Title: After the Storm.
Author: Daisy
Email: e.large@talk21.com
Pairing: Angel/Cordelia
Rating:NC17 just to be safe
Category: a little bit of angst, a little bit of
romance, a little bit of sex
Spoilers:I don't think so, but you can never be too
sure, maybe some speculation for season 4. Maybe the end
of 3 as well.
Disclaimer:All together now....All the characters belong
to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy and UPN and Fox and
anyone else that has the money to sue me. NOT MINE
Distribution:Want, take, have, but be a peach and let me
know.
Feedback: Yes please, its chocolate for the soul.
A/N: Oooh the pressure...Sequel to Wounded heart, thanks
for all the wonderful feedback I've been getting of
late, you guys are the best.
Dedication: For my papa who bugged me all week to finish
this when I had writers block. You're annoying but I
love ya.
"Well this is the stupidest thing I've done today." Cordelia muttered into the still air of the basement. Earlier that morning the dark haired beauty had decided the only way to take her mind off of her current situation was to re-stack the boxes in the basement, something she had been meaning to do for the last two years but had always found an excuse not to. Cordelia had realised that she only had full use of one hand when she was half way through the task. Balancing precariously on an old rickety stool the seer tried to lift a file filled box up on to the top shelf. She felt a dull ache in her side, her ribs were healing but not nearly as fast as she would have liked.
"Cordelia what are you doing?" Angel asked amused at the sight in front of him. Surprised by the vampires voice Cordelia stumbled, she felt the box slipping out of her hand and the stool teetering beneath her.
"Bah!" She shouted as the box fell, a corner hitting her on the head with a thud. Cordelia began to fall backwards, her hands grasped wildly in the air. The seer felt strong hands on her waist, steadying her, saving her. Angel lifted her easily off the stool and lowered her to the ground as though she weighed nothing. Still holding her Angel turned the young woman around to face him.
"I was sorting out the boxes." Cordelia finally answered his question breathlessly. She wasn't sure if it was the near fall or her close proximity to Angel that was making her breathless. Wonderful, this is the exact feeling I came down to here to get away from, Cordelia scolded herself.
"With one hand and a stool that's older than I am?" Angel smiled down at her.
"I never said it was a good plan." Cordelia scowled at him. "And anyway, my hand is a lot better." She lied, wincing slightly when she wiggled her fingers. "Better in the sense that it still hurts." Cordelia muttered.
"You should have asked me to help, or better yet, not do it at all." Angel admonished her, his tone was gentle though and he was running his hands up and down her arms, an innocent gesture that threw Cordelia into silent turmoil. "Did you hurt your head?" Angel felt for any lump that might be forming.
"Not really." Cordelia said dumbly, staring at his mouth. She had to physically stop herself from planting a kiss on his sweet lips. Angel looked at the beautiful creature in front of him, she was covered in dust dressed in jeans and a grubby T-shirt with her hair in disarray. She had never looked more ravishing to him. Angel pulled his hands away from her and stepped back as though he'd been burnt. Cordelia lowered her eyes to the floor and sighed. This was the dance they had been doing for two weeks, they would come so close then Angel would pull away. The distance between them in the basement was small, but it felt like miles. Cordelia didn't know what was going on and she was afraid to ask, their relationship was fragile and she feared the smallest thing could bring it tumbling down.
"So...would you like some help?" Angel asked her politely.
"No...thank you, I'm pretty much done now." Angel nodded and left her alone in the basement once again.
Polite. That's what they were to each other now. Thank you, please, you're welcome, after you. They were walking on ice and Cordelia longed for the fall. 'We'll talk about it later' Angel had said the night he had looked after her after the accident. But how much later had he meant? Every time she had tentatively brought up the subject of their relationship Angel either changed the conversation or left the room on some errand that he suddenly had to do. So she had just stopped bringing it up and now there was this impossible politeness. Cordelia wanted what they had before Angel had given away his soul and she had found comfort in Angelus' arms. She wanted the passion, the love, the trust and the million other things that had made their relationship so wonderful. She just didn't know how to get it back.
***
Angel walked back into the lobby meeting with the expectant stares of Fred, Gunn and Wesley.
"Don't." The vampire warned them shortly.
"We weren't...." Wesley started.
"You were, so don't." Angel dismissed the subject, flipping through the file of the current case they were working on.
"You ran out of there like a little girl didn't ya?" Gunn grinned at him making Wesley chuckle.
"I miss the respect." Angel muttered to himself.
"Angel, you have to talk to her." Fred crossed her arms and strode towards the brooding vampire. "This has gone on for long enough."
Angel regarded the little Texan in front of him, marvelling at the change that had over come her in the time she was with the group. Gone was the timid kinda crazy, replaced with a self assured, confident kinda wonderful.
"Fred, it's not that easy." He thought at least she would understand. "I know it isn't, you've both made mistakes and you're both hurting but you need to start moving forward. You still love her right? You want to be with her?" Fred raised her eyebrows expectantly at him. Angel nodded mutely. "Then you need to let her know that because right now Cordy has no idea how you feel about her. If you don't then I wouldn't be surprised if she finally uses that ticket she has in her purse." Fred let slip on purpose.
"She's still thinking about leaving?" Angel asked worriedly. All three of his friends nodded at the same time. Why am I always the last one to find out? He wondered. Angel had vowed to himself that he would never let Cordelia go, and he stood by it, but he just didn't know how to get pass the awkwardness they were currently swimming in.
"You need to talk to your woman." Gunn said, ever since he and Fred had got through their problems he went around the hotel like he understood the inner most workings of a woman's brain.
"We have talked....kinda." Angel scowled, wishing they would just drop the subject.
"About Angelus yes, about what happens now, no." Wesley put in his two cents.
"Don't you people have your own love lives to mess with?" Angel tried to change the subject, something he was getting a lot of practice at recently.
"We do, but yours is so much more interesting." The ex- watcher smiled at the uncomfortable vampire.
"What's so much more interesting?" Cordelia spoke up from behind them. Angel spun around, praying that she hadn't heard too much.
"Days of our lives compared with All my children." Angel said the first thing that came into his head, he cursed day time tv.
"Ooook." Cordelia eyed the squirming vampire unconvinced. "I'm going to go take a shower, I'll let you guys get back to your..... important discussion."
"Days of our Lives?" Gunn asked Angel when Cordelia had left.
"I panicked." Angel shrugged.
***
Angel heard soft singing coming from Cordelia's room, he leant his forehead against the door and tried to decide how to do this. Should he go in there, sweep her off her feet and make mad passionate love to her? Or maybe he should buy her a box of chocolates and ask her to the movies? Where's Lorne when I need him? Angel wondered. Finally he knocked lightly on the door, half hoping that she wouldn't hear so he could go down stairs and say she didn't want to talk to him, at least that way Fred might get off his back a little.
"Come in." Cordelia sang out to him. Damn, Angel cursed to himself.
"Hey." He said awkwardly with his hands in his pockets, he hovered in the doorway, unsure what to do next.
"Oh, hi." Cordelia fidgeted nervously with the top of her towel, she suddenly felt incredibly underdressed. "So...what's up?"
"I was, er, just wondering, I mean....I was thinking that....Cordy?" Angel bumbled, unable to concentrate when Cordelia had so little on.
"Yes Angel?" Cordelia said hopefully.
"Can we talk?"
"I thought that's what we were doing."
"I mean..." Angel frowned.
"I know what you mean Angel, relax, take a seat while I go put some clothes on, maybe then we can both speak in full sentences." Cordelia said as she picked up her clothes and went into the bathroom. Angel sat on the edge of her bed and rubbed his hands together anxiously.
"I should have got Wes to write me some flash cards." The vampire grumbled under his breath.
"What was that?" Cordelia asked as she came out fully dressed rubbing a towel through her hair.
"Oh, nothing." Cordelia sat down on the bed next to him, he could smell her expensive shampoo and it drove him crazy. Angel hated this silence, at least when they were screaming at each other they were talking to each other.
"I think.."
"Do you..." They both spoke at the same time, they chuckled nervously, Angel gestured for her to go first.
"I think I'm going to move back into my apartment." Cordelia said slowly.
"You are?" Angel could feel things beginning to slip out of his control.
"Yeah, I can look after myself fine now, my ribs are healed and the bruising is going down, there's really no reason for me to be staying here any longer." Ask me to stay ask me to stay ask me to stay, Cordelia silently begged him.
"I...." Ask her to stay you idiot! Angel shouted at himself. "I guess." Cordelia searched his face for any clues about how he felt, she lowered her eyes when she found nothing.
"OK then." She stood up and went to brush her hair in the mirror.
"What did you want to talk about?" Cordelia asked him, concentrating on the monotonous task of untangling her thick hair.
"Oh, it's not important. It can wait, I'll...um..be downstairs." Angel dragged his hand through his hair.
"But..." Cordelia turned around, he was already gone.
