The Cast Part 1

by Fyrie

There's a new cast in the London Production of CATS...this is only the beginning. (Chapter 19 added - 23-09-02)

16. The Cast - Part 16 - Changeover: Act 2

"Menke, a word..."

Looking around at the frantic-looking stage manager, Menke motioned for his friends to go ahead of him. "What is it?"

"You need to pull in for another role in the second half." Maureen Lewis replied. Her sandy, grey-streaked hair was scraped back in a grim ponytail, which made her features look more severe than usual. "Tony hurt his leg during the Ball and won't be able to finish tonight."

Menke tried to make his mouth work, his tongue feeling like a rock. "You..." He cleared his throat several times. "You want me to be...Macavity?"

"Could you play the role? The lists said you should be able to..."

A look of panic crossed the dancer's face. Yes, he knew the fight routine backwards, but it was the thought of playing Macavity. The role he had managed to avoid for all of his many months as Munkustrap.

"I-I-I...isn't there someone else?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Andy..." It was desperation, he knew. His voice was a bare squeak. "Andy could play him..."

"Andy is Munk." Maureen gave him an apologetic look, spreading her hands helplessly. She had been there, when he and his wife had gone through that...rough patch, so she knew vaguely why he had a phobia of the word 'Mac' in any form. "We really need you Menke."

A ragged breath escaped him. "I-I-I-I..." He realised his warmer-covered hands were shaking when he brought them up to cover his face. "God...I never thought I'd have to do him..." His voice seemed to be barely a croak. "I-I need to phone Demi..."

Maureen watched him sprint away up the hall with a pitying look then shook her head. Turning to walk back to her office, she yelled aloud and clutched at her chest at the sight of Jordan and Rachel standing there, staring after Menke.

"What's wrong with him?" Rachel demanded.

"He's playing Mac for the fight. Tony went and did his ankle in."

"Macavity..." Jordan repeated softly, looking away from the hall, his stoic face marred with lines of thought. "I think we might have to...cancel our bet with him, Rach." He murmured. "It would only be fair, considering..."

"I was thinking that."

***

"Hello ladies." Andy opened the door of the green room, to let Annie, Maria and Cara into the normally deserted room. The trio stopped short, gaping in surprise. There were five cast members waiting for them.

Well, technically.

Two were clearly not waiting for anyone.

On one of the chairs against the wall, the massive figure of Victoria was sitting and, on his/her lap, a skinny Mistoffelees had his arms around the white cat's neck and they looked like they didn't intend to come up for air any time soon.

"Hi Ray." Annie remarked with amusement. A white-warmered hand rose, waving behind Malcolm's back. The artist chuckled, turning to the other three dancers. "Is there any reason that they're spending intermission smooching each other?"

Andy nodded. "Apparently Mal's trying to give up smoking." He shrugged with a grin. "And the logic is that if he has Ray's tongue keeping his mouth busy, his can't have a cigarette in there as well."

Maria nodded. "Makes sense."

Raising a hand, Cara inquired. "Does it work, then?" Malcolm's warmered hands jutted out to the sides, revealing no cigarettes. "Nice...I'll have to suggest that technique to my flatmate. I don't think her boyfriend would object."

Annie glanced around at the quintet, then grinned. "I was wondering if the show could possibly get any crazier."

Blue gave her an angelic look. "We have no idea what you mean."

"So, how are you keeping straight faces?" The dark-haired artist asked.

Tommy looked up from the tip of her cigarette. She was leaning against the mirrored wall, one arm crossed over her chest. "Me?" She raised a brow, then blew out a stream of smoke. "I just think of Kashka and that gets rid of the grins."

"I didn't see either of you with a straight face at any time." Andy shook his head with a sigh of mock indignation. "Tommy, you're telling fibs again. Its very bad of you." He took a drink from a plastic cup on the table. "So, ladies, you want photos?"

"Are we allowed?" Cara asked hopefully.

"Don't see anyone to stop us." Andy grinned. "By the way, I don't think we got your name."

"Cara."

Blue cocked her head at the shortest of the trio. She had been trying to get smudges off her gloves when they entered and apparently had just given up. "Cara...you're the one who gave George Bailey his name, aren't you?"

"Sort of, maybe...you could say that..."

The shortest of the dancers nodded. "Menke did mention you when he told me who he was playing tonight."

"Speaking of Menke, where is the great git?" Tommy straightened up. "It's not like him to miss a Lawson photo session, is it? And especially when the person who named his chocolate-gobbed character is here."

Annie shrugged. "Maybe he forgot." She offered.

