Disclaimer* I don't own Austin Powers or Tales of Destiny, someone else
owns them.
Yeah, I was thinking that this would be one of these stories that you write and never intend on finishing, a lot of people have stories like that, but I think I'm going to finish it, though I'm sure I'll totally put it in the wrong sequence.
Mojo Matic
Garr was walking with Hugo, the head of British Intelligence, discussing what to do about Dr. Aileron and his lost mojo.
"You're in luck Garr." Hugo was saying. "We too have invented a time machine. Now you too can go back in time."
"Groovy baby. I'll go back to the 60's, defeat Dr. Aileron, recharge my mojo and be back in time for tea. But wait a sec."
Hugo looked at Garr intently.
"Hugo, if I was frozen in 60's and thawed out in the 90's then presumably I can go visit my frozen self, but if I, oh no I've gone cross eyed."
Hugo rolled his eyes as Garr was trying to stop looking at his nose.
"I suggest you just enjoy yourself."
"Alright Hugo, swinging 60's here I come! Move, move!" Garr waved some technicians who were still tuning up the small rainbow colored bug that was the time machine. Garr put his foot on what he though was the gas and plowed backwards into a dozen computers.
"Sorry! I bet that was expensive."
Garr tried again and nearly ran over a worker who was standing to the left of the car. When he had put the car in drive and straightened it out, he was ready. He waved one last time and stepped on the gas, sending him flying at a tremendous speed. The end of the lane was approaching quickly, but a white light soon enveloped the car and sent it to who knows where.
"God speed Garr."
Somewhere in the 60's*
A white light flashes and a colorful bug car comes skidding into a party room. Garr stops to take in the site as the dancers get back to dancing, ignoring him.
"I'm home!" Garr looked at himself in the mirror and straightened his hair. He stepped out of the car and looked at his old home. It was exactly how he remembered it. Nearby a group of girls were creaming at him with mirth.
"Yes, I am home!"
A strange girl approached Garr. Long red hair, light green dress. A girl that made Garr go 'Grr baby, very grr.'
"Hello Mr. Kelvin. How do you do?"
"I do fine and you, miss?"
"Mary, Mary Argent."
"Well, Miss Argent, do you wish to swing?"
"I'd love too."
Above Garr and the mysterious Mary a green haired gogo dancer was watching closely. She signaled for her partners to stop dancing and approached a fire pole. She slid down the fire pole and began to approach Garr, stopping every now and then to do small dance moves with a guy. Garr dropped Mary instantly when she approached.
"Hello there baby. And how are you today?" Garr asked suavely.
"You could start by buying me a drink." She said, making Garr gasp rather unbelievably.
"Better play it cool, your friend works for Dr. Aileron." She whispered, hugging Garr.
"And just who do you work for baby?" Garr asked, not noticing she had left.
As he looked around Mary jumped up and took back his attention. Garr smiled and instantly forgot about his mysterious nameless companion.
"Tell me Mr. Kelvin, do you swing?"
"Are you kidding? I put the Grr in swinger, baby."
"Well then, why don't you come right over here." Mary moved Garr around so his back was towards the entrance. He looked into Mary's eyes and noticed a reflection of a man in them, holding a knife. She winked and before a knife could go into his back, Garr pulled Mary in front of him.
She gasped in pain as Garr dropped her to the floor, approaching the knife thrower.
"You can't win Kelvin, use the machine gun!"
Garr freaked out and grabbed Mary back up, using her as a shield from the machine gun bullets. When the man was out of bullets he dropped Mary again and approached him.
"This isn't over, use the bazooka!"
"No!" Garr screamed, trying to use Mary as a shield again.
The two were thrown out of the window and were plummeting a couple of stories fast. Garr pulled Mary under him so that she would take the impact and not him. When they hit the ground the man looked out the window and scowled, seeing that Garr was still alive.
"You can't win Kelvin!" Mary muttered, her face cut from the glass of the window.
"Why wont you die!?" Garr yelled, very confused.
When the man form the window began to shoot at them again Garr tried to take cover but didn't get much. Then a horn honked. The green haired girl from earlier pulled up with a car that was decorated as a safari car.
"Need a lift?" She asked.
Garr ran to the cars passenger side and jumped in head first, getting his head stuck in where your feet are supposed to go. He yelled at her to go and she speed off away from the scene.
Garr straightened himself off and looked at his rescuer. She had long green hair in a braid and wore a strange outfit that made her look like a raver.
