Obi-Wan had been in the forest a week now. It had taken some time to purge himself of his anger at his old Master, but he was relaxing and progressing in his renewal of the spirit.
On the evening of the seventh day, he began his meditation again. This time, the images of the fight with the Sith came, the way they had every night. His pulse quickened and his body responded as though he were actually engaged in battle. He pushed the images out, like always, forcing them from his mind, refusing to accept them. He tried meditation again, even though he was still agitated.
He closed his eyes, and began the exercise *Be calm. At peace. Let the Force guide you.*
"Obi-Wan, you gave excellent advice to Anakin when I passed. You said he should let me go. Now you need to follow that yourself."
Obi-Wan jumped up from his meditation to find himself facing the spirit of his Master. The apparition he had been hoping for was just as he expected it. Qui-Gon looked much as he did the day the Sith cut him down. He was wearing the same robes. The only difference was that now a blue aura encased his tall form.
He was moved when he looked into Qui-Gon's cool steel-blue eyes, almost to the point of tears.
"Master, I have so much to say to you. Now, not only for myself, but on behalf of Sabé too. Why did you do it to her?"
Qui-Gon's head raised slightly and looked away. Obi-Wan knew this look well. It meant he had caught his master playing fast and loose with the rules and not wishing to explain his reasons to his Padawan. His tone was dignified and proper when he responded.
"What do you mean?"
Obi-Wan's anger almost returned. "I'm a Knight now, stop playing games with me. I'd accepted how you manipulated me over the years. It was part of being your Padawan. I'd even grown accustomed the way you used others in order to accomplish our missions. But what you did to Sabé was uncalled for. She had a life, a career, goals of her own. She did not deserve to be steered toward parenthood without her knowledge and consent. Nor did I, as a matter of fact."
Qui-Gon remained silent.
"Yes, Master. The back massage. I know about it now. The one used by Jedi healers to promote fertility, the same one you used on Sabé. And after that, when you encouraged us to spend time together, knowing..."
"Do you regret that, Obi-Wan?"
He threw his hands up in frustration. "Well, yes and no ... considering the result."
"That feeling will pass as you come to accept them into your life."
"But what about my calling as a Jedi? What about Anakin? You gave me that assignment. I can't shortchange him." Obi-Wan leaned back against the nearest tree. "It's too much," he said, running his hand over his head. "I can't take care of three. I can barely handle my Padawan."
"You won't have to. For now, let Sabé take care of her portion and you take care of yours. Be together when you can. Everything will happen as it should."
Obi-Wan felt he had reached a dead end. He felt he had stretched himself to his limit. A part of him knew that was not true, but it was a small voice right now, compared to the overwhelming feelings of inadequacy that ruled his thoughts at the moment. He decided his best course of action was to bare his soul before Qui-Gon and listen to his advice.
"Master, I miss you so much, You were right, I did...no,I do...have much to learn. Sometimes I feel lost. I don't know how to give any of them what they need. You make it sound as though it should be easy," the young Jedi confessed.
Qui-Gon's expression softened. "Obi-Wan, you are up to the task. They all deserve your affection and you will share it with them."
"Affection, Master? I'll do the right thing, and see to their needs as best as I can. But how can I give them affection? In many ways we hardly know each other. There are times Anakin resists me just because I'm not you."
Obi-Wan hesitated before he continued. "I'm not sure if Sabé wanted me in her life anyway. Even at the time, she was prepared to end the relationship. Why else would she have kept the child a secret?" Obi-Wan asked.
Qui-Gon sighed as he saw the lost look in Obi-Wan's eyes. For the first time, he wondered to himself if he hadn't left his former Padawan with too great of a burden to bear.
"Obi-Wan, I'm sorry if this seems too much for you. I didn't know I wouldn't be around to help you with Sabé and the baby. As for Anakin--there was no one else I could trust with the boy. My first apprentice, while a fine Jedi, is not gifted with a talent for relating to children. I hope you understand that I gave you the responsiblity because you alone have the spirit to guide him."
The Master continued. " I will tell you why she kept Meira hidden. Left on her own, she would have told you, and brought the girl to the Temple. She does respect Jedi tradition, even with her misgivings. I knew this, and I arranged certain matters to encourage her to act as she did. I hope you can forgive me when you hear more and understand."
Obi-Wan found himself stung at this admission. His own master had been involved in keeping secrets from him before, but never information so deeply important to him, not only as a Jedi, but also as a man.