"How about I go and drag his bony butt down here?" The red-garbed dancer said, squashing her cigarette into the ashtray on the table beside Raymond and Malcolm. "He'll be pissed if he knows he missed the photo session."

"You do that and we'll use up their films, Tom." Blue grinned, bouncing over to Andy's side and looping her arm around his waist. "After all, Munkustrap and Demeter are meant to be the most famous Jellicle couple and you have the cutest examples of them right here."

Tommy rolled her eyes expressively. "Kid, you really have to work on that modesty thing, y'know." She remarked dryly. "Oh, and ladies, not too many pictures of Raymond and Malcolm. Yeah, they're cute together, but still. Have to keep some film for the most gorgeous person present." She gave them a smoky smile. "I'm sure you know who I mean."

As she disappeared through the door, Andy nodded. "Yep! Make sure you use all those photos on the most gorgeous person present." He struck a dramatic pose. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

"Don't encourage him." Blue groaned, shaking her head. "It'll only make him worse."

Annie, Maria and Cara, though, were staring at Andy with a combination of amusement and sheer horror. He had started gyrating in a way only a stripper could get away with, and was cheerfully singing. "I'm too sexy for my stripes, too sexy for my stripes..."

"Oh...dear..." Was the only response Cara could come up with.

***

"Demi?"

"Hello! This is Demi Strep. Whose speaking?" There was a pause on the other end of the line. He tried to speak, but his lips wouldn't move. "Menke?" Trust Demi to know. "Is that you? I thought you were on just now?"

"I'm playing Mac..." His voice was a choked whisper.

"Menke?" He could hear the concern in his wife's voice. "What was that? You'll have to speak up. I can't hear you."

He drew a shaking breath, swallowing hard. "I'm playing Mac." He repeated, a little – but barely – louder, mechanically. He heard her gasp, hugging his knees close to his chest, tears pricking in his eyes. "Demi... I can't...it...I can't..."

"Oh God...love, do you want me to come up there? It would take me a while, but I could..."

"I can't do it, Dem." He repeated, shivering. "I can't..."

"Isn't there someone else?"

"No one...I can't..." His face was buried in his left arm, his right hand shaking as he held his phone hard against his ear. His voice was muffled by the warmer, heavy with tears. "Dem... there's no one... I can't...I'm scared..."

"I know, love. I know." He could see her chewing her lower lip, trying to decide what to do, what to say. "Munk, you're just pretending...it's just a role..." Her voice was shaking too. No matter how strong she was, that still scared her.

"But he...Dem...I can't...I keep remembering...his face...what he did..." A choked sob escaped the dancer, his body rocking on his seat. His trembling fingers were spasmodically tugging at his fluffy wig. "I try to forget...I try...but I can't..."

"I know, love." There was a long silence. "I wish I could be there to help, Munk. I really wish I wasn't stuck here." Menke tried to quell another sob, but failed. "Love, can you find someone who knows? Someone who can help? Is Phil...?"

"There's no one..." His voice had taken a hysterical note and he buried his tear-soaked face in his warmered hand. "Dem, I don't like this...I really...its bad, Dem...no one knows...no one can help... no one can play..."

"Knock knock!" A voice spoke from the door of the dressing room, a second before a face peeked around. Menke froze, staring at Tommy in panic, his warmer-covered left fist pressed under his nose, against his mouth. "Uh...Menke?"

"Love, who is it?" Demi's voice rang in his ear.

"Tommy..." He tried to force a smile, but ended up with his face buried in his arms. "Oh God, oh God, oh God..."

The red-clad dancer was by his side in a heartbeat. "Menke? Sweetie? What is it?" She knelt down next to his seat, wrapping her arms around him comfortingly. "Is it bad news? Is something wrong?" He proffered the phone to her, pressing against her with silent sobs. A concerned look on her face, she took the phone. "Hello? Is someone there?"

"Tommy? Thank god!"

"Demi?"

"Yeah. Is Menke okay?"

Tommy looked down at the dancer who was clinging to her and weeping soundlessly. "If you mean, is he crying his eyes out and looking completely terrified of something, then I guess you could say he's okay." She paused, kissing Menke's forehead, stroking his back reassuringly. "Demi, what the hell's yanked his chain to get him this worked up?"

"He has to play Mac in the second half."

"Play Mac?" A puzzled look crossed the tall dancer's face, then her eyes widened, recalling something she had heard from friends, several years before. "Dem, you and Menke...were you that couple a few years back...the one with that McCafferty guy?"

Demi's laugh sounded strained. "Yeah..."

