Chapter 2

For several long moments Jean-Luc leaned his head against the wall trying to summon the strength of composure. "Computer, let's see, umm, oh hell I don't know."

"Please state parameters of desired program."

"How the hell can I state the damned parameters, if I don't even know what I want?"

"Please state request in specific parameters," stated the computer again.

"I need someone to talk to I guess," scowled Jean-Luc.

"Counselor Troi's quarters are located . . . "

"I know precisely where Counselor Troi's quarters are, that's not what I want."

"Please state request in normal request patterns," the computer responded.

"Computer I know there wasn't always a counselor on starships of the past. So who did the Captain talk to when he just needed to talk?"

"That information has not been configured as request parameters of a holodeck program."

"Let's try it again, Computer on other starships of the past, was there a particular member of the crew the captain would turn to when seeking advice on personal matters?"

"Please state which starship this question is referring to," quipped the computer.

"Oh I don't know! Okay, let's say the Enterprise."

"There have been six starships named Enterprise. Please restate request providing exact call letters."

"My God! I don't know!" answered Jean-Luc through clenched teeth. "Let's try NCC-1701-C."

"The Starship Enterprise NCC-1701-C had a ship's Counselor, Lt. illem B'ah. He was from the planet Parythion and served with ... "

"No, no not another Counselor! I don't need to be psychoanalyzed. I just need somebody to talk to!" Picard yelled. "Computer, was there also a Counselor on the first Enterprise NCC-1701?" asked Jean-Luc.

"Constitution class Starship NCC-1701 had no designated ship's Counselor as part of her crew complement."

"Oh really? I wonder whom Kirk talked to? There must have been times when he needed to let off a little steam?" asked Jean-Luc more to himself than to the computer.

"Please state parameters of holodeck program," came the computerized voice.

"Okay let's see. Computer please generate the bridge of the Starship Enterprise, NCC-1701 and the captain of that ship."

"There were two captains who commanded on the Enterprise, NCC-1701, Captain Christopher Pike and Captain James Tiberius Kirk."

"Oh of course. Let's see. Computer please program the Enterprise NCC-1701 and Captain Kirk," requested Picard. He waited a couple of seconds.

"Program complete. You may enter when ready."

As the holodeck doors slid apart, Jean-Luc got his first glimpse of James Kirk as a young man, and what a sight it was. Kirk stood facing the forward screen with his hands on his hips and his feet planted firmly apart. Jean-Luc slowly walked in and jumped nervously as the holodeck doors slammed shut and then disappeared into the surroundings.

Kirk turned and saw Picard. His eyes narrowed as he studied the intruder walking slowly onto his bridge. Kirk shouted, "Who the hell are you and what are you doing on my bridge?" at the same time striding forward closer to Jean-Luc.

"I mean you no harm," spoke Picard, his hands help up, palms open and walking forward slowly. "My name is Jean-Luc Picard and I am Captain of the Starship Enterprise."

"The hell you are!" Kirk answered as he looked around his otherwise deserted bridge. "Where is my crew, what have you done with them?" Kirk demanded. Pounding on the communication device on the arm of the conn Kirk yelled, "Spock, Sulu. Report to the bridge!" Again he tried. "Kirk to Spock, come in. Spock come in!"

Picard stood quietly watching Kirk wondering how he was going to explain the circumstances. Over and over Kirk tried futilely to contact one of his crew. "Scotty, come in. Kirk to engineering, answer me!"

Picard shifted somewhat nervously, "Captain Kirk, please let me explain. I promise you an explanation, though hard to believe, it is the truth."

Kirk took the final steps that brought him eye to eye with Picard. "Where is the rest of my crew?" he demanded. "What have you done with them?"

"Well I'll be honest with you. Ambassador Spock is presently on Romulus as a Federation envoy trying to unite the Romulans and the Vulcans. Scotty is well and alive and roaming the galaxy, although I'm not quite sure where, and I'm sorry to say I really don't know what your Doctor McCoy is doing, or even if he is still alive."

Kirk was watching Picard's every movement. "And who did you say you were?" his faced etched with a look of utter disbelief.

"I am Jean-Luc Picard, Captain of the Starship Enterprise. That is the Enterprise NCC-1701E and this is the twenty-fourth century. On Earth the exact date, I believe is somewhere about mid June 2373."

