Disclaimer—If you are reading this, ff.net is (amazingly) up! And no. I still don't own DB/Z/GT. I was hoping that perhaps with the daily ff.net blackouts, a miracle might occur, but apparently not. *sniff*
A/N—Nothing much to say here, just a general lament at how ff.net keeps going down. Oh, well. If you get bored during a blackout, feel free to AIM me (it's in my profile), I'm sure I'll be figuratively beating the crap out of the site, and will be happy for the distraction ^_^
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Dende watched what was occurring on the earth below with wide, disbelieving eyes. It wasn't fair. Just two days back on the job, and already he had a disaster of unnatural proportions on his hands.
Fists unconsciously tightening, his little water bottle fountained, then crinkled in his grip, the little green God yelled out, "Popo! Get over here now!"
Tending the gardens, Mr. Popo rolled his eyes. He'd known it was too good to be true. Walking over to the edge of the lookout where Dende stood, crumpled Evion bottle in hand, Mr. Popo sighed, "What do you need, Dende-sama?"
Dende threw the crushed bottle down with a muffled curse. "The usual, Popo—no, on second thought, bring me two. I have a feeling that this day is going to end with someone missing some limbs. I'd rather be anesthetized if Gohan decides that they're going to be mine…"
Mr. Popo bowed in resignation, "Yes sir. Two Pina Coladas coming right up."
"Oh, and Popo?"
The man paused, "Yes?"
"Hold the umbrella."
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Chibi Trunks and Goten watched in awe as the glistening form of Shenlong shot out of the dragonballs. Hovering above the children, the form boomed out, "Who summons the Eternal Dragon?"
Chibi Trunks gulped a bit, and stepped forward, "ME! Trunks Briefs!"
Goten shoved forward, "Me too!"
Shenlong blinked. "Oh, you two again. You do realize that all attempts to capture me are futile, do you not?"
Chibi Trunks had the decency to blush, "Yeah, sorry about that. We'd just eaten a lot of sugar…"
Goten, however, was still eyeing the huge lizard with a predatory gleam, "Trunks…are you sure we can't…"
"NO! Goten, no! We can't keep Shenlong! We need to wish for your mom to forget all about the wedding!"
Goten was slightly disappointed. "Alright. But, hey! What about the other wish, Trunks? I mean, there are so many cool things we could wish for! We could wish for lots of food, so Gohan could never starve us again, we could wish to be stronger than our dads…hehe, we could even wish for tails like our grandpa's!" Goten exclaimed excitedly, "Tails are soooo cool! Then we could turn into big monkeys like Gohan did when he was a kid! Boy Trunks, I wish everyone had tails—that would be sooo neat!"
Trunks' mouth dropped open as Goten said the magic words, but the clueless boy continued, oblivious, "Ooh, and I wish we had a—"
"I wish you'd shut up Goten!" Trunks exclaimed furiously, then slapped his hands over his mouth as he realized what he'd said. "Uh, oh…"
Shenlong's eyes sparkled red for a moment, and the low voice rumbled, "Your wishes have been granted…" Eagerly, Shenlong dematerialized and sped off in seven different directions with the dragonballs.
Away from the prying fingers of lizard obsessed chibis for one more year. Had he been human, the eternal dragon would have heaved a sigh of relief.
Trunks' eyes widened as the dragonballs zapped off to the four corners of the earth. Growling, his tail wagged furiously behind him. Wait…his TAIL?!
Reaching cautiously behind him, Chibi Trunks grabbed at the flickering sensation that was coming from his lower back. It was purple. It was fluffy. It was a tail.
Looking over at Goten, he noticed a similar appendage swinging behind the younger boy. With a low growl he yelped, "GREAT! Look what you did now, Goten! We've got tails! And no more dragonballs! Gohan's still going to kill us, and now he just has more of us to beat on!"
Goten's eyes filled with tears, and he opened his mouth to protest, but no sound emerged. True to Trunks' wish, Goten had been shut up.
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Up on the lookout, Dende watched the little scene unfold with growing dread. As Mr. Popo returned, carting two Pina Coladas, umbrella free, as ordered, Dende uttered a groan and changed his request. "Scotch. On the rocks."