"God...I didn't know, Dem. I'm sorry." She murmured. "So that's what got him all worked up? The similarities?"

"Menke's had a phobia of red-haired males since then." The dancer's wife replied quietly. "And the name Macavity it's too close for his liking." Tommy continued to stroke Menke's back soothingly. "Apparently there's no one else who can play him..."

"I'll try and get him up and running again, Dem." Tommy said softly, brushing a hand over Menke's wig. "I'll make sure he gets through the rest of tonight, as long as you get here to get him after the show

"Will do, Tommy." Demi replied. "Thanks. Can I say bye to him?"

"Menke, Demi wants to talk to ya..."

Green eyes looked up and he took the phone. "Dem?"

"Love, Tommy says she'll look after you, since I can't be there, okay?" Menke nodded, his eyes closed. "You know she won't let anyone hurt you and I'll be there right after the show to take you home with me."

"Love you, Dem."

"Love you too, Munk."

The phone slipped from his trembling fingers and would have hit the floor if Tommy hadn't caught it first. Placing it aside, she gently steered Menke's knees down from his chest, rising and settling in his lap and hugging him, his head against her shoulder.

"You okay in there?" She murmured, lifting his face to hers.

Green eyes blinked up at her. "Tom..."

"You got me, baby." She touched another soft kiss to his forehead, then a gentle one to his lips. "I told your pretty lady I'd look after you until she gets here and I intend to do just that, whether you like it or not."

Menke smiled weakly. "Thanks."

"And you're goin' on as Mac." He went rigid, shaking his head. "Menke, sweetie, listen to me, okay?" He looked up at her, his green eyes full of terror. "You have to do this. How else are you gonna prove that you're stronger than the bastard who hurt you?"

"You don't understand, Tom...you don't know what its like..."

"Well, why don't we go and ask Blue then? She knows what it's like, so maybe she could tell me." She suggested softly. "At least your guy's locked up now. Her's could still end up free, but she's willing to face that and go on." She gently pressed little kisses all over his face. "You have to do this, Menke. You know this shows going to be a special one."

He nodded. "But there has to be someone else..."

"Menke, you just played the Rumpus rat. If you can play him, you can play anyone!" Menke laughed weakly, hugging her. She smiled and pressed a warm kiss against his mouth, holding him reassuringly.

They were still sitting like that when Rachel and Jordan edged into the room. The couple exchanged looks, then Jordan cleared his throat. "Menke," He said softly, as Menke laid his head against Tommy's shoulder and looked over. "We've come to say you can cancel the bet if you like. We know you're at a disadvantage, playing Mac."

"Huh?"

"Well, you don't wanna play him...we don't want you forcing yourself to do something that you don't like for the sake of a bet."

"You're chickening out." While still shaky, Menke's voice seemed a little clearer and Tommy smirked against his brow, his arms around her waist.

"I beg your pardon?" Jordan raised a brow.

Menke flashed a broad grin at them. "You know I'm going to win hands down, so you're backing out in a way that looks like its for my benefit, but its only cos you can't face trying to beat the Master."

"That isn't it at all!" Rachel cried.

"Uh huh." Menke rubbed at his eyes with the heel of his left hand, his right arm still around Tommy's waist. "Sorry, chap and chapette, but no chance. The bets still on and I'm gonna show you the best freakin' Mac you've ever seen." His words were punctuated with sniffs, but he was smiling.

Jordan's face rippled into an expression of caution. "You don't want to be challenging us any more, Menke." He advised, his eyes narrowed, but there was a twinkle of mirth there that was mirrored in his wife's expression.

"You don't want to know how mean the dark twins can get." Rachel added grimly, giving the green-eyed dancer a pointed stare.

Menke sucked on his lower lip, widening his eyes, a gormless expression on his face. "Oh, I'm so scared!"

"Hon," Tommy cooed, rubbing his chest fondly. "I don't think you want to be challengin' those two." She looked at his smudged face. "Especially when your make-up looks even worse than it did before."

"Oh no!" Menke stood, tipping her onto the floor with a yell. He yelped in pain as she gripped his rear, trying to stop herself falling and ending up dangling two inches above the floor. Her arms around her waist and legs around his right thigh, she gave him a winning grin, before dropping in a heap at his feet. "Hey! This is a first!" He remarked, grinning broadly. "I made a lesbian fall at my feet. I am getting good!"

Rachel and Jordan exchanged looks. "Heaven help us." Rachel muttered, before they both turned in unison and slinked back out of the door, leaving Tommy laughing on the floor and Menke grinning triumphantly, as he tidied his make-up.