Qui-Gon spoke in reassuring tones to his former apprentice. "Sabé welcomes you in her life. She always would have. But she knows of the obligations you both have, and neither of you can neglect duty. Work with her, Obi-Wan. The two of you will make an excellent team."
"The only one I have ever truly bonded with is you. I don't know that I have it in me to be that close to anyone again," Obi-Wan confessed.
Qui-Gon looked surprised. Obi-Wan read the expression and thought the master might disagree with him when he replied to that statement. Qui-Gon seemed to begin one answer, but then drew back for a moment to consider what he might say. Obi-Wan considered asking him to say what he had intended, but thought that if Qui-Gon decided it was better to be silent, then perhaps it was.
When Jinn did speak, it was as a Master, Counselor and Father, all in one. "Don't underestimate your heart. When you were my dear Padawan, we forged a unique connection; it was not meant to be duplicated and it will never be replaced. But you have the capacity to love others according to their needs. It is a great strength, one that you should not suppress. Let the Living Force guide you, let Anakin, Sabé and Meira help you. It would be the best way you could honor me." Qui-Gon waited for a response, studying his former apprentice intensely.
Obi-Wan dropped to his knees, nodded to his master and began meditation again, this time seeking the Living Force. He could feel Qui-Gon's approval and it warmed him inside.
"Remember Obi-Wan, What you give of this will be returned to you, with interest. The Force and I will always be with you." Then he was gone.
Obi-Wan fought back sadness at losing touch with his master once again. He turned his focus onto the present and how he should proceed.
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It was a quiet clear night with a full moon. The Royal Bedchamber's balcony doors were open and the fresh breeze gave a cool and pleasant air to the room. The curtains fluttered softly. Amidala was fast asleep, but she stirred occasionally and smiled, as if reaction to a happy dream.
A door from one of the secret passages opened, and a cloaked figure entered. "Your Highness," a voice whispered. The Queen rolled over, but did not respond.
The intruder reached into the depths of the cloak and extracted a small glass vial. Approaching the Queen, one gloved hand undid the stopper. The figure got closer, it was almost able to reach over and pour the contents into Amidala's slightly open mouth.
A blaster bolt whizzed from behind a heavy curtain on the opposite side of the room and the pieces of the shattered vial fell to the floor. The sound awakened the Queen, who sat up with a start.
The figure looked in the direction the fire had come from. As it did, the hood fell back. Even in the shadows, the bright moonlight revealed the red tresses of the failed assassin, Liraé.
"Stop now, before it gets any worse," a calm voice ordered. Sabé stepped from behind the curtain, her silver pistol still aimed straight at the traitor.
Liraé reached down and grasped a handful of Amidala's hair, and pulled it roughly. The Queen flinched at the pain, but did not squeal. "I still have her, Sabé. You don't dare fire!" At that, she moved Amidala upright in front of her.
Sabé lowered the blaster, crossed her arms, and smiled.
Amidala reached over and behind her head, grasping the aggressor's hand. She turned towards Liraé, breaking the woman's grip and gave her a swift kick to the solar plexus. Liraé fell, and before she could catch her breath, Saché emerged from another curtain and was over her with the blaster aimed between her eyes.
"Another mistake," Sabé stated. "Do you want to make any more?"
At the detention center, Sabé and Panaka stood and watched Liraé through a one way glass. The former handmaiden sat and stared at the window, with an unwavering sullen expression on her face.
"The guards on her-are we sure of their loyalty?"
"Absolutely," Panaka answered. "They're well known, have shown no aggressive tendencies and tested clean on the drug screen."
Sabé relaxed slightly. "Good. I hope this goes a long way toward solving the inside problems. How about her tests? Are they back?"
Panaka bit his lip. "They are. She's clean. It appears she needs no chemical persuasion."
Sabé's eyes grew wide. She shook her head. "It just keeps getting worse."
"How did you determine that it was Liraé you should look for?" Panaka asked.
"I started digging. No one we knew could vouch for her, and that sounded suspicious to me."
"She came with highest recommendations from Chancellor Palpatine himself," the Captain said, his tone astonished. "That's why I brought her in."
Sabé took a seat and leaned back, looking up at Panaka. "And how well do we know the Supreme Chancellor? Anyway, when I tried to speak to someone who had personally witnessed anything she'd done, it was always a dead end. All the leads I followed indicated that she was recommended by another high authority."
