AN: Yes, I know it's sad, sorry about that. It's uh, it's not gonna get
much better, I'm afraid, LOL.
Thanks for the kind reviews, even if I am depressing the crap out of you.
~A Very Good Year~ Chapter Seven: Hide Your Love Away
June
"Ross and Rachel and the kids will be here tomorrow morning," Monica said, as she clicked the phone off and placed it back into its cradle.
"Okay," Chandler nodded, but didn't look up from his magazine. Monica sighed heavily, and moved to sit next to Chandler. She felt him flinch slightly, and she scooted back slightly.
"Chandler, what's wrong?" Monica asked quietly.
"Nothing," Chandler muttered flatly.
"Chandler," Monica grabbed Chandler's magazine, in an attempt to get him to talk.
"Mon, I don't want to talk about this again," Chandler said slowly.
"Talk about what?"
Chandler sighed. He hated this. The past few weeks with Monica had been wonderful, dreamlike, even. The morning after that first night, they talked, for hours. Chandler needed to make Monica understand that this relationship would only end with her being hurt. In the end, Monica tried to convince Chandler that it was a good thing, and that she would be fine. Chandler relented, but in the back of his head, he wondered if he was truly doing The Right Thing. The weeks passed, and Chandler felt relatively good most of the time, so he let himself fall under Monica's spell. He fell in love with her, and wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life making her happy.
But early this morning, he was violently reminded that 'the rest of his life' was a very short period of time.
He awoke well before dawn, with a searing pain shooting through his head. He was somehow able to stumble out of bed, and out of Monica's bedroom, without waking Monica up. He spent the next four hours coughing bile and blood into the toilet, before carefully cleaning up, and heading into his own room, to check on Sadie.
"Chandler, is this about what happened this morning?" Monica asked quietly.
"What?"
"You were sick this morning, weren't you?"
Chandler's cheeks reddened, and he looked at his hands sheepishly.
"I thought you hadn't heard."
"I woke up when I got cold. I heard you coughing, but I knew that you wouldn't want me to.."
"It just reminded me that..I'm going to end up hurting you."
"Chandler, your sickness is always going to be a shadow, and I am preparing myself for what will happen. Please, please do not shut me out. I love you."
"I love you too," Chandler whispered.
"Okay. Phoebe and Joey should be back with Sadie soon. I need to finish dinner," Monica started to scoot off of the sofa.
"Mon, wait," Chandler grabbed Monica's hand, and she turned suddenly. The desperation in Chandler's voice made her heart skip a beat.
"What? Are you okay?" "I just..I need..to kiss you," Chandler smiled, and Monica giggled, before leaning in to kiss Chandler passionately.
"Uh, Mon?" Chandler asked, as they pulled apart.
"Hmmm?"
"What are we gonna tell your brother?"
***
"Hi!" Ross, said, as he walked in, followed by Rachel, who was carrying Isabelle.
"HI!" Monica squealed, then immediately retracted and shushed herself when she noted that Isabelle was sleeping. "Where's Ben?" she whispered.
"With Carol and Susan. Where's, uh, where's Chandler?"
"He's sleeping," Monica said, "I'll go wake him."
"No! No, Mon, you don't have to do that," Ross said quickly.
"He's been asleep for a few hours. Plus, he really wants to see you guys," Monica smiled and walked into Chandler and Sadie's room.
Ross sighed heavily and sat down on the sofa.
"Sweetie, I'm sure it'll be okay," Rachel said softly, as she took a seat next to Ross.
"Yeah, I just..you know I'm no good around sick people," Ross said slowly.
"Honey, I think that you need to try and relax. You were the one that said you would regret it if we didn't come back."
"I know, I'm just---" Ross was cut off when Monica emerged from the bedroom, with Sadie in her arms.
"Is he, uh----"
"Yeah, he'll be out in a minute," Monica said, "Sadie, do you remember Ross and Rachel and Belle?"
Sadie blinked her eyes sleepily, and shook her head, before burying her head in Monica's shoulder.
"Hi Sadie," Rachel said sweetly.
Monica settled into the chair with Sadie, as Chandler walked out of his bedroom.
"Hey, guys," Chandler said nervously. He stood in the doorway for a moment, shifting from foot to foot.
"Hey," Rachel smiled, and elbowed Ross as subtly as possible.
"Hey, man," Ross said quietly, though he was unable to look up at Chandler.
"Chandler, honey, come and sit down," Rachel said, then turned to Ross, "Scoot over, babe."
Ross moved as close to Rachel as he could, while Chandler moved slowly to the sofa. Chandler noted Ross' reluctance to sit very close to him. The tension in the room was as thick as mud, and no one in the room knew quite how to break it.
Rachel did the best she could.
"So, Chandler, how are you feeling?"
"Good. Uh, fine, I mean, relatively speaking," Chandler laughed uncomfortably. "Are you, uh, has anything changed?" Ross asked tentatively.
"No," Chandler shook his head.
"Rach, why don't you and I take the kids for a walk?" Monica said in a not- very-subtle way.