***

"Where the heck is that boy?" Antoine was pacing behind the stage, shaking his head. He had seen Menke dart off towards the dressing rooms, but the tall dancer had insisted that he didn't need anyone to look after him.

"If you're talking about Menke," Jordan seemed to merge out of the darkness at the side of the stage, his wife seeming to have melded to his side. "He's just cleaning up his make-up for the second half."

Behind his perfect orange, brown and white Skimbleshanks make-up, Antoine's concern was apparent. "Explain." He said quietly.

"He's playing Macavity, on for Tony." Rachel said.

Antoine's eyes narrowed. "They're putting him on as Macavity? Are they trying to make him lose the plot?"

There was a sound of pairs of running feet from behind them and Antoine and the identical couple turned as one to see Menke scrambling around pieces of the set, Tommy running behind him.

"Scuse me." He dodged passed them, darting in the direction of the green room, the red-garbed dancer giving them a helpless shrug and grin, as she trailed behind him.

"He seems all right..." Antoine looked at his companions. "Why does he seem all right? Did someone give him a happy pill or something?"

"Well..." Jordan began.

"We might have..."

"Sort of..."

"Made a bet with him..."

"And he..."

Antoine groaned. "He doesn't want to lose it, cos he's stubborn son of a bitch." He nodded. "I should have known. Even if there was a risk of him getting killed doing something, he could never resist if someone made a bet with him to do it."

Identical calico faces stared expressionlessly out of the shadowy darkness at him, knowing expressions in their eyes.

The bleach-blonde dancer looked from one neutral, perfectly made-up face to the other. "You know," He remarked heavily. "I'm feeling distinctly stupid that I thought that either of you hadn't thought of that."

"Hmm." The two murmured as one, nodding wisely.

Shaking his head, the French-Irish dancer rolled his eyes. "And you know I hate it when you do that." He grumbled, receiving another bland, impassive stare from the couple. Uttering a very rude expletive under his breath, he stomped off.

Jordan and Rachel exchanged grins. "We are too good at this, love." Rachel said, giving her husband a warm embrace.

"And they don't mess with the best." Jordan agreed with a chuckle. "C'mon, love, let's go and scare some random audience members."

***

"Sorry I'm late!" Blue, Andy, Raymond, Malcolm and the three young women looked around at in surprise. Menke stood there, grinning weakly, his hand braced against the doorframe. "Just had to go ring Demi."

"Ring Demi? During a show?" Annie took a step towards him. "Menke, are you all right?"

"Yeah..." He tried to smile, but his lip trembled. Clearing his throat, he tried to force the words out. "I'm fine..." His voice shook, then broke and Annie had wrapped him up in her arms in less than three heartbeats.

Annie ran a hand over his wigged head. "Menke?"

"I'm playing Mac...me..." He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stem his tears. "Ironic, isn't it?"

The artist closed her eyes in sympathy, hugging the dancer a little tighter. "You'll do great, Menke." She murmured. "You always do."

"But I look awful as a red head." He mumbled. "I tried it once when I was sixteen...my mum said I looked like a bloody carrot..."

"A cute carrot, though." Annie teased gently.

Tommy stepped into the room behind him, closing the door behind him. "You gonna be okay, Menke?" She asked softly, touching his back. "We can't afford to have you smudging your make-up again."

"That's all you care about, isn't it? Me looking cuter than usual." He choked out a raw laugh, straightening up and dabbing at his eyes with his warmers. His arm still around Annie, he looked around. "Well...cameras..."

Annie's two companions were staring at him with a combination of concern and worry. "Are you sure you're okay, Mister Strep?" Cara inquired nervously.

"Yuh-huh...fine..." He nodded, sniffing hard. He forced a broad, deceptively happy smile onto his face. "Now, are you going to take pictures of me, or am I going to have to throw a Diva fit before you give me attention?"

"And me! And me!" Giving Annie a nudge out of the way, Tommy wrapped herself around Menke's body. "I wanna have a picture that'll make Demi get jealous!" Saying that, she sealed her lips over Menke's the dancer's green eyes going wide with astonishment.

Everyone in the room looked as stunned as he did.

Breaking out of the kiss, Tommy looked around at them in annoyance. "Hey! I kissed a straight guy." She grumbled in irritation, still holding onto Menke. "I don't do it very often. You're meant to take photos as evidence."

"Uh...right..." Annie managed to dig out her camera, then grinned wickedly at Menke. "The look on your face was priceless." She snickered.

Menke stuck his tongue out at her, as Tommy slinked past him. "You try being pounced by a rampant lesbian with a tongue that seems to have a mind of it's own!"

