"I'm going out, Marie!" I called down the stairs. I checked my pocket to
see if the diamond necklace was there, and it was. A diamond gave us a
weeks worth of food, paid for our clothing and shelter. All those years of
dancing, insisting that diamonds are a girl's best friend really paid off.
I shook my head, trying to forget that past. "Ewan, come on. We've got to get going!"
My five-year-old son bounded down the stairs two at a time with a paper sailor hat over his dark hair. He grinned wildly, pushing his pink tongue through the gap where a tooth used to be.
"Look Mummy, it came out this morning!" he said proudly, pointing to the gap.
"Well that's wonderful. Did you put it under your pillow?"
"Yes Mummy."
I smiled, helping him into his jacket. "I think loosing a tooth like that deserves a reward. . . maybe we'll stop by the candy store on our way to Jonathan's." We had known the jeweler by name after five years. He was a very nice man, in his late twenties. Nice looking too, with blond hair and green eyes.
"Can I show him my hat, too, Mummy?" he asked, slipping his brown boots on.
"I suppose so. Did you make it yourself?"
"Uh-huh. Oma showed me how."
"He told me he wanted to be a sailor when he grows up." Marie peaked her head in from the kitchen. She smiled at my son. "Now if I could only make a boat. . . maybe I'll get you one while you're gone."
Ewan's eyes grew wide. "Really?!"
Marie laughed. "We'll see. Now you two, run along. And wear your shall." She pointed a stern finger at me. "I don't want you to get cold."
"Yes mother," I grumbled, picking up my shall and tickling my son out the door.
I wrapped the shall around me, the cold wind stinging my face, and held up my hand for a cab. A carriage stopped by soon and we scooted into it.
"Mummy, look what I found!" Ewan wiggled his fingers in his pocket, pulling out a small black book.
My hand flew to my mouth, but I tried to stay calm. "Where did you get that?"
"I found it in the attic yesterday. Oma said it was Daddy's. Is it, Mummy?"
I reached my hand out for the book and he gave it to me. I gently turned it over, a cry escaping my throat with each page. A book of his poetry. An early Christmas present from. . . Christian "Yes, this was his."
"Tell me about Daddy," he said softly, crawling to the other side of the carriage and laying his head in my lap.
I looked into Ewan's blue eyes, seeing his father stare back at me. It was so strange the way he looked exactly like him, except five years old.
"Ewan, your father is dead. I told you a long time ago." I could never tell him the truth, no matter how much I wanted to. I couldn't tell him about the club, the duke, the sex, the drugs. . . it was hard to go past that and just tell him about Christian. It was better this way.
I glanced out the window and wiped my eyes. "Oh look, we're here."
I shoved the book in my pocket and paid the driver.
I took Ewan's hand, pushing a few francs to his palm. "Why don't you go the candy story while Mummy goes into Jonathan's, hmm? I'll meet you there in a little while."
Ewan smiled wide. "Ok Mummy!"
He ran off down the street, and I stared after him. The wind blew by quickly, a few strands of my now-blonde hair out of my hat. I pushed it back along with the memories and stepped into Jonathan's.
"Hello," Jonathan yelled across the store. "Just the person I was expecting."
I smiled weakly. "Who else would come on a Monday morning at 7:30?"
He laughed. "Exactly! So I knew it had to be Samantha James."
Samantha James. . . yes, that was me. There is no Satine, there hasn't been for nearly six years. This is my new life in Germany. The past was all behind me.
"Where's. . . Ewan?" he asked with a brow raised.
I forced another smile. "Candy store."
"Ah, yes."
"I have some more diamonds I would like you to look at. . ." I reached in my pocket and my fingers touched the book and I froze.
"Actually, Samantha, there is something I would like to show you." He crept from behind the counter and came to me. "You know, we've known each other for close to five years now. And. . . those five years have been the best of my life."
I looked into his green eyes, with a tear running down my cheek. The book held me stuck and it was hard to breathe. "Yeah, they've been great. . ."
"I love Ewan, you know that."
"He seems to like you too."
"Yes, so. . . all that is left to say is. . ." He bent down to one knee, brought forth a black box, and opened it in front of my eyes. Around a gold band, there was a circle of diamonds around a sapphire. "Samantha James, will you marry me?"
I took a deep breath. "Wh-what?"
"Will you marry me? I love you."
I stared at Jonathan, mixed up in emotions. I never knew he felt this way. Yes, he was a great guy. He loved Ewan, and was so sweet. He treated me like a real person. . . no one ever did that before. . . Christian.
I love Christian. Six years, and I still love him. But I can't marry him. The woman he loves is dead, buried in the ground. I had read the book Christian had written. . . written about us. The names were changed to Christopher and Samantha (that's where I got my name from), but other than that it was the same. He had fulfilled the promise I had asked him to do all those years ago.
No, I can never love anyone else more than that. I stamped my foot, angry that my emotions were still as strong as ever. I want to move on.
