Our apologies if you happen to be Somalian.
The Preventors office was unusually quiet, mostly because the recently wedded couple, Heero and Dorothy were off on their honeymoon. Of course, they didn't actually work there, they just liked to hang around giving people evil glares and drink the free coffee. The only sound besides Zechs' snoring and the occasional curse from Wufei was Duo's singing. The American didn't work there either but they had yet to find a way to get rid of him.
Sally was calmly trying to convince Wufei that anger management was really the key to helping him achieve peace with his past when Lady Une walked in the door with a serious expression. Partly because it was hard too be cheerful with the large bruise she still had from when Zechs had hit her with the champagne bottle.
"Is something wrong?" Sally asked eyeing the brown haired woman.
"Something is very wrong."
A few minutes of silence followed, everybody awaiting the answer anxiously...well, almost everybody. "Are you going to tell us or do we have to guess?" Wufei finally asked obnoxiously, receiving a hard kick from his partner.
"It seems that Heero and Dorothy have taken control of the small African country of Somalia."
"What!?" The partners echoed.
A loud snort came from Duo, who, no one had realized had been listening. "Of course they did! What did you expect them to do, go tanning on the beaches of Hawaii!?" he said sarcastically from the doorway to the office.
"It appears our newly wed friends have plans of world domination." Lady Une said somberly, glaring at Duo in annoyance.
***
"Oh Heero! I'm so happy!" Dorothy bounced cheerfully around their base in Somalia. "I couldn't ask for a better honeymoon!"
"I'm glad you're happy, that's all that matters." Heero, in his usual monotone, failed to sound very sincere as he sat typing on the computer."
Dorothy paused, hands on her hips not too pleased at being ignored. "What are you doing?"
"Planning out what order to take over countries."
Dorothy clapped her hands happily. "You are just too wonderful. I can't believe I spent all that time following Miss Relena around and not seeing how happy you could make me!" She proceeded to waltz around the room.
Heero actually looked puzzled for a split second of a minute. "what do you mean by that?" he asked, turning in his chair to look at his wife.
She raised one split eyebrow. "You know what I mean." Sounding evil.
"I was afraid of that."
It was at this point that one of their lackeys began yelling at them in Somalian. Of course neither Heero or Dorothy spoke Somalian. You might wonder how they managed to take over a country if they didn't speak the language, but it was quite simple. Dorothy had thought all the people were bowing down before her as their queen, but in truth they thought her eyebrows were the mark of the devil and were too scared not to obey her.
Now, back to the panicked Somalian. He pointed at the T.V. in excitement. Heero and Dorothy looked at each other questioningly before examining the screen.
"It's one of the security cameras." Heero commented. "Looks like we have visitors."
As you might have guessed the visitors were none other than Preventors partners Sally and Wufei, and a reluctant Duo. He had been sent along by a vengeful Lady Une for annoying him, yes, even now the evil Col. Une occasionally surfaced.
The couple watched with amusement as the trio tried to hide in the trees on the outskirts of the base. A grin of psychotic glee appeared on Dorothy's face when four Somalian guards surrounded the three Preventors and the two boys hid behind Sally. Much to Dorothy's dismay the guards bowed down before Sally.
"What are they doing!? Why are they bowing to that blonde bimbo!? I am their queen!" Dorothy demanded at the top her lungs causing Heero to cringe.
"I'm sure they have a good reason." He said, trying to calm his wife before she destroyed anything.
With a determined look she stomped over to the window, threw it open and leaned dangerously far out. "GET BACK UP HERE NOW!!!" she screamed. The guards looked uncertainly from Dorothy, back to Sally, who shrugged. Deciding it was too dangerous to risk the demon lady's anger they escorted the trio into the base to where Dorothy and Heero were waiting.
Not wasting time with greetings "Why are you bowing to her!?" Dorothy demanded immediately. The guards only blinked at her, not understanding. Frustrated, she motioned wildly for what must be assumed to call for a translator.
To everyone's surprise it was Duo who spoke, repeating Dorothy's question to the guards in rapid Somalian. They all stared at him. Both the Preventors and the newlyweds wondering why such an idiot as Duo knew fluent Somalian. Duo, noticing their stares, shrugged. "I've picked up some thing's here and there."
One of the Somalian guards started speaking quickly, with large hand gestures. Duo nodded and threw in a word every so often. After a few minutes they began speaking like old friends and had completely forgotten that everyone else was there.
