As Sabé slept, her dreams, usually bits and pieces of chaos that she couldn't remember, began to take shape.
She was on a catwalk, looking up. Qui-Gon Jinn was fighting the Sith, and making some progress in the battle, but he needed help. She felt a call upon the Force that levitated her to the next catwalk.
The Sith and Jinn had progressed to a series of force fields, and she was running as fast as she could to catch up, a lightsaber in her hand. She was getting close and would be able to assist the Master in just a moment. A field closed, separating her from the two combatants. She was anxious, she had to get to Jinn's side and join the fray. She saw the Master kneel and rest, the Sith pace and cherish his fury.
The fields opened, she ran again, getting closer this time. She was confident that she could catch up, but just before she was there, the last field closed. She gasped, taking in air, preparing help with Jinn's moves once she could join him. She watched every move of the staff and saber, she bounced up and down, hardly containing herself. Her teeth ground together, every muscle in her body was tense and tight...
She awoke with a start, still shaking with the adrenaline that was coursing through her body. Hand to her chest, she tried to calm herself. She realized that it was more than a nightmare.
Only a moment had passed before Obi-Wan was at the door, leaning against the frame. He was shaking also, and looked very sheepish. "I'm sorry. I dozed off. I didn't mean to send that to you." He looked away. "No one's supposed to see. I let my guard down."
Sabé studied him for a beat, then reached out. "Come here, I want to talk to you. Is Meira still asleep?"
"Yes, I checked her right after I...we woke up. She's fine." Obi-Wan sat next to Sabé on the bed. He still would not look her in the eye and did his best to conceal his shame.
She took his hand. "Don't apologize for what happened. You've nothing to be ashamed of. You may show me the rest of it, if you wish. You've carried it around too long"
He faced her, surprised. "You would see that side of me and not despise me? I failed everyone. If The Council knew, they would take me off duty. Anakin would be taken from me. I haven't dared let it slip. I finally relaxed, and I lost control."
Sabé gave his hand a slight squeeze. "The Temple will hear nothing of this. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's keeping secrets," she smiled in encouragement.
Obi-Wan shook his head and gave her a mock glare. "Don't I know that!"
She nodded, then said, seriously, "It's just the two of us. When you're ready."
He hesitated, then Obi-Wan held out his other hand.
Acting on instinct, Sabé moved her fingers to intertwine with the Jedi's.
She was there, reliving the conflict, seeing the events as Obi-Wan did. When Master Jinn was struck down, she felt the snap in her mind as Jinn severed the bond to spare his Padawan the agony, but in doing so, all that was warmth, light, love, and life abandoned the young Jedi in an instant.
Obi-Wan screamed in denial. The next moment he chose to shut down all his bonds with others. As each of his connections ceased, he increased his focus on preparing for the imminent conflict. He had never felt so alone in his life, but it was a necessary sacrifice. Every bit of his energy would be needed to survive the next fight. He wanted the Sith to pay for taking the Master from him.
When the field opened, Sabé saw that he was a more aggressive fighter than he had ever been before. He moved faster, letting the rage and fury push him to new heights. Suddenly, his opponent took that anger and turned it against him. As Obi-Wan flew though the air, and found himself hanging on the one piece of machinery against the wall, she even knew his pain as it cut into his fingers. Still, his overriding thought was not to fail the Master again. The Sith kicked the lightsaber down the shaft and taunted him. He began showering him with hot sparks, stinging Obi-Wan's face and eyes, trying to induce the fall.
Obi-Wan was stubborn as his mind groped to find a way to win. He put the anger aside for a moment to clear his head. The image of his Master's lightsaber appeared in his mind. It inspired him to act as he did; that and his continuing hunger for revenge.
The strategy caught the Sith by surprise, as he floated up, grabbed the Master's lightsaber, flipped into position and struck the creature down. As he fell, there was a brief flicker of a dark perverse satisfaction, a thrill, a fulfillment, that would have never been permitted by any of his teachers.
//No, Obi-Wan,// the Master's faint sending called. //Don't fall with him//
Only Qui-Gon could have called him away from the darkness. The grief of their last moments together and his assignment from his Master gave Obi-Wan the reason to push all of his hate for the Sith away.
She couldn't tell how long he had been kneeling there, the time was passing differently for him, but she was able get a fix on it when he sensed a group of people had arrived. He was angry at first, outraged that these strangers were intruding on his private time of mourning. A soft hand touched his shoulder, a gentle attempt was made to send through the most recent bond. Sabé realized it was how she had appeared to him at the moment she was there to offer comfort.