***
A companionable silence settled over the members of Angel Investigations that afternoon, their lives had been a mess for the last few months so they all enjoyed this quiet time with each other. After everything that had happened Wesley wasn't sure if they would have been able to get back to this easy calm, he had missed his family and was overjoyed to have them back. If only Cordy and Angel could find their way back to each other, Wesley reflected. He watched as his oldest friends kept their distance from each other, the ex-watcher had heard the arguments and seen the tears of the couples slow road to forgiveness and now that they were there, they didn't know what to do. Even now the pair were sitting on opposite sides of the lobby, Cordelia at her desk and Angel on the stairs, occasionally glancing at each other but never long enough for the other to notice. When Angel had come downstairs earlier his face was a storm, they instinctively shrank away from him, they knew when not to push it. Then Cordelia had joined them and it was as though Angel didn't want her to see his woe, his posture straightened and he pasted a smile across his face, which frightened them all. Angel and Cordelia were both so busy trying to pretend that they were OK they didn't realise it was blatantly obvious to everyone else that they ached for each other. Wesley decided it was time he got himself involved.
"So Cordelia, you and Angel got any plans tonight?" Wesley said loud enough for the vampire to hear.
"Err..." Cordelia shot a anxious look at Angel.
"Dinner? Movie? Dancing? Ballet?" Wesley wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at her. "Or maybe a night in?"
"Wesley what's wrong with your eyebrows?" Gunn squinted at him quizzically, Wesley ignored him and kept his attention on the blushing seer.
"I already have plans." Cordelia frowned at the nosy Englishman.
"You do? What?" Angel spoke without thinking, he'd forgotten to pretend that he wasn't listening.
"Fred and I are having a girlie night, you know, pizza, face packs, Rob Lowe films." Cordelia shrugged.
"You never told me." Gunn accused his girlfriend.
"You never asked." The Texan said without looking away from her computer.
"Fair enough." Gunn went back to reading the newspaper. Wesley gave up, he had tried at least. There's only so much you can do for two people before you want to beat them to death with a shovel, Wesley said to himself.
"This girlie night, are you having it at Fred's?" Angel asked Cordelia as he crossed the room.
"No, at mine." She told the frowning vampire.
"So you're moving out tonight then?"
"Yeah." Cordelia said quietly. Wesley waited for one of them to say something else, anything else. So far they were just looking at each other, a million things that needed to be said remained unsaid.
"Oh for Godsake!" Wesley shouted at the pair, finally cracking.
"Hello?" A familiar voice called from the door.
"Rupert!" Cordelia squealed and ran to her friend, she threw her arms around him crushing him in a warm embrace. Giles held her tightly, burying his face in her hair. Angel glowered at the ex-lovers.
"How are you?" Giles held her beautiful face in his hands and asked her pointedly.
"I'm fine Rupert, all better." Cordelia reassured him. "My god it's good to see you." She heard a forced cough behind her and realised she was being a dreadful host. "Oh, this is Gunn and Fred, Gunn and Fred this is Rupert Giles." The seer introduced them to each other. She noticed Fred blushing and had to stifle her laughter.
"Wesley, Angel." Giles nodded at them in greeting.
"What brings you to LA?" Wesley asked the older Englishman.
"I took Willow back to Sunnydale and thought I'd come see how my favourite cheerleader was." Giles smiled at Cordelia. "I thought we could go for a coffee?"
"Of course." Cordelia picked up her purse and linked arms with him, "Let's go. I'll be back later guys, Fred try and keep this lot in line while I'm gone." Cordelia called over her shoulder as they left the Hotel and walked in to the afternoon sun.
"So, that was Rupert Giles then." Fred sighed once they had left. "I never thought I'd ever say this but...wow, he's dreamy."
"You're kidding, right? But he's so...." Angel's face twisted into a grimace.
"Sexy? Distinguished? Classy? Handsome? Fine?" Fred tried to help him out.
"Old." The vampire spat out.
"Speaks the two hundred and fifty year old walking corpse." Fred raised her eyebrows at him.
"You're spending way too much time with Cordelia." The walking corpse grumbled.
"Whatever." She rolled her eyes at him. "Why did they break up?"
"I never asked her, now if you don't mind can we all get back to work." Angel huffed and stalked in to Wesley's office, slamming the door behind him.
***
The sun felt good on the side of Cordelia's face, the life she had chosen meant that this was a rare occurrence. The cafe was crowded, filled with the laughter and chatter of regular people, there were no discussions about the end of the world, no soul destroying break up scenes. Just normal everyday people with normal everyday problems. Cordelia was starting to feel out of place.
"So how's Willow doing?" She asked the Englishman.
"Not wonderful, but better than she was. It's been a difficult year." Giles admitted as he stirred his tea.
"Tell me about it." Cordelia agreed. "The curse of Sunnydale High-school, you can run but you can't hide." Giles smiled at her dry tone. "And the slayer?" Cordelia asked as she sipped her coffee.
"Disturbingly happy with Spike, what is it with you Sunnydale women and vampires? Did I not stress that they were the enemy enough in all those research sessions?" Giles grumbled in fake annoyance.
"Sure you did Rupert, we just weren't listening to you is all." Cordelia patted his hand affectionately. "And anyway, I heard something about a certain vengeance demon fluttering her eyelashes at you. What's that about?"
"I...Anya is...we're not...Anya is a very confusing woman." The ex librarian muttered a little embarrassed under Cordelia's amused gaze. "It's all very confusing."
"Love usually is." She nodded her head wearily.
"So how are you? The truth this time." The Englishman changed the subject as he took off his glasses and cleaned them, a simple act that comforted Cordelia.
"I'm OK, really Rupert. I'm pretty much all healed." She gave him a bright forced smile.
"And you and Angel?" Giles saw her smile falter then slip, unable to keep up the happy facade.
"Angel and I are currently in a holding pattern, we haven't moved forward, we haven't moved back. We just...are." She sighed.
"You've spoken about what happened?
"Oh yeah, we've spoken, we've screamed, we've cried, the whole moving on gambit, we just haven't actually moved on is all. I don't know what he wants, every time I get near him he backs away." She was quiet for a moment, Giles didn't push her, he knew she would continue in her own time. "I think....I think I disgust him, it's like, whenever he touches me, even just to pass me a file, something completely innocent, he can't get away from me fast enough. Like... I'm tainted." She said quietly, Giles saw a tear escape from beneath her sunglasses. Cordelia wiped it away quickly, pretending it was never there. "I don't understand how we can go from him giving me a bath to not being able to be in the same room together. I was wrong, we have gone backwards!" Her voice rose in annoyance.
"Cordelia I'm sure he isn't disgusted by you, he loves you, maybe he just needs time to adjust?" He tried to appease her.
"I'm not sure how much time I can give him. I know that's selfish, especially as this is all pretty much my fault, but I can't help it. Something has to change....because I can't stay here and not be with him." Cordelia finished. She realised she had torn her napkin in to a million tiny pieces while she was speaking, Cordelia watched as a soft wind carried them away and fluttered them in to the street.
"You know what the worse thing is?" The seer asked her old love, she took off her shades and rubbed her eyes wearily. "That we were happy before this happened. We were deliriously wonderfully happy. It took us so long to get together in the first place, and when we finally did I had everything I ever wanted....and I just threw it all away like it meant nothing."
"Cordelia, I don't know what to say to make this better." Giles touched her fingertips with his, a soothing gesture that meant more than any words could.
"Are any of us going to get a happy ending?" Cordelia asked her old friend .
"I bloody well hope so Cordy."
***
Angel paced the floor of the Hyperion Hotel lobby, his hands in his jean pockets, his shoulders hunched over. Usually the more he paced the clearer things in his mind became, but not this evening. Cordelia had been gone far too long for his liking, and it didn't help that she was with Rupert Giles. Angel hadn't always known about her history with Giles, it was only when Cordelia invaded his life that Angel became aware that he and Buffy weren't the only ones in Sunnydale to have the big heartbreaking romance, but the librarian and the cheerleader's wasn't played out in front of everyone, even back then Cordelia's private life was just that, private.
He could feel the others watching him as he walked up and down, their heads turning with him as though they were at Wimbledon. Angel stopped, spinning around to glare at them but they busied themselves, pretending they weren't interested in what he was doing.
"What's the time?" Angel barked.
"Just gone six, relax man, she'll be back soon." Gunn assured him.
"I am relaxed." He growled at the younger man. The amused look on Gunn's face didn't help the vampires mood. Angel carried on prowling the lobby like a wolf hunting invisible prey. If Giles touches her I'll rip his head clean off, I've done it before, I can do it again, Angel tormented himself.
"Oh thank God." Gunn praised the heavens as Cordelia and Giles walked through the front doors, he wasn't sure how much longer Angel could have waited without beating the crap out of something.
"Pleased to see me Gunn?" She raised an eyebrow at her friend .
"You have nooo idea." Gunn murmured under his breath and went back to what he was doing.
"So...um...Mr Giles..." Fred started, her little voice barely audible.
"Please, call me Rupert." He smiled warmly at the charming little Texan making her blush, Gunn felt the urge to beat his chest and declare the woman his.
"Oh, ok. Will you be in town long Rupert?"
"Sadly no, this is just a flying visit, I have a plane back to England to catch in a couple hours, I have some business to clear up there and then I'll be returning to Sunnydale for a while. I'm sure I'll be returning soon though. Angel, I wanted to ask you a few questions about Spike, do you think we could go somewhere and talk?" Giles had felt the glares the vampire was shooting him so he wasn't surprised to see the thunderous look on Angel's face when he turned around.
