"Okay, I know things look bad-" began Sirius.
"That's the understatement of the year." muttered James.
"Hush up, James. As I was saying, things look pretty bad right now, but I'm guessing there's a way out of here." said Sirius.
"How do you know?" said Lily, a hint of resentment in her voice.
"I don't know, I just guess." said Sirius.
"Okay, so our first priority is getting home, right?" said James
"Wrong, James." replied Remus. The others all had puzzled expressions on their faces. "Let me explain. These people, Muggles I suppose, are going to notice us sooner or later. We kind of stand out."
No sooner had the words left his mouth than a man walked up behind them. He was a tall man with a shaggy brown beard. His clothes were made of brown leather and he wore a cap, made from a dead racoon, and smelled like a mixture of smoke and a sewage plant. Lovely.
"You decided what kind of draft animals you gonna use to pull your wagon? Well, you can pick oxen, mules or horses. There's advantages and disadvantages to each." Said the stranger.
"What are you talking about?" said Sirius warily, while the others stared in wild-eyed wonder. The stranger had attracted the attention of the rest of the class.
"Oxen are cheap and strong but prone to sickness-"
"Kind of sounds like Peter, 'cept he isn't strong." said James. Peter grew sullen.
The man acted as though he didn't hear James's comment. "Mules cost more, but they're less likely to get sick. They can be stubborn too."
"Just like Sirius." said Remus. Sirius glared at Remus.
"Horses are faster, but weaker. The other downside is they cost a lot, require feed grain, and are prone to thieves." The man his speech on draft animals.
"Just like-" started Sirius.
"Will you guys stop comparing each other to draft animals." said an exasperated Lily.
"Thanks a lot. I think we'll be going now." said Sirius moving away from the man slowly.
"Well, since you asked-"
"We didn't ask you anything!" screamed Lily, but the man ranted on, unfazed by Lily's agitated cry.
"I'd go with oxen. The price is right, and you can't beat them for strength. They ain't too bright, but they're good old beasts. Besides if you get into real dire straits, you can always eat them."
"Ewwwwww!"
"So long then." said Remus, silently praying that the man with the draft animal fetish wouldn't keep talking. Surprisingly (and to everyone's great relief) the smelly, oxen-loving psychopath walked off down the dusty, dirt road.
"What the hell was that?" said Peter, looking extremely put off.
Remus continued to watch the figure, growing smaller in the distance. "Mountain man I suppose."
"A crazed mountain man who could recommend the best sauces and side dishes for ox meat. That's just…unnatural." said James.
"Teriyaki sauce, wild brown rice, and asparagus."
Everyone glanced at Sirius.
"You've got to be kidding me." Lily said, dumbfounded.