Sally was about to tap the braided boy on the shoulder, discreetly, when Heero stepped in and punched him, very indiscreetly.
"Okay, that works too." Sally mumbled, a little annoyed by Heero's resort to violence because if he had broken Duo's nose she would be the one expected to fix it.
"What did the guard say?" Dorothy demanded.
"I'm okay, in case anyone was wondering." Duo said sourly. "The guard said that Sally's cinnamon twists..." Everyone looked at him blankly. "Her hair. The guard said that her hairstyle is the same that was worn by an ancient hero who rid Somalia of an evil demon. They figured Sally would protect from Dorothy."
"Is that why you came here?" Dorothy glared angrily at Sally.
Sally had been paying no attention to what was going on, for she was eyeing one of the cuter Somalian guards, Wufei grew more irritated by the second.
"What?" Sally snapped back to reality. "I didn't come here because I was going to be worshiped, but had I known I would've come sooner."
"Why are you here?" Heero asked.
The three unexpected visitors all looked at each other blankly, until Wufei broke the silence.
"Well, you know Heero, I've always had these dreams of world domination and so we thought we'd come and help you out."
Dorothy and Heero didn't look convinced about this explanation, but they figured that letting them stay would do no harm.
Heero handed Sally and Wufei a stack of paperwork and ignored as Duo began chattering cheerfully with the guard again.
Little did they know that Duo and the guard were planning on going out and getting some drinks. It looked as if they would have to endure another day of Duo being drunk.
"So you've taken over one country, where you plan on going from here?" Wufei asked not looking happy about the stack of paper work he was holding.
Dorothy walked over to a world map and blindly poked a spot on it. "We're taking over..." She looked at the map. "Saudi Arabia next."
Sally and Wufei breathed a sigh of relief seeing that Dorothy and Heero really had no clue what they were doing.
Heero sat lovingly polishing his gun while his wife sat giving Sally evil looks. Wufei begrudgingly started working on the paperwork then noticed that Sally wasn't doing anything, it took him a minute to figure out that she had given all the paperwork to the Somalian guard she had been eyeing earlier. No one noticed that Duo and the guard had disappeared.
The guard showed Duo to the local bar, which was really just a straw hut. It only took two glasses of the local alcoholic beverage for Duo joined in the tribal dancing, drunk as a... drunk (okay, I still can't think of a good analogy).
It took a while for anyone to realize that Duo was gone and when they did figure it out an argument began over who would go and drag him back to the base. It was eventually decided that Sally would have to go, seeing that she was the least likely to hurt Duo because they still needed him to translate.
No matter how hard she tried Sally couldn't convince the guards that they didn't need to follow her. Reluctantly she set off for the bar with her worshipers close behind. She eventually found Duo, dressed in nothing but a grass skirt and holding a spear, dancing around wildly clearly enjoying himself. The first thing Sally did was take the spear. Unfortunate in other people's eyes, but in Sally's it was fortunate that she could not locate his clothes. It wasn't until about half way back to the base that Sally noticed the crowd following her had grown bigger, this included everyone from that bar, and many of them too were dressed in only grass skirts.
There were no words for the anger Dorothy felt when she saw the large crowd following behind Sally. With fire in her eyes she turned to her husband.
"We are taking over Saudi Arabia, right now!"
"What's the hurry?" Wufei asked, not even half way through the stack of paper work.
"I want to be worshipped! I want people to follow me around!" Dorothy sounded much like a five-year-old girl who hadn't gotten her way.
Though when they got inside it was Duo's grass skirt that attracted the most attention, not the huge herd of people that were following Sally.
Dorothy went from looking angry to looking disgusted. "Please get him some clothes!" She turned away and shielded her eyes.
"It's not so bad." Heero said "He could've come back wearing nothing." This did not comfort his wife, but only caused her to become angrier. So she slapped him. Everyone held their breath, hoping and praying that he would shoot her, but sadly he didn't. He obviously wasn't as trigger happy as they remembered.
Dorothy decided she had had enough and they would leave immediately.
With a somber look Duo turned to the large pack of Somalians and began speaking rapidly. There was silence for a few seconds then wild cheering erupted.
"What did you tell them?" any random character asked.
"I told them the devil woman was leaving." Duo had to yell at the top of his lungs to compete over the cheering and celebrational music.