"Certainly." Angel managed to ground out, he gestured to Wesley's office then followed the English man in. "So, what's Spike done now?" He sat on the edge of the desk and folded his arms across his chest, all business.
"Trust me, you don't want to know. Anyway, I didn't really come here to talk about Spike." Giles stood in front of the other man.
"Cordelia's fine." Angel dismissed the subject before it even started.
"We both know that's a lie."
"Our relationship is none of your business."
"I care about her so it is very much my business."
"You still love her." Angel scowled at the ex-Watcher.
"Of course I do and if I thought she still wanted to be with me I'd have her on the first flight back to England as Mrs Rupert Giles but she doesn't. That's not going to happen and we've both moved on. For some reason you're the one she wants to be with." Giles informed him evenly. "And if you don't let her know that you still want to be with her very soon, you're going to lose her for good. If you let this woman slip away from you then you're an even bigger fool than I first thought. Don't make the same mistake I did." Giles finished with regret.
***
For all of the advice that been given, day passed into night relatively quietly. Wesley muttered something about a date but wouldn't go in to details before he departed, Cordelia and Fred left the Hotel deep in discussion about what videos to rent and finally Gunn wandered off in search of something to do with his girlfriendless evening. So Angel was on his own as he stalked through the hazardous streets of Los Angeles, he wondered what his fallen friend Doyle would say about his crumbling relationship, no doubt the same as everyone else had said. Get over it, move on. If you don't you'll lose the woman you love. Angel knew all this was true, he was just scared. Scared that when he touched Cordelia she'd be thinking about Angelus, wanting Angelus. He knew Cordelia loved him, but not if she wanted him anymore. The fact that she's moving out of the Hotel isn't exactly a good sign, he contemplated as he kicked a stray drinks can out of his way.
The night was cool but Angel didn't feel it, he'd been walking without purpose for an hour through the deserted back alleys and bustling side streets of the place he'd come to call home. There was so much pain and hate in this city Angel could almost smell it, but when he was with Cordelia it all seemed a little less unwelcoming. As though there were still hope in the world. Hope that one day everything will be OK. With this is his mind Angel strode on through the night, ready to help the hopeless and maybe even save himself at the same time.
***
Cordelia hummed to herself as she jogged through the corridors of the hotel towards her old room. Her and Fred had got back to Cordelia's apartment only to discover that the seer had left her purse behind. So she had left the Texan woman in the capable if ethereal hands of Phantom Dennis and hurried back, her mood still light from seeing Giles earlier that day. When she dashed pass Angel's bedroom she saw something out of the corner of her eye that stopped her in her tracks.
"Jesus Angel, what the hell have you been doing?!" Cordelia shouted at the vampire as she stormed over to the bed where he had collapsed.
"I picked a fight..." Angel winced as he sat up. "...that I probably shouldn't have. Most of the blood isn't mine though, at least I don't think it is." He looked down at his ruined blood covered clothing.
"If you were patrolling you should have called Gunn and Wes." She scolded him angrily.
"I'm quite capable of dusting a couple vampires on my own!" Angel scoffed defensively. He went to stand up and toppled back down.
"Yeah, I can tell that by the way you're bleeding." Cordelia rolled her eyes at him and went to help the vampire out of his leather jacket. When she felt him tense up at her touch she let out a long sigh. "Do you want my help or not?" Cordelia asked him brusquely. "You don't have to...."
"Yes I do." Cordelia cut him off frowning, she went ahead and removed his ruined jacket unveiling the full extent of his wounds. His white shirt was stained red with borrowed blood, large ragged gashes slashed across his chest and back. Cordelia bit her lip as she surveyed his injuries.
"I need to take off your shirt." Cordelia said quietly, her voice was gruff with emotion, even though she had shouted at him when she'd first seen him, Cordelia had been scared out of her mind and it now showed in her voice. The young woman knelt in front of him and unbuttoned the remains of his shirt with shaking fingers. "A couple of vampires didn't do this." Cordelia looked at him, her eyes wide with concern.
"There may have been others...with claws." He decided not to let her in on all the details, she would only shout at him again and right now he was enjoying her closeness. Cordelia stood up between his long legs and removed his top, grimacing when it stuck to the already healing cuts. She touched the bruised skin on his shoulder with her fingertips, Angel hissed at the contact.
"Don't be such a girl." Cordelia chided him gently. "These are just about healed, they just need to be cleaned and dressed." She ran her hand through his hair assessing his scalp for knots, when she found none she stepped away from him. Cordelia silently shrugged off her coat and went to the bathroom to fill up a bowl with warm water and collect the first-aid kit. Angel watched her hips sway from side to side inside her tight black pencil skirt as she left the room. It was that moment that things became clear to Angel, weeks of indecision vanished with the hypnotic swing of Cordelia's womanly stride. He was a simple man.
"Four people told me I was an idiot today." He told Cordelia when she came back in.
"Just four? You must be loosing your touch." She gave him a saccharin smile. She kicked off her heels she sat behind him on the bed and methodically began to clean the blood away. Angel's head dropped to his chest, Cordelia could hear the vampire purring in contentment whenever the damp cloth passed over his skin.
"Don't you want to know why they called me an idiot?" Angel asked after while.
"I just figured it was for the usual reasons." Cordelia said dryly, he felt her warm breath on his back when she spoke making his skin prickle.
"Funny."
"I thought so. Go on then, why are you an idiot?" She patted down the dressing on one cut and started on the next across the top of his back.
"Because I haven't told you how much I still love you....how much I still want you." Angel finally told her, his heart on his sleeve. Cordelia stilled her movements, realising they were finally going to have the conversation and she had no idea what to say. She moved out from behind the vampire and sat down beside him, her slender thigh pressing against his.
"I need to do your arm." Cordelia said in her best doctor tone. The gash was deeper there, the bruising darker. Something must have grabbed at him, she thought to herself. Cordelia pressed a towel against the wound to stop the bleeding.
"Cordelia did you hear me?" Angel placed his hand over hers as she held the towel to his arm.
"I heard you Angel, I'm just...I'm waiting for you to change your mind." She pulled her hand away from his grasp and threw the bloody towel across the room.
"What do you mean?" Angel blinked in confusion, she pressed a thick cotton pad against his arm then slowly wrapped a long bandage tightly around it, a task she had done too many times in the last four years. "Cordelia?"
"Angel...we're going round in circles and I'm getting tired of it. That night after the accident you didn't leave my side, then the next morning you could hardly stand to be in the same room as me. You tell me you don't want me to leave but then you run whenever I come near you. I can't.... you don't know what you want." Cordelia leant over him across him, cleaning the wounds on his chest as she spoke. Angel grasped her arm and forced her to look at him.
"Cordelia I never stopped loving you." He told her roughly, he placed her hand over his still heart. "I've never stopped wanting you. And that is never going to change. I pulled back because...because I was scared."
"Of what?" Cordelia asked the embarrassed vampire.
"Of him. Angelus. That when I touched you....you'd be thinking about him.Wanting him." Angel finally admitted to her. Cordelia was crushed that this is what was keeping them apart still.
"You're touching me now Angel....and you are the only one I'm thinking about." Cordelia cupped his face gently in her slim hand, she ran her thumb over his cheek, the faint rasp of stubble felt wonderfully familiar against her skin. "Never doubt that you are the one I love, and when we're together I want you so much it makes me crazy." She murmured, her voice laden with her love for him. "When *you* kiss me, when *you* touch me, when *you* are inside me Angel I never want it to end, no one else makes me feel the way you do. Angelus wasn't love, it was a bloody stupid mistake that I will regret for the rest of my life." Cordelia desperately needed him to believe her. "You have to believe me, it wasn't...." Angel quietened her with a kiss. Cordelia sighed as his cool lips pressed in to hers, it was a chaste kiss, testing the waters for what might be. He pulled away slowly, resting his forehead against his.
"Can we not talk anymore Cordy, all we've done for weeks is talk." Angel tangled his hands in her hair.
"OK." Cordelia agreed huskily. The second kiss was overflowing with the love and passion they felt for each other, Angel wanted to drown in her sweet mouth and when she granted his tongue access he thought he very well might. Cordelia grasped his shoulder when he plundered her mouth hungrily, her lungs burnt for air, forcing her to pull away. "I need to finish your bandages." She panted into his mouth.
"They're fine." Angel growled and tugged her up against him. "I'm suddenly feeling much better." Cordelia kissed her way across his collar bone and up his neck making the vampire purr with pleasure. Angel slipped his hands under the bottom of her top, tracing the tattoo he knew was there. A jolt of desire struck her at his touch on her bare skin, she kissed him hungrily running her tongue greedily over the blunt edges of the vampires canines. Cordelia sucked his bottom lip into her mouth, grazing the delicate flesh with her teeth. Angel's hand snaked up the inside of her skirt, trailing cool heat across her thigh. "Angel, I want you." She brushed her lips against his ear.
"Cordy....are you sure?" Angel whispered urgently, he had to make sure now before they went any further, he didn't know if he could stop himself if they carried on like this.