Mr. Popo raised a non-existent eyebrow but nodded. Starting towards the heavenly liquor cabinet he heard Dende call morosely after him, "AND BRING THE BOTTLE!"
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From his knees, Gohan looked up as the clouds receded, and the sky brightened. From behind him, he heard a distinct thud, as an event that had never occurred before in all of recorded history took place. Chi-Chi dropped her frying pan. Mountains rumbled and the sky shook at the enormity of the event. Gohan, ever quick on his feet, took the opportunity to flea. A split second away from blasting off to the far corners of the universe, Gohan stopped as he heard his mother's scream. Turning slowly around, he blinked several times, and then sat down heavily on the grass.
"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Gohan jumped painfully to his feet, clutching the injured appendage gently in his hand. Gohan had sat directly on his tail.
Tears streaming from his eyes, he whimpered and nuzzled his tail affectionately. His tail nuzzled back. Finally blinking away the pain, Gohan remembered what had caused his shock in the first place. There, strewn out on the grass, frying pan tossed forlornly to the side, was his mother. And she had a tail.
"Uhh, dad?" Gohan turned his questioning gaze on his father, "Did mom have a tail before?"
Goku blinked, and looked up from examining his own newly re-grown tail, "Huh? No…but maybe…maybe they're catching?"
Prince Vegeta rolled his eyes, his tail already tucked securely around his waist, "Don't be a moron, Kakarot. Oh, wait…I'm asking too much."
The prince yelped in sudden pain as someone grabbed his tail. Spinning furiously about, he was confronted with…his father. King Vegeta glared at his son. How dare he insult Bardock's son, after all the man had done for them? "Now Vegeta, you know better than that. Apologize to Kakarot this instant!"
Prince Vegeta's face was a study of outraged indignation, "BUT!"
"NO BUTS VEGETA. Apologize now." The King growled.
This was insanity! He was a grown man! Of course he wished to please his father, but there was no way he was going to apologize to some lowly third class scum for stating the obvious! Prince Vegeta scowled, and turned his head away.
King Vegeta's eyes narrowed, and he squeezed his son's tail once again, the Saiyan equivalent of a smack upside the head.
"FINE! I'M SORRY THAT KAKAROT IS SUCH AN IMBECILE THAT HE CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT THAT YOU CAN'T CATCH A TAIL!!!"
Bardock was about to butt in with a few choice words of his own, when a small whimper was heard from the shade of a nearby tree. Krillin was huddled close to the bark, something soft and furry wrapped around his waist. Faintly the words, 'gohan' and 'revenge' and 'no fair' could be heard from the formerly bald man's mouth. 18 stood over him with an atypical look of concern on her normally expressionless face, a shiny golden tail snaking out behind her. On one limb, little Marron swung happily upside-down from her newly discovered appendage.
Turning their gazes to the other humans in the group, the dumbfounded Saiyans saw that, indeed, Bulma now sported a snazzy blue tail, and Videl, held a classy black number in one limp palm, muffled bellows still emitting from the phone that dangled forgotten in the other hand.
The two Trunks' looked at each other and shrugged. Purple. Again. Did even their tails have to be reminiscent of flowers?
Bardock cleared his throat, containing his surprise quite well. Having been dead for so long did have its advantages. There wasn't too much that could surprise you after forty odd years in Otherworld. "Perhaps we should continue this inside?"
Goku shrugged and picked up Chi-Chi, slinging her over his shoulder. 18 gave the whimpering Krillin the same treatment, and the odd group proceeded into the house.
Forgotten on the lawn, lay Chi-Chi's frying pan, and little Marron, who still hung contentedly from the limb of the tree, hopped agilely down, and scurried over to pick up the curious object. Giving it a little swing, she giggled. Oh woe! Another woman armed, and yet another young soul converted to the dark and evil cult known only to its followers, as Chi-Chi-ism.
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Evil Mirai Gohan kicked his Time Machine with a curse. "STUPID &#$% @*%# MACHINE!" he shouted.
From inside the time capsule, Buu growled in agreement. He wanted to get this show on the road! After all, a wedding meant cake, and cookies, and chocolate…unable to contain himself any longer, Mirai Buu exclaimed, "CANDY! YUM YUM!" It was too late. The deed had been done. He was in trouble.
