunk with the silver edge." I said when the time came to choose a trunk to buy.
My mother nodded and said, "Good choice."
After the trunk was decided we looked at the suitcases and bought a matching set. My mother arranged for both to be sent to the house the following day.
My mother made this plan for the wardrobe. My mother would buy most of the school attire and Chloe could help me get the rest. I mean everything else of importance was already bought. For example a lamp for my desk, sheets, pillows and other items for my bed, school supplies and many other things for my dorm room. The possibilities are truly endless when it comes to my mother and my new school. She gets so excited about it you would think she was going in my place. Or just going. For a second time.
............................................................................ .......................................…………………………………………………………….
Now it was the second week in August. Summer always does seem to pass you by. Yet I like it because you can sleep late and not get in trouble for it. That's yet another plus summer has over school and it's way above all the others wouldn't you say?
"Osaka residence."
"Hello Mrs. Osaka. Can I speak to Molly?"
"She's still sleeping Serena." She said patiently.
"Well I just wanted to remind her about our going to the mall today and to tell her that the plans have changed. My dad is going to drive all of us there so instead of taking the bus we could come over to your house to pick her up. Is that okay?"
"Oh sure it's fine Serena and-" she paused mid sentence as she looked toward the entryway, "Molly just walked in. I'll give her the phone." She said while looking at her mussed up auburn haired daughter walking in.
A slightly sleepy and drowsy voice said, "Hello?"
"Hi Sleeping Beauty." I teased.
"Oh. Serena hey."
"Wow Molly it's 10:48. What are you doing up so late?" I said in mock surprise.
"Wow Serena I could ask you the same question. What are you doing up so early? We all*know your hour of waking up it like 1:00 in the afternoon!" Molly said cracking a smile which Serena couldn't see.
"Hey! I get up early sometimes." I protested in vain.
"Yeah sure, like once a century." She retorted
"Quit it! Anyway I called to tell you that the plan changed and that my dad offered to drive us to the mall."
"Okay. What time are you guys coming to my house?"
"Is 12:00 okay?"
"Sure, it's fine."
"See you later."
"Bye."
............................................................................ .........................................
Chloe was like a director. Or maybe a passionate artist.
"No! No! No! That color is horrible." She said with a flurry of her hands.
"Now that is perfect!" With a beaming smile.
"What are you thinking! Think of your image!" Standing with her arms akimbo.
"The blue is so much better than that green." She said nodding her head in approval.
"What are these designers thinking?" she said critically to herself.
Every motion and movement is a total expression of who she is. Even her fashion sense shows it.
"Wow I think that you guys have everything!" Chloe exclaimed.
"This was fun!" Molly said/
"Yeah we couldn't have done it without you." I agreed
What was so cool about is the fact that almost everything my mother bought with me was so sensible. Chloe's choices definitely were not. They were very cool, casual and lets just add modern whereas my mothers style was fashionable and elegant but definitely not old fashioned. The best of both worlds really plus my mother would approve of everything we bought. Yes my new wardrobe has a very cool mixture.
............................................................................ .......................................…………………………………………………………….
Ouch. I actually think my father was in pain when he saw all the bags Molly, Chloe and I were carrying as we sat down near him in the food court. The way his eyes bugged out and his mouth twisted was definitely a grimace. Hey, when you give your daughter money don't expect to get change back is all I can say!
"What's wrong Daddy?" I asked innocently.
"Ah nothing sweetie. Nothing." And he grimaced again.
"You should have come with us Mr. Tskunio." Molly said her eyes twinkling.
"Yeah Uncle Kenji." Chloe agreed mischievously.
Thank god I didn't join them. "No. No." He said hurriedly, "I just had to let you girls have your fun."
"Well in that case. Can I have some money to buy some CD's?" I asked.
"Serena what happened to the money your mother and I gave you?"
I gestured to my many bags. "You gave me money for clothes. For school remember? Not for CD's."
He sighed and went into his pocket pulling out his leather wallet and took two twenty dollar bills out of many.
"Thanks. We will be back soon!" I said jumping up.
"Then we leave." He said firmly.
"Of course." Chloe said sweetly following Serena's lead.
"Ten minutes tops Mr. Tskunio!" Molly added her voice growing faint as she called over her shoulder rushing after the two.
