Disclaimer: Ok, I don't own Cowboy Bebop or it's characters, blah blah. Everyone knows that *glare*. What is unusual is that in order to *ahem* set up the story properly I had to recount the last eppys in Faye's POV. So really, the plotline and most of the speech isn't mine either (okay, don't even start). Actually I took all of the speech that involves Faye from the show. Directly from the show. So it isn't mine (so you can't sue me. Cuz i'm penniless...well, ok, maybe not penniless, but I am dollarless...) Really, I can write on my own...if you just hurry up and read this chapter you can go to the next one, and I'll prove it!

So what are you waiting for?

Well. My story really began when I remembered my past, but we'll just skip that boring part and cut to the chase. It gets interesting when Jet urged Spike to leave, you know, to find his 'lost love'. Yeah, whatever, if you believe he actually had a love. But, well, that's what happens, and truly, this is his fault, all that transpires in my retelling was caused by his stupid act. Or rather by his 'love' for that stupid naive girl. Ok, she wasn't that stupid. Or a girl. But that's not the point. The point is, really, that I find myself in all this mess. No, trust me, it's not stupidly sentimental. You know how I am. If you don't know who I am now, then you are really behind. But just for you slow people, I'm Faye Morshigo. My name used to be Faye Valentine, but after I remembered my past, I switched names...or rather, I still do, depending on my mood.

Whatever, I'm off subject now. This is really a story of pain and junk, ya know. All that landed me in this crummy hospital. But anyhow, I'll start to tell you now. So, back to the misery.

*flashback*

"Spike, can you still fly? Don't worry about us, just go." I heard over the comm. Nooo, I wanted to scream. It really made no sense; why was I so attracted to the bastard?

"Find what you lost and get it back. Go!" I could have literally strangled Jet at that instant. But I couldn't, and it wouldn't have changed anything anyhow. So I watched Spike do a flip over the deck of the ship, and fly off. No goodbyes, just gone. Men are the reason why so many cry. I was ashamed at myself when I felt tears welling.

Goodbye, Cowboy.

*

I thought for sure that was it. I wasn't perfect; I'm far from it. I landed in the Bebop, Jet already preparing for a landing. Well, a nicely done crash, at any rate. I could feel the Bebop shaking and trembling with the strain of it.

It was then that I decided that I couldn't leave Jet alone. Not with his longtime partner gone. I'd just stick around to keep his mind off it, until he found someone else. Then I'd leave, and just drift away, as I had done quite well before they'd found me. It's not like anyone cared about me.

I wandered around for awhile, after watching Jet hobble around the Redtail, figuring the damage total. For all his whining and grumbling, he'd always do his share of the work, right up to the last overdone meal or screwed-in bolt. That's what I never did get about him. He's honest and caring, in his own grumbling little way, and he won't ever give up. And he's always there for his comrades, no matter how much he'd complain.

My wandering took me to a hallway Jet had moved to, apparently still fixing the ship. I just kept walking, ignoring him as usual.

"You're a very lucky woman." He spoke up gruffly as he caught sight of me.

"Yeah, right. My timing is perfect for getting shot at and merely killed. I'm really on a role." I replied sarcastically. Couldn't he tell I wanted to be left alone?

"The Redtail won't be functional for awhile." He continued, contradicting his earlier statement.

"You're having some pretty good luck yourself. That Spike, he was nothin' but trouble. He's probably not coming back. They may have killed him already, you know." I spoke lightly, without a care in the world. I knew it would get a reaction from him. If he wouldn't cut to the point, then I would.

"It's possible." Jet replied warily, not taking the bait. Yeah, he always saw past a facade, never let his anger get him down, and always knows what's right. I stayed silent, patiently waiting for him to wear down. I didn't have to wait long.

"So what, you want me to go looking for him? Forget it. He's dealing with his own past. It's his fight." Bingo.

"You told him to go after her." I replied snippily, glaring at him. Then, for once, he allowed his anger to show. He grabbed the collar on my shirt and pulled me up, as if I was some common punk that needed a telling to.

