~A Very Good Year~
Chapter Four: The Space Between
March
The pain was unbearable. It started as it always did, with a horrible ringing, and a temporary loss of vision. It hit hard, and fast, and seemed never-ending. He had been standing in the kitchen when it happened, and he was now curled up on the kitchen floor, unable to move or speak. He was happy that Monica had taken Sadie with her to the store. He hated it when she had to witness the attacks. They scared her, and that fact alone was more painful than anything physical he was experiencing.
The pain began to subside, and Chandler's muscles relaxed slightly. He sat up slowly, and blinked several times, in an attempt to clear his vision. He felt something drip from his nose, and his fingers moved to stop whatever it was. He pulled his fingers back to inspect them. Blood. That hadn't happened before. Well, it hadn't happened during an attack. He had awoken a few mornings to find droplets of blood on his pillowcase. But this nosebleed seemed worse, somehow. He plugged his nose with his thumb and forefinger, and tilted his head back. The action triggered another attack---another first---and sent Chandler back to the kitchen floor. He was in worse shape now than he was just a few minutes earlier. He bit his top lip, as the pain heightened, and tasted blood on his lip. That was the last thing he remembered.
~*~
"I want to buy one for my dad," Sadie said matter-of-factly, as Monica rifled through the bagels at the corner bakery.
"What kind of bagel does your dad like?" Monica already knew the answer, but she was enjoying her time with Sadie, and she was thrilled that Sadie seemed to be taking to her.
"He likes un-jin ones," Sadie smiled.
"Onion? Okay! Do you want to buy one or two?"
Sadie thought about this for a moment, her lips tight, and her eyes looking skyward. She considered her options carefully, then looked at Monica seriously.
"Two."
"Okay," Monica laughed, and helped Sadie place two onion bagels in a paper bag.
*
Monica carried her bag of groceries in one hand, and Sadie in the other. Sadie was talking nonstop about her amazing encounter with Mickey Mouse at her last Disneyland trip, and Monica listened intently. They made their way up toward the apartment, and Monica set Sadie down, so that she could retrieve her keys.
"I want to open it," Sadie demanded, and Monica laughed, and helped her turn the key.
There was a rhythmic thumping, and Monica turned in time to see three red apples---renegades from her shopping bag---dance down the hallway. She turned and gathered the apples one-by-one.
"Typical," she mumbled to herself.
"Daddy!" Sadie's shriek was heart stopping. Monica dropped the apples and the bag, and ran into the apartment, to find Chandler unconscious on the floor. The lower half of his face, and his neck, were stained with blood. Sadie was kneeling next to Chandler. He tiny hands had a tight grip on Chandler's shirt, and she was pulling on it, in an attempt to pull Chandler upright.
Monica panicked. She was sure Chandler was dead, and she was terrified. She was not prepared for this. She wanted to believe that Chandler was healthy, and that the Cancer was Not Real.
"Joey!!" Monica yelled, and Sadie started to cry. Monica tripped over her groceries as she ran across the hall. "Joey!!"
Joey opened the door, an annoyed look on his face. He had clearly been sleeping. Monica wordlessly pulled Joey across the hall.
"I. Don't. Know. What. To. Do." Monica's sentence was punctuated by hiccup- like pauses.
"Okay, okay, Monica. I'm going to call an ambulance. You need to pull it together. You are scaring Sadie."
Monica had a moment of clarity. She needed to protect Sadie. Chandler didn't want her to see him this way. She turned, and gathered Sadie in her arms, and Sadie's cries intensified, as Monica pulled her away from her father.
~*~
Monica paced the waiting room, her arms wrapped tightly around Sadie, who had cried herself to sleep. Joey sat in the corner of the room gnawing on his fingernails. After what felt like hours, Chandler's doctor made an appearance.
"Miss Geller?"
Monica walked toward the doctor quickly, and Joey jumped from his seat.
"He's stable, and he's awake. He's asking for you."
"Is he going to be okay?" Monica asked.
"Well..this is not going to get any better. You know his condition, and honestly, there's little we can do for him. All we can do is try to make him as comfortable as possible. We're going to keep him here overnight, but honestly, there's not much more we can do for him."
"Okay. Thank you," Monica nodded, and carried Sadie into Chandler's room.
He looked pale and exhausted, but otherwise, Chandler seemed fine. He smiled when Monica and Sadie came in, and Monica felt herself relax a bit. His smile somehow made everything seem a little better.
"How are you feeling?"
"Better. I'm sorry I scared you," Chandler said sadly.
"It's not your fault Chandler. I---" Monica paused when Sadie roused, and looked around wearily.
"Daddy!!" Sadie squealed happily, and reached for Chandler.
"Hi baby," Chandler laughed, and took Sadie from Monica.
"Daddy, today is a bad day?"
"Yeah, pumpkin, today is a bad day."
"I got for you a un-jin bagel," Sadie smiled. Monica smiled sadly. She wished she was as resilient as Sadie.
~*~
You cannot quit me so quickly
There's no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, love
The Space Between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain
But will I hold you again?
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted games we're playing
We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What wild-eyed beast you be
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain
Will I hold you again?
Will I hold...
Look at us spinning out in
The madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil
In a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love
Is hope we don't take this ship down
The Space Between
Where you're smiling high
Is where you'll find me if I get to go
The Space Between
The bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splash in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into...