"Garr Kelvin, I presume." She said, turning to him.
"Kelvin by name, Kelvin by reputation." He said, trying to be suave.
"Philia Felice, CIA, Felice by name, free lance by reputation."
"Oh behave!" Garr yelled.
"Not if I can help it!" The two laughed and then Garr made an 'ooh' noise at her.
After a bit the two were driving along the English roads and chatting about nothing in particular.
"You know what's amazing? How much England looks nothing like southern California."
Philia nodded happily, ignoring the fairly stupid comment, then swerved when a bullet came whizzing through the windshield from behind.
"We've got company, it looks like one of Dr. Aileron's assassins!" Philia drove the other car off the road and got out of the car with her pistol. Garr also took out his weapon.
The man stood up and wobbled over to the two.
"Do you remember me, Garr Kelvin?" He asked.
"I don't remember your name, but your fez is familiar."
"I am Buroke, and I am the one who will be killing you now!"
The man lunged at Garr, but was immediately pulled into a headlock by Philia.
"Who sent you?!" Demanded Garr.
"I won't tell!"
"Who sent you?!"
"I'll never say!"
"Who sent you?!"
"Rrr, Dr. Aileron!" He said.
"That was easy. Why did you tell us?" Philia asked, looking at Buroke.
"I hate being asked the same question three times, its just so annoying."
"I see, where's Dr. Aileron hiding?"
"I won't tell!"
Garr sighed. "Where's Dr. Aileron hiding?! Where's Dr. Aileron hiding!?"
"Damn, three times! He's hiding in his secret volcano lair."
"Where's Dr. Aileron's secret volcano lair?"
"I'm not telling!"
"Do I really have to ask you two more times?" Garr asked. "Fine, where's Dr. Aileron's secret volcano lair?"
"I'll take it to the grave with me!"
"Aha! He asked you three times, now you have to answer!" Philia cheered.
"No, no no!" Buroke said, breaking free of Philia's headlock. "He asked 'do I really have to ask you one more time', that was a new question in a new line of questioning!"
"Yeah, he's right. But I'm just trying to get information out of you, why are you being so slavish with the three question form is my question."
"No, you are preaching to the-"
Out of apparently no where a dart shoots Buroke in the neck, making him weak. He starts to stumble backwards, Garr still chattering on about nothing really. Buroke fell backwards down the cliff, while Garr and Philia just watched. They watched him try to stand up after he had finished falling. It looked like both his legs were broken.
"I think you've finally met your match." Philia said, ignoring Boruke's dries for help.
"Oh no, baby. I've defeated Dr. Aileron once before and I'll do it again." Garr said, approaching the car with Philia.
"I was talking about me." Philia smiled coyly. Garr smiled happily as well.
"Two of my assassins are dead, I will not tolerate failures!" Dr. Aileron was riding around the volcano lair in a bike while mini me/Kyle was sat on the handles, honking the horn at random people.
Rutee smiled at them, then panicked when she fell backwards into number2 form some kind of earthquake.
"What the heck was that?!" Number2 asked.
"Volcanic eruption!" Rutee offered, trying to stand up straight.
Off in the other direction, mini me/Kyle was trying to stay close to Dr.Aileron, but was sliding a whole lot more since he was so small. A man appeared at the doorway. A very large, fat man, dressed in an orange jump suit, like he was some kind of burger place server or a bad mechanic.
"Ladies and gentle men, let me introduce you to my spy in the ministry of defense. Fat Mustard." Dr. Aileron smiled as Fat mustard saluted him.
"First things first, where's your-"
"Don't go there girlfriend!" Dr. Aileron silenced. "That is in no way charming."
"Yeah, I'm no Brad Pitt. I have a crap on board that'll-"]
"Ok, gross, stop, just stop! Really man, knock it off!" Dr. Aileron yelled. "Fat mustard, can I have my mojo now"
"First things first, where's my money?" Fat Mustard waved a vile of pinkish liquid in front of Dr. Aileron.
"Alright, give him the money."
Mini me/Kyle dragged a brief case full of money over to Fat mustard and stood there as he looked at him with hungry eyes.
"Geez, he's tiny. But wait, he kinda looks like a baby." Suddenly Fat mustard crouched down next to mini me/Kyle. "Come here, I'm gonna eat you! I'm bigger than you, I'm higher in the food chain! Get in my belly get in my belly"
Mini me/Kyle looked at Dr. Aileron who nodded to him. Mini me/Kyle kicked Fat Mustard in the shins and grabbed the mojo from him. He ran up to Dr. Aileron and gave him the vile.
