Sirius and James sat side-by-side guiding the motley band through the plains of Nebraska. They glanced at the fields of corn and wheat that seemed to stretch on forever. At first it was quite relaxing, watching the amber stalks bend in the breeze. By mid afternoon, James was losing his patience.
"I don't think I can take this much longer." he said.
"Take what much longer?" Sirius asked.
"The scenery. It gives me the creeps."
"Yes James, I can easily how grain can strike fear into the heat of even the most courageous man."
James looked slightly embarrassed. "No," he said, "It's just that, well, it doesn't seem like were getting very far and after a while it starts to play with your mind."
Sirius' proverbial light bulb went off. "Oh, I see. I get that feeling with the ocean. You stare at it and find yourself asking questions you wouldn't otherwise have imagined. You wonder why were alive."
"And what is it like to die?'"
"And why do we spend all the time in between wearing digital watches?"
They went on like this for some time until James voiced the question that had been nagging him for quite a while.
"Are we ever going to get home?"
Sirius frowned slightly. "I don't know. There has to be a way back."
"No there doesn't have to be a way, you know that." James said. "There's no written rule stating that when one performs a time-traveling spell unintentionally there is a counter spell."
"You name me one irreversible spell." said Sirius.
"Avada Kedavra."
" Point taken, but I'm convinced there is a way. We got here because I sang that song. There's a rule in physics, "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction". Am I right?"
James nodded. "Well," he continued, "it's kind of like that. If we do one thing, it has to undo it's self."
It was James' turn to have his light bulb turn on. "So all we have to do—"
"Is sing "The Time Warp"—"
"And we'll be right back were we left off—"
"It's simple—"
"It's easy—"
"And it just might work!"
*Some time later*
"Remus!"
Sirius and James raced over to their fair-haired companion. They told him their plan to get back home he looked at them before turning back to his apple.
"Took you long enough." he said taking a bite.
"You knew! You knew all along and you never told me!"
"Of course I knew. It was the only logical solution."
James and Sirius sat down while Remus finished his snack. He threw his apple away, aiming at Snape. "Sirius, you know all the part for the song right?" he said as the apple collided with Snape's unprotected backside.
"Sure I do," Sirius said. "There's Riff-Raff, Magenta, the narrator, Columbia, and everyone else. The lyrics are simple enough."
The group was gathered together. It was decided that Lily and Sirius would be singing with a reluctant Remus and Peter while Snape and James would join the others in singing the chorus part (James had to hold an unloaded pistol to his head to get him to follow the dance moves). After a brief run through, they were ready.
"I take it we have to do this a-capella?" Lily asked Sirius.
"Looks that way. Ready?"
Sirius:
It's astounding
Time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
But listen closely
Lily:
Not for very much longer
Sirius:
I've got to- keep cool
I remember doing the time warp
Drinking those moments when
The blackness would hit me
Lily and Sirius:
And the void would be calling
All:
Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp again
Remus:
It's just a jump to the left
All:
And a step to the right
Remus:
With your hands on your hips
All:
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane
Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp again
Lily:
It's so dreamy
Oh fantasy free me
So you can't see me, no not at all
In another dimension
With voyeuristic intension
Well secluded, I see all.
Sirius:
With a bit of a mind flip
You're into the time slip.
And nothing can ever be the same.
You're spaced out on sensation.
LIKE YOU'RE UNDER SEDATION!
All:
Let's do the time warp again.
Let's do the time warp again.
Peter:
Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think
When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink.
He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise.
He had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes.
He stared at me and I felt a change.
Time meant nothing, never would again.
All:
Let's do the time warp again.
Let's do the time warp again.
Remus:
It's just a jump to the left
All:
And a step to the right
Remus:
With your hands on your hips
All:
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane
Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp again!
With a pop they disappeared. The next day a man and his family stumbled upon the abandoned wagons. Well, needless to say. He wanted to take everything, but sadly he could only take a mirror and ten pounds of bacon. The rest was left for another game.
Well, back to out hapless heroes…
Perhaps it was due to James's poor falsetto or Snape's unenthusiastic pelvic thrust, but they kept reappearing in different periods of history in different countries. They traveled through Louis Napoleon Bonaparte's coronation ceremony, the Battle of Gettysburg, and the first meeting of the Indian National Congress before they arrived back in class, at the exact moment after they had disappeared.
And Professor Bins was still talking.
Figures.