He had wished that he could lean on her. She was now his closest friend here. He turned it over in his mind, then decided against it. It seemed too much to ask. She would have her own problems taking care of her duties to Naboo. In any case, he knew that she deserved a better friend, companion, and lover than the person he had just become, a Padawan that had violated the philosophy of the Jedi. She should remain unaware of what had tempted him.
When she got no response, she turned to go. Even without activating the bond, her grief for his loss and now her own, was apparent. He was sorry, but he forced himself to push that from his mind. "No," he told himself, "There is no emotion..."
He had done an excellent job of hiding the near brush with the forbidden. Everyone considered him very brave. He was knighted. Ani became his Padawan. All looked fine on the outside. Nobody knew that the only way he could tell the sun was shining was to see if there were shadows on the ground outside. Even colors had lost their brilliance.
Sometimes, when alone, in the black of the night, the dark side would swirl around him like a tangible thing. He could feel it crave him, hear its call, know of its wish to surround him.
The rest of the time went by in flashes, pieces of images, bits of sound, enough to give Sabé the impressions of what had been.
Bant, Reeft, Garen Muln and his other friends had seen the light go out of his eyes. They did not wish to abandon their friend, but no matter what their efforts, they brought no relief. Even when they all worked hard to prepare a birthday banquet, he consumed it out of obligation, not because the food held any flavor. Feeling useless, they reluctantly began to drift away.
Master Yoda would try to help. He would point out how the work was beginning to slip, and how Anakin was being cheated out of the Master he deserved. He noted how his former pupil was no longer close to any crechemates. The ancient Master cajoled, reprimanded, ordered, then finally pleaded with him to accept the help of the healers. He had resisted it all.
Sabé felt a different sensation take over. Obi-Wan released her from the vision. She left the shared experience, and returned to the present. It was as if she were weighted and trying to swim back up, fighting to keep from being dragged down. But there was light above, she struggled, focused on it, and soon did break the surface.
She regained consciousness, gasping for air, as if she really had escaped drowning. She reached to wipe her face, and found that she was weeping, still struggling to shake the despair. She lay on the bed, gathering her wits. Looking around the room, she reoriented herself with its dimensions, observing that the walls were blue, there was a painting of a landscape on the right-hand side, that the air was a bit warm, but comfortable.
Obi-Wan sat on the edge of the bed, facing the left wall, sighing. He had the air of one who had just shed a tremendous burden. He turned to gaze at Sabé. At first there was relief in his eyes, but when he saw her, he was filled with remorse. "I shouldn't have done it. You should not be crying my tears." He laid next to her, holding her close, and helping her center.
"Obi-Wan," she whispered, "It was necessary. No more regrets. Now, let this pain go." She closed her eyes and concentrated.
He kissed her forehead. It was meant as a gentle and reassuring gesture. Before either of them realized what was happening, he continued, touching his lips to her cheeks, the tip of her nose. Then their lips met. He intended for the contact to be brief, but they both froze in place.
He heard the sharp intake of Sabé's breath as she shuddered. Pressing harder against his mouth and his body, she poured everything she felt into the kiss, as if it were the only one she might ever have with him again.
For a few moments, he could see into her. As they communed, Obi-Wan was reminded of her qualities he found most attractive: loyalty, strength, skill and intelligence. He continued his exploration and found something he had not expected. He brushed against a loneliness. It wasn't overwhelming, but it had been hovering in the background for some time.
As soon as she sensed he found it, she shielded as an automatic reaction. She ended the kiss and looked up at the ceiling.
"Sabé," he said, touching her face. She exhaled and closed her eyes.
He tried to reach her again. "I know-there hasn't been anyone else. I'm sorry."
"I'm not unhappy," she whispered. "There will be time to talk about it later."
Obi-Wan didn't want to push her to speak before she was ready, so he nodded in agreement. He held her close and let her relax enough to doze while he pondered his feelings, his mind too active to sleep. Taking a deep breath, he decided to ask her the question that was running through his head.
"Sabé-will you think about doing something for me?"
"Mmmmhummm," she mumbled through her drowsiness, stroking his arm as she was drifting off.
"I'd like you and Meira to come with me to Coruscant."
"Mmmm-WHAT?" She sat up, instantly alert, surprise in her now wide open eyes.
