Hello, this is a joint work of the esteemed authors, Tigerlilly and Kahlan

Hello, this is a joint work of the esteemed authors, Tigerlilly and Kahlan.

Kahlan- why does my name have to be second?

Tigerlilly- it doesn't matter

Kahlan- well if it doesn't matter, put my name first

Tigerlilly- NO!

A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN

Warnings- not for Heero and Relena fans. We can only hope Lady Zero never reads this. And if any of you tell her anything we will send Tigerlilly's rabid goldfish and Kahlan's devil cat (he goes through locked doors, I swear!) after you. Includes 1+? (find out, and it's not yaoi! How dare you even think that! This isn't Treize and Zechs…except for a few hintings.) This is all meant as a joke people, not to be taken seriously.

Disclaimer- No we do not own Gundam Wing, which is probably a good thing, (as you will find out). And if you hate it, it was ALL Tigerlilly's fault!  If you love it it's ALL Tigerlilly's good ideas! 

 You wish -Kahlan

Ch. 1 The Dinner Party, a.k.a. The Nightmare Begins

Heero tapped his wineglass with his dinner knife. "I'm glad you all could make it tonight." All eyes turned to their host inquisitively. "I have a very special announcement to make."

"So you've finally decided get therapy then?" Duo laughed falling out of his chair, the American had had too many glasses of wine during the meal.

Heero threw him is patented Glare of Death ™ "No." There was silence until Wufei finally spoke up.

"So, are you gonna tell us or not?" He too was treated to a Glare of Death ™.

The Japanese pilot took a deep breath, grasping the hand of the girl sitting next to him. "I am getting married."

Relena looked up, her blue eyes shimmering with glee. "Oh course I'll marry you Heero, I'd love to."

"What are you talking about? I wasn't proposing to you." The girl at his side gave a giggle holding up her hand to show an engagement ring, which could only be made of pure Gundanium.

Every one in the room yelled in unison "WHAT!?"

"And I thought he was talking about Duo." Wufei muttered to himself.

Heero took another deep breath, putting a hand over his heart. "Yes," he said with a sigh, "I, am engaged to Dorothy Catalonia."

"What!? *cough, cough, cough.* For the Vice Foreign Minister was choking on her dinner roll. She was only saved by a very drunk Duo slapping her on the back.

Hanging her arms about her fiancé's neck shamelessly Dorothy laughed happily. "I'm so glad you all could share this special night with us, it's too bad Quatre couldn't join us. I wonder why he didn't come?"

"Maybe, just maybe it has something to do with his mortal fear of you stabbing him again." And yes, Trowa was also drunk as a….drunk. (sorry I don't have a better analogy)

Plastering on an innocent expression the blonde turned to face Trowa. "I have no clue what you're talking about." She said sweetly. "How could you say such a thing, Heero make the mean man stop!" Dorothy proceeded to wipe away "tears".

"I'm sorry honey, Trowa gets kind of loopy after he's had too much to drink." Heero assured putting a comforting arm about her shoulders, giving the spiky-haired clown the Glare of Death ™.

Relena proceeded to choke uncontrollably. This time, with the loss of the finer motor skills, the drunk God of Death missed her back, instead whacking her on the head, knocking into her soup bowl, effectively knocking her unconscious for the rest of the evening.

Sally gritted her teeth and congratulated the young couple, elbowing the young Chinese man in the ribs, very hard, to do the same. With a growl he reached over to shake Heero's hand.

"So, who's going to be the maid of honor?" asked Catherine watching the intoxicated Trowa fall to the floor, also unconscious.

"Well, it was going to be Relena, assuming she regains consciousness before the wedding." Dorothy giggled, tightening her grip on Heero.

"Well when's the wedding?" Zechs asked from the other end of the table with his legs crossed and sipping his wine elegantly. Casting an amused glance at his sister as the tomato soup soaked into her hair, turning it a horrendous shade of red.

"Tomorrow!" squealed Dorothy with a laugh that could be interpreted only as psychotic.

Unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending on your point of view) Relena chose that exact moment to regain consciousness, hearing these words she promptly fainted once again.

Lady Une gave a very fake smile and addressed the forked eyed-browed girl.  "I'm sure Treize would be very proud of you."

"Clearly then you do not understand Treize's ideals."  Zechs spat at Lady Une, unfortunately spitting right in his drink. 

"Really and you do?"  Lady Une challenged rising from her chair.  It seemed a reminiscence of the evil Col. Une still remained. 

"Yes I do."  Zechs replied also standing, his blue eyes flashing with a combination of sadness and anger. 

"Why would that be?"  Lady Une looked at Zechs accusingly.  Noin suddenly broke out into uncontrollable tears.

"First you must ask your self, do you really want to know?"  Lady Une got the picture and promptly sat down and shut up.

Duo pulled himself up to the edge of the table form his spot on the floor.  "I always thought so much."  He hiccuped and added rather stupidly, "You got nice carpets Heero." Then fell back onto the rug next to the still very drunk Trowa.

"Thank you, and if you throw up on them, I'll kill you. (Destroy if you prefer the edited version.)"  Heero glared at the two drunken fools and then gave a sigh.  And they wondered why he didn't throw parties more often. 

"Is there going to be a bachelors party, of course it would only be worth going to if the person who popped out of the cake was a guy."  Zechs smiled thoughtfully. 

The whole room grew silenced and stared at Zechs.  "What, what'd I say?"  He asked defensively.

Noin gave a sob and reached for the knife on the platter in front of her, with the intention of suicide.  Unfortunately it was only a butter knife, and Sally stopped her.  Zechs and Lady Une were visibly disappointed by this.

"So who's the best man?"  Duo asked hopefully pulling himself and hanging on Dorothy's should, causing her to cringe.  "Chicks always go for the best man."  Dorothy pried Duo fingers off her shoulder, causing him to fall back to the floor again. 

"Well,"  Heero began.  "I know we have never really gotten along Zechs, but I would really like you to be my best man.  The fact that you have never killed me over the years, means so much to me."  It was now apparent that Heero had also had too much to drink.

Zechs gave Heero a sideways glance before asking, "Are you hitting on me Yuy?"

"Are you insane?  He's marrying me tomorrow!"  Dorothy yelled, once again tightening her grip on Heero's neck.

"How does that effect anything?"  Zechs asked with a confused look on his face.  Obviously the lack of a parental figure in his life had caused some problems in his morals.  In fact the lack of a parental figure had a lot to do with the way he turned out, mainly his 'relationship' with Treize.  (and trying to blow up the Earth, if he had had a father to play baseball with him, do you think he would've attempted such a thing?)

Seeing it was for the best, Heero made a wise announcement.  "I think it is time that we all go home, before anyone can kill each other or before my carpet is ruined by Duo and Trowa."

"Get a good night's sleep it's a big day tomorrow."  Dorothy added cheerfully as she walked with the guest to the door. 

Sally comforted a still sobbing Noin as they walked to the door, Wufei had the hard job of keeping a just barely balancing Duo on his feet.  Unfortunately in all the confusion, a still unconscious Relena was forgotten with her bowl of soup cooling.  Zechs never realized he'd forgotten her until he got home, and at that point he really didn't care.    

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The end of part one, but don't worry more chaos will follow as the story walks down the aisle.