Mirai Buu huddled in fear as he saw an evil gleam come into Mirai Gohan's eyes. Throwing down the wrench with a snarl, Evil Gohan stalked back to the pod, and grabbed Buu by his singular bubble-gum-like antenna. "You want candy, Buu?" he asked, his voice deceptively calm.
Buu looked frantically to where Cell crouched in the corner of the capsule. No help from that direction. "Buu…Buu sorry!" he wailed pathetically, "Buu no want candy! BUU SORRY!"
The evil gleam never left Gohan's eyes as he yanked Buu from the capsule and shoved the whimpering blob under the hood of the time machine. Mumbling something about it being 'held together with gum and ticky-tape anyway' Gohan ordered, "Now make it work, Buu, and you'll get all the candy you want. I promise. I only have one prize in mind." Taking out the folded wedding photo of Videl and his other self, Evil Mirai Gohan smirked. "Oh yes. You will be mine."
Turning, he kicked the fender of the time machine, and yelled for Buu to hurry the hell up. He was perfect. Perfectly evil, perfectly strong, PERFECTLY PERFECT! "I am THE PERFECT BEING!" roared Mirai Gohan, swinging his wrench about in crazed glee.
From his hiding place inside of the time capsule, Cell smirked. Humans. So simple. Everything was going according to plan, and soon, the truly perfect being would make his re-entrance into the world. Soon, the Perfect Cell would be reborn.
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Mr. Satan was upset. Well, upset was a bit mild. Screaming didn't do anything, ranting didn't do anything, throwing the phone through the window certainly didn't do anything. His little baby girl had just called and announced that she was going to marry that pathetic weakling! The invitation…well, that could have been a mistake, but hearing Videl's sweet voice announcing the atrocity was too much for her doting father to take.
Mr. Satan was not pleased, so naturally, he was letting everyone know about it, "AND MY LITTLE GIRL'S NOT GOING TO MARRY SOME WEAK PUNK WHO HAS TO USE TRICKS," at this, Mr. Satan glanced quickly around, just to make sure none of the 'tricksters' were in ear shot. Assured that he wasn't in danger of being fried by said 'tricks' he continued to rave, "AND I'LL TAKE HIM ON ANY DAY! NO ONE'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY VIDEL!"
In the hall, Jeeves took a breath. Mr. Satan had been allowed to rant for over twenty minutes, and if he wasn't stopped, he would quite likely burst another blood vessel. Silently asking himself if the Herculean wage he received was really worth it, the brave man stepped into Mr. Satan's bed chamber, narrowly dodging a heavy golden trophy which banged against the wall with a thud, and fell to the floor, leaving a slight dent. "Uh, sir? Perhaps you should calm down and think for a moment. Your blood pressure, remember?"
Hercule turned his wild gaze-eyed on the faithful butler. Opening his mouth, intent on firing the fool who dared interrupt the World Champion in a rage, the surly Satan noticed something odd. Poking out behind Jeeves, was…Hercule growled, "What kinda freak are you? Since when do you have a tail, servant guy?"
Jeeves blinked, and smiled placatingly. Apparently Hercule needed more than just blood pressure medication. Backing slowly out the door, Jeeves was wracking his mind for the number of the local loony bin, when he noticed something odd emerging from behind Hercule. Eyes widening, the poor man almost choked on his own teeth. Hercule Satan had a tail. Reaching cautiously behind himself, Jeeves ascertained something equally amazing. He had one too.
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Chibi Trunks stared blankly at Goten. What were they supposed to do now?
Kicking sullenly at the ground, Trunks watched as Goten yanked cautiously at his new tail. Giving the other boy a glare, he growled, "It's not going to come off, Goten. You wished for it, remember?"
Goten's eyes saddened, and his lower lip quivered. Opening his lips, he mouthed, "No fair, Trunks."
The older boy turned his head callously. He didn't care. It wasn't his fault that Goten was now a mute. Ok. It was. Breaking down, he ran over and plopped down beside his friend, "Hey, it's ok Goten. I'm sure we'll find a way out of this somehow…"
Goten sniffed, and mouthed something again. The only words that Trunks caught were 'Gohan' and 'starve' and 'die' but he got the message. Nodding sadly, Trunks couldn't think of any words of comfort for his best friend. They were going to die.