"Just consider it," he said, using his best diplomatic tone.
Sabé assumed her trademark cool and thoughtful attitude. It's what she always fell back on when under stress. She fixed her gaze on Obi-Wan's face and asked one question.
"Why do you want us to go there?"
"It makes a lot of sense," he began. He carefully kept his voice neutral. "We'll be closer together, so I can see Meira. I would like to have you both near me. It would be nice."
Sabe watched him very closely. She thought the matter over for a moment.
"That's it?"
Obi-Wan was confused. He felt there was something he was expected to say, but he wasn't quite sure what it should be. He wondered what more she could want.
When Sabé noticed the look on his face, she realized the time was not yet right for this kind of move. Thinking a moment, she came up with an answer.
"There are stronger reasons for us to stay than to go," she said, soberly.
"All right, fair enough. What are they?" Obi-Wan asked.
"My career is as important to me as yours is to you. I have a duty to the Queen and Naboo that I can't just leave. A lot of people have helped me get where I am, and I couldn't feel good about walking away from them. My family is here, they want me near them too. I'm not talking about just my own parents, there's Amidala, the Handmaidens, a few of the guards and security, they're like family. Above all, Meira would be too close to the Temple for my comfort."
"You could serve Naboo with the Senatorial offices on Coruscant. It should be no trouble for you to get a position with your skills, never mind your connections. I know it's hard to think of leaving your family, but you could do much to help them from there. You won't have to worry about the Temple. She's past the age that they accept. She would not be taken, I promise you," he countered.
Sabé leaned back against the headboard. She looked straight ahead, and chewed her bottom lip a bit while considering her options.
"Just think about it, that's all I'm asking. You don't have to give me an answer yet." Obi-Wan looked at her with hope in his eyes.
Sabé found she couldn't refuse him outright. She decided to bargain for some time.
"I'll keep an open mind about it for the time being. I can do that for you," she said.
"Very well, My Lady. Now, I think it's time you got back to sleep. May I use your couch?"
"Of course," she smiled. "I'll try not to wake you too early. Goodnight, Obi-Wan."
The Jedi kissed her hand just before his exit. Sabé hoped he hadn't sensed her inner thrill as his lips touched her skin. She didn't want to be *too* obvious.
She was on a catwalk, looking up. Qui-Gon Jinn was fighting the Sith, and making some progress in the battle, but he needed help. She felt a call upon the Force that levitated her to the next catwalk.
The Sith and Jinn had progressed to a series of force fields, and she was running as fast as she could to catch up, a lightsaber in her hand. She was getting close and would be able to assist the Master in just a moment. A field closed, separating her from the two combatants. She was anxious, she had to get to Jinn's side and join the fray. She saw the Master kneel and rest, the Sith pace and cherish his fury.
The fields opened, she ran again, getting closer this time. She was confident that she could catch up, but just before she was there, the last field closed. She gasped, taking in air, preparing help with Jinn's moves once she could join him. She watched every move of the staff and saber, she bounced up and down, hardly containing herself. Her teeth ground together, every muscle in her body was tense and tight...
She awoke with a start, still shaking with the adrenaline that was coursing through her body. Hand to her chest, she tried to calm herself. She realized that it was more than a nightmare.
Only a moment had passed before Obi-Wan was at the door, leaning against the frame. He was shaking also, and looked very sheepish. "I'm sorry. I dozed off. I didn't mean to send that to you." He looked away. "No one's supposed to see. I let my guard down."
Sabé studied him for a beat, then reached out. "Come here, I want to talk to you. Is Meira still asleep?"
"Yes, I checked her right after I...we woke up. She's fine." Obi-Wan sat next to Sabé on the bed. He still would not look her in the eye and did his best to conceal his shame.
She took his hand. "Don't apologize for what happened. You've nothing to be ashamed of. You may show me the rest of it, if you wish. You've carried it around too long"
He faced her, surprised. "You would see that side of me and not despise me? I failed everyone. If The Council knew, they would take me off duty. Anakin would be taken from me. I haven't dared let it slip. I finally relaxed, and I lost control."
Sabé gave his hand a slight squeeze. "The Temple will hear nothing of this. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's keeping secrets," she smiled in encouragement.
Obi-Wan shook his head and gave her a mock glare. "Don't I know that!"
She nodded, then said, seriously, "It's just the two of us. When you're ready."
He hesitated, then Obi-Wan held out his other hand.