Sally raised an eyebrow "I assume you meant Dorothy?"
Eyebrows twitching angrily Dorothy glared at Sally deciding it was time to go even if she had to force everyone out at gunpoint.
As they headed for the exit Sally suddenly realized Wufei was nowhere in sight. A girlish scream caught her attention and she turned to see him being carried by a wave of Somalians. "Wufei, what are you doing?"
"Stupid question, woman." Wufei yelled, momentarily forgetting the situation.
Sally motioned for Duo who grabbed a Somalian from the crowd and began talking to him. About halfway through the conversation Duo broke out in uncontrollable laughter.
This only worried Sally further. "What's going on?"
Through the waves of laughter Duo managed to choke out a response. "They want to sacrifice him to you."
"Well tell them not to!" Sally yelled.
Duo looked crestfallen. "Are you sure? Just think about it. Crowds of admirers...or Wufei. It shouldn't be that hard of a decision."
Sally gave him an evil death glare, one that even Heero had to take a step backwards in fear.
"Fine, fine." Duo sighed, and yelled at the Somalians, waving his arms wildly. The others feared his grass skirt would fall off. The Somalians abruptly stopped their cheering and dropped Wufei, on his head. Then they all ran to Sally and started apologizing profusely.
"Duo, what did you say to them?" Sally asked with more worry then before.
"I told them it was bad luck to kill the boyfriend of the ancient hero." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Duo regretted them.
Grabbing a spear from a nearby Somalian, Sally began chasing the frightened boy around.
"I don't see why being my girlfriend is such a bad thing." Wufei mumbled before wandering over to where Heero and Dorothy were trying to restrain her from hurting Duo.
With much effort the three finally subdued Sally enough to get her to the plane hanger.
Wufei and Duo froze when they saw it. It was big, shiny, and...yellow.
"It's hideous." Duo gasped in awe.
"There's no way I'm getting on that!" Wufei yelled.
With an annoyed glare Sally turned to her partner. "Would you prefer for me to leave you here with the Somalians?"
Wufei promptly shut up and got on the plane.
Needless to say the flight was an eventful one. Considering that three of the Gundam pilots and Sally and Dorothy were all in one, small, inescapable space.
***
The Preventors office was unusually quiet, mostly because the recently wedded couple, Heero and Dorothy were off on their honeymoon. Of course, they didn't actually work there, they just liked to hang around giving people evil glares and drink the free coffee. The only sound besides Zechs' snoring and the occasional curse from Wufei was Duo's singing. The American didn't work there either but they had yet to find a way to get rid of him.
Sally was calmly trying to convince Wufei that anger management was really the key to helping him achieve peace with his past when Lady Une walked in the door with a serious expression. Partly because it was hard too be cheerful with the large bruise she still had from when Zechs had hit her with the champagne bottle.
"Is something wrong?" Sally asked eyeing the brown haired woman.
"Something is very wrong."
A few minutes of silence followed, everybody awaiting the answer anxiously...well, almost everybody. "Are you going to tell us or do we have to guess?" Wufei finally asked obnoxiously, receiving a hard kick from his partner.
"It seems that Heero and Dorothy have taken control of the small African country of Somalia."
"What!?" The partners echoed.
A loud snort came from Duo, who, no one had realized had been listening. "Of course they did! What did you expect them to do, go tanning on the beaches of Hawaii!?" he said sarcastically from the doorway to the office.
"It appears our newly wed friends have plans of world domination." Lady Une said somberly, glaring at Duo in annoyance.
***
"Oh Heero! I'm so happy!" Dorothy bounced cheerfully around their base in Somalia. "I couldn't ask for a better honeymoon!"
"I'm glad you're happy, that's all that matters." Heero, in his usual monotone, failed to sound very sincere as he sat typing on the computer."
Dorothy paused, hands on her hips not too pleased at being ignored. "What are you doing?"
"Planning out what order to take over countries."
Dorothy clapped her hands happily. "You are just too wonderful. I can't believe I spent all that time following Miss Relena around and not seeing how happy you could make me!" She proceeded to waltz around the room.
Heero actually looked puzzled for a split second of a minute. "what do you mean by that?" he asked, turning in his chair to look at his wife.
She raised one split eyebrow. "You know what I mean." Sounding evil.
"I was afraid of that."