Kirk listened to Picard's words, his eyes wide and stumbled backward dropping into the Captain's chair. "I don't believe you," he answered in a strong, commanding voice. "How can this be?" questioned Kirk.

"Oh I'm positive Captain," answered Picard. "And you are a program generated image."

"Look, I don't know who you are or want you want, but I'll tell you now, I don't deal with terrorists and I won't listen to you until you return my bridge crew."

Picard set his mouth is a stern line and quietly shook his head. He glanced around the holo-generated room. He had never had the opportunity to board the old Constitution class ship stored in the museum at the Utopia Planitia Fleet yards. This was now his second time on the holodeck generated bridge. The detail in this program still amazed him and he had momentarily tuned out what Kirk was saying. He pulled back his attention to the young captain just as Kirk was about to say something.

"You must be crazy man," protested Kirk, "I'm real! Feel me! I'm real!"

"Yes, you have substance," agreed Picard, "but only here on the holodeck. This is a matter conversion system where replicators convert solid matter into images and these images are manipulated by highly articulated computer driven tractor beams. You are real but only within the confines of this environment. Outside this room you would cease to exist."

Kirk stared at Picard for several long minutes. What he was hearing was so incredibly preposterous he shook his head in disbelief. "So what you are telling me is that I am some cleverly designed computer program." Kirk asked, in a tone of utter disbelief.

"Yes, essentially that is correct," nodded Picard.

Kirk stared long and hard at Picard. "Can you prove this to me?" pried Kirk.

"Yes I can Captain," quickly answered Picard, "Here I'll show you." Jean-Luc clasped his arms behind him, feeling very much in control, "Computer, show us the first officer of the NCC-1701 under the command of James T. Kirk," instructed Picard.

Suddenly the youthful, lifelike image of Mr. Spock appeared. Kirk quickly got up from the conn and walked to Spock. "Spock," he asked, "is that you?"

"Affirmative, Captain," answered the Spock figure, his hands clasped in the usual manner behind his back.

Before Kirk could continue, Picard interrupted, "Computer, cancel the image of Mr. Spock."

Kirk turned once more to Picard. "Is this some kind of ruse?"

Picard looked Kirk evenly eye to eye, "I'm telling you the truth Captain.

Maybe it was something in the older Captain's voice or maybe it was something in his demeanor, but whatever it was, Kirk had the strangest gut feeling that he indeed was being told the truth.

"Well I'll be damned." Kirk muttered, "What is today's stardate?"

Picard answered, "49043.2."

Kirk sat again and turned the conn chair to face Picard. "Can I then assume that my life ends here on the bridge of this Enterprise?"

"Oh no, Captain," answered Picard in the most reassuring voice he could muster, "Your life continues for many more years. You are very successful and you make Admiral. Your biography is required reading at Starfleet Academy. As a matter of fact you still hold the best answer to the Kobayashi Maru. To this day no one has come close to you." Picard grinned at Kirk. To himself he admired how intense and self-assured Kirk seemed to be, even here on the holodeck. It occurred to Picard that this man who was a legend in the present, would have been a formidable and exciting mentor, back then.

Kirk smiled, "Well it's good to know somebody still remembers me more than one hundred years from now."

Picard went on, sensing Kirk was pleased with this news. He was ''amazed at how easy it was to talk to Kirk. "You were instrumental in the Klingon-Federation Alliance. You even saved Earth a couple of times," added Jean-Luc smiling, his eyes twinkling.

Kirk's eyes widened. ''Klingon-Federation Alliance!" he said skeptically. "I don't believe it."

Picard walked slowly around the bridge glancing occasionally at Kirk who sat tensed and ramrod straight in the conn chair. "You know, Captain Kirk, you and your Enterprise were a very important part of Starfleet history. You must have had a wonderful life being part of the growth and development of the Federation."

"I guess I must have," agreed Kirk. He sensed there was something more Picard had on his mind. "Tell me, Captain Picard, exactly why have you come up with this little program? Am I not still alive in your time? Another hundred years or so wouldn't be so out of the ordinary."