"Sounds good," Rachel smiled, and quickly followed Monica and Sadie out the door.
Once the door was closed, Chandler and Ross sat in silence for a minute.
"Ross, I was wondering, um, if you were still upset about what happened with Rachel."
"What? Oh, that. No, uh, I got an earful from Rachel about that. I'm sorry that I jumped to conclusions, man."
"No, it's alright. I just---well, I just kind of assumed that's why I haven't seen you guys for so long."
"No, it's..I really don't have a good excuse," Ross said sadly.
"Is it because I'm sick?"
Ross swallowed hard, but didn't answer.
"It's okay to be afraid, Ross. I'm scared to death."
"I'm a scientist, ya know? I shouldn't BE scared!"
Chandler smiled, and shot Ross a bemused look.
"What?"
"Scientists are not impervious to emotion, Ross," Chandler laughed.
"Yeah," Ross looked at Chandler, and took note of how small he looked. He was so pale and thin, and yet there was a sparkle in his eyes that completely countered the rest of his appearance. He seemed genuinely happy, and Ross couldn't for the life of him figure out why.
"Well, I am glad you're here," Chandler said after a moment.
"I'm glad too, man," Ross smiled, and the two friends hugged in that "guy" way. When Chandler pulled away, he saw that Ross was crying.
"Hey, it's gonna be okay," Chandler smiled.
"Yeah," Ross nodded and sighed.
***
"So how is he, really?" Rachel said, as she, Monica, and the kids took a seat on the orange sofa in Central Perk.
"He has good days and bad days," Monica smiled at Sadie, "Right, Sadie?"
"Today is a good day," Sadie said, as she nodded.
"Yeah," Monica said distantly, as memories of what happened the morning before floated into her head.
"How are you holding up?" Rachel asked.
"Sadie, can you go grab me a napkin?" Monica pointed to the small table in the corner, and hoped the little girl would not notice the napkin dispenser sitting on the table in front of them.
"Okay," Sadie said happily, and hopped off of Monica's lap. Once she was safely out of earshot, Monica looked at Rachel sadly.
"Whatever you do, do not repeat this to your husband," Monica said quickly.
"What, what is it?" Rachel's eyes lit up, at the very notion that she was about to be on the receiving end of some juicy gossip.
"Chandler and I are..together."
"Mon! Are you sure that's a good idea?"
"No," Monica shook her head, as tears welled up in her eyes, "But I love him, Rach. And it's tearing me apart. I love him so much, and yet I have to give in to the inevitable----I am going to lose him."
"Oh, Mon," Rachel hugged her friend as best she could with little Belle in her arms.
"But I don't regret it, Rach. And I know I never will."
~*~
~A Very Good Year~ Chapter Seven: Hide Your Love Away
June
"Ross and Rachel and the kids will be here tomorrow morning," Monica said, as she clicked the phone off and placed it back into its cradle.
"Okay," Chandler nodded, but didn't look up from his magazine. Monica sighed heavily, and moved to sit next to Chandler. She felt him flinch slightly, and she scooted back slightly.
"Chandler, what's wrong?" Monica asked quietly.
"Nothing," Chandler muttered flatly.
"Chandler," Monica grabbed Chandler's magazine, in an attempt to get him to talk.
"Mon, I don't want to talk about this again," Chandler said slowly.
"Talk about what?"
Chandler sighed. He hated this. The past few weeks with Monica had been wonderful, dreamlike, even. The morning after that first night, they talked, for hours. Chandler needed to make Monica understand that this relationship would only end with her being hurt. In the end, Monica tried to convince Chandler that it was a good thing, and that she would be fine. Chandler relented, but in the back of his head, he wondered if he was truly doing The Right Thing. The weeks passed, and Chandler felt relatively good most of the time, so he let himself fall under Monica's spell. He fell in love with her, and wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life making her happy.
But early this morning, he was violently reminded that 'the rest of his life' was a very short period of time.
He awoke well before dawn, with a searing pain shooting through his head. He was somehow able to stumble out of bed, and out of Monica's bedroom, without waking Monica up. He spent the next four hours coughing bile and blood into the toilet, before carefully cleaning up, and heading into his own room, to check on Sadie.
"Chandler, is this about what happened this morning?" Monica asked quietly.
"What?"
"You were sick this morning, weren't you?"
Chandler's cheeks reddened, and he looked at his hands sheepishly.
"I thought you hadn't heard."
"I woke up when I got cold. I heard you coughing, but I knew that you wouldn't want me to.."
"It just reminded me that..I'm going to end up hurting you."
"Chandler, your sickness is always going to be a shadow, and I am preparing myself for what will happen. Please, please do not shut me out. I love you."
"I love you too," Chandler whispered.
"Okay. Phoebe and Joey should be back with Sadie soon. I need to finish dinner," Monica started to scoot off of the sofa.
"Mon, wait," Chandler grabbed Monica's hand, and she turned suddenly. The desperation in Chandler's voice made her heart skip a beat.
"What? Are you okay?" "I just..I need..to kiss you," Chandler smiled, and Monica giggled, before leaning in to kiss Chandler passionately.