It was at this point that one of their lackeys began yelling at them in Somalian. Of course neither Heero or Dorothy spoke Somalian. You might wonder how they managed to take over a country if they didn't speak the language, but it was quite simple. Dorothy had thought all the people were bowing down before her as their queen, but in truth they thought her eyebrows were the mark of the devil and were too scared not to obey her.
Now, back to the panicked Somalian. He pointed at the T.V. in excitement. Heero and Dorothy looked at each other questioningly before examining the screen.
"It's one of the security cameras." Heero commented. "Looks like we have visitors."
As you might have guessed the visitors were none other than Preventors partners Sally and Wufei, and a reluctant Duo. He had been sent along by a vengeful Lady Une for annoying him, yes, even now the evil Col. Une occasionally surfaced.
The couple watched with amusement as the trio tried to hide in the trees on the outskirts of the base. A grin of psychotic glee appeared on Dorothy's face when four Somalian guards surrounded the three Preventors and the two boys hid behind Sally. Much to Dorothy's dismay the guards bowed down before Sally.
"What are they doing!? Why are they bowing to that blonde bimbo!? I am their queen!" Dorothy demanded at the top her lungs causing Heero to cringe.
"I'm sure they have a good reason." He said, trying to calm his wife before she destroyed anything.
With a determined look she stomped over to the window, threw it open and leaned dangerously far out. "GET BACK UP HERE NOW!!!" she screamed. The guards looked uncertainly from Dorothy, back to Sally, who shrugged. Deciding it was too dangerous to risk the demon lady's anger they escorted the trio into the base to where Dorothy and Heero were waiting.
Not wasting time with greetings "Why are you bowing to her!?" Dorothy demanded immediately. The guards only blinked at her, not understanding. Frustrated, she motioned wildly for what must be assumed to call for a translator.
To everyone's surprise it was Duo who spoke, repeating Dorothy's question to the guards in rapid Somalian. They all stared at him. Both the Preventors and the newlyweds wondering why such an idiot as Duo knew fluent Somalian. Duo, noticing their stares, shrugged. "I've picked up some thing's here and there."
One of the Somalian guards started speaking quickly, with large hand gestures. Duo nodded and threw in a word every so often. After a few minutes they began speaking like old friends and had completely forgotten that everyone else was there.
Sally was about to tap the braided boy on the shoulder, discreetly, when Heero stepped in and punched him, very indiscreetly.
"Okay, that works too." Sally mumbled, a little annoyed by Heero's resort to violence because if he had broken Duo's nose she would be the one expected to fix it.
"What did the guard say?" Dorothy demanded.
"I'm okay, in case anyone was wondering." Duo said sourly. "The guard said that Sally's cinnamon twists..." Everyone looked at him blankly. "Her hair. The guard said that her hairstyle is the same that was worn by an ancient hero who rid Somalia of an evil demon. They figured Sally would protect from Dorothy."
"Is that why you came here?" Dorothy glared angrily at Sally.
Sally had been paying no attention to what was going on, for she was eyeing one of the cuter Somalian guards, Wufei grew more irritated by the second.
"What?" Sally snapped back to reality. "I didn't come here because I was going to be worshiped, but had I known I would've come sooner."
"Why are you here?" Heero asked.
The three unexpected visitors all looked at each other blankly, until Wufei broke the silence.
"Well, you know Heero, I've always had these dreams of world domination and so we thought we'd come and help you out."
Dorothy and Heero didn't look convinced about this explanation, but they figured that letting them stay would do no harm.
Heero handed Sally and Wufei a stack of paperwork and ignored as Duo began chattering cheerfully with the guard again.
Little did they know that Duo and the guard were planning on going out and getting some drinks. It looked as if they would have to endure another day of Duo being drunk.
"So you've taken over one country, where you plan on going from here?" Wufei asked not looking happy about the stack of paper work he was holding.
Dorothy walked over to a world map and blindly poked a spot on it. "We're taking over..." She looked at the map. "Saudi Arabia next."
Sally and Wufei breathed a sigh of relief seeing that Dorothy and Heero really had no clue what they were doing.
Heero sat lovingly polishing his gun while his wife sat giving Sally evil looks. Wufei begrudgingly started working on the paperwork then noticed that Sally wasn't doing anything, it took him a minute to figure out that she had given all the paperwork to the Somalian guard she had been eyeing earlier. No one noticed that Duo and the guard had disappeared.