"Oh, I would deal better, Menke. I can..." Annie started to reply, then managed to utter a feeble squeak of terror as Tommy grabbed her. Maria and Cara shrieked with laughter, quickly snapping a photo each as photographic evidence for Phil.

The red-clad dancer released the artist and stepped back, smirking. Licking her teeth, she gave Annie a suggestive look. "Maybe I should've got to you before Phil did, Annie...maybe I could've converted ya..."

"No!"

Tommy's brow rose. "Oh?"

"I like my men like...well...men."

The Oriental-looking dancer heaved a heavy sigh. "There always has to be one who has to resist my charms." She shook her head, then looked towards the door. "Y'know, from the sound of it, its time for you to get back to your seats."

Something was going on in the auditorium and whatever it was, it was making a large portion of the audience crack up.

"Eep!"

"We'll see you guys later!"

"Bye!"

The trio hastily fled out of the door, running back towards their waiting seats. As soon as they were all gone, Tommy looked around at the group. "So, ladies and...ladies, shall we adjourn to the stage?"

"Don't see why not." Menke replied as he carefully dabbed at his eyes and nose with a tissue from the box on the table, beside which Malcolm was letting Raymond tidy up his slightly smudged make-up. "Do I look okay?"

"Beautiful, handsome." Raymond replied, checking his own image in the mirror.

Somehow, his white make-up had remained intact and unsmudged, while Malcolm ended up with pink lipstick marks all over his face and neck.

"C'mon, people!" Blue was already bouncing on her toes at the door. "Everyone else is almost on already!"

"Comin', girlfriend." Raymond stood, gently depositing Malcolm on his feet. "Menke, hon, you comin' out?"

The green-eyed dancer nodded. "I'll catch up with you guys." He saw the worried look on Tommy's face. "I'll be okay, Tom." He tried to sound convincing. "Just need to tidy up my face again. I left half of it on Annie's shoulder." Nodding towards the door, he motioned for them to leave. "Go on. Jamieson'll kill you if you're all missing."

Reluctantly, the group slipped out, Tommy the last to leave. She paused and gave him a reassuring smile. "I'll see you up on the mattress, sweetie." She murmured. "Don't get lost on the way."

***

On stage, it quickly became clear what the source of mirth was. Coricopat and Tantomile had started their crawl around the perimeter of the stage, sliding along the surface of the stage smoothly, their hips dipping and rolling erotically.

The comedy of the moment, though, was provided by Jonny and Jenni, as Mungojerrie and Rumpleteaser, who were crawling along behind the two Calicos, trying to mimic the subtle, sensual movements the couple were making.

However, the tiger twins didn't quite have the grace and smoothness that the two dark felines did and only succeeded in looking like they were trying to hump the stage without actually touching it.

They were also trying to avoid being spotted by Coricopat and Tantomile who, at random intervals, whipped around and stared at them, meaning Jonny and Jenni froze, mid-movement, and pretended to be admiring the set and scenery.

Biting on her lower lip, Jenni leaned back to look up at ceiling, pointing out spots of it to Jonny, who nodded in wise admiration, until the dark pair went back to crawling again.

Immediately, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteaser were on the move again, bobbing along on their hands and knees enthusiastically, their derrieres waving in the air, in sync with one another.

They got so caught up in the audience's laughter that they didn't notice that Jordan and Rachel had actually stopped moving by the car boot, until they ran squarely into the backs of the two severe looking characters.

With a squeak of panic, Jenni leap-frogged over Jonny to hide behind him, as Coricopat hissed at them, his arm going protectively around Tantomile, who had just risen to her feet. His brow pressed against her thigh and she bent over him, her face above his, both staring implacably at the tiger twins.

Jonny and Jenni exchanged glances over Jonny's shoulder, then struck an identical pose to the other pair, only each of them stuck a leg up in the air at an odd angle, pulling faces at the two dark calicos.

It would have been almost impressive, except that Etcetera and Carbucketty came barreling across the stage, collided with Mungojerrie and Rumpleteaser and the whole lot of them went tumbling in a pile of flailing limbs.

Smug looks crossed the matching, expressionless faces of Coricopat and Tantomile and they turned and slinked their way up the car, shaking their derrieres in the direction of the fallen pile of colourful kittens.

Climbing out of the pile, Steffi did a backwards somersault across the stage, tumbling onto her back near the tyre and grinning up at Benjamin, as Old Deuteronomy. Offering her a hand, he smiled as she bound up to nuzzle him, then darted back to the middle of the stage, tripping over Jonny and almost landing on top of Jenni.