"I am sad to say you are not," answered Picard. It's a little confusing but you and I do meet much later then all this." Jean-Luc spread his arms, turning slightly and then back to Kirk. "It's something you said to me before you umm..." Picard locked eyes with Kirk, "before you died."

Kirk's eyebrows shot upwards and in a shocked voice, "Died! You and I are together when I die?"

"Actually we were Captain Kirk, at least the second time you died."

"I'd love to hear about it," grinned Kirk, his eyes sparkling.

Picard's face took on a most decidedly serious pose, "I need to ask you something, Kirk..."

Kirk leaned forward in the command chair and drew his fingers through his hair, "Shoot Picard."

Picard straightened his back, and clasped his hands behind him. With an ever so slight flicker of his eyes, he asked, "Was it ever lonely for you on this ship. I mean without a wife and family?"

Kirk scowled and gave a little laugh. "Wife? Family? Who the hell has the time? Besides families aren't allowed on a starship and I'm not about to give up my command. No, I wouldn't dream of trying to raise a family in the middle of all this chaos." He emphasized what he said by spreading his arms wide. "I'll tell you another thing. Picard, you can be sure, I am NEVER lonely."

Picard nodded in understanding, "Nowadays, Starfleet encourages its officers to travel with their families."

Kirk shook his head slowly and drew his brows together in a slightly puzzled expression.

Picard decided to ask another question, "Did you miss getting married, having a family, living a more conventional life on Earth?"

Kirk thought for a while before answering. "Oh, didn't I do those things?"

Picard only smiled and nodded his head negatively.

Kirk took a deep breath and grinned. "Well, I am still young enough and there is this interesting blonde lab technician. I just might settle down and marry one day."

Picard quietly responded, "History tells us you never married."

Kirk raised his eyebrow in a skeptical expression. "Well then it would seem obvious that maybe you should get your wonderful computer to work another little miracle and talk to me when I am older."

Picard thought for a minute and then extended his hand to Kirk. "You're right, I'll do that," answered a grinning Picard. "I enjoyed talking to you Captain Kirk." Jean-Luc stood looking at Kirk and smiled, saluting, and before the young captain could add anything, Picard ordered, "Computer, end program."

As he walked slowly back to his quarters, Picard thought, "Maybe Kirk is right. Maybe I should try talking to him closer to the end of his career or at least before the accident with the Nexus. Maybe later in life he had regretted some of his early decisions.

It would have to wait though, he decided. It was almost time for him to be on the Bridge. The Enterprise was ready to leave port on their maiden voyage. This would be the second starship Enterprise that Picard would have the honor to command. As he walked back to his cabin Picard could almost feel the excitement in the crewmembers. A new ship was not an everyday occasion and the electricity in the air was catching. Picard's mood was almost jubilant. The orders to Quadrant 1398, Baroni Sector was going to be almost enjoyable. They were to take a new stellar cartography crew for a mapping assignment and to work the kinks out of the new ship.

Picard entered his quarters and decided to have a cup of tea before reporting for duty. Forty-five minutes later he strode onto the bridge.

"Captain on the bridge," announced Riker, standing and smiling at Picard.

"At ease Number One," muttered Picard.

Data turned to the Captain and added, "It is good to have you back, sir."

Picard sat down and at that moment Worf announced a Priority one message for the Captain.

"I'll take it in my ready room Mr. Worf."

As Picard entered the room he almost ran into two men just about to exit. "Excuse me, Captain."

"We're finished," the other worker stated.

"Finished doing what?" Picard demanded.

The younger, an Andorian male grinned, and pointed to Picard's far left. "Your fish tank sir."

Picard hastily glanced and remembered that he had requested a fish tank be installed in his new ready room. Watching his exotic fish was always a relaxing pastime for him, and he thought he may need the calming influence. As he swung around the highly polished surface of the gray fossil stone desk he let his hand graze across it's cool surface. "Mmm," he sighed, appreciating the beauty of the piece of furniture. He turned the computer display to a better angle and tapped the 'active' panel. Immediately the Starfleet logo appeared and seconds thereafter the face of Admiral Nechayev.

"Hello Jean-Luc. I'm sorry I wasn't able to personally see you off, but I'm sure you know that my best wishes are with you."

Jean-Luc blinked briefly as he took on the most professional visage he could. "Thank-you, Admiral."

