My search through the sewers was uneventful. Whoever had seen Raphael was not concerned enough with him to follow. This time. I thought of my sons hiding in the darkness of their bedrooms; scared and waiting for my return. The question that burned in my mind was what to do with Raphael.
Raphael was always the most adventurous of my sons. He always did what he wanted regardless of consequences. I had to believe that years of ninja discipline would one day temper his reckless spirit, but in the meantime, I could not allow his rash actions to jeopardize the safety of his family.
There are two things in life that teach lessons better then anything. One is pain and the other is fear.
Please do not jump to conclusions. I had no desire to inflict pain on any of my sons. Taps with my cane to gain their attention is one thing, but I would NEVER intentionally do harm to them. And I also did not want them to fear me. However, Raphael needed to know exactly why my rules were important. And I had to be completely honest with him.
I walked into our lair and called out to my sons. They came running out of their rooms. "Master, did you see anyone?" Donatello asked.
I shook my head. "No. We are safe."
Smiling, I indulged their excited chatter before hushing them. "We are going to forego evening practice tonight. You may have free time before bed." They cheered again and as much as I hated to destroy the happiness, I said. "Raphael, we must talk."
I lead my nervous son into my room and indicated that he should sit down.
"Raphael, do you know what would have happened if someone found our lair?"
Of course he did. I had always told them that humans would not understand us. That humans feared what they did not understand. But I never told them what humans tended to do to things they feared and did not understand. I never wanted to frighten them that much. Not until now.
Raphael nodded slowly in answer to my question.
"Tell me what I have told you," I prompted him.
"That humans would be afraid of us. They might hurt us or...or kill us."
I leaned forward. "I have never told you, but do you know exactly what humans would do if they discovered us?"
Raphael shook his head wordlessly, fear lighting up his eyes. I had his undivided attention.
Some voice inside of me told me not to do this; that this would cause more trouble than it was worth. But another voice insisted that this was the only way.
"We are unique creatures on this earth, Raphael," I explained slowly. "Humans have never seen the likes of us before. Should humans discover us, and our abilities, their first priority would be to subdue us."
"Subdue?" Raphael questioned.
"Capture us and render us unable to defend ourselves. Use drugs to keep us asleep or sedated." I could not stop now. No matter how much knowing this frightened him.
"Why, Sensei?" Raphael asked. "I always thought they would just...just kill us."
I nodded. "Eventually, yes they would. But not before they found out all they could about us."
"H...how?"
Somewhere deep inside Raphael knew the answer, but he never could believe it. Now the truth was being thrown in his face and I was forcing him to look at it.
Not even I could believe the next words that came from my mouth. I was telling my young son my worse nightmare. Something I swore to hide from them. It was like I was watching myself. Listening to this duplicate of me explain the more gruesome points of dissection and experimentation. I couldn't stop, not even when I saw him gagging. I made him picture his brothers tied down to tables with their shells sliced opened and exposed.
I knew Raphael had a fear of needles and I used that against him, explaining each poke and prod, every stick with the sharp instrument.
It seemed like hours, but only a few minutes had passed before I was done. I leaned back emotionally exhausted and regarded Raphael carefully. His eyes were wide and frightened. His face pale. I longed to reach out and comfort him. I wanted to tell him that nothing like that would ever happen, but I didn't.
"Now Raphael, I want you to go to your room for the rest of this evening and think about what we have discussed. What your actions could have cost this family."
Raphael nodded and stood woodenly. He seemed to have aged ten years in the last ten minutes.
I watched him leave and I began to feel ill myself. It would be some years before I would realize the other parts of the "fear" equation.
The fear that I had planted in my son's mind to protect him would harden and lead to anger and hatred. Specifically, hatred of the humans that I had taught him to fear.
The hatred would lead to violence and the violence would lead ultimately to death. But not Raphael's.
Raphael was always the most adventurous of my sons. He always did what he wanted regardless of consequences. I had to believe that years of ninja discipline would one day temper his reckless spirit, but in the meantime, I could not allow his rash actions to jeopardize the safety of his family.
There are two things in life that teach lessons better then anything. One is pain and the other is fear.
Please do not jump to conclusions. I had no desire to inflict pain on any of my sons. Taps with my cane to gain their attention is one thing, but I would NEVER intentionally do harm to them. And I also did not want them to fear me. However, Raphael needed to know exactly why my rules were important. And I had to be completely honest with him.
I walked into our lair and called out to my sons. They came running out of their rooms. "Master, did you see anyone?" Donatello asked.
I shook my head. "No. We are safe."
Smiling, I indulged their excited chatter before hushing them. "We are going to forego evening practice tonight. You may have free time before bed." They cheered again and as much as I hated to destroy the happiness, I said. "Raphael, we must talk."
I lead my nervous son into my room and indicated that he should sit down.
"Raphael, do you know what would have happened if someone found our lair?"
Of course he did. I had always told them that humans would not understand us. That humans feared what they did not understand. But I never told them what humans tended to do to things they feared and did not understand. I never wanted to frighten them that much. Not until now.
Raphael nodded slowly in answer to my question.
"Tell me what I have told you," I prompted him.
"That humans would be afraid of us. They might hurt us or...or kill us."
I leaned forward. "I have never told you, but do you know exactly what humans would do if they discovered us?"
Raphael shook his head wordlessly, fear lighting up his eyes. I had his undivided attention.
Some voice inside of me told me not to do this; that this would cause more trouble than it was worth. But another voice insisted that this was the only way.
"We are unique creatures on this earth, Raphael," I explained slowly. "Humans have never seen the likes of us before. Should humans discover us, and our abilities, their first priority would be to subdue us."
"Subdue?" Raphael questioned.
"Capture us and render us unable to defend ourselves. Use drugs to keep us asleep or sedated." I could not stop now. No matter how much knowing this frightened him.
"Why, Sensei?" Raphael asked. "I always thought they would just...just kill us."
I nodded. "Eventually, yes they would. But not before they found out all they could about us."
"H...how?"
Somewhere deep inside Raphael knew the answer, but he never could believe it. Now the truth was being thrown in his face and I was forcing him to look at it.
Not even I could believe the next words that came from my mouth. I was telling my young son my worse nightmare. Something I swore to hide from them. It was like I was watching myself. Listening to this duplicate of me explain the more gruesome points of dissection and experimentation. I couldn't stop, not even when I saw him gagging. I made him picture his brothers tied down to tables with their shells sliced opened and exposed.
I knew Raphael had a fear of needles and I used that against him, explaining each poke and prod, every stick with the sharp instrument.
It seemed like hours, but only a few minutes had passed before I was done. I leaned back emotionally exhausted and regarded Raphael carefully. His eyes were wide and frightened. His face pale. I longed to reach out and comfort him. I wanted to tell him that nothing like that would ever happen, but I didn't.
"Now Raphael, I want you to go to your room for the rest of this evening and think about what we have discussed. What your actions could have cost this family."
Raphael nodded and stood woodenly. He seemed to have aged ten years in the last ten minutes.
I watched him leave and I began to feel ill myself. It would be some years before I would realize the other parts of the "fear" equation.
The fear that I had planted in my son's mind to protect him would harden and lead to anger and hatred. Specifically, hatred of the humans that I had taught him to fear.
The hatred would lead to violence and the violence would lead ultimately to death. But not Raphael's.