So lost were the two in dire predictions of anguish and gloom, they never felt the ki sneaking up on them. The two flinched as they were grabbed roughly by the back of their necks, and flipped about to face…
"Gohan!" Chibi Trunks squeaked, wide-eyed. Why did death have to come in such a mild package? He wouldn't have minded so much if he were slain at the hands of something impressively large with drool and fangs, but…Gohan? He just failed to project that certain OOMPH that most super-villains oozed out in bucketfuls.
Gohan's eyes narrowed at the pathetic faces that stared woefully up at him. "Why did you summon the dragon?! And why the HELL did you wish for everyone to have tails?! It's the only explanation—did you know that everyone on this Kami-forsaken planet now has a tail?! I saw it on the news before I snuck out to find the two of you. They're attributing it to radiation or some such nonsense.
The only good thing about this, is that you two seem to be single-handedly responsible for a world-wide nuclear disarmament treaty. Not that that matters much to us, but I'm sure the humans will thank you. So—what do you have to say for yourselves?"
Trunks gulped and hung his head. Somehow, impossibly, incredibly, Gohan didn't know of their role in the whole wedding fiasco yet. They might just escape this situation alive. "Sorry Gohan," Chibi Trunks whispered. Humility was the key in situations like this.
"He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight."—Sun Tzu1
Vegeta made him study up on military strategy. Even EARTH military strategy. Chibi Trunks sent a silent prayer of thanks up to the ancient military genius who dictated his actions. When dealing with Gohan, every little bit helped.
Gohan dropped Chibi Trunks to the ground, appeased by his apology, and turned his razor-sharp eyes on Chibi Goten. "And you, little brother? What do YOU have to say for yourself?"
From his safe position on the ground, Chibi Trunks flinched as he watched Gohan shake his now mute friend. Coming to the rescue, Trunks volunteered bravely, "Uh, Gohan? Goten can't answer…I kinda accidentally, umm, wished his voice away after he wished for everyone to have tails…"
Chibi Trunks flinched, waiting for a blow that never came. Looking cautiously up, he saw Gohan looking at his younger brother, stricken. "Is it…true?" At Goten's solemn nod, Gohan sank to his knees. "Mom…is going to kill us all…" he mumbled dazedly. "There are no dragonballs for the next year. We are SO DEAD."
Chibi Trunks couldn't help but nod in agreement. He wondered to himself who would have come out victor in a battle between the brilliant Sun Tzu, and the terrifying Son Chi-Chi. He wouldn't have cared to make a bet.
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Up on the lookout, Dende sat amidst a pile of empty glass bottles. It took a lot to get a God hammered, especially a God like Dende who liked his Pina Coladas strong and plentiful, but in a very short amount of time, it had been managed.
"POOOPOOOO! Brin' me s'more!" Dende hiccupped.
Mr. Popo looked at the drunken guardian in disgust. On one hand, Dende was God, on the other, he was a teenage Namek in desperate fear of his life. This had to stop.
Walking gently up, Mr. Popo put a hand on Dende's shoulder, "Dende-sama, this is enough," he said firmly, "you have a problem, and you need to admit it."
Dende shrugged the comforting hand off roughly, "Lemme alone." Staggering drunkenly to the side of the lookout, Dende took off in search of a liquor store. Mr. Popo could do nothing but gape in awe. Streaming out behind Dende was a fuzzy, green tail. Reaching behind himself, he discovered that he now possessed a similar appendage. The horror…
Drunken gods walking the street, Chi-Chi on the verge of waking, and a world full of tails set the scene for chaos. Peeking over the edge of the lookout, Mr. Popo picked up a half empty bottle of Saki that Dende had happened to overlook. Taking a swig, he reflected wryly, that the old cliché had it right. If you can't beat 'em, you might as well join 'em.
(1) This quote comes from the Art of War by Sun Tzu
***It's 5:30 am and I wrote this on a caffeine high! A wonderful stimulant, ne? R&R please!***
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