Acting on instinct, Sabé moved her fingers to intertwine with the Jedi's.
She was there, reliving the conflict, seeing the events as Obi-Wan did. When Master Jinn was struck down, she felt the snap in her mind as Jinn severed the bond to spare his Padawan the agony, but in doing so, all that was warmth, light, love, and life abandoned the young Jedi in an instant.
Obi-Wan screamed in denial. The next moment he chose to shut down all his bonds with others. As each of his connections ceased, he increased his focus on preparing for the imminent conflict. He had never felt so alone in his life, but it was a necessary sacrifice. Every bit of his energy would be needed to survive the next fight. He wanted the Sith to pay for taking the Master from him.
When the field opened, Sabé saw that he was a more aggressive fighter than he had ever been before. He moved faster, letting the rage and fury push him to new heights. Suddenly, his opponent took that anger and turned it against him. As Obi-Wan flew though the air, and found himself hanging on the one piece of machinery against the wall, she even knew his pain as it cut into his fingers. Still, his overriding thought was not to fail the Master again. The Sith kicked the lightsaber down the shaft and taunted him. He began showering him with hot sparks, stinging Obi-Wan's face and eyes, trying to induce the fall.
Obi-Wan was stubborn as his mind groped to find a way to win. He put the anger aside for a moment to clear his head. The image of his Master's lightsaber appeared in his mind. It inspired him to act as he did; that and his continuing hunger for revenge.
The strategy caught the Sith by surprise, as he floated up, grabbed the Master's lightsaber, flipped into position and struck the creature down. As he fell, there was a brief flicker of a dark perverse satisfaction, a thrill, a fulfillment, that would have never been permitted by any of his teachers.
//No, Obi-Wan,// the Master's faint sending called. //Don't fall with him//
Only Qui-Gon could have called him away from the darkness. The grief of their last moments together and his assignment from his Master gave Obi-Wan the reason to push all of his hate for the Sith away.
She couldn't tell how long he had been kneeling there, the time was passing differently for him, but she was able get a fix on it when he sensed a group of people had arrived. He was angry at first, outraged that these strangers were intruding on his private time of mourning. A soft hand touched his shoulder, a gentle attempt was made to send through the most recent bond. Sabé realized it was how she had appeared to him at the moment she was there to offer comfort.
He had wished that he could lean on her. She was now his closest friend here. He turned it over in his mind, then decided against it. It seemed too much to ask. She would have her own problems taking care of her duties to Naboo. In any case, he knew that she deserved a better friend, companion, and lover than the person he had just become, a Padawan that had violated the philosophy of the Jedi. She should remain unaware of what had tempted him.
When she got no response, she turned to go. Even without activating the bond, her grief for his loss and now her own, was apparent. He was sorry, but he forced himself to push that from his mind. "No," he told himself, "There is no emotion..."
He had done an excellent job of hiding the near brush with the forbidden. Everyone considered him very brave. He was knighted. Ani became his Padawan. All looked fine on the outside. Nobody knew that the only way he could tell the sun was shining was to see if there were shadows on the ground outside. Even colors had lost their brilliance.
Sometimes, when alone, in the black of the night, the dark side would swirl around him like a tangible thing. He could feel it crave him, hear its call, know of its wish to surround him.
The rest of the time went by in flashes, pieces of images, bits of sound, enough to give Sabé the impressions of what had been.
Bant, Reeft, Garen Muln and his other friends had seen the light go out of his eyes. They did not wish to abandon their friend, but no matter what their efforts, they brought no relief. Even when they all worked hard to prepare a birthday banquet, he consumed it out of obligation, not because the food held any flavor. Feeling useless, they reluctantly began to drift away.
Master Yoda would try to help. He would point out how the work was beginning to slip, and how Anakin was being cheated out of the Master he deserved. He noted how his former pupil was no longer close to any crechemates. The ancient Master cajoled, reprimanded, ordered, then finally pleaded with him to accept the help of the healers. He had resisted it all.
Sabé felt a different sensation take over. Obi-Wan released her from the vision. She left the shared experience, and returned to the present. It was as if she were weighted and trying to swim back up, fighting to keep from being dragged down. But there was light above, she struggled, focused on it, and soon did break the surface.