"Jean-Luc, we have a problem," she went on "there won't be time for you to have a practice "run around the block with this ship, with your cartography crew, it's right to business."

"We're just about ready Admiral, go ahead."

"A science outpost situated on the planet T'ebroc has been attacked. Personnel have been killed and the station looted by a band of Ferengi pirates. This band has been responsible for a string of outpost attacks during the last two years. Your orders are to aid in the repairs to the outpost and to put a halt to these attacks." She paused briefly to lock eyes with Picard. "We prefer to establish some kind of alliance with these pirates, Jean-Luc but ultimately your mandate is to stop the attacks! There's no reason that would explain the savage attacks by these Ferengis. Once again good luck Jean-Luc."

There was desperation in her eyes and Picard was aware of just how critical the situation was. He knew he would have to try desperately to set aside his personal problems and to establish these directives as priority. Picard returned to the bridge and glanced around while tugging at his uniform tunic.

"Ensign," Picard asked taking a deep breath, "lay in a course for the planet T'ebroc in Quadrant 1398, warp seven."

"Laid in sir," announced the young Vulcan.

"How long until we arrive Ensign?"

"Three hours, twenty-two minutes, sir."

"Engage." Picard spoke in a much softer voice then anyone was used to. Riker turned his head and studied Jean-Luc. Catching Deanna's glance he saw her smile wanly and give a slight nod. Will settled back in his chair. He momentarily glanced at Picard and Will was surprised when the Captain was the first to break eye contact.

Just after they got underway, Jean-Luc stood and announced, "senior staff to my ready room." Within seconds, Beverly, Deanna, Worf, Data, Geordi and Will were assembled looking at Picard somewhat anxiously. It was unusual to have a meeting in this room. At least not if was going to be a brain storming session.

Jean-Luc took a deep breath, clasped his hands behind his back. He knew he felt ill at ease and the worst part was that he knew his staff before him, felt his uneasiness too. "Federation outposts and research stations have fallen prey to vicious attacks by a gang of Ferengi cut throats. We've been assigned to this duty. I know what our past impression of Ferengis has been, but we have a completely different group of criminals here. Not only are they content to destroy and steal Federation equipment, they are ruthless killers. Women and children seem to be their favorite targets, especially the children."

Jean-Luc looked down at the carpet and paused for several seconds, seemingly to gather strength. In those few seconds his officers exchanged knowing glances. When he looked back at his officers there was deep concern and grief etched in his eyes. In almost a hoarse whisper he demanded. "We will catch these bastards! Data you and Lt. Worf see what you can find out about these incursions."


Turning to Riker, "Will assemble a crew to transport to the station when we arrive. I'm putting you in charge of the operation. Dr. Crusher you better get your sick bay ready. It's going to get messy. Counselor, you'll have your hands full if there's any body left down there." With that he dismissed his crew. As he followed them back to the bridge he hastily wiped a stray tear that threatened to slip down his cheek. Deanna felt his emotion and looked questioningly at her Captain. He merely nodded at her concerned expression and sat down.

Picard sat perfectly still, without exchanging so much as a word for the entire trip. His eyes were focused steadfastly on the screen in front of him, never wavering. Although outwardly the captain seemed the same save for being very quiet, within his mind, Picard was battling a bizarre and alien opponent - self-doubt. Never before in his life had Jean-Luc been as perplexed as now. Suddenly he was no longer sure of anything. Not of his career, his feelings or even his own decisions. His exterior stillness belied the turmoil and pandemonium that raged within.

Abruptly Jean-Luc rose from the command chair just before the Ensign announced they were within orbiting range of the planet. The captain turned to Riker, "How long do you expect repairs to take Will?"

"Based on the information that we have received from other attacks, I estimate three to five days to repair most of the damage. It will take two days for us just to re-establish communications."

"Do your best Number One. We will be dropping you and your crew of technicians off while we continue to try to find these pirates. Take care down there Commander. We won't be able to help if something goes wrong."

"I've assembled a good team captain, we'll be all right." Will stood and smiled at Picard while tapping his communicator, "Science station away teams A and B please assemble in transporter room two for beam down." He strode to the turbolift passing Deanna with a wink.