Kenji sighed and put his face in his hands. Anyone near enough could hear him saying just audibly , "What was I thinking when I offered to drive those girls to the mall. I've been stuck here for hours!"
............................................................................ .......................................…………………………………………………………….
Everyone had bought a CD and were heading for the exit when we bumped into the enemy. At least he's my enemy anyway. No one besides me ever seems to see him for what he truly is.
"Hey Meatball Head!"
"Don't call me that Darien!" I shrieked.
Molly groaned. "Oh brother here we go again."
"Don't call you what?" He asked me.
"You are seriously getting on my nerves!"
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
Chloe commented "Looks like the Serena vs. Darien war is on again."
............................................................................ .........................................
"Hi Daddy. Were you waiting a long time?" I asked.
"It took you nearly half a hour to get a few CD's?"
"You know how the lines are." I said giving him a apologetic look.
"It's even longer when your fighting with Darien." Molly mummered to herself.
"You are so right." Chloe responded.
I whirled around and out a finger to my lips. "Shh!"
"What did you say Molly?" Kenji asked a little confused.
Chloe muffled a giggle as Molly said "Nothing Mr. Tskunio."
Kenji glanced at the three girls suspiciously.
............................................................................ .........................................
It's now August 18th and I have fifteen days until school starts. It's eight days until I leave for New York. Then I will have to go to Connecticut where the campus is located on the 30th because freshman have to be earlier than everyone else for orientation. I lay face down on my bed. My cheek against the cool pillow. My room seems foreign because some things are packed away. Yet it's not because I'm in *my* room, on *my* bed, in *my* house. I keep telling myself that.
Despite my new notion to be more mature and calm about things and life in general I can't help but wonder if it's not to late to turn back and change my mind. I mean maybe I don't want to leave after all... Then I calm down and breathe deeply. Shut my eyes. Escape the view but not my mind. No, the thoughts are still there. Churning and spinning through my mind. Filled with doubts and worries. Even the inky blackness inside my eyes is not a escape route. Strange, I feel tired and depressed but don't know why.
I fall asleep and then wake up a few hours later. I walk outside and head to the park near the water. I could have called Molly and asked her to join me but I couldn't. Or wouldn't. I feel the need to be alone. I sit against a tall tree and it's branches shield me from the sun but it can't shield me from the world. Nothing can. I don't know how long I sat there gazing out to the water. I can't say how many times I wondered about what is, what will be and what is to come. The future is so uncertain. Oh to be a child again and to have simple questions and a even simpler life is a longing I feel but can never get. It's my reality.
"Are you all right?" A soft and gentle voice asked.
I glanced up in surprise, "I'm fine."
"Really?" he said questionably, " You seemed so tense or maybe a odd mixture of calm and torment."
I don't know why I am still here. I can't even fathom why we haven't started to argue yet. It's a common occurrence usually. I don't even know why I didn't move away when he suddenly sat down next to me. Or why my heart started to beat a little faster or even question why I suddenly noticed the incredible blue of his eyes or the inky blackness of his hair.
"An odd mixture of calm and torment," I repeated, "Doesn't even begin to describe how I feel."
"Want to tell me about it?" he asked
"I don't think so." I said swiftly.
"Why not?"
"Why would I tell you about what I feel? You don't even know me. Anything you think you know about me is a assumption. A far disregard for the truth. You don't know me, you don't understand me, and no one does or ever will because you aren't me!" I said and my last few words were punctuated and almost a high cry.
I don't know why I am saying this. To Darien of all people too. I turned and gazed at the sunset for a second. A sunset which in it's hazy hue complements his face. I don't know why I thought that or even why I think about him at all. even why I think about him at all. Looking at the sunset made me remember my dream about Darien for some reason. I stood up quickly while absentmindedly brushing my hands over my dark blue jeans.
"Serena-" He began as he shifted uncomfortably with mildly shocked blue eyes.
"Don't bother. I don't want to talk to you or anyone for that matter. Leave me alone!" I said suddenly angry. Angry at myself, Darien, the world, I don't know and perhaps I never will. Maybe a mixture of them all. They all have witnessed a sounding fall in my part . Literally or not.
A whisper, a cry, a shallow breath... expect the unexpected.