The Space Between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain
Take my hand
'Cause we're walking out of here
Oh, right out of here
Love is all we need here The Space Between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time
The Space Between... ("The Space Between" Dave Matthews)
Chapter Four: The Space Between
March
The pain was unbearable. It started as it always did, with a horrible ringing, and a temporary loss of vision. It hit hard, and fast, and seemed never-ending. He had been standing in the kitchen when it happened, and he was now curled up on the kitchen floor, unable to move or speak. He was happy that Monica had taken Sadie with her to the store. He hated it when she had to witness the attacks. They scared her, and that fact alone was more painful than anything physical he was experiencing.
The pain began to subside, and Chandler's muscles relaxed slightly. He sat up slowly, and blinked several times, in an attempt to clear his vision. He felt something drip from his nose, and his fingers moved to stop whatever it was. He pulled his fingers back to inspect them. Blood. That hadn't happened before. Well, it hadn't happened during an attack. He had awoken a few mornings to find droplets of blood on his pillowcase. But this nosebleed seemed worse, somehow. He plugged his nose with his thumb and forefinger, and tilted his head back. The action triggered another attack---another first---and sent Chandler back to the kitchen floor. He was in worse shape now than he was just a few minutes earlier. He bit his top lip, as the pain heightened, and tasted blood on his lip. That was the last thing he remembered.
~*~
"I want to buy one for my dad," Sadie said matter-of-factly, as Monica rifled through the bagels at the corner bakery.
"What kind of bagel does your dad like?" Monica already knew the answer, but she was enjoying her time with Sadie, and she was thrilled that Sadie seemed to be taking to her.
"He likes un-jin ones," Sadie smiled.
"Onion? Okay! Do you want to buy one or two?"
Sadie thought about this for a moment, her lips tight, and her eyes looking skyward. She considered her options carefully, then looked at Monica seriously.
"Two."
"Okay," Monica laughed, and helped Sadie place two onion bagels in a paper bag.
*
Monica carried her bag of groceries in one hand, and Sadie in the other. Sadie was talking nonstop about her amazing encounter with Mickey Mouse at her last Disneyland trip, and Monica listened intently. They made their way up toward the apartment, and Monica set Sadie down, so that she could retrieve her keys.
"I want to open it," Sadie demanded, and Monica laughed, and helped her turn the key.
There was a rhythmic thumping, and Monica turned in time to see three red apples---renegades from her shopping bag---dance down the hallway. She turned and gathered the apples one-by-one.
"Typical," she mumbled to herself.
"Daddy!" Sadie's shriek was heart stopping. Monica dropped the apples and the bag, and ran into the apartment, to find Chandler unconscious on the floor. The lower half of his face, and his neck, were stained with blood. Sadie was kneeling next to Chandler. He tiny hands had a tight grip on Chandler's shirt, and she was pulling on it, in an attempt to pull Chandler upright.
Monica panicked. She was sure Chandler was dead, and she was terrified. She was not prepared for this. She wanted to believe that Chandler was healthy, and that the Cancer was Not Real.
"Joey!!" Monica yelled, and Sadie started to cry. Monica tripped over her groceries as she ran across the hall. "Joey!!"
Joey opened the door, an annoyed look on his face. He had clearly been sleeping. Monica wordlessly pulled Joey across the hall.
"I. Don't. Know. What. To. Do." Monica's sentence was punctuated by hiccup- like pauses.
"Okay, okay, Monica. I'm going to call an ambulance. You need to pull it together. You are scaring Sadie."
Monica had a moment of clarity. She needed to protect Sadie. Chandler didn't want her to see him this way. She turned, and gathered Sadie in her arms, and Sadie's cries intensified, as Monica pulled her away from her father.
~*~
Monica paced the waiting room, her arms wrapped tightly around Sadie, who had cried herself to sleep. Joey sat in the corner of the room gnawing on his fingernails. After what felt like hours, Chandler's doctor made an appearance.
"Miss Geller?"
Monica walked toward the doctor quickly, and Joey jumped from his seat.
"He's stable, and he's awake. He's asking for you."
"Is he going to be okay?" Monica asked.
"Well..this is not going to get any better. You know his condition, and honestly, there's little we can do for him. All we can do is try to make him as comfortable as possible. We're going to keep him here overnight, but honestly, there's not much more we can do for him."
"Okay. Thank you," Monica nodded, and carried Sadie into Chandler's room.
He looked pale and exhausted, but otherwise, Chandler seemed fine. He smiled when Monica and Sadie came in, and Monica felt herself relax a bit. His smile somehow made everything seem a little better.
"How are you feeling?"
"Better. I'm sorry I scared you," Chandler said sadly.
"It's not your fault Chandler. I---" Monica paused when Sadie roused, and looked around wearily.
"Daddy!!" Sadie squealed happily, and reached for Chandler.
"Hi baby," Chandler laughed, and took Sadie from Monica.
"Daddy, today is a bad day?"
"Yeah, pumpkin, today is a bad day."
"I got for you a un-jin bagel," Sadie smiled. Monica smiled sadly. She wished she was as resilient as Sadie.
~*~
You cannot quit me so quickly
There's no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, love
The Space Between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain
But will I hold you again?
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted games we're playing
We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What wild-eyed beast you be
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep safe from the pain
Will I hold you again?
Will I hold...
Look at us spinning out in
The madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil
In a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love
Is hope we don't take this ship down
The Space Between
Where you're smiling high
Is where you'll find me if I get to go
The Space Between
The bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splash in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into...
The Space Between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain
Take my hand
'Cause we're walking out of here
Oh, right out of here
Love is all we need here The Space Between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time
The Space Between... ("The Space Between" Dave Matthews)