The guard showed Duo to the local bar, which was really just a straw hut. It only took two glasses of the local alcoholic beverage for Duo joined in the tribal dancing, drunk as a... drunk (okay, I still can't think of a good analogy).
It took a while for anyone to realize that Duo was gone and when they did figure it out an argument began over who would go and drag him back to the base. It was eventually decided that Sally would have to go, seeing that she was the least likely to hurt Duo because they still needed him to translate.
No matter how hard she tried Sally couldn't convince the guards that they didn't need to follow her. Reluctantly she set off for the bar with her worshipers close behind. She eventually found Duo, dressed in nothing but a grass skirt and holding a spear, dancing around wildly clearly enjoying himself. The first thing Sally did was take the spear. Unfortunate in other people's eyes, but in Sally's it was fortunate that she could not locate his clothes. It wasn't until about half way back to the base that Sally noticed the crowd following her had grown bigger, this included everyone from that bar, and many of them too were dressed in only grass skirts.
There were no words for the anger Dorothy felt when she saw the large crowd following behind Sally. With fire in her eyes she turned to her husband.
"We are taking over Saudi Arabia, right now!"
"What's the hurry?" Wufei asked, not even half way through the stack of paper work.
"I want to be worshipped! I want people to follow me around!" Dorothy sounded much like a five-year-old girl who hadn't gotten her way.
Though when they got inside it was Duo's grass skirt that attracted the most attention, not the huge herd of people that were following Sally.
Dorothy went from looking angry to looking disgusted. "Please get him some clothes!" She turned away and shielded her eyes.
"It's not so bad." Heero said "He could've come back wearing nothing." This did not comfort his wife, but only caused her to become angrier. So she slapped him. Everyone held their breath, hoping and praying that he would shoot her, but sadly he didn't. He obviously wasn't as trigger happy as they remembered.
Dorothy decided she had had enough and they would leave immediately.
With a somber look Duo turned to the large pack of Somalians and began speaking rapidly. There was silence for a few seconds then wild cheering erupted.
"What did you tell them?" any random character asked.
"I told them the devil woman was leaving." Duo had to yell at the top of his lungs to compete over the cheering and celebrational music.
Sally raised an eyebrow "I assume you meant Dorothy?"
Eyebrows twitching angrily Dorothy glared at Sally deciding it was time to go even if she had to force everyone out at gunpoint.
As they headed for the exit Sally suddenly realized Wufei was nowhere in sight. A girlish scream caught her attention and she turned to see him being carried by a wave of Somalians. "Wufei, what are you doing?"
"Stupid question, woman." Wufei yelled, momentarily forgetting the situation.
Sally motioned for Duo who grabbed a Somalian from the crowd and began talking to him. About halfway through the conversation Duo broke out in uncontrollable laughter.
This only worried Sally further. "What's going on?"
Through the waves of laughter Duo managed to choke out a response. "They want to sacrifice him to you."
"Well tell them not to!" Sally yelled.
Duo looked crestfallen. "Are you sure? Just think about it. Crowds of admirers...or Wufei. It shouldn't be that hard of a decision."
Sally gave him an evil death glare, one that even Heero had to take a step backwards in fear.
"Fine, fine." Duo sighed, and yelled at the Somalians, waving his arms wildly. The others feared his grass skirt would fall off. The Somalians abruptly stopped their cheering and dropped Wufei, on his head. Then they all ran to Sally and started apologizing profusely.
"Duo, what did you say to them?" Sally asked with more worry then before.
"I told them it was bad luck to kill the boyfriend of the ancient hero." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Duo regretted them.
Grabbing a spear from a nearby Somalian, Sally began chasing the frightened boy around.
"I don't see why being my girlfriend is such a bad thing." Wufei mumbled before wandering over to where Heero and Dorothy were trying to restrain her from hurting Duo.
With much effort the three finally subdued Sally enough to get her to the plane hanger.
Wufei and Duo froze when they saw it. It was big, shiny, and...yellow.
"It's hideous." Duo gasped in awe.
"There's no way I'm getting on that!" Wufei yelled.
With an annoyed glare Sally turned to her partner. "Would you prefer for me to leave you here with the Somalians?"
Wufei promptly shut up and got on the plane.
Needless to say the flight was an eventful one. Considering that three of the Gundam pilots and Sally and Dorothy were all in one, small, inescapable space.
***