"Thank you. Can I have a hug?" Dr. Aileron crouched down and gave mini me/Kyle a big hug.
"Dr. Aileron, I have a new proposition. You keep your money, get your mojo, and I get your baby." Fat mustard licked his lips, making mini me/Kyle hide behind his back.
"Riiiiiiiiiight."
"Excuse me." Number2 interrupted Fat mustard.
"I want my baby back, baby back, ribs. I want my baby back, baby back ribs. Chili's baby back ribs." Fat Mustard sang as Number2 looked to Dr. Aileron.
"Dr. Aileron, now that we have Garr's mojo, what do we do?"
"Garr is no longer my problem any more, if you find him, kill him."
Dr. Aileron looked at the vile in his hand that contained the oink liquid. He unscrewed the cap and looked at it, uncertain. He looked to Number2 and Rutee, who smiled reassuringly.
Dr. Aileron cautiously took a sip of the pink mojo. Suddenly the room became fuzzy and red. He looked over to Rutee, who looked more appealing than ever.
It was apparent to Rutee Dr. Aileron was staring at her, smiling. She wasn't quite sure what he was thinking, but she smiled back.
Dr. Aileron clapped his hands. "Your dismissed everyone. Its private time."
As everyone left mini me/Kyle rolled his eyes as Dr. Aileron and Rutee sat down on bed that had risen from the floor.
"Dr. Aileron looked at Rutee, who looked back intently. Dr. Aileron pulled out a bottle of whiskey and took a long sip of it. He dropped the bottle to his side and looked back at Rutee. She grabbed his shoulders and laid him down on the bed. She whispered something to him in another language, then they both fell onto the bed, in oblivion of love.
*The volcano erupts from the supposed force of their love.
Chapter 2, complete! Sorry, dentist appointments cut into it, then when I worked on it and finished my cousin broke the computer so it froze and I couldn't save my work. Don't you hate it when somebody breaks your stuff!? Man, but here it is, and it came out better than I thought. Whew, no I just have to make a special birthday story since mine is coming up. Yeah. Have fun.
Yeah, I was thinking that this would be one of these stories that you write and never intend on finishing, a lot of people have stories like that, but I think I'm going to finish it, though I'm sure I'll totally put it in the wrong sequence.
Mojo Matic
Garr was walking with Hugo, the head of British Intelligence, discussing what to do about Dr. Aileron and his lost mojo.
"You're in luck Garr." Hugo was saying. "We too have invented a time machine. Now you too can go back in time."
"Groovy baby. I'll go back to the 60's, defeat Dr. Aileron, recharge my mojo and be back in time for tea. But wait a sec."
Hugo looked at Garr intently.
"Hugo, if I was frozen in 60's and thawed out in the 90's then presumably I can go visit my frozen self, but if I, oh no I've gone cross eyed."
Hugo rolled his eyes as Garr was trying to stop looking at his nose.
"I suggest you just enjoy yourself."
"Alright Hugo, swinging 60's here I come! Move, move!" Garr waved some technicians who were still tuning up the small rainbow colored bug that was the time machine. Garr put his foot on what he though was the gas and plowed backwards into a dozen computers.
"Sorry! I bet that was expensive."
Garr tried again and nearly ran over a worker who was standing to the left of the car. When he had put the car in drive and straightened it out, he was ready. He waved one last time and stepped on the gas, sending him flying at a tremendous speed. The end of the lane was approaching quickly, but a white light soon enveloped the car and sent it to who knows where.
"God speed Garr."
Somewhere in the 60's*
A white light flashes and a colorful bug car comes skidding into a party room. Garr stops to take in the site as the dancers get back to dancing, ignoring him.
"I'm home!" Garr looked at himself in the mirror and straightened his hair. He stepped out of the car and looked at his old home. It was exactly how he remembered it. Nearby a group of girls were creaming at him with mirth.
"Yes, I am home!"
A strange girl approached Garr. Long red hair, light green dress. A girl that made Garr go 'Grr baby, very grr.'
"Hello Mr. Kelvin. How do you do?"
"I do fine and you, miss?"
"Mary, Mary Argent."
"Well, Miss Argent, do you wish to swing?"
"I'd love too."