"My leg is ripped. My ship is busted. Hell yes, he was nothin' but trouble, and I don't give a damn." He held my shirt for a little longer, as if to make sure I got his point, before letting me down. We turned away from each other.

"So what kinda woman is she? What's Julia like?" He asked softly, as one will after they've given up.

"Ordinary. The kind of dangerous beautiful ordinary that you just can't leave alone." I told him wistfully, in my mind comparing myself to that flawless creature.

"I see." No you don't, I thought.

"Like an angel from the underworld. Or maybe a devil from paradise."

"Oh."

"A magnetic enigma who is irresistible."

"Huh."

We were silent for a few moments.

"Spike is probly long gone anyhow." I couldn't keep the bitterness out of my voice. I left him standing there, almost running to my room, like a girl throwing a tantrum might. I noticed nothing until I threw myself onto my bed, shaking with sobs that threatened to escape my lips. This wasn't like me. I didn't know what was wrong. I was happy Spike had left, right? One less annoyance in my life. It was good he'd left before I had strangled him. Good. Good. Hell, I didn't know what to do anymore. My mental state was bad, my social skills are bad, my credits are bad, my relationships are bad...I just figured, maybe if I thought hard enough that something is good, it would be.

I sighed wearily, thinking self-pity never got anyone anywhere. I fell asleep.

*

A ship roared in, waking me up. Drowsily I got some water, and after drinking it I wandered over to the lounge area, half-listening to the low voices coming from there. I yawned, thinking, how strange, it sounds just like Jet and...

"Spike?" I almost yelled. As it was, I kept it to an excited whisper. I edged closer, absent-mindedly realizing I held my gun, and heard some nonsense about cats, which I ignored.

I ducked out of sight when Spike got up, and when my heart had slowed down enough to be able to hear I heard Jet ask, "Is it for the girl?"

I froze; waiting as in agonizing silence Spike answered. The question could only mean one thing; Spike was going out again, and this time he would be killed.

"She's dead. There's nothing I can do for her now."

Dead...I felt a multitude of emotions welling up inside of me. I was sad for Julia, surprisingly enough, sad for Spike, for some reason, and a small seed of happiness, as morbid as that is. However, none of my feelings meant jack-shit at the moment, as Spike was leaving again, and Jet was letting him leave. Encouraging him, even.

I backed up, ready to ambush the bastard. I was not, refused to, let him leave without me digging my claws in. I stood at a conjunction between two halls, trembling with cold fury and other unrecognizable emotions as I waited. Finally he stepped into my trap.

"Where ya goin'?" I put my gun to his head. He merely looked at me, his expression deadpan.

"Why are you going?" I asked, anger forcing it's way into my voice. He just stared, as if waiting for an explanation for all this. His look was one that you'd expect to get from one intent on disaster, and it was begging me to just let him be.

But I was frustrated and scared. To hell with Spike's feelings; it was time he realized that he couldn't dance on people's feelings, only treading lightly when it came to his precious Julia and his past. His past, damn it, was where the problem started.

"You told me once to forget the past, cuz it doesn't matter," I paused, to let that statement sink into his stupid little brain before yelling, "But you're the one tied to the past, Spike!" He stared at me for a second longer, his expression never changing, before turning towards me, stepping closer and bending to look me in the eye.

Close contact has never phased me; but then again, Spike has always been the exception to any rule. He was the unexpected and danger, rolled in one. I could almost smell his cologne, but the scent was buried under the acrid smell of smoke and dust.

"Look at my eyes, Faye." He ordered me softly. I think I was scared of him; he's like Julia, the dangerous kind that attracts you until you're caught, only he doesn't realize it, entirely. His voice was low and hard, like it sounds when you've either given up or are determined to do something, or die trying.

"One of them is a fake, cause I lost it in an accident. Since then, I've been seeing the past in one eye, and the present in the other. So I thought I could only see patches of reality, never the whole picture."

"Don't tell me things like that." My voice was shaking, like it had after Whitney. It hardened, much like I had, "You never told me anything about yourself. So don't tell me now!" It was true. And I had feelings for this asshole, I realized. Maybe if he just left, I could forget him. But if he took time now...