A hissing fight rapidly followed, with the group swatting and yowling at each other, until Andy distracted them when he slinked onto the stage and he was promptly pounced on by a group of four squealing kittens.

At the bottom of the ramp her boyfriend had just walked up, oozing felinity, Blue was longing for a warmer to bite down on to smother her giggles. Kneeling in the aisle, she felt a hand tug her tail and looked around with a hiss of annoyance.

A teenage girl behind her laughed in delight when the petite dancer clawed at her hand, then returned her attention to the stage, before crawling off up the ramp, her nose in the air, a dignified look on her face.

Pausing at the top of the ramp, where her lover was grooming Etcetera's ears, she gave him a sensual look, smiling as Steffi darted away. Crawling up in front of Andy, they shared a brief nuzzle, nudging their noses against each other.

Rubbing her wigged head under his chin, she arched beneath his hand as his fingers raked down her back. Brushing against him once more, she slinked off to her position for "The Moments of Happiness", stretching luxuriously and contorting her body in ways that made every member of the audience wince.

***

Edging out of the green room, his hands still shaking feverishly, Menke looked out towards the stage. Benjamin was just about to start singing and everyone else was motionless, so there was no chance of him making it onto the stage for the song.

Sinking onto his hands and knees, he slowly crawled alongside the barrier beside the final block of seating of the stalls, not including the sections on the moving platform, trying to calm his breathing.

As soon as Benjamin started singing, he edged forwards, peering warily around the edge of the barrier. Most people would be staring up at the stage, he knew, but he wanted to go as unnoticed as possible.

In a heartbeat, he smoothly lunged across the aisle, coming to a halt right next to Annie's seat without anyone noticing. On the stage, Raymond shifted, peering down at him, then looked away quickly when Menke nodded to him.

Kneeling down, his hands between his knees, he leaned against the side of the seat, closing his eyes. Out of sheer instinct, he lifted his left hand, the warmer obscuring his fingers, and rubbed at his eyes, wondering if any of the audience had even realised that he was there.

It took Annie several seconds longer to notice him than he expected.

Fingers scratched at his wig and he turned his head to stare sorrowfully up at her, his eyes looking enormous and dripping emotion. Three voices exclaimed "Awwww!" and were immediately shushed by people surrounding them.

Twisting his whole body everso slightly and shuffling forward until his knees touched the base of her seat, he rested his chin on the arm of Annie's chair, adopting his best lost kitten expression and receiving a pet on the head for it.

As Deuteronomy continued to sing, George Bailey received the petting of his life. He also continued to – unseen – ransack through Annie's open rucksack, which was just within hand's reach beneath the seat.

Annie finally looked away from him when he feigned boredom and the open flap of the backpack was carefully drawn out from beneath the seat, innocent little George Bailey exploring through the goodies he had found.

Picking up a pen from the heap, he examined it, drawing some giggles from the children in the central block of the stalls behind him. Next, he came across a can of deodorant and sniffed at it, pulling a face.

An object in a plastic wrapper caught his attention.

Batting at it, he gave it a curious look – both as a cat and a human – then realised what it was and accidentally batted it a little too hard in his surprise, sending the tampon hurtling into the air and bouncing onto the stage, where it landed near Geeta, who released a loud snort of laughter, which was quickly echoed by Georgina.

Annie looked down, startled that the missile had come from her direction. Menke stared back up at her in shock and embarrassment, trying to smother a fit of laughter, but also biting on his lip to try and keep a straight face.

Both of his brows rose in a helpless look and he continued to shake with silent laughter, his eyes dancing, hastily shoving all of his toys back into her bag, muffled sniggers escaping him every few seconds.

He had never been more relieved for the beginning of Gus than he had been at that show, clambering up onto the stage and jumping quickly onto the mattress next to Tommy, who shook her head and grinned down at him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

They both looked towards the middle of the stage, where John was gearing up for his final performance as Gus. Tommy's hand was moving absently on Menke's back and he glanced up at her, then nudged her hip.

Looking down, he motioned for her to bend a little closer, her wig brushing against his. Making sure no one was looking, he pushed his warmer up a little and something small, oblong and dark dropped onto the mattress, his green eyes finding hers, twinkling at the look of admiration in the dancer's eyes.

"Annie's?" She asked softly. Menke nodded, carefully shielding it with his warmer, as he pressed a button or two on it. "Silent?" Again, he nodded, rubbing his head against her arm, receiving a wig rub from her.

Lying down on her belly beside him on the broad mattress, her chin resting on his left shoulder, she looped her right leg over his left, his right twisting over both of them, her arm going across his waist.