She regained consciousness, gasping for air, as if she really had escaped drowning. She reached to wipe her face, and found that she was weeping, still struggling to shake the despair. She lay on the bed, gathering her wits. Looking around the room, she reoriented herself with its dimensions, observing that the walls were blue, there was a painting of a landscape on the right-hand side, that the air was a bit warm, but comfortable.
Obi-Wan sat on the edge of the bed, facing the left wall, sighing. He had the air of one who had just shed a tremendous burden. He turned to gaze at Sabé. At first there was relief in his eyes, but when he saw her, he was filled with remorse. "I shouldn't have done it. You should not be crying my tears." He laid next to her, holding her close, and helping her center.
"Obi-Wan," she whispered, "It was necessary. No more regrets. Now, let this pain go." She closed her eyes and concentrated.
He kissed her forehead. It was meant as a gentle and reassuring gesture. Before either of them realized what was happening, he continued, touching his lips to her cheeks, the tip of her nose. Then their lips met. He intended for the contact to be brief, but they both froze in place.
He heard the sharp intake of Sabé's breath as she shuddered. Pressing harder against his mouth and his body, she poured everything she felt into the kiss, as if it were the only one she might ever have with him again.
For a few moments, he could see into her. As they communed, Obi-Wan was reminded of her qualities he found most attractive: loyalty, strength, skill and intelligence. He continued his exploration and found something he had not expected. He brushed against a loneliness. It wasn't overwhelming, but it had been hovering in the background for some time.
As soon as she sensed he found it, she shielded as an automatic reaction. She ended the kiss and looked up at the ceiling.
"Sabé," he said, touching her face. She exhaled and closed her eyes.
He tried to reach her again. "I know-there hasn't been anyone else. I'm sorry."
"I'm not unhappy," she whispered. "There will be time to talk about it later."
Obi-Wan didn't want to push her to speak before she was ready, so he nodded in agreement. He held her close and let her relax enough to doze while he pondered his feelings, his mind too active to sleep. Taking a deep breath, he decided to ask her the question that was running through his head.
"Sabé-will you think about doing something for me?"
"Mmmmhummm," she mumbled through her drowsiness, stroking his arm as she was drifting off.
"I'd like you and Meira to come with me to Coruscant."
"Mmmm-WHAT?" She sat up, instantly alert, surprise in her now wide open eyes.
"Just consider it," he said, using his best diplomatic tone.
Sabé assumed her trademark cool and thoughtful attitude. It's what she always fell back on when under stress. She fixed her gaze on Obi-Wan's face and asked one question.
"Why do you want us to go there?"
"It makes a lot of sense," he began. He carefully kept his voice neutral. "We'll be closer together, so I can see Meira. I would like to have you both near me. It would be nice."
Sabe watched him very closely. She thought the matter over for a moment.
"That's it?"
Obi-Wan was confused. He felt there was something he was expected to say, but he wasn't quite sure what it should be. He wondered what more she could want.
When Sabé noticed the look on his face, she realized the time was not yet right for this kind of move. Thinking a moment, she came up with an answer.
"There are stronger reasons for us to stay than to go," she said, soberly.
"All right, fair enough. What are they?" Obi-Wan asked.
"My career is as important to me as yours is to you. I have a duty to the Queen and Naboo that I can't just leave. A lot of people have helped me get where I am, and I couldn't feel good about walking away from them. My family is here, they want me near them too. I'm not talking about just my own parents, there's Amidala, the Handmaidens, a few of the guards and security, they're like family. Above all, Meira would be too close to the Temple for my comfort."
"You could serve Naboo with the Senatorial offices on Coruscant. It should be no trouble for you to get a position with your skills, never mind your connections. I know it's hard to think of leaving your family, but you could do much to help them from there. You won't have to worry about the Temple. She's past the age that they accept. She would not be taken, I promise you," he countered.
Sabé leaned back against the headboard. She looked straight ahead, and chewed her bottom lip a bit while considering her options.
"Just think about it, that's all I'm asking. You don't have to give me an answer yet." Obi-Wan looked at her with hope in his eyes.
Sabé found she couldn't refuse him outright. She decided to bargain for some time.
"I'll keep an open mind about it for the time being. I can do that for you," she said.
"Very well, My Lady. Now, I think it's time you got back to sleep. May I use your couch?"
"Of course," she smiled. "I'll try not to wake you too early. Goodnight, Obi-Wan."
The Jedi kissed her hand just before his exit. Sabé hoped he hadn't sensed her inner thrill as his lips touched her skin. She didn't want to be *too* obvious.