AUTHOR'S NOTES:
-This actually was meant to be posted the day after the four-word-chapter, but then my account got frozen (long story) until now. So here it is, and I apologize for the delay.
-I am going vaguely in the order of the books/movie, but this is really written as a series of short vignettes, which is why you don't read about how the Fellowship got from their quibbles to Caradhras or from there to Moria. If I ever have time (ha), I would like to go through and make it all flow together better.
-PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!
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TAKE TWO
Peter Jackson flung his hat on the ground. "Sam, you idiot! You're supposed to show emotion in that scene! This is BILL! Your horsie! You love your horsie!"
Sam snuffled. "You didn't like my acting?"
"NO!" screamed Peter Jackson. "Do that AGAIN!" He hustled out of the way.
TAKE THREE
"Oh, Bill," said Sam, looking mournful. "I don't want you to leave. I love you so much. This is breaking my heart." He kissed Bill's nose.
"Ewwwwww!" said Gandalf. "You're a … horseophiliac!"
Pippin looked confused. "What does that mean?"
"Well, I'm just trying to be emotional," said Sam defensively.
Peter Jackson looked murderous. "No… one… interrupt," he said through clenched teeth. "One more shot, and then you're all going to have to make out with Liv Tyler."
Gandalf, Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas, Frodo, Sam, Pippin, the cameramen, and all the extras screamed in terror.
"Okay," said Gimli. Everyone stared at him.
"Mad Dwarf Fever," whispered Gandalf sadly.
"Ah, yes," said Aragorn, nodding his head wisely. Legolas nodded too.
"Uhhhh… anyway, let's just accept that the majority of you who aren't insane and who don't have to be subdued with Liv Tyler's UNDERWEAR don't want to make out with her," said Peter Jackson. "Now do it WELL, Sean, okay?"
TAKE FOUR
"Oh, Bill," said Sam, looking mournful. "I don't want you to leave. I love you so much. This is breaking my heart." He kissed Bill's nose.
Gandalf snorted, then neighed to cover up the snort. Legolas edged away from the wizard.
"But I promised to stay with the Fellowship through good and through bad, so I will have to say goodbye. This is no place for a pony. Goodbye, Bill." He kissed the horse again and patted it on its rump.
Peter Jackson heaved a sigh of relief. "That was fine."
Everyone present heaved a sigh of relief. No one would have to make out with Liv Tyler!
"Horseophiliac, horseophiliac!" taunted Gandalf. "Sam looooves Bill."
Sam burst into tears. "You guys are so mean to me! I want my mooooommmmyyy!"
Boromir rolled his eyes. "Sam, your mommy is never mentioned in the books."
Sam paused and started sucking his thumb. He thought for a moment, a clearly strenuous process, then smiled. "I want my FRODO."
Frodo looked horrified. He started backing away, then fell into the water.
Enter the Watcher in the Water.
Well, if you've read the books or seen the movie, you should know what happens. Suffice it to say that they survived.
Legolas tried to cut off one of Pippin's fingers to feed to his *friend* Gimli. Pippin tried to punch Legolas in the nose. Instead, Legolas turned around too quickly, and Pippin punched him in the butt.
Everyone entered Moria in a foul, foul mood.
-This actually was meant to be posted the day after the four-word-chapter, but then my account got frozen (long story) until now. So here it is, and I apologize for the delay.
-I am going vaguely in the order of the books/movie, but this is really written as a series of short vignettes, which is why you don't read about how the Fellowship got from their quibbles to Caradhras or from there to Moria. If I ever have time (ha), I would like to go through and make it all flow together better.
-PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TAKE TWO
Peter Jackson flung his hat on the ground. "Sam, you idiot! You're supposed to show emotion in that scene! This is BILL! Your horsie! You love your horsie!"
Sam snuffled. "You didn't like my acting?"
"NO!" screamed Peter Jackson. "Do that AGAIN!" He hustled out of the way.
TAKE THREE
"Oh, Bill," said Sam, looking mournful. "I don't want you to leave. I love you so much. This is breaking my heart." He kissed Bill's nose.
"Ewwwwww!" said Gandalf. "You're a … horseophiliac!"
Pippin looked confused. "What does that mean?"
"Well, I'm just trying to be emotional," said Sam defensively.
Peter Jackson looked murderous. "No… one… interrupt," he said through clenched teeth. "One more shot, and then you're all going to have to make out with Liv Tyler."
Gandalf, Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas, Frodo, Sam, Pippin, the cameramen, and all the extras screamed in terror.
"Okay," said Gimli. Everyone stared at him.
"Mad Dwarf Fever," whispered Gandalf sadly.
"Ah, yes," said Aragorn, nodding his head wisely. Legolas nodded too.
"Uhhhh… anyway, let's just accept that the majority of you who aren't insane and who don't have to be subdued with Liv Tyler's UNDERWEAR don't want to make out with her," said Peter Jackson. "Now do it WELL, Sean, okay?"
TAKE FOUR
"Oh, Bill," said Sam, looking mournful. "I don't want you to leave. I love you so much. This is breaking my heart." He kissed Bill's nose.
Gandalf snorted, then neighed to cover up the snort. Legolas edged away from the wizard.
"But I promised to stay with the Fellowship through good and through bad, so I will have to say goodbye. This is no place for a pony. Goodbye, Bill." He kissed the horse again and patted it on its rump.
Peter Jackson heaved a sigh of relief. "That was fine."
Everyone present heaved a sigh of relief. No one would have to make out with Liv Tyler!
"Horseophiliac, horseophiliac!" taunted Gandalf. "Sam looooves Bill."
Sam burst into tears. "You guys are so mean to me! I want my mooooommmmyyy!"
Boromir rolled his eyes. "Sam, your mommy is never mentioned in the books."
Sam paused and started sucking his thumb. He thought for a moment, a clearly strenuous process, then smiled. "I want my FRODO."
Frodo looked horrified. He started backing away, then fell into the water.
Enter the Watcher in the Water.
Well, if you've read the books or seen the movie, you should know what happens. Suffice it to say that they survived.
Legolas tried to cut off one of Pippin's fingers to feed to his *friend* Gimli. Pippin tried to punch Legolas in the nose. Instead, Legolas turned around too quickly, and Pippin punched him in the butt.
Everyone entered Moria in a foul, foul mood.