With their eyes half-closed, as if put to sleep by John's rambling, they both regarded the small object concealed in Menke's hand, barely visible thanks to his warmers and her strategically-positioned arm.

A loud snigger escaped Tommy, her face hastily pressed against the rough fluff of Menke's shoulder to smother it, the older dancer's lips twitching as he tried to hold back a smile and pressed a button.

In the audience, both of them spotted Maria hastily reach down towards something on the floor, then reappear, holding something in her hand. Annie and Cara both looked at her, raising questioning eyebrows.

Maria frowned, looking at whatever she was holding, then showed it to Annie, who then ducked down and checked something on the floor. Straightening up, the dark-haired artist shook her head, a look of concern on her face.

Tommy nudged Menke, then motioned for him to hand her the small oblong object, their wigs pressed close together as she mimicked what he had just done, both of them nuzzling each other and ignoring puzzled looks around them.

A shrill giggle from Maria broke the silence as Jellylorum stopped singing and Gus started and she looked sidelong at Annie, then shot a look up at the stage. A broad smile crossed her face and she shook her head at Annie.

"You made it too obvious, Tom. She knows now." Menke murmured, nuzzling her neck. She chuckled throatily, rising on her knees to start grooming his fluffy wig. Her fingers scraped down his back and she bent to nuzzle his shoulder.

"Maria's in my pay, my dear." She breathed, grinning as he flipped onto his back and wagged his legs in the air, as she rubbed his belly.

Menke rolled his eyes, then rolled off the mattress, pretending not to notice that he was near the edge, as Gus went into his rant about kittens and landed on his back on the stage, his head peeking up, a surprised look on his face.

On the mattress, Tommy chuckled throatily and hauled the bemused-looking George Bailey back onto the mattress beside her.

***

"What did it say?"

Maria looked at her phone. "It says 'We're watching you-hoo' and there's no name." She deliberately ignored the fact that it also said something else: 'But will you please bloody well watch us, on the bed!'.

"Watching us?" Annie looked down at her bag, then up at Menke, who was lying on his back, enjoying a very thorough belly rub. He shot a look in her direction, to make sure she was watching him, sticking his tongue out at her. "Y'know, I thought maybe Menke had..."

"Where would he put it though?" Cara murmured, nodding to him. "Look at him. With all the flinging himself around that he does, it would go flying and you would have seen it by now if he had it."

"Maybe I left it in the hotel..."

"Yeah, it might not be your number." Maria agreed, trying not to grin. "Aww!"

Annie and Cara followed her line of sight to see Menke wrapping his arms around Tommy, his head rubbing against her side. Several more "Aww"s were added and were immediately shushed by people around them.

***

Around the edges and back of the stage, everyone had scattered off the stage in readiness for Growltiger, John Marquez left, standing alone in the middle of the deserted stage, finishing his Gus solo.

Behind the scenes, chaos was on-going.

Jordan strode past, straightening his Genghis head and looking for something. In the other direction, Georgina sprinted around anyone who happened to be in the way, waving her Siamese head that had somehow...broken.

The wardrobe mistress was having kittens. "Of all the nights that something could go wrong, it had to be this one!" She exclaimed, handing an extra fastener to Georgina, in the middle of trying to fasten up the jammed zipper on Antoine's costume.

Roberto, standing nearby, gave the stuffed bird on his shoulder a poke with his finger. "I wish to make a complaint."

"Sorry," Bent over with the wardrobe mistress almost sitting on his head, trying to yank his zip up, Antoine's voice was muffled. "We're closin' for lunch!"

"Never mind that, my lad." The Latino-looking dancer tapped him smartly on his head, trying not to grin, his voice a frighteningly accurate mimic of John Cleese's. "I wish to complain about this parrot, what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique."

Antoine tilted his head slightly, peering around the Wardrobe Mistress' body. "Ah...yes...the Norwegian Blue..." He cleared his throat. "What's...ah...what's wrong with it?"

Roberto gave him a very dark look, then looked at the limp parrot flopped pathetically on his shoulder. "I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad." He stated grimly. "It's dead, that's what's wrong with it."

"No, no," Antoine protested, straightening up, ignoring the muted snickers of their friends around them. "'E's...ah...he's resting."

Stepping close to Antoine, tapping him on the chest, Roberto gave him an indignant look. "Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now."

Peering at the parrot closely, Antoine shook his head. "No no, h-he's not dead, he's...he's...restin'!"

"Restin'?" Both men looked up as the rest of the kittens tumbled over the back of the stage, joined quickly by Benjamin, to prepare for Growltiger.

