I'm Trying to Say 2/3
Disclaimer: Yeah I've suddenly gained the rights to everything since part one, I repeat "I own nothing".
Dedication: Thanks to Alison for helping when I needed the middle of the story and for nagging me to finish it! Also to everyone who asked me to write more: thank you for being so encouraging! J J
Author's Note: This is the second part of three that I'm going to do. The title now does have something to do with the story (see AN in Part 1), the titles are all lines from the song: By the Way by Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Which I do not own; and everyone dies of shock from this! Also I want to say hey to Fran who got me into reading and now writing fanfic in the first place. Please, please: r/r, totally gratefulJ
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A look of horror passed over Spike's face. *She likes me, Oh God*. Grabbing the blanket from the side of the couch, he bolted to the door. Buffy ran out after him calling his name. Spike dropped the blanket and dived into the nearest man hole and into the sewer. Buffy stopped out on her front. *Oh God*, she was shaking all over. *I'm an idiot; I thought he liked me, God, could I be more dense. I'm doomed to badness*. *He's gone* she thought as she watched him disappear beneath the road. She bit her lip to stop the tears from coming. With a choking sob she turned and ran back into the house.
*Stupid sodding pillock. Should have just grabbed and kissed her senseless*. *I don't like the Slayer* the other voice in his head carried regardless since it deemed refuting the obvious too bloody stupid to acknowledge: *She's incredible and beautiful, she saved your life and was sitting there asking you to kiss her and you ran away…you're an idiot…. She likes you*. Spike shook his head to try to clear the Buffy induced fog caused by the replayed memory of her lips on his. *She can't like me* his thoughts studiously ignoring the word love. *I'm a soul-less demon* he thought bitterly. *Then why are you always looking out for her through the trees when she patrols, just to make sure she's safe. Always helping out her and the Scoobies. You're not in it for the money*. The voice stated quickly at Spike's silent rebuttal. *That's just an excuse to spend more time with her when she has to come round to pay you*. *You love her*. Spike's eyes opened in shock *no I don't* he refuted desperately. But he could see everything falling into place: his obsession with killing her; his jibes about Angel and Parker: he wanted to take their place in her life, her heart. *Oh God* he thought as a wave of dizziness pitched over him and he sank to the floor. He looked down to see blood soaking through the bandages across his stomach. *Damn* he thought as he slipped into unconsciousness keeling over onto the sewer floor.
*What if he got burnt by the sun?*. *Good. I hope he dies, or undies, or…whatever!*. She glared at her reflection in the mirror, daring it to cry. *Go find him*, *no I don't need him, he ran away. I can't, I can't see that same look of horror on his face, like before he left*. *What if he's hurt?*. With a sigh Buffy stood up and pulled on his duster from the bottom of the wall where she had thrown it in her rage.
She wandered over to the cemetery which contained Spike's crypt. Raising her fist to knock on the door; she rolled her eyes and slammed the door open so it cracked into the wall *No need to change the habit of a lifetime*. She paused, she'd only known Spike for just over two years not a 'lifetime' but she couldn't imagine her life with out him. She let out a soft groan *God, I am so smitten*. She marched further into the crypt hollering Spike's name. She ducked down into the lower level of the crypt to see if he was asleep. His bed was empty and unmade. She went down and sat on it. *He's not here and it's sunny outside. If he got himself dusted I am so going to stake him.* She thought angrily, then started giggling when she realised how absurd her last thought actually was. She slipped off Spike's bed and onto the floor laughing with the kind of hysteria that came from her brain suddenly processing the last two days and the absurdity of it all. *I kissed Spike* she thought, *I mean it's Spike*, she giggled harder.
Spike pulled himself through the hole in the bottom of his crypt that led to the sewers. *Shit* he thought as his injuries complained at this activity. He had regained consciousness in the sewer 15 minutes ago, and now one half of his body was now soaked in sewer water. His nose wrinkled in disgust *God I need a shower*. That was when he heard her.
Spike walked up to his bed to find the Slayer in hysterics. He raised one eyebrow at her actions but couldn't stop the smile that was tugging at the corner of his mouth. Her laughter was infectious and he chuckled. Buffy's head shot up, her giggles subsiding "Spike" she gasped. Her shock dispersed and she took in the state of him. His hair was plastered to his head his clothes were clinging to one half of his body where they were soaked. "What the hell happened?" She demanded. He looked down sheepishly "I passed out" he said with a wry grin. "Spike your bleeding!" Buffy exclaimed as she glanced at his stomach. "Yeah, think a ripped open one of the claw marks" he said with a shrug.
"Let me have a look" Buffy demanded. "What?!" he said backing away from her "No, it's fine"
"You need the bandages changing other wise the wound will heel attached to them"
"When did you become Nurse Buffy?" he sneered at her.
"When you've received as much damage on the battle field as I have you learn how to deal with a major stab wound" she grinned up at him, as she started to unpin the bandages. He looked down at her upturned face, compassion filling his eyes "You shouldn't have to go through that alone" he whispered, one hand reaching up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. Horror flitted across his face as he seemed to realise the implications of what he'd just said.
"I mean…." he cleared his throat "you should tell your Mum or someone when you get injured". He shifted uncomfortably as he became increasingly aware of her nearness. "Yeah, 'cause what I really need is for my Mom to throw a fit every time I go on patrol when she discovers how often I get injured" she retorted with a roll of her eyes.
Spike watched her as she worked. He couldn't admit he had feelings for her, it would be giving up on his old life completely. He needed to be Spike, he couldn't be William, it would kill him, *it did the first time* he thought wryly.
Buffy finished pinning the new bandages and stood back to admire her handiwork, "All done". Spike relaxed to sit back on the sarcophagus, "thanks, I'm going to get some rest now".
"Don't you think we should talk about before, you know, you running away and all"
"There's nothing to talk about Slayer"
Buffy opened her mouth to vent her anger at his seemingly easy dismissal of her feelings when the door exploded the wood shattered into dust and falling to the floor, the lock pooling into molten iron on the step. The snarling beast outlined by the sun in the doorway charged towards them:
"I challenge you, William the Bloody, to a fight to the death, you miserable turncoat"
It backhanded Buffy across the room. Spurring Spike's growing anger. He grabbed the stone lid of the tomb and brought it down heavily on the beasts head. He moved quickly forward to the now unconscious demon and viciously twisted its head off.
Spike turned and looked at the bruise forming across Buffy's cheek.
"I should go Slayer"
"What?" she whispered
"I'm the big challenge in this region, 'go beat on the traitor'" he spat
"What about us?"
"You tried it vamp before slayer" Spike sneered at her "That went bloody well as I recall"
Buffy stared back at him as if she'd been slapped. Spike felt his heart shatter *I can't do this to her* he thought, but he had to end it now:
"This could never work. You Slayer, me Vampire; are you bloody stupid or something?" *Yeah piss her 'til she stakes you that'll solve all your problems*.
"So, you're what? Leaving for my own good? I hate you!". She turned and stormed out of the crypt. Spike's horror melted into a look of revulsion. *Oh sodding hell, I've turned into Angel!*.