Panaka looked chagrined.
"Don't worry," Sabé said softly. "No one will know."
On the evening of the seventh day, he began his meditation again. This time, the images of the fight with the Sith came, the way they had every night. His pulse quickened and his body responded as though he were actually engaged in battle. He pushed the images out, like always, forcing them from his mind, refusing to accept them. He tried meditation again, even though he was still agitated.
He closed his eyes, and began the exercise *Be calm. At peace. Let the Force guide you.*
"Obi-Wan, you gave excellent advice to Anakin when I passed. You said he should let me go. Now you need to follow that yourself."
Obi-Wan jumped up from his meditation to find himself facing the spirit of his Master. The apparition he had been hoping for was just as he expected it. Qui-Gon looked much as he did the day the Sith cut him down. He was wearing the same robes. The only difference was that now a blue aura encased his tall form.
He was moved when he looked into Qui-Gon's cool steel-blue eyes, almost to the point of tears.
"Master, I have so much to say to you. Now, not only for myself, but on behalf of Sabé too. Why did you do it to her?"
Qui-Gon's head raised slightly and looked away. Obi-Wan knew this look well. It meant he had caught his master playing fast and loose with the rules and not wishing to explain his reasons to his Padawan. His tone was dignified and proper when he responded.
"What do you mean?"
Obi-Wan's anger almost returned. "I'm a Knight now, stop playing games with me. I'd accepted how you manipulated me over the years. It was part of being your Padawan. I'd even grown accustomed the way you used others in order to accomplish our missions. But what you did to Sabé was uncalled for. She had a life, a career, goals of her own. She did not deserve to be steered toward parenthood without her knowledge and consent. Nor did I, as a matter of fact."
Qui-Gon remained silent.
"Yes, Master. The back massage. I know about it now. The one used by Jedi healers to promote fertility, the same one you used on Sabé. And after that, when you encouraged us to spend time together, knowing..."
"Do you regret that, Obi-Wan?"
He threw his hands up in frustration. "Well, yes and no ... considering the result."
"That feeling will pass as you come to accept them into your life."
"But what about my calling as a Jedi? What about Anakin? You gave me that assignment. I can't shortchange him." Obi-Wan leaned back against the nearest tree. "It's too much," he said, running his hand over his head. "I can't take care of three. I can barely handle my Padawan."
"You won't have to. For now, let Sabé take care of her portion and you take care of yours. Be together when you can. Everything will happen as it should."
Obi-Wan felt he had reached a dead end. He felt he had stretched himself to his limit. A part of him knew that was not true, but it was a small voice right now, compared to the overwhelming feelings of inadequacy that ruled his thoughts at the moment. He decided his best course of action was to bare his soul before Qui-Gon and listen to his advice.
"Master, I miss you so much, You were right, I did...no,I do...have much to learn. Sometimes I feel lost. I don't know how to give any of them what they need. You make it sound as though it should be easy," the young Jedi confessed.
Qui-Gon's expression softened. "Obi-Wan, you are up to the task. They all deserve your affection and you will share it with them."
"Affection, Master? I'll do the right thing, and see to their needs as best as I can. But how can I give them affection? In many ways we hardly know each other. There are times Anakin resists me just because I'm not you."
Obi-Wan hesitated before he continued. "I'm not sure if Sabé wanted me in her life anyway. Even at the time, she was prepared to end the relationship. Why else would she have kept the child a secret?" Obi-Wan asked.
Qui-Gon sighed as he saw the lost look in Obi-Wan's eyes. For the first time, he wondered to himself if he hadn't left his former Padawan with too great of a burden to bear.
"Obi-Wan, I'm sorry if this seems too much for you. I didn't know I wouldn't be around to help you with Sabé and the baby. As for Anakin--there was no one else I could trust with the boy. My first apprentice, while a fine Jedi, is not gifted with a talent for relating to children. I hope you understand that I gave you the responsiblity because you alone have the spirit to guide him."
The Master continued. " I will tell you why she kept Meira hidden. Left on her own, she would have told you, and brought the girl to the Temple. She does respect Jedi tradition, even with her misgivings. I knew this, and I arranged certain matters to encourage her to act as she did. I hope you can forgive me when you hear more and understand."
Obi-Wan found himself stung at this admission. His own master had been involved in keeping secrets from him before, but never information so deeply important to him, not only as a Jedi, but also as a man.