Jonathan was everything I ever wanted. Sweet, successful, funny. . . at times. And he loved Ewan and me. Jonathan would make a great father. I wouldn't have to worry about Ewan future with him. Every thing would be taken care of.
"I. . ."
Jonathan stood and touched my hand. "Think about it, alright?"
I nodded, and brought forth the diamonds from my pocket. "I would, uh. . . like to trade these in. . ."
He smiled slightly, averting his eyes from me. "Alright."
After I had gotten the money, I almost ripped out of the store. MARRIAGE? The thought had never even crossed my mind. I kept my own happiness on hold, and lived for my son. He had helped my rebuild my heart after Christian.
No, I would never love another as much.
Later that night, after I had tucked Ewan in bed I crept out of the house. I found that I could think better at night under the stars.
I looked around me to make sure no one was there, and I sneaked to the back of the small pond, throwing off my robe and stockings. I plunged into the water I my nightgown, swimming to the middle of the pond.
I floated onto my back and stared up at the stars. They were my confidant's. "Should I marry. . . Jonathan?" I whispered.
A star shot across the night sky, and I thought of Christian. The first night we met, the sky was full of stars, and we fell asleep in each other's arms, watching them.
"I need you. . ." I found myself singing. "And I miss you. And now I wonder. . . If I could fall, into the sky, do you think time would pass me by? 'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you. . . Tonight."
Damnit Satine, why did you have to ruin my life? Samantha. . . she doesn't even exist. I was living in France, living happily with love. Why did you have to ruin it for me? "It's always times like these when I think of you and I wonder if you ever think of me. 'Cause everything's so wrong and I don't belong, living in your precious memories."
I read his book, 'A Story About Love' almost every night. I laughed, I sang. . . I cried the whole night. If I had only known the pain I had caused him. . . would I have still done it? It was for the best. . .
I raised a wet hand to my eye and cleared a tear away. Was this the best way? "If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by? 'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you. If I could just hold you. . . Tonight."
I stared up at the stars again.
"Should I give my love again, forgetting all my memories? Should I marry Jonathan? Is all my dreaming at. . . an end? Or do you still wait for me, dream giver, just around the river bend?"
It was silent, except for the beating of my arms on the water. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------- Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::
Author's Note: Oma is German for 'Grandma'. Marie adopted Satine, so Marie is Ewan's Grandma. Don't you just love her son's name? Hehe. Ok, well. . . I hope you like this so far.
SONGS USED: 'A Thousand Miles' by Vanessa Carlton 'Just Around The River Bend' from Pocahontas. Just changed it a bit. . .
I shook my head, trying to forget that past. "Ewan, come on. We've got to get going!"
My five-year-old son bounded down the stairs two at a time with a paper sailor hat over his dark hair. He grinned wildly, pushing his pink tongue through the gap where a tooth used to be.
"Look Mummy, it came out this morning!" he said proudly, pointing to the gap.
"Well that's wonderful. Did you put it under your pillow?"
"Yes Mummy."
I smiled, helping him into his jacket. "I think loosing a tooth like that deserves a reward. . . maybe we'll stop by the candy store on our way to Jonathan's." We had known the jeweler by name after five years. He was a very nice man, in his late twenties. Nice looking too, with blond hair and green eyes.
"Can I show him my hat, too, Mummy?" he asked, slipping his brown boots on.
"I suppose so. Did you make it yourself?"
"Uh-huh. Oma showed me how."
"He told me he wanted to be a sailor when he grows up." Marie peaked her head in from the kitchen. She smiled at my son. "Now if I could only make a boat. . . maybe I'll get you one while you're gone."
Ewan's eyes grew wide. "Really?!"
Marie laughed. "We'll see. Now you two, run along. And wear your shall." She pointed a stern finger at me. "I don't want you to get cold."
"Yes mother," I grumbled, picking up my shall and tickling my son out the door.
I wrapped the shall around me, the cold wind stinging my face, and held up my hand for a cab. A carriage stopped by soon and we scooted into it.
"Mummy, look what I found!" Ewan wiggled his fingers in his pocket, pulling out a small black book.
My hand flew to my mouth, but I tried to stay calm. "Where did you get that?"
"I found it in the attic yesterday. Oma said it was Daddy's. Is it, Mummy?"
I reached my hand out for the book and he gave it to me. I gently turned it over, a cry escaping my throat with each page. A book of his poetry. An early Christmas present from. . . Christian "Yes, this was his."
"Tell me about Daddy," he said softly, crawling to the other side of the carriage and laying his head in my lap.
I looked into Ewan's blue eyes, seeing his father stare back at me. It was so strange the way he looked exactly like him, except five years old.
"Ewan, your father is dead. I told you a long time ago." I could never tell him the truth, no matter how much I wanted to. I couldn't tell him about the club, the duke, the sex, the drugs. . . it was hard to go past that and just tell him about Christian. It was better this way.