"I've never been more sure of anything." As if to show him that she meant it the seer untangled herself from his vice like grip and stood in front of him. Cordelia pulled her little red cashmere sweater over her head revealing her full lace covered breasts to the man she loved. Cordelia placed his hand over her heart. "Only for you." She promised him. She slowly pulled the zipper on her skirt, letting it fall away then kicking it aside. She straddled Angel's lap pressing herself down on to his increasing desire. Angel kissed her languidly, long hot kisses overflowing with his lust for her. He dragged the thin straps of her brassiere off her shoulders, trailing kisses across her jaw and down her throat, his thumbs brushing roughly over her erect nipples making her moan his name softly. Cordelia pushed the vampire backwards onto the bed still straddling his hips tightly. The wounds on his chest were healed but still an angry red, she traced one carefully to see if it hurt him, she guessed by the way that his eyes were black with desire that his earlier fight was the last thing on his mind.
Satisfied that Angel was well enough to continue Cordelia unfastened the clasp of her bra, she felt him stir beneath her when she tossed the flimsy piece of lace away. The look in his eyes took her breath away. Angel grasped her supple thighs and rolled them over before Cordelia knew what was happening. When Angel dragged his cool tongue over her nipple all coherent thoughts flew from the seer's head, she arched her back into him, needing to feel more of him against her.
"Oh god Angel...." Cordelia groaned when the vampire settled his weight between her thighs, he could feel her heat burning him through his jeans.
"Too many clothes.." Angel muttered laconically as his hips began to grind against her of their own will. Standing up he fumbled with the button and zipper of his pants, he felt like a teenager again, wonderfully nervous and naive even though this was far from their first time together. Cordelia had to force herself not to laugh at the perplexed vampire towering over her. Finally he managed to figure out the complex workings of button and fly and stripped off his pants. Angel raised an eyebrow at her poorly concealed laughter, Cordelia was the very picture of desire, her skin was flushed, her eyes were black with passion and her naked body a landscape of sweeping curves that Angel had lost and found himself in time and time again.
Kneeling in front of her the vampire kissed the regal arch of her foot, he traced silent promises up the inside of her leg, skimming the sensitive back of her knee with his lips making Cordelia squirm with delight. Hooking his fingers around the elastic of her thong Angel quickly divested the young woman of the rest of her underwear, leaving her gloriously naked beneath him. Cordelia laced her hands through his spiky hair when he kissed the apex of her thighs, she bucked beneath him when she felt his cool tongue sweep between the lips of her sex, Cordelia was humming with desire and when Angel sucked the swollen nub of her clitoris the seer broke into a million pieces. Her orgasm was fast, sharp and unexpected, leaving her wanting more. Angel ran his hands up her sides and over her breasts as he moved on top of her.
"I...need you...Angel." Cordelia panted wrapping her legs tightly around his waist, urging him forward. With a gentleness that made her weep tears of happiness Angel entered her. For the first time in four months Cordelia felt like she was complete, the man she loved was surrounding her, inside her, everywhere. She slept with Angelus to forget her pain, to make her feel alive. It was grief and desperation, never love, never like this. They made love slowly, deliciously, savouring each others bodies with relish.
"I love you." Angel murmured into her ear as he languidly thrust inside her. Cordelia and Angel's bodies moved together instinctively, she rocked her hips back and forth, the soft whimpers Cordelia made were music to Angel's ears.
"Oh..god...Angel...I...love...you..." She panted, when Angel hit the hidden place deep inside of her Cordelia arched off the bed in ecstasy, her orgasm washed over her like molasses making the seer call out the vampires name loudly. Angel felt her nails digging into his shoulders wildly as she climaxed, causing him to roar his release deep inside her.
A sated calm settle over the pair, the only sound in the room was Cordelia's still heavy breathing. She ran her hands soothingly over the vampires back, tracing the muscles there with her fingertips. As archaic as it seemed Cordelia knew this man completed her, just as she completed him and nothing could keep them apart, no matter how much they hurt one and other, no matter how many times they tore each other apart they would always find their way back. Finally stirring, Angel shifted to her side wrapping himself around her, his head pillowed on her chest. Four months of pain, betrayal, blood and tears could not easily be forgotten but together they would be able to deal with it, as long as they could hold each other at the end of the day everything would be OK. Finally they had found their way home.
***
"I've left Fred alone with Dennis." Cordelia said some time later after they'd made love twice more. She sat crossed legged on the end of bed in her panties and Angel's T-shirt, veraciously eating pizza. The pair had been chatting easily for the last hour, finally catching up on everything that had been going on around them.
"I'm sure she's ok." Angel said, stretched lazily across the bed on his side, unselfconsciously naked.
"It's not Fred I'm worried about." Cordelia flicked a green pepper off her food, her face scrunched up in distaste. Angel peeled it from where it landed on his thigh and dropped it in to the pizza box. "Ooh I didn't tell you, I think Giles is in love."
"With someone that isn't you?" He asked hopefully.
"Duh, of course." Cordelia rolled her eyes at him. "With Anya."
"Xander's ex? Jeez, that's...yeesh. He certainly knows how to pick 'em."
"Meaning?" The seer raised her eyebrows at him.
"I mean, he....well you and Anya are...I love you?" Angel struggled to find the correct answer. Cordelia couldn't help but laugh at the clueless vampire.
"Nice save. Angel, I've been thinking..." Cordelia crawled over to him and nudged him on to his back, straddling his chest.
"Will this end with me spending money?"
"Probably. Seriously Angel, how would you feel if maybe I didn't move out? If it's too soon I understand." Cordelia asked him carefully, still unsure of how he was going to react.
"I think....that's the best idea I've heard today." Angel grinned at her. He sat up and wrapped his arms around her, planting delicate kisses along her jaw, rubbing the relaxed muscles in her shoulders. Angel had spent the last two weeks afraid to touch her and now that he was he found he couldn't stop. As they hungrily kissed Cordelia felt his desire stirring beneath her once again, he ran his hands over her toned stomach and cupped her breasts beneath her T-shirt, cheekily worrying the rosy peaks in to hard nubs. Cordelia accidentally grasped her champions injured arm, she frowned when he hissed in pain, putting a stop to any further plans Angel had.
"It still hurts?" She extricated herself from his grip and studied the bandage, there was a faint trace of blood seeping through. "It should have healed by now. When was the last time you had blood?"
"I dunno...wasn't really thinking about food." Angel shrugged and attempted to drag her back into his arms and on to his lap once again, they were just starting something Angel really wanted to continue with. He pouted like a child whose mama had just taken away his favourite toy when Cordelia climbed off the bed.
"You haven't healed because you haven't eaten. I'm going to get you some blood." She chuckled at the look on his sweet face. "Don't worry, I'm coming back." Cordelia gave him a quick kiss on the forehead then hurried out of the room. "Oh and you better still be naked when I get back cos I've got plans for you Mister!" She called as she dashed down the stairs. Once in the kitchen the young woman went about heating up Angel's O-Neg dinner, she riffled through the fridge looking for something edible to eat, she pondered for a moment over the three week old bagels in front of her but backed away when she realised they were growing their own little friends. The entire kitchen was devoid of any kind of food at all, if they could manage to get out of bed in the next few days they were going to have to go to the market. The thought of doing something so normal and mundane made the already smiling woman grin even more. The ding of the microwave brought Cordelia out of her revelry, she turned around and walked straight into the ominous brick like figure of Skip.
"Goddammit Skip! I'm going to buy you a frikken bell." Cordelia stomped her foot in annoyance.
"Cordelia." The huge good-natured demon nodded to her a hello.
"You know, most people make appointments...during the day! This really isn't a good time." Cordelia went to move pass him but the demon blocked her way. A black dread crept up the seer's back. "Why are you here?"
"I'm sorry Cordelia."Skip could not meet her gaze.
"No." She backed away from him.
"You need to come with me."
"NO! Skip I won't, I refuse! Not now!" Cordelia begged him angrily.
"You don't have a choice I'm afraid, you must come with me now." "WHY!?" Cordelia shouted at him.
"Because if you don't things will end badly." Skip said, not actually telling her anything.
"I'm not leaving Angel, not now, not when we've only just got back together! You took me away from him once you are not going to do it again. Does someone up there not want us to be happy or something?" She stood defiantly with her hands on her hips, his lack of response chilled her. "That's it, isn't it. Me and Angel...we're not meant to be together. " Cordelia whispered in disbelief. Skip shook his head sadly, he cared for this woman deeply and hated having to hurt her. "You keep breaking us up on purpose?"
"I'm sorry Cordelia." He couldn't apologise enough.
"Well you have to stop it, do you hear me?! We're in love and there's nothing you can do about it. So, you can just bugger off and tell your boss to leave Cordelia Chase alone because she has had just about enough bull shit to last her a life time." Cordelia tried to leave the kitchen again but still Skip barred her way.
"You don't have a choice." Skip apologised and grasped her hand.
"Please Skip...I've just got him back." Cordelia began to cry, trying to pull out of his hold. "Don't make me break his heart again." She didn't see the single tear that fell down the demons craggy face as he placed his hand on her forehead. A brilliant light engulfed the room, then everything turned black.
***
Angel was an impatient man and his woman was taking far too long to get back to his bed. Singing a long forgotten tune in his head the vampire skipped down the corridor in search of Cordelia. The vampire was happy, sickeningly, wonderfully, happy. The woman he loved was moving back in with him where she belonged, they were going to be together again at last.
"Woman?" Angel called out as he strolled through the empty lobby, he picked up the days newspaper idly waiting for her to scold him for not staying in bed. He frowned when she didn't answer.