"I felt like I was watching a dream I'd never wake up from. Hmph." His expression lightened a bit, in a sadistic kind of way, as if he were satisfied with my reaction. "Before I knew it, the dream was all over." He straightened and moved around me, as if he was going to just leave me forgotten. But I wasn't done with him. If he was going to leave then I would give him something to make him think. If anything could make him think.

"My memory finally came back," I told him haltingly. Who knew, maybe he could learn something, "but, nothing good came of it. There was no place for me to return to. This was the only place I could go." I saw him stiffen in my peripheral vision, though from what I could only guess. I plunged on, "and now you're leaving, just like that."

I remembered when I had first met him, in a casino, smiling at me as I slowly cheated him, while he'd known all along. They had let me in, when they could've kicked me out. I didn't want it to shatter, like a perfect crystal plate.

"Why do you have to go?"

Julia was dead. Revenge wasn't really all that sweet; victory was claimed and you were left empty, your life's purpose like a dry, dead leaf. He could stay here. And besides, he knew, or should know, that Jet, or I, would go with him, even though it wasn't our fight.

But maybe that was it.

"Where are you going?" My voice became smaller.

I wanted to cling to him, grab his legs and weep like a small girl. Mt pride wouldn't let me tell him that I needed him. He was like a brother, and sometimes, I wished more. I knew what would happen; one can't take on a group of people single-handedly and walk away uninjured. If he went alone, no one would be there to sit by his side as he woke up from his injuries.

"What are you going to do, just throw your life away like it was nothing?"

I turned to him, willing him to hear my thoughts, to look at me and tell me that I didn't matter. That Jet didn't matter. To tell me that he was going to go, all by himself, on a suicide mission.

Spike. He's careless to the end, leaving no room for anyone else but himself. His life wasn't nothing. Julia was dead, but I, and Jet, as well as Ed and Ein somewhere, were still living.

"I'm not going there to die." He rebuked me softly.

Yeah, just like Julia wanted to meet you again just to die.

Spike lifted his head, looking somewhere to a future only he could see. "I'm going to find out if I'm really alive. I have to do it, Faye." His voice was gentle, so gentle that I felt my throat start to close, and my eyes water. I choked back a sob as he started to walk away from me.

Bang

I couldn't shoot him. I knew why Jet had let him go.

Bang

It was like keeping a bird against its will. It will eventually give up living.

I took in a breath raggedly, choking on my sobs.

My life.

Bang

Spike just kept on walking, not flinching or looking back.

His life.

Bang

The Bebop.

Bang

Over.

No goodbyes spoken again.

He disappeared into the darkness. I kept my gun up, looking down hopelessly.

"And you, you never stopped to think-" A sob wrenched itself out of me, "Never, e-ever, not about a-anyone else. Y-you could be h-happy-" I just gave up on speaking as the sobs took over. Lies, that's what they were. He was like a child determined to find out what happens when you stick your finger into a flame. You can't hold them back forever, not until they get burned. Or in his case, dead.

*flashback*

"I'm not lucky or skilled."

"Then what are you?"

"Generous."

*

"Hey, Goucho."

"Hey, Romani."

*

"Forget about your past, it doesn't matter. You have a future."

*endflashback*

Bang

I shot where I had last seen Spike. I took a deep breath. "T-that's gonna cost you, cowboy."

From then on, I couldn't control myself. Sobs wracked my body, so hard I had to lean against the wall. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I had probably just firmed his resolve. Images of Spike to works we had exchanged, to what had just happened flashed through my mind.

In the end, it was all hopeless.

~*~

KEEP YOUR HEAD UP, COWGIRL

Whew! Sorry it was so long; I couldn't find a stopping point. I promise the next chapter won't be quite so long. And it will have *gasp* original content!!! Yay!!

Here's a teaser for the next chapter:

"Don't EVEN start, Jet. I'm at least going to try." My voice cracked on the last word, and I turned to flee.

"Faye...Faye! Don't go like Spike did."

Well, I bet you just got what happens next! See yuh next time!

~*Tree Kat*~