I glanced out the window and wiped my eyes. "Oh look, we're here."
I shoved the book in my pocket and paid the driver.
I took Ewan's hand, pushing a few francs to his palm. "Why don't you go the candy story while Mummy goes into Jonathan's, hmm? I'll meet you there in a little while."
Ewan smiled wide. "Ok Mummy!"
He ran off down the street, and I stared after him. The wind blew by quickly, a few strands of my now-blonde hair out of my hat. I pushed it back along with the memories and stepped into Jonathan's.
"Hello," Jonathan yelled across the store. "Just the person I was expecting."
I smiled weakly. "Who else would come on a Monday morning at 7:30?"
He laughed. "Exactly! So I knew it had to be Samantha James."
Samantha James. . . yes, that was me. There is no Satine, there hasn't been for nearly six years. This is my new life in Germany. The past was all behind me.
"Where's. . . Ewan?" he asked with a brow raised.
I forced another smile. "Candy store."
"Ah, yes."
"I have some more diamonds I would like you to look at. . ." I reached in my pocket and my fingers touched the book and I froze.
"Actually, Samantha, there is something I would like to show you." He crept from behind the counter and came to me. "You know, we've known each other for close to five years now. And. . . those five years have been the best of my life."
I looked into his green eyes, with a tear running down my cheek. The book held me stuck and it was hard to breathe. "Yeah, they've been great. . ."
"I love Ewan, you know that."
"He seems to like you too."
"Yes, so. . . all that is left to say is. . ." He bent down to one knee, brought forth a black box, and opened it in front of my eyes. Around a gold band, there was a circle of diamonds around a sapphire. "Samantha James, will you marry me?"
I took a deep breath. "Wh-what?"
"Will you marry me? I love you."
I stared at Jonathan, mixed up in emotions. I never knew he felt this way. Yes, he was a great guy. He loved Ewan, and was so sweet. He treated me like a real person. . . no one ever did that before. . . Christian.
I love Christian. Six years, and I still love him. But I can't marry him. The woman he loves is dead, buried in the ground. I had read the book Christian had written. . . written about us. The names were changed to Christopher and Samantha (that's where I got my name from), but other than that it was the same. He had fulfilled the promise I had asked him to do all those years ago.
No, I can never love anyone else more than that. I stamped my foot, angry that my emotions were still as strong as ever. I want to move on.
Jonathan was everything I ever wanted. Sweet, successful, funny. . . at times. And he loved Ewan and me. Jonathan would make a great father. I wouldn't have to worry about Ewan future with him. Every thing would be taken care of.
"I. . ."
Jonathan stood and touched my hand. "Think about it, alright?"
I nodded, and brought forth the diamonds from my pocket. "I would, uh. . . like to trade these in. . ."
He smiled slightly, averting his eyes from me. "Alright."
After I had gotten the money, I almost ripped out of the store. MARRIAGE? The thought had never even crossed my mind. I kept my own happiness on hold, and lived for my son. He had helped my rebuild my heart after Christian.
No, I would never love another as much.
Later that night, after I had tucked Ewan in bed I crept out of the house. I found that I could think better at night under the stars.
I looked around me to make sure no one was there, and I sneaked to the back of the small pond, throwing off my robe and stockings. I plunged into the water I my nightgown, swimming to the middle of the pond.
I floated onto my back and stared up at the stars. They were my confidant's. "Should I marry. . . Jonathan?" I whispered.
A star shot across the night sky, and I thought of Christian. The first night we met, the sky was full of stars, and we fell asleep in each other's arms, watching them.
"I need you. . ." I found myself singing. "And I miss you. And now I wonder. . . If I could fall, into the sky, do you think time would pass me by? 'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you. . . Tonight."
Damnit Satine, why did you have to ruin my life? Samantha. . . she doesn't even exist. I was living in France, living happily with love. Why did you have to ruin it for me? "It's always times like these when I think of you and I wonder if you ever think of me. 'Cause everything's so wrong and I don't belong, living in your precious memories."
I read his book, 'A Story About Love' almost every night. I laughed, I sang. . . I cried the whole night. If I had only known the pain I had caused him. . . would I have still done it? It was for the best. . .
I raised a wet hand to my eye and cleared a tear away. Was this the best way? "If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by? 'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you. If I could just hold you. . . Tonight."
I stared up at the stars again.
"Should I give my love again, forgetting all my memories? Should I marry Jonathan? Is all my dreaming at. . . an end? Or do you still wait for me, dream giver, just around the river bend?"
It was silent, except for the beating of my arms on the water. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------- Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::
Author's Note: Oma is German for 'Grandma'. Marie adopted Satine, so Marie is Ewan's Grandma. Don't you just love her son's name? Hehe. Ok, well. . . I hope you like this so far.
SONGS USED: 'A Thousand Miles' by Vanessa Carlton 'Just Around The River Bend' from Pocahontas. Just changed it a bit. . .