"Cordy?" The vampire called out again, louder this time. When he entered the kitchen Angel felt his world begin to fall apart. The glass of blood she had been preparing for him was shattered on the floor, making a deep red pool on the linoleum. There was a pungent smell in the air, something that wasn't human had been in here in the last few minutes.
"Cordelia?" Angel whispered into the deathly silence then dropped to his knees.
Cordelia was gone.
The End.
"Well this is the stupidest thing I've done today." Cordelia muttered into the still air of the basement. Earlier that morning the dark haired beauty had decided the only way to take her mind off of her current situation was to re-stack the boxes in the basement, something she had been meaning to do for the last two years but had always found an excuse not to. Cordelia had realised that she only had full use of one hand when she was half way through the task. Balancing precariously on an old rickety stool the seer tried to lift a file filled box up on to the top shelf. She felt a dull ache in her side, her ribs were healing but not nearly as fast as she would have liked.
"Cordelia what are you doing?" Angel asked amused at the sight in front of him. Surprised by the vampires voice Cordelia stumbled, she felt the box slipping out of her hand and the stool teetering beneath her.
"Bah!" She shouted as the box fell, a corner hitting her on the head with a thud. Cordelia began to fall backwards, her hands grasped wildly in the air. The seer felt strong hands on her waist, steadying her, saving her. Angel lifted her easily off the stool and lowered her to the ground as though she weighed nothing. Still holding her Angel turned the young woman around to face him.
"I was sorting out the boxes." Cordelia finally answered his question breathlessly. She wasn't sure if it was the near fall or her close proximity to Angel that was making her breathless. Wonderful, this is the exact feeling I came down to here to get away from, Cordelia scolded herself.
"With one hand and a stool that's older than I am?" Angel smiled down at her.
"I never said it was a good plan." Cordelia scowled at him. "And anyway, my hand is a lot better." She lied, wincing slightly when she wiggled her fingers. "Better in the sense that it still hurts." Cordelia muttered.
"You should have asked me to help, or better yet, not do it at all." Angel admonished her, his tone was gentle though and he was running his hands up and down her arms, an innocent gesture that threw Cordelia into silent turmoil. "Did you hurt your head?" Angel felt for any lump that might be forming.
"Not really." Cordelia said dumbly, staring at his mouth. She had to physically stop herself from planting a kiss on his sweet lips. Angel looked at the beautiful creature in front of him, she was covered in dust dressed in jeans and a grubby T-shirt with her hair in disarray. She had never looked more ravishing to him. Angel pulled his hands away from her and stepped back as though he'd been burnt. Cordelia lowered her eyes to the floor and sighed. This was the dance they had been doing for two weeks, they would come so close then Angel would pull away. The distance between them in the basement was small, but it felt like miles. Cordelia didn't know what was going on and she was afraid to ask, their relationship was fragile and she feared the smallest thing could bring it tumbling down.
"So...would you like some help?" Angel asked her politely.
"No...thank you, I'm pretty much done now." Angel nodded and left her alone in the basement once again.
Polite. That's what they were to each other now. Thank you, please, you're welcome, after you. They were walking on ice and Cordelia longed for the fall. 'We'll talk about it later' Angel had said the night he had looked after her after the accident. But how much later had he meant? Every time she had tentatively brought up the subject of their relationship Angel either changed the conversation or left the room on some errand that he suddenly had to do. So she had just stopped bringing it up and now there was this impossible politeness. Cordelia wanted what they had before Angel had given away his soul and she had found comfort in Angelus' arms. She wanted the passion, the love, the trust and the million other things that had made their relationship so wonderful. She just didn't know how to get it back.
***
Angel walked back into the lobby meeting with the expectant stares of Fred, Gunn and Wesley.
"Don't." The vampire warned them shortly.
"We weren't...." Wesley started.
"You were, so don't." Angel dismissed the subject, flipping through the file of the current case they were working on.
"You ran out of there like a little girl didn't ya?" Gunn grinned at him making Wesley chuckle.
"I miss the respect." Angel muttered to himself.
"Angel, you have to talk to her." Fred crossed her arms and strode towards the brooding vampire. "This has gone on for long enough."
Angel regarded the little Texan in front of him, marvelling at the change that had over come her in the time she was with the group. Gone was the timid kinda crazy, replaced with a self assured, confident kinda wonderful.
"Fred, it's not that easy." He thought at least she would understand. "I know it isn't, you've both made mistakes and you're both hurting but you need to start moving forward. You still love her right? You want to be with her?" Fred raised her eyebrows expectantly at him. Angel nodded mutely. "Then you need to let her know that because right now Cordy has no idea how you feel about her. If you don't then I wouldn't be surprised if she finally uses that ticket she has in her purse." Fred let slip on purpose.
"She's still thinking about leaving?" Angel asked worriedly. All three of his friends nodded at the same time. Why am I always the last one to find out? He wondered. Angel had vowed to himself that he would never let Cordelia go, and he stood by it, but he just didn't know how to get pass the awkwardness they were currently swimming in.
"You need to talk to your woman." Gunn said, ever since he and Fred had got through their problems he went around the hotel like he understood the inner most workings of a woman's brain.
"We have talked....kinda." Angel scowled, wishing they would just drop the subject.
"About Angelus yes, about what happens now, no." Wesley put in his two cents.
"Don't you people have your own love lives to mess with?" Angel tried to change the subject, something he was getting a lot of practice at recently.
"We do, but yours is so much more interesting." The ex- watcher smiled at the uncomfortable vampire.
"What's so much more interesting?" Cordelia spoke up from behind them. Angel spun around, praying that she hadn't heard too much.
"Days of our lives compared with All my children." Angel said the first thing that came into his head, he cursed day time tv.
"Ooook." Cordelia eyed the squirming vampire unconvinced. "I'm going to go take a shower, I'll let you guys get back to your..... important discussion."
"Days of our Lives?" Gunn asked Angel when Cordelia had left.
"I panicked." Angel shrugged.
***
Angel heard soft singing coming from Cordelia's room, he leant his forehead against the door and tried to decide how to do this. Should he go in there, sweep her off her feet and make mad passionate love to her? Or maybe he should buy her a box of chocolates and ask her to the movies? Where's Lorne when I need him? Angel wondered. Finally he knocked lightly on the door, half hoping that she wouldn't hear so he could go down stairs and say she didn't want to talk to him, at least that way Fred might get off his back a little.
"Come in." Cordelia sang out to him. Damn, Angel cursed to himself.
"Hey." He said awkwardly with his hands in his pockets, he hovered in the doorway, unsure what to do next.
"Oh, hi." Cordelia fidgeted nervously with the top of her towel, she suddenly felt incredibly underdressed. "So...what's up?"
"I was, er, just wondering, I mean....I was thinking that....Cordy?" Angel bumbled, unable to concentrate when Cordelia had so little on.
"Yes Angel?" Cordelia said hopefully.
"Can we talk?"
"I thought that's what we were doing."
"I mean..." Angel frowned.
"I know what you mean Angel, relax, take a seat while I go put some clothes on, maybe then we can both speak in full sentences." Cordelia said as she picked up her clothes and went into the bathroom. Angel sat on the edge of her bed and rubbed his hands together anxiously.
"I should have got Wes to write me some flash cards." The vampire grumbled under his breath.
"What was that?" Cordelia asked as she came out fully dressed rubbing a towel through her hair.
"Oh, nothing." Cordelia sat down on the bed next to him, he could smell her expensive shampoo and it drove him crazy. Angel hated this silence, at least when they were screaming at each other they were talking to each other.
"I think.."
"Do you..." They both spoke at the same time, they chuckled nervously, Angel gestured for her to go first.
"I think I'm going to move back into my apartment." Cordelia said slowly.
"You are?" Angel could feel things beginning to slip out of his control.
"Yeah, I can look after myself fine now, my ribs are healed and the bruising is going down, there's really no reason for me to be staying here any longer." Ask me to stay ask me to stay ask me to stay, Cordelia silently begged him.
"I...." Ask her to stay you idiot! Angel shouted at himself. "I guess." Cordelia searched his face for any clues about how he felt, she lowered her eyes when she found nothing.
"OK then." She stood up and went to brush her hair in the mirror.
"What did you want to talk about?" Cordelia asked him, concentrating on the monotonous task of untangling her thick hair.
"Oh, it's not important. It can wait, I'll...um..be downstairs." Angel dragged his hand through his hair.
"But..." Cordelia turned around, he was already gone.
***
A companionable silence settled over the members of Angel Investigations that afternoon, their lives had been a mess for the last few months so they all enjoyed this quiet time with each other. After everything that had happened Wesley wasn't sure if they would have been able to get back to this easy calm, he had missed his family and was overjoyed to have them back. If only Cordy and Angel could find their way back to each other, Wesley reflected. He watched as his oldest friends kept their distance from each other, the ex-watcher had heard the arguments and seen the tears of the couples slow road to forgiveness and now that they were there, they didn't know what to do. Even now the pair were sitting on opposite sides of the lobby, Cordelia at her desk and Angel on the stairs, occasionally glancing at each other but never long enough for the other to notice. When Angel had come downstairs earlier his face was a storm, they instinctively shrank away from him, they knew when not to push it. Then Cordelia had joined them and it was as though Angel didn't want her to see his woe, his posture straightened and he pasted a smile across his face, which frightened them all. Angel and Cordelia were both so busy trying to pretend that they were OK they didn't realise it was blatantly obvious to everyone else that they ached for each other. Wesley decided it was time he got himself involved.