Deanna knew the confidence of the man. She also knew him well enough to sense his disappointment at being sent to the planet rather then zipping around space tracking down the Pirates.

Picard walked around the perimeter of the bridge in a most disconcerting manner and then seated himself once again in the command chair.

Deanna watched her Captain, sensing he was not at peace with himself.

"Captain," she hesitated not sure how to say what was on her mind, "I sense you have something on your mind. Would you like to talk?"

"No Counselor." Picard answered in a brusque manner as he rose from the command chair once more. Starting towards his Ready Room, he paused, seemingly to contemplate momentarily. Instead, changing directions, he turned and hurried towards the turbolift.

"Mr. Data you have the bridge." Jean-Luc whispered as he passed Ops.

His hands were clenched the entire trip to his quarters. He hurried trying to get to the safety of his room. As the doors closed swiftly behind him, he leaned against the wall trying desperately to hold his composure. His eyes closed and hands clenched into tight fists he ordered, "Computer, dim these damn lights! My God," he thought, "what is wrong with me? Am I going mad?"

He crossed over to the observation port and stood looking out at the blanket of stars that lay before him. The darkness surrounded him, closed into him and he surrendered. "Will I live my entire life never belonging to anyone or anywhere?" he sobbed. "Oh Robert, I wish I could have talked to you one more time. I loved you. I envied what you had. You knew what tomorrow would bring. A wife to lie beside you and care about you. A child to hold close. Oh Robert I need you!" Jean-Luc felt his legs trembling and giving way. He sank to his knees and cradled he tear-stained face in his hands.

On the Bridge Deanna gasped, "Oh my God!" Turning to Data, her eyes opened wide.

"Counselor," Data probed. "What is the problem?"

"Data, his pain is overwhelming, unbearable. I am afraid it will consume him."

* * * *

Two images shimmered like a sprinkling of tiny stars in the corner of the room. They watched the figure of the Captain as he lay in defeat on the floor. The tall male image dabbed an imaginary tissue at his eyes, "Brings a lump to your throat, doesn't it?" he whispered.

She turned and scowled at him, as he interrupted his dismal play-acting and lowered his hand to rest on his chest.

"The poignancy pains me to the very bottom of my heart," he moaned. "Human weaknesses are revolting. I've seen enough, let's go."

She did not move, nor acknowledge his feeble attempt at mockery, other than to permit a frown to cross her face. "His grief is threatening to destroy him," the darkened image said in a hushed voice.

"And just what do you suggest we do about it, pick him up and rock him?" he asked, pausing in his feigned compassion. "You're not suggesting we actually help this poor, unfortunate specimen. He is forever getting himself into all kinds of problems. All of them, always all consuming. Maybe we should just sit back and delight in the moment."

The smaller figure answered, "Please spare me your sanctimonious drivel. I know you're only here so you can gloat."

"Untrue ma Cherié. I care. I really care about our dear Captain." To add further credence to his statement, he once more began to dab at his eyes, still perfectly dry and still without a tissue.

The darkened image straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin defiantly, hands on her hips as she contemplated her counterpart. "Will you help me? Yes or no? Tell me now!"

"Do I understand you right, my beloved cohort, you are actually suggesting we combine forces?"

She just looked at him straight on, but took the opportunity to narrow her eyes to mere slits.

He smiled, bowing and miming a sweeping gesture with an invisible hat while feigning a French accent. "Lead on, ma Cherié, lead on."

As the images lingeringly dissolved in a scintilla of light, one looked back at the bent figure and shook her head in dismay before completely vanishing.

* * * *

Data studied Deanna's paling face searching for an answer. "I do not believe I know how to respond to this problem. I can now understand what grief feels like. I have myself recently grieved for Lal. But I do not know how we might help the Captain."

"Data, what he is going through might be too much even for Captain Picard. His grief is so very deep but I sense there is more than just his brother and nephew's death on his mind."

"Yes Counselor, but I believe that the Captain will have to go through the mourning in order to arrive at the resolution for himself. For whatever else might be on his mind, that too, will be for the captain to deal with, until he seeks out our help.

Deanna turned to look straight ahead, but found she could not see what was there, because for the moment she only saw her captain as he sobbed, crumbled on the floor.

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