"Uh, Mon?" Chandler asked, as they pulled apart.
"Hmmm?"
"What are we gonna tell your brother?"
***
"Hi!" Ross, said, as he walked in, followed by Rachel, who was carrying Isabelle.
"HI!" Monica squealed, then immediately retracted and shushed herself when she noted that Isabelle was sleeping. "Where's Ben?" she whispered.
"With Carol and Susan. Where's, uh, where's Chandler?"
"He's sleeping," Monica said, "I'll go wake him."
"No! No, Mon, you don't have to do that," Ross said quickly.
"He's been asleep for a few hours. Plus, he really wants to see you guys," Monica smiled and walked into Chandler and Sadie's room.
Ross sighed heavily and sat down on the sofa.
"Sweetie, I'm sure it'll be okay," Rachel said softly, as she took a seat next to Ross.
"Yeah, I just..you know I'm no good around sick people," Ross said slowly.
"Honey, I think that you need to try and relax. You were the one that said you would regret it if we didn't come back."
"I know, I'm just---" Ross was cut off when Monica emerged from the bedroom, with Sadie in her arms.
"Is he, uh----"
"Yeah, he'll be out in a minute," Monica said, "Sadie, do you remember Ross and Rachel and Belle?"
Sadie blinked her eyes sleepily, and shook her head, before burying her head in Monica's shoulder.
"Hi Sadie," Rachel said sweetly.
Monica settled into the chair with Sadie, as Chandler walked out of his bedroom.
"Hey, guys," Chandler said nervously. He stood in the doorway for a moment, shifting from foot to foot.
"Hey," Rachel smiled, and elbowed Ross as subtly as possible.
"Hey, man," Ross said quietly, though he was unable to look up at Chandler.
"Chandler, honey, come and sit down," Rachel said, then turned to Ross, "Scoot over, babe."
Ross moved as close to Rachel as he could, while Chandler moved slowly to the sofa. Chandler noted Ross' reluctance to sit very close to him. The tension in the room was as thick as mud, and no one in the room knew quite how to break it.
Rachel did the best she could.
"So, Chandler, how are you feeling?"
"Good. Uh, fine, I mean, relatively speaking," Chandler laughed uncomfortably. "Are you, uh, has anything changed?" Ross asked tentatively.
"No," Chandler shook his head.
"Rach, why don't you and I take the kids for a walk?" Monica said in a not- very-subtle way.
"Sounds good," Rachel smiled, and quickly followed Monica and Sadie out the door.
Once the door was closed, Chandler and Ross sat in silence for a minute.
"Ross, I was wondering, um, if you were still upset about what happened with Rachel."
"What? Oh, that. No, uh, I got an earful from Rachel about that. I'm sorry that I jumped to conclusions, man."
"No, it's alright. I just---well, I just kind of assumed that's why I haven't seen you guys for so long."
"No, it's..I really don't have a good excuse," Ross said sadly.
"Is it because I'm sick?"
Ross swallowed hard, but didn't answer.
"It's okay to be afraid, Ross. I'm scared to death."
"I'm a scientist, ya know? I shouldn't BE scared!"
Chandler smiled, and shot Ross a bemused look.
"What?"
"Scientists are not impervious to emotion, Ross," Chandler laughed.
"Yeah," Ross looked at Chandler, and took note of how small he looked. He was so pale and thin, and yet there was a sparkle in his eyes that completely countered the rest of his appearance. He seemed genuinely happy, and Ross couldn't for the life of him figure out why.
"Well, I am glad you're here," Chandler said after a moment.
"I'm glad too, man," Ross smiled, and the two friends hugged in that "guy" way. When Chandler pulled away, he saw that Ross was crying.
"Hey, it's gonna be okay," Chandler smiled.
"Yeah," Ross nodded and sighed.
***
"So how is he, really?" Rachel said, as she, Monica, and the kids took a seat on the orange sofa in Central Perk.
"He has good days and bad days," Monica smiled at Sadie, "Right, Sadie?"
"Today is a good day," Sadie said, as she nodded.
"Yeah," Monica said distantly, as memories of what happened the morning before floated into her head.
"How are you holding up?" Rachel asked.
"Sadie, can you go grab me a napkin?" Monica pointed to the small table in the corner, and hoped the little girl would not notice the napkin dispenser sitting on the table in front of them.
"Okay," Sadie said happily, and hopped off of Monica's lap. Once she was safely out of earshot, Monica looked at Rachel sadly.
"Whatever you do, do not repeat this to your husband," Monica said quickly.
"What, what is it?" Rachel's eyes lit up, at the very notion that she was about to be on the receiving end of some juicy gossip.
"Chandler and I are..together."
"Mon! Are you sure that's a good idea?"
"No," Monica shook her head, as tears welled up in her eyes, "But I love him, Rach. And it's tearing me apart. I love him so much, and yet I have to give in to the inevitable----I am going to lose him."
"Oh, Mon," Rachel hugged her friend as best she could with little Belle in her arms.
"But I don't regret it, Rach. And I know I never will."
~*~