Above Garr and the mysterious Mary a green haired gogo dancer was watching closely. She signaled for her partners to stop dancing and approached a fire pole. She slid down the fire pole and began to approach Garr, stopping every now and then to do small dance moves with a guy. Garr dropped Mary instantly when she approached.
"Hello there baby. And how are you today?" Garr asked suavely.
"You could start by buying me a drink." She said, making Garr gasp rather unbelievably.
"Better play it cool, your friend works for Dr. Aileron." She whispered, hugging Garr.
"And just who do you work for baby?" Garr asked, not noticing she had left.
As he looked around Mary jumped up and took back his attention. Garr smiled and instantly forgot about his mysterious nameless companion.
"Tell me Mr. Kelvin, do you swing?"
"Are you kidding? I put the Grr in swinger, baby."
"Well then, why don't you come right over here." Mary moved Garr around so his back was towards the entrance. He looked into Mary's eyes and noticed a reflection of a man in them, holding a knife. She winked and before a knife could go into his back, Garr pulled Mary in front of him.
She gasped in pain as Garr dropped her to the floor, approaching the knife thrower.
"You can't win Kelvin, use the machine gun!"
Garr freaked out and grabbed Mary back up, using her as a shield from the machine gun bullets. When the man was out of bullets he dropped Mary again and approached him.
"This isn't over, use the bazooka!"
"No!" Garr screamed, trying to use Mary as a shield again.
The two were thrown out of the window and were plummeting a couple of stories fast. Garr pulled Mary under him so that she would take the impact and not him. When they hit the ground the man looked out the window and scowled, seeing that Garr was still alive.
"You can't win Kelvin!" Mary muttered, her face cut from the glass of the window.
"Why wont you die!?" Garr yelled, very confused.
When the man form the window began to shoot at them again Garr tried to take cover but didn't get much. Then a horn honked. The green haired girl from earlier pulled up with a car that was decorated as a safari car.
"Need a lift?" She asked.
Garr ran to the cars passenger side and jumped in head first, getting his head stuck in where your feet are supposed to go. He yelled at her to go and she speed off away from the scene.
Garr straightened himself off and looked at his rescuer. She had long green hair in a braid and wore a strange outfit that made her look like a raver.
"Garr Kelvin, I presume." She said, turning to him.
"Kelvin by name, Kelvin by reputation." He said, trying to be suave.
"Philia Felice, CIA, Felice by name, free lance by reputation."
"Oh behave!" Garr yelled.
"Not if I can help it!" The two laughed and then Garr made an 'ooh' noise at her.
After a bit the two were driving along the English roads and chatting about nothing in particular.
"You know what's amazing? How much England looks nothing like southern California."
Philia nodded happily, ignoring the fairly stupid comment, then swerved when a bullet came whizzing through the windshield from behind.
"We've got company, it looks like one of Dr. Aileron's assassins!" Philia drove the other car off the road and got out of the car with her pistol. Garr also took out his weapon.
The man stood up and wobbled over to the two.
"Do you remember me, Garr Kelvin?" He asked.
"I don't remember your name, but your fez is familiar."
"I am Buroke, and I am the one who will be killing you now!"
The man lunged at Garr, but was immediately pulled into a headlock by Philia.
"Who sent you?!" Demanded Garr.
"I won't tell!"
"Who sent you?!"
"I'll never say!"
"Who sent you?!"
"Rrr, Dr. Aileron!" He said.
"That was easy. Why did you tell us?" Philia asked, looking at Buroke.
"I hate being asked the same question three times, its just so annoying."
"I see, where's Dr. Aileron hiding?"
"I won't tell!"
Garr sighed. "Where's Dr. Aileron hiding?! Where's Dr. Aileron hiding!?"
"Damn, three times! He's hiding in his secret volcano lair."
"Where's Dr. Aileron's secret volcano lair?"
"I'm not telling!"
"Do I really have to ask you two more times?" Garr asked. "Fine, where's Dr. Aileron's secret volcano lair?"
"I'll take it to the grave with me!"
"Aha! He asked you three times, now you have to answer!" Philia cheered.
"No, no no!" Buroke said, breaking free of Philia's headlock. "He asked 'do I really have to ask you one more time', that was a new question in a new line of questioning!"
"Yeah, he's right. But I'm just trying to get information out of you, why are you being so slavish with the three question form is my question."