"So Cordelia, you and Angel got any plans tonight?" Wesley said loud enough for the vampire to hear.
"Err..." Cordelia shot a anxious look at Angel.
"Dinner? Movie? Dancing? Ballet?" Wesley wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at her. "Or maybe a night in?"
"Wesley what's wrong with your eyebrows?" Gunn squinted at him quizzically, Wesley ignored him and kept his attention on the blushing seer.
"I already have plans." Cordelia frowned at the nosy Englishman.
"You do? What?" Angel spoke without thinking, he'd forgotten to pretend that he wasn't listening.
"Fred and I are having a girlie night, you know, pizza, face packs, Rob Lowe films." Cordelia shrugged.
"You never told me." Gunn accused his girlfriend.
"You never asked." The Texan said without looking away from her computer.
"Fair enough." Gunn went back to reading the newspaper. Wesley gave up, he had tried at least. There's only so much you can do for two people before you want to beat them to death with a shovel, Wesley said to himself.
"This girlie night, are you having it at Fred's?" Angel asked Cordelia as he crossed the room.
"No, at mine." She told the frowning vampire.
"So you're moving out tonight then?"
"Yeah." Cordelia said quietly. Wesley waited for one of them to say something else, anything else. So far they were just looking at each other, a million things that needed to be said remained unsaid.
"Oh for Godsake!" Wesley shouted at the pair, finally cracking.
"Hello?" A familiar voice called from the door.
"Rupert!" Cordelia squealed and ran to her friend, she threw her arms around him crushing him in a warm embrace. Giles held her tightly, burying his face in her hair. Angel glowered at the ex-lovers.
"How are you?" Giles held her beautiful face in his hands and asked her pointedly.
"I'm fine Rupert, all better." Cordelia reassured him. "My god it's good to see you." She heard a forced cough behind her and realised she was being a dreadful host. "Oh, this is Gunn and Fred, Gunn and Fred this is Rupert Giles." The seer introduced them to each other. She noticed Fred blushing and had to stifle her laughter.
"Wesley, Angel." Giles nodded at them in greeting.
"What brings you to LA?" Wesley asked the older Englishman.
"I took Willow back to Sunnydale and thought I'd come see how my favourite cheerleader was." Giles smiled at Cordelia. "I thought we could go for a coffee?"
"Of course." Cordelia picked up her purse and linked arms with him, "Let's go. I'll be back later guys, Fred try and keep this lot in line while I'm gone." Cordelia called over her shoulder as they left the Hotel and walked in to the afternoon sun.
"So, that was Rupert Giles then." Fred sighed once they had left. "I never thought I'd ever say this but...wow, he's dreamy."
"You're kidding, right? But he's so...." Angel's face twisted into a grimace.
"Sexy? Distinguished? Classy? Handsome? Fine?" Fred tried to help him out.
"Old." The vampire spat out.
"Speaks the two hundred and fifty year old walking corpse." Fred raised her eyebrows at him.
"You're spending way too much time with Cordelia." The walking corpse grumbled.
"Whatever." She rolled her eyes at him. "Why did they break up?"
"I never asked her, now if you don't mind can we all get back to work." Angel huffed and stalked in to Wesley's office, slamming the door behind him.
***
The sun felt good on the side of Cordelia's face, the life she had chosen meant that this was a rare occurrence. The cafe was crowded, filled with the laughter and chatter of regular people, there were no discussions about the end of the world, no soul destroying break up scenes. Just normal everyday people with normal everyday problems. Cordelia was starting to feel out of place.
"So how's Willow doing?" She asked the Englishman.
"Not wonderful, but better than she was. It's been a difficult year." Giles admitted as he stirred his tea.
"Tell me about it." Cordelia agreed. "The curse of Sunnydale High-school, you can run but you can't hide." Giles smiled at her dry tone. "And the slayer?" Cordelia asked as she sipped her coffee.
"Disturbingly happy with Spike, what is it with you Sunnydale women and vampires? Did I not stress that they were the enemy enough in all those research sessions?" Giles grumbled in fake annoyance.
"Sure you did Rupert, we just weren't listening to you is all." Cordelia patted his hand affectionately. "And anyway, I heard something about a certain vengeance demon fluttering her eyelashes at you. What's that about?"
"I...Anya is...we're not...Anya is a very confusing woman." The ex librarian muttered a little embarrassed under Cordelia's amused gaze. "It's all very confusing."
"Love usually is." She nodded her head wearily.
"So how are you? The truth this time." The Englishman changed the subject as he took off his glasses and cleaned them, a simple act that comforted Cordelia.
"I'm OK, really Rupert. I'm pretty much all healed." She gave him a bright forced smile.
"And you and Angel?" Giles saw her smile falter then slip, unable to keep up the happy facade.
"Angel and I are currently in a holding pattern, we haven't moved forward, we haven't moved back. We just...are." She sighed.
"You've spoken about what happened?
"Oh yeah, we've spoken, we've screamed, we've cried, the whole moving on gambit, we just haven't actually moved on is all. I don't know what he wants, every time I get near him he backs away." She was quiet for a moment, Giles didn't push her, he knew she would continue in her own time. "I think....I think I disgust him, it's like, whenever he touches me, even just to pass me a file, something completely innocent, he can't get away from me fast enough. Like... I'm tainted." She said quietly, Giles saw a tear escape from beneath her sunglasses. Cordelia wiped it away quickly, pretending it was never there. "I don't understand how we can go from him giving me a bath to not being able to be in the same room together. I was wrong, we have gone backwards!" Her voice rose in annoyance.
"Cordelia I'm sure he isn't disgusted by you, he loves you, maybe he just needs time to adjust?" He tried to appease her.
"I'm not sure how much time I can give him. I know that's selfish, especially as this is all pretty much my fault, but I can't help it. Something has to change....because I can't stay here and not be with him." Cordelia finished. She realised she had torn her napkin in to a million tiny pieces while she was speaking, Cordelia watched as a soft wind carried them away and fluttered them in to the street.
"You know what the worse thing is?" The seer asked her old love, she took off her shades and rubbed her eyes wearily. "That we were happy before this happened. We were deliriously wonderfully happy. It took us so long to get together in the first place, and when we finally did I had everything I ever wanted....and I just threw it all away like it meant nothing."
"Cordelia, I don't know what to say to make this better." Giles touched her fingertips with his, a soothing gesture that meant more than any words could.
"Are any of us going to get a happy ending?" Cordelia asked her old friend .
"I bloody well hope so Cordy."
***
Angel paced the floor of the Hyperion Hotel lobby, his hands in his jean pockets, his shoulders hunched over. Usually the more he paced the clearer things in his mind became, but not this evening. Cordelia had been gone far too long for his liking, and it didn't help that she was with Rupert Giles. Angel hadn't always known about her history with Giles, it was only when Cordelia invaded his life that Angel became aware that he and Buffy weren't the only ones in Sunnydale to have the big heartbreaking romance, but the librarian and the cheerleader's wasn't played out in front of everyone, even back then Cordelia's private life was just that, private.
He could feel the others watching him as he walked up and down, their heads turning with him as though they were at Wimbledon. Angel stopped, spinning around to glare at them but they busied themselves, pretending they weren't interested in what he was doing.
"What's the time?" Angel barked.
"Just gone six, relax man, she'll be back soon." Gunn assured him.
"I am relaxed." He growled at the younger man. The amused look on Gunn's face didn't help the vampires mood. Angel carried on prowling the lobby like a wolf hunting invisible prey. If Giles touches her I'll rip his head clean off, I've done it before, I can do it again, Angel tormented himself.
"Oh thank God." Gunn praised the heavens as Cordelia and Giles walked through the front doors, he wasn't sure how much longer Angel could have waited without beating the crap out of something.
"Pleased to see me Gunn?" She raised an eyebrow at her friend .
"You have nooo idea." Gunn murmured under his breath and went back to what he was doing.
"So...um...Mr Giles..." Fred started, her little voice barely audible.
"Please, call me Rupert." He smiled warmly at the charming little Texan making her blush, Gunn felt the urge to beat his chest and declare the woman his.
"Oh, ok. Will you be in town long Rupert?"
"Sadly no, this is just a flying visit, I have a plane back to England to catch in a couple hours, I have some business to clear up there and then I'll be returning to Sunnydale for a while. I'm sure I'll be returning soon though. Angel, I wanted to ask you a few questions about Spike, do you think we could go somewhere and talk?" Giles had felt the glares the vampire was shooting him so he wasn't surprised to see the thunderous look on Angel's face when he turned around.
"Certainly." Angel managed to ground out, he gestured to Wesley's office then followed the English man in. "So, what's Spike done now?" He sat on the edge of the desk and folded his arms across his chest, all business.
"Trust me, you don't want to know. Anyway, I didn't really come here to talk about Spike." Giles stood in front of the other man.
"Cordelia's fine." Angel dismissed the subject before it even started.
"We both know that's a lie."
"Our relationship is none of your business."
"I care about her so it is very much my business."
"You still love her." Angel scowled at the ex-Watcher.