Qui-Gon spoke in reassuring tones to his former apprentice. "Sabé welcomes you in her life. She always would have. But she knows of the obligations you both have, and neither of you can neglect duty. Work with her, Obi-Wan. The two of you will make an excellent team."
"The only one I have ever truly bonded with is you. I don't know that I have it in me to be that close to anyone again," Obi-Wan confessed.
Qui-Gon looked surprised. Obi-Wan read the expression and thought the master might disagree with him when he replied to that statement. Qui-Gon seemed to begin one answer, but then drew back for a moment to consider what he might say. Obi-Wan considered asking him to say what he had intended, but thought that if Qui-Gon decided it was better to be silent, then perhaps it was.
When Jinn did speak, it was as a Master, Counselor and Father, all in one. "Don't underestimate your heart. When you were my dear Padawan, we forged a unique connection; it was not meant to be duplicated and it will never be replaced. But you have the capacity to love others according to their needs. It is a great strength, one that you should not suppress. Let the Living Force guide you, let Anakin, Sabé and Meira help you. It would be the best way you could honor me." Qui-Gon waited for a response, studying his former apprentice intensely.
Obi-Wan dropped to his knees, nodded to his master and began meditation again, this time seeking the Living Force. He could feel Qui-Gon's approval and it warmed him inside.
"Remember Obi-Wan, What you give of this will be returned to you, with interest. The Force and I will always be with you." Then he was gone.
Obi-Wan fought back sadness at losing touch with his master once again. He turned his focus onto the present and how he should proceed.
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It was a quiet clear night with a full moon. The Royal Bedchamber's balcony doors were open and the fresh breeze gave a cool and pleasant air to the room. The curtains fluttered softly. Amidala was fast asleep, but she stirred occasionally and smiled, as if reaction to a happy dream.
A door from one of the secret passages opened, and a cloaked figure entered. "Your Highness," a voice whispered. The Queen rolled over, but did not respond.
The intruder reached into the depths of the cloak and extracted a small glass vial. Approaching the Queen, one gloved hand undid the stopper. The figure got closer, it was almost able to reach over and pour the contents into Amidala's slightly open mouth.
A blaster bolt whizzed from behind a heavy curtain on the opposite side of the room and the pieces of the shattered vial fell to the floor. The sound awakened the Queen, who sat up with a start.
The figure looked in the direction the fire had come from. As it did, the hood fell back. Even in the shadows, the bright moonlight revealed the red tresses of the failed assassin, Liraé.
"Stop now, before it gets any worse," a calm voice ordered. Sabé stepped from behind the curtain, her silver pistol still aimed straight at the traitor.
Liraé reached down and grasped a handful of Amidala's hair, and pulled it roughly. The Queen flinched at the pain, but did not squeal. "I still have her, Sabé. You don't dare fire!" At that, she moved Amidala upright in front of her.
Sabé lowered the blaster, crossed her arms, and smiled.
Amidala reached over and behind her head, grasping the aggressor's hand. She turned towards Liraé, breaking the woman's grip and gave her a swift kick to the solar plexus. Liraé fell, and before she could catch her breath, Saché emerged from another curtain and was over her with the blaster aimed between her eyes.
"Another mistake," Sabé stated. "Do you want to make any more?"
At the detention center, Sabé and Panaka stood and watched Liraé through a one way glass. The former handmaiden sat and stared at the window, with an unwavering sullen expression on her face.
"The guards on her-are we sure of their loyalty?"
"Absolutely," Panaka answered. "They're well known, have shown no aggressive tendencies and tested clean on the drug screen."
Sabé relaxed slightly. "Good. I hope this goes a long way toward solving the inside problems. How about her tests? Are they back?"
Panaka bit his lip. "They are. She's clean. It appears she needs no chemical persuasion."
Sabé's eyes grew wide. She shook her head. "It just keeps getting worse."
"How did you determine that it was Liraé you should look for?" Panaka asked.
"I started digging. No one we knew could vouch for her, and that sounded suspicious to me."
"She came with highest recommendations from Chancellor Palpatine himself," the Captain said, his tone astonished. "That's why I brought her in."
Sabé took a seat and leaned back, looking up at Panaka. "And how well do we know the Supreme Chancellor? Anyway, when I tried to speak to someone who had personally witnessed anything she'd done, it was always a dead end. All the leads I followed indicated that she was recommended by another high authority."
Panaka looked chagrined.
"Don't worry," Sabé said softly. "No one will know."