"No, you are preaching to the-"
Out of apparently no where a dart shoots Buroke in the neck, making him weak. He starts to stumble backwards, Garr still chattering on about nothing really. Buroke fell backwards down the cliff, while Garr and Philia just watched. They watched him try to stand up after he had finished falling. It looked like both his legs were broken.
"I think you've finally met your match." Philia said, ignoring Boruke's dries for help.
"Oh no, baby. I've defeated Dr. Aileron once before and I'll do it again." Garr said, approaching the car with Philia.
"I was talking about me." Philia smiled coyly. Garr smiled happily as well.
"Two of my assassins are dead, I will not tolerate failures!" Dr. Aileron was riding around the volcano lair in a bike while mini me/Kyle was sat on the handles, honking the horn at random people.
Rutee smiled at them, then panicked when she fell backwards into number2 form some kind of earthquake.
"What the heck was that?!" Number2 asked.
"Volcanic eruption!" Rutee offered, trying to stand up straight.
Off in the other direction, mini me/Kyle was trying to stay close to Dr.Aileron, but was sliding a whole lot more since he was so small. A man appeared at the doorway. A very large, fat man, dressed in an orange jump suit, like he was some kind of burger place server or a bad mechanic.
"Ladies and gentle men, let me introduce you to my spy in the ministry of defense. Fat Mustard." Dr. Aileron smiled as Fat mustard saluted him.
"First things first, where's your-"
"Don't go there girlfriend!" Dr. Aileron silenced. "That is in no way charming."
"Yeah, I'm no Brad Pitt. I have a crap on board that'll-"]
"Ok, gross, stop, just stop! Really man, knock it off!" Dr. Aileron yelled. "Fat mustard, can I have my mojo now"
"First things first, where's my money?" Fat Mustard waved a vile of pinkish liquid in front of Dr. Aileron.
"Alright, give him the money."
Mini me/Kyle dragged a brief case full of money over to Fat mustard and stood there as he looked at him with hungry eyes.
"Geez, he's tiny. But wait, he kinda looks like a baby." Suddenly Fat mustard crouched down next to mini me/Kyle. "Come here, I'm gonna eat you! I'm bigger than you, I'm higher in the food chain! Get in my belly get in my belly"
Mini me/Kyle looked at Dr. Aileron who nodded to him. Mini me/Kyle kicked Fat Mustard in the shins and grabbed the mojo from him. He ran up to Dr. Aileron and gave him the vile.
"Thank you. Can I have a hug?" Dr. Aileron crouched down and gave mini me/Kyle a big hug.
"Dr. Aileron, I have a new proposition. You keep your money, get your mojo, and I get your baby." Fat mustard licked his lips, making mini me/Kyle hide behind his back.
"Riiiiiiiiiight."
"Excuse me." Number2 interrupted Fat mustard.
"I want my baby back, baby back, ribs. I want my baby back, baby back ribs. Chili's baby back ribs." Fat Mustard sang as Number2 looked to Dr. Aileron.
"Dr. Aileron, now that we have Garr's mojo, what do we do?"
"Garr is no longer my problem any more, if you find him, kill him."
Dr. Aileron looked at the vile in his hand that contained the oink liquid. He unscrewed the cap and looked at it, uncertain. He looked to Number2 and Rutee, who smiled reassuringly.
Dr. Aileron cautiously took a sip of the pink mojo. Suddenly the room became fuzzy and red. He looked over to Rutee, who looked more appealing than ever.
It was apparent to Rutee Dr. Aileron was staring at her, smiling. She wasn't quite sure what he was thinking, but she smiled back.
Dr. Aileron clapped his hands. "Your dismissed everyone. Its private time."
As everyone left mini me/Kyle rolled his eyes as Dr. Aileron and Rutee sat down on bed that had risen from the floor.
"Dr. Aileron looked at Rutee, who looked back intently. Dr. Aileron pulled out a bottle of whiskey and took a long sip of it. He dropped the bottle to his side and looked back at Rutee. She grabbed his shoulders and laid him down on the bed. She whispered something to him in another language, then they both fell onto the bed, in oblivion of love.
*The volcano erupts from the supposed force of their love.
Chapter 2, complete! Sorry, dentist appointments cut into it, then when I worked on it and finished my cousin broke the computer so it froze and I couldn't save my work. Don't you hate it when somebody breaks your stuff!? Man, but here it is, and it came out better than I thought. Whew, no I just have to make a special birthday story since mine is coming up. Yeah. Have fun.