"Of course I do and if I thought she still wanted to be with me I'd have her on the first flight back to England as Mrs Rupert Giles but she doesn't. That's not going to happen and we've both moved on. For some reason you're the one she wants to be with." Giles informed him evenly. "And if you don't let her know that you still want to be with her very soon, you're going to lose her for good. If you let this woman slip away from you then you're an even bigger fool than I first thought. Don't make the same mistake I did." Giles finished with regret.
***
For all of the advice that been given, day passed into night relatively quietly. Wesley muttered something about a date but wouldn't go in to details before he departed, Cordelia and Fred left the Hotel deep in discussion about what videos to rent and finally Gunn wandered off in search of something to do with his girlfriendless evening. So Angel was on his own as he stalked through the hazardous streets of Los Angeles, he wondered what his fallen friend Doyle would say about his crumbling relationship, no doubt the same as everyone else had said. Get over it, move on. If you don't you'll lose the woman you love. Angel knew all this was true, he was just scared. Scared that when he touched Cordelia she'd be thinking about Angelus, wanting Angelus. He knew Cordelia loved him, but not if she wanted him anymore. The fact that she's moving out of the Hotel isn't exactly a good sign, he contemplated as he kicked a stray drinks can out of his way.
The night was cool but Angel didn't feel it, he'd been walking without purpose for an hour through the deserted back alleys and bustling side streets of the place he'd come to call home. There was so much pain and hate in this city Angel could almost smell it, but when he was with Cordelia it all seemed a little less unwelcoming. As though there were still hope in the world. Hope that one day everything will be OK. With this is his mind Angel strode on through the night, ready to help the hopeless and maybe even save himself at the same time.
***
Cordelia hummed to herself as she jogged through the corridors of the hotel towards her old room. Her and Fred had got back to Cordelia's apartment only to discover that the seer had left her purse behind. So she had left the Texan woman in the capable if ethereal hands of Phantom Dennis and hurried back, her mood still light from seeing Giles earlier that day. When she dashed pass Angel's bedroom she saw something out of the corner of her eye that stopped her in her tracks.
"Jesus Angel, what the hell have you been doing?!" Cordelia shouted at the vampire as she stormed over to the bed where he had collapsed.
"I picked a fight..." Angel winced as he sat up. "...that I probably shouldn't have. Most of the blood isn't mine though, at least I don't think it is." He looked down at his ruined blood covered clothing.
"If you were patrolling you should have called Gunn and Wes." She scolded him angrily.
"I'm quite capable of dusting a couple vampires on my own!" Angel scoffed defensively. He went to stand up and toppled back down.
"Yeah, I can tell that by the way you're bleeding." Cordelia rolled her eyes at him and went to help the vampire out of his leather jacket. When she felt him tense up at her touch she let out a long sigh. "Do you want my help or not?" Cordelia asked him brusquely. "You don't have to...."
"Yes I do." Cordelia cut him off frowning, she went ahead and removed his ruined jacket unveiling the full extent of his wounds. His white shirt was stained red with borrowed blood, large ragged gashes slashed across his chest and back. Cordelia bit her lip as she surveyed his injuries.
"I need to take off your shirt." Cordelia said quietly, her voice was gruff with emotion, even though she had shouted at him when she'd first seen him, Cordelia had been scared out of her mind and it now showed in her voice. The young woman knelt in front of him and unbuttoned the remains of his shirt with shaking fingers. "A couple of vampires didn't do this." Cordelia looked at him, her eyes wide with concern.
"There may have been others...with claws." He decided not to let her in on all the details, she would only shout at him again and right now he was enjoying her closeness. Cordelia stood up between his long legs and removed his top, grimacing when it stuck to the already healing cuts. She touched the bruised skin on his shoulder with her fingertips, Angel hissed at the contact.
"Don't be such a girl." Cordelia chided him gently. "These are just about healed, they just need to be cleaned and dressed." She ran her hand through his hair assessing his scalp for knots, when she found none she stepped away from him. Cordelia silently shrugged off her coat and went to the bathroom to fill up a bowl with warm water and collect the first-aid kit. Angel watched her hips sway from side to side inside her tight black pencil skirt as she left the room. It was that moment that things became clear to Angel, weeks of indecision vanished with the hypnotic swing of Cordelia's womanly stride. He was a simple man.
"Four people told me I was an idiot today." He told Cordelia when she came back in.
"Just four? You must be loosing your touch." She gave him a saccharin smile. She kicked off her heels she sat behind him on the bed and methodically began to clean the blood away. Angel's head dropped to his chest, Cordelia could hear the vampire purring in contentment whenever the damp cloth passed over his skin.
"Don't you want to know why they called me an idiot?" Angel asked after while.
"I just figured it was for the usual reasons." Cordelia said dryly, he felt her warm breath on his back when she spoke making his skin prickle.
"Funny."
"I thought so. Go on then, why are you an idiot?" She patted down the dressing on one cut and started on the next across the top of his back.
"Because I haven't told you how much I still love you....how much I still want you." Angel finally told her, his heart on his sleeve. Cordelia stilled her movements, realising they were finally going to have the conversation and she had no idea what to say. She moved out from behind the vampire and sat down beside him, her slender thigh pressing against his.
"I need to do your arm." Cordelia said in her best doctor tone. The gash was deeper there, the bruising darker. Something must have grabbed at him, she thought to herself. Cordelia pressed a towel against the wound to stop the bleeding.
"Cordelia did you hear me?" Angel placed his hand over hers as she held the towel to his arm.
"I heard you Angel, I'm just...I'm waiting for you to change your mind." She pulled her hand away from his grasp and threw the bloody towel across the room.
"What do you mean?" Angel blinked in confusion, she pressed a thick cotton pad against his arm then slowly wrapped a long bandage tightly around it, a task she had done too many times in the last four years. "Cordelia?"
"Angel...we're going round in circles and I'm getting tired of it. That night after the accident you didn't leave my side, then the next morning you could hardly stand to be in the same room as me. You tell me you don't want me to leave but then you run whenever I come near you. I can't.... you don't know what you want." Cordelia leant over him across him, cleaning the wounds on his chest as she spoke. Angel grasped her arm and forced her to look at him.
"Cordelia I never stopped loving you." He told her roughly, he placed her hand over his still heart. "I've never stopped wanting you. And that is never going to change. I pulled back because...because I was scared."
"Of what?" Cordelia asked the embarrassed vampire.
"Of him. Angelus. That when I touched you....you'd be thinking about him.Wanting him." Angel finally admitted to her. Cordelia was crushed that this is what was keeping them apart still.
"You're touching me now Angel....and you are the only one I'm thinking about." Cordelia cupped his face gently in her slim hand, she ran her thumb over his cheek, the faint rasp of stubble felt wonderfully familiar against her skin. "Never doubt that you are the one I love, and when we're together I want you so much it makes me crazy." She murmured, her voice laden with her love for him. "When *you* kiss me, when *you* touch me, when *you* are inside me Angel I never want it to end, no one else makes me feel the way you do. Angelus wasn't love, it was a bloody stupid mistake that I will regret for the rest of my life." Cordelia desperately needed him to believe her. "You have to believe me, it wasn't...." Angel quietened her with a kiss. Cordelia sighed as his cool lips pressed in to hers, it was a chaste kiss, testing the waters for what might be. He pulled away slowly, resting his forehead against his.
"Can we not talk anymore Cordy, all we've done for weeks is talk." Angel tangled his hands in her hair.
"OK." Cordelia agreed huskily. The second kiss was overflowing with the love and passion they felt for each other, Angel wanted to drown in her sweet mouth and when she granted his tongue access he thought he very well might. Cordelia grasped his shoulder when he plundered her mouth hungrily, her lungs burnt for air, forcing her to pull away. "I need to finish your bandages." She panted into his mouth.
"They're fine." Angel growled and tugged her up against him. "I'm suddenly feeling much better." Cordelia kissed her way across his collar bone and up his neck making the vampire purr with pleasure. Angel slipped his hands under the bottom of her top, tracing the tattoo he knew was there. A jolt of desire struck her at his touch on her bare skin, she kissed him hungrily running her tongue greedily over the blunt edges of the vampires canines. Cordelia sucked his bottom lip into her mouth, grazing the delicate flesh with her teeth. Angel's hand snaked up the inside of her skirt, trailing cool heat across her thigh. "Angel, I want you." She brushed her lips against his ear.
"Cordy....are you sure?" Angel whispered urgently, he had to make sure now before they went any further, he didn't know if he could stop himself if they carried on like this.
"I've never been more sure of anything." As if to show him that she meant it the seer untangled herself from his vice like grip and stood in front of him. Cordelia pulled her little red cashmere sweater over her head revealing her full lace covered breasts to the man she loved. Cordelia placed his hand over her heart. "Only for you." She promised him. She slowly pulled the zipper on her skirt, letting it fall away then kicking it aside. She straddled Angel's lap pressing herself down on to his increasing desire. Angel kissed her languidly, long hot kisses overflowing with his lust for her. He dragged the thin straps of her brassiere off her shoulders, trailing kisses across her jaw and down her throat, his thumbs brushing roughly over her erect nipples making her moan his name softly. Cordelia pushed the vampire backwards onto the bed still straddling his hips tightly. The wounds on his chest were healed but still an angry red, she traced one carefully to see if it hurt him, she guessed by the way that his eyes were black with desire that his earlier fight was the last thing on his mind.
Satisfied that Angel was well enough to continue Cordelia unfastened the clasp of her bra, she felt him stir beneath her when she tossed the flimsy piece of lace away. The look in his eyes took her breath away. Angel grasped her supple thighs and rolled them over before Cordelia knew what was happening. When Angel dragged his cool tongue over her nipple all coherent thoughts flew from the seer's head, she arched her back into him, needing to feel more of him against her.
"Oh god Angel...." Cordelia groaned when the vampire settled his weight between her thighs, he could feel her heat burning him through his jeans.
"Too many clothes.." Angel muttered laconically as his hips began to grind against her of their own will. Standing up he fumbled with the button and zipper of his pants, he felt like a teenager again, wonderfully nervous and naive even though this was far from their first time together. Cordelia had to force herself not to laugh at the perplexed vampire towering over her. Finally he managed to figure out the complex workings of button and fly and stripped off his pants. Angel raised an eyebrow at her poorly concealed laughter, Cordelia was the very picture of desire, her skin was flushed, her eyes were black with passion and her naked body a landscape of sweeping curves that Angel had lost and found himself in time and time again.
Kneeling in front of her the vampire kissed the regal arch of her foot, he traced silent promises up the inside of her leg, skimming the sensitive back of her knee with his lips making Cordelia squirm with delight. Hooking his fingers around the elastic of her thong Angel quickly divested the young woman of the rest of her underwear, leaving her gloriously naked beneath him. Cordelia laced her hands through his spiky hair when he kissed the apex of her thighs, she bucked beneath him when she felt his cool tongue sweep between the lips of her sex, Cordelia was humming with desire and when Angel sucked the swollen nub of her clitoris the seer broke into a million pieces. Her orgasm was fast, sharp and unexpected, leaving her wanting more. Angel ran his hands up her sides and over her breasts as he moved on top of her.
"I...need you...Angel." Cordelia panted wrapping her legs tightly around his waist, urging him forward. With a gentleness that made her weep tears of happiness Angel entered her. For the first time in four months Cordelia felt like she was complete, the man she loved was surrounding her, inside her, everywhere. She slept with Angelus to forget her pain, to make her feel alive. It was grief and desperation, never love, never like this. They made love slowly, deliciously, savouring each others bodies with relish.
"I love you." Angel murmured into her ear as he languidly thrust inside her. Cordelia and Angel's bodies moved together instinctively, she rocked her hips back and forth, the soft whimpers Cordelia made were music to Angel's ears.
"Oh..god...Angel...I...love...you..." She panted, when Angel hit the hidden place deep inside of her Cordelia arched off the bed in ecstasy, her orgasm washed over her like molasses making the seer call out the vampires name loudly. Angel felt her nails digging into his shoulders wildly as she climaxed, causing him to roar his release deep inside her.
A sated calm settle over the pair, the only sound in the room was Cordelia's still heavy breathing. She ran her hands soothingly over the vampires back, tracing the muscles there with her fingertips. As archaic as it seemed Cordelia knew this man completed her, just as she completed him and nothing could keep them apart, no matter how much they hurt one and other, no matter how many times they tore each other apart they would always find their way back. Finally stirring, Angel shifted to her side wrapping himself around her, his head pillowed on her chest. Four months of pain, betrayal, blood and tears could not easily be forgotten but together they would be able to deal with it, as long as they could hold each other at the end of the day everything would be OK. Finally they had found their way home.
***
"I've left Fred alone with Dennis." Cordelia said some time later after they'd made love twice more. She sat crossed legged on the end of bed in her panties and Angel's T-shirt, veraciously eating pizza. The pair had been chatting easily for the last hour, finally catching up on everything that had been going on around them.
"I'm sure she's ok." Angel said, stretched lazily across the bed on his side, unselfconsciously naked.
"It's not Fred I'm worried about." Cordelia flicked a green pepper off her food, her face scrunched up in distaste. Angel peeled it from where it landed on his thigh and dropped it in to the pizza box. "Ooh I didn't tell you, I think Giles is in love."
"With someone that isn't you?" He asked hopefully.
"Duh, of course." Cordelia rolled her eyes at him. "With Anya."
"Xander's ex? Jeez, that's...yeesh. He certainly knows how to pick 'em."
"Meaning?" The seer raised her eyebrows at him.
"I mean, he....well you and Anya are...I love you?" Angel struggled to find the correct answer. Cordelia couldn't help but laugh at the clueless vampire.
"Nice save. Angel, I've been thinking..." Cordelia crawled over to him and nudged him on to his back, straddling his chest.
"Will this end with me spending money?"
"Probably. Seriously Angel, how would you feel if maybe I didn't move out? If it's too soon I understand." Cordelia asked him carefully, still unsure of how he was going to react.
"I think....that's the best idea I've heard today." Angel grinned at her. He sat up and wrapped his arms around her, planting delicate kisses along her jaw, rubbing the relaxed muscles in her shoulders. Angel had spent the last two weeks afraid to touch her and now that he was he found he couldn't stop. As they hungrily kissed Cordelia felt his desire stirring beneath her once again, he ran his hands over her toned stomach and cupped her breasts beneath her T-shirt, cheekily worrying the rosy peaks in to hard nubs. Cordelia accidentally grasped her champions injured arm, she frowned when he hissed in pain, putting a stop to any further plans Angel had.
"It still hurts?" She extricated herself from his grip and studied the bandage, there was a faint trace of blood seeping through. "It should have healed by now. When was the last time you had blood?"
"I dunno...wasn't really thinking about food." Angel shrugged and attempted to drag her back into his arms and on to his lap once again, they were just starting something Angel really wanted to continue with. He pouted like a child whose mama had just taken away his favourite toy when Cordelia climbed off the bed.
"You haven't healed because you haven't eaten. I'm going to get you some blood." She chuckled at the look on his sweet face. "Don't worry, I'm coming back." Cordelia gave him a quick kiss on the forehead then hurried out of the room. "Oh and you better still be naked when I get back cos I've got plans for you Mister!" She called as she dashed down the stairs. Once in the kitchen the young woman went about heating up Angel's O-Neg dinner, she riffled through the fridge looking for something edible to eat, she pondered for a moment over the three week old bagels in front of her but backed away when she realised they were growing their own little friends. The entire kitchen was devoid of any kind of food at all, if they could manage to get out of bed in the next few days they were going to have to go to the market. The thought of doing something so normal and mundane made the already smiling woman grin even more. The ding of the microwave brought Cordelia out of her revelry, she turned around and walked straight into the ominous brick like figure of Skip.
"Goddammit Skip! I'm going to buy you a frikken bell." Cordelia stomped her foot in annoyance.
"Cordelia." The huge good-natured demon nodded to her a hello.
"You know, most people make appointments...during the day! This really isn't a good time." Cordelia went to move pass him but the demon blocked her way. A black dread crept up the seer's back. "Why are you here?"
"I'm sorry Cordelia."Skip could not meet her gaze.
"No." She backed away from him.
"You need to come with me."
"NO! Skip I won't, I refuse! Not now!" Cordelia begged him angrily.
"You don't have a choice I'm afraid, you must come with me now." "WHY!?" Cordelia shouted at him.
"Because if you don't things will end badly." Skip said, not actually telling her anything.
"I'm not leaving Angel, not now, not when we've only just got back together! You took me away from him once you are not going to do it again. Does someone up there not want us to be happy or something?" She stood defiantly with her hands on her hips, his lack of response chilled her. "That's it, isn't it. Me and Angel...we're not meant to be together. " Cordelia whispered in disbelief. Skip shook his head sadly, he cared for this woman deeply and hated having to hurt her. "You keep breaking us up on purpose?"
"I'm sorry Cordelia." He couldn't apologise enough.
"Well you have to stop it, do you hear me?! We're in love and there's nothing you can do about it. So, you can just bugger off and tell your boss to leave Cordelia Chase alone because she has had just about enough bull shit to last her a life time." Cordelia tried to leave the kitchen again but still Skip barred her way.
"You don't have a choice." Skip apologised and grasped her hand.
"Please Skip...I've just got him back." Cordelia began to cry, trying to pull out of his hold. "Don't make me break his heart again." She didn't see the single tear that fell down the demons craggy face as he placed his hand on her forehead. A brilliant light engulfed the room, then everything turned black.
***
Angel was an impatient man and his woman was taking far too long to get back to his bed. Singing a long forgotten tune in his head the vampire skipped down the corridor in search of Cordelia. The vampire was happy, sickeningly, wonderfully, happy. The woman he loved was moving back in with him where she belonged, they were going to be together again at last.
"Woman?" Angel called out as he strolled through the empty lobby, he picked up the days newspaper idly waiting for her to scold him for not staying in bed. He frowned when she didn't answer.
"Cordy?" The vampire called out again, louder this time. When he entered the kitchen Angel felt his world begin to fall apart. The glass of blood she had been preparing for him was shattered on the floor, making a deep red pool on the linoleum. There was a pungent smell in the air, something that wasn't human had been in here in the last few minutes.
"Cordelia?" Angel whispered into the deathly silence then dropped to his knees.
Cordelia was gone.
The End.