Antoine took the chance to back away, nodding vehemently and taking the wardrobe mistress with him. "Y-yeah, restin'." He repeated enthusiastically. "Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, isn't it, eh? Beautiful plumage!"

Roberto stalked after him. "The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead!"

"Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!"

Reaching up, Roberto swatted the parrot. "Now that's what I call a dead parrot."

"No, no.... No, he's stunned."

"STUNNED?"

"Yeah!" Antoine stepped aside hurriedly as Menke hopped past, one foot waving in the air, cursing under his breath and colliding with anyone who happened to cross his path. "You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major."

Roberto looked like he was about to explode, his eyes bulging. "Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this." He exclaimed. "That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk."

"Is anyone else thinking that we should stop them before they have to go on." Menke hopped past in the opposite direction, trying to get his foot through the leg hole of costume. There was a yell of dismay as he tripped over the sitting Malcolm and both of them plummeted to the floor. "Hey!" Menke looked down at his foot. "I did it!"

"Good! You're on!" Jordan and Jonny quickly steered both of the fallen pair to their feet and over the back of the stage. Roberto, Andy and Antoine raced up with them both, Antoine and Roberto exchanging broad grins.

Making sure the prop mistress was out of sight, Jordan and Rachel hurried over to a pile of props, grateful that they had managed to bribe the backstage man who brought the heavy pirate costumes down.

"They're gonna string you up by your balls, love." Rachel chuckled, opening the bundle and looking down at the two objects lying within it. "I bet Jamieson has a hook in his office just waiting for you."

Jordan snickered, examining his silvery sword, then casting it aside amid the pile of unused props. "I'm not about to let the only other Star Wars buff in the cast leave without giving him a proper send off."

"Think he'll be able to keep a straight face?"

"Who?" Jenni inquired, adjusting her Siamese head as she walked over to join them.

"Just John."

Raymond glanced down at the long, plastic objects they had successfully snuck down from their dressing rooms. "Hon, he'll laugh his pretty ass off, even if it's just from the thought of the look on Jamieson's face."

"I won't get in that much trouble." Jordan protested, laughing.

"Wanna bet?" His wife murmured.

Jordan smirked, which looked very out of place on his Coricopat-painted face. "Love, you forget, all I have to do is stare at the guy and look dangerous. Even if he pays my salary, the miserable git is still terrified of me."

"You? Dangerous? I like it." Rachel pressed close against him, both of them pushing their Siamese masks up their foreheads. Placing his bundle aside, Jordan pulled her fast against him and claimed a punishing kiss.

"Uh...guys?" Joely prodded them with her pitchfork. They ignored her, Jordan's hands grabbing his wife's buttocks, pulling her hard against the front of his body. "Guys...um..." She prodded them again. "We're on."

"Bugger." Jordan sighed. He released his wife, grabbing one of the objects from his package and sprinting up and over the back of the pipe, swinging over just in time for his line.

Down beside Joely, just behind the tyre, Raymond muttered. "Are they always this horny?"

"Last time I saw them this bad, they ended up with kids on every occasion."

Raymond groaned, then both of them ran up over the back to surround John and Miranda in their respective positions, both of them shooting a look at John, who apparently had not noticed Jordan's choice of weapon.

And he didn't, until one was tossed to him.

Then, Growltiger stared at the item in his hand in incomprehension for several seconds. He looked over at Jordan, then back at his weapon, then just cracked up completely, doubling over and laughing.

Jordan smirked, switching his light-up-effect lightsaber on. It glowed green, buzzing as he swished it this way and that. John managed to quell his laughter long enough to switch his own on. It glowed red, which only set off his giggles again.

The audience seemed to be both confused and amused by this twist.

Finally calming, the pair began the fight, only for John to release a loud snort of laughter the moment their blades connected with the crackling hiss sound that the lightsabers did in their favourite films.

Despite the fact that both Growltiger and Genghis seemed to be having trouble keeping their faces straight, the fight proceeded as usual, until the moment that Growltiger was forced to leap from the plank.

Raising his fist defiantly, he yelled before he leapt. "Genghis! I am your father!"

The remaining members of the Cast who were on stage simply ended themselves laughing right there.

***

"You okay, baby?"

Menke looked up from the mirror at Tommy, shaking violently. "I think..." He trailed off and shook his head. "No."

As soon as he'd got offstage with the rest of the crew during Growltiger's number, he had decided to flee backstage to the green room to begin the process of becoming Macavity, which he suspected might take some time.

The red-clad dancer's approached and stood behind his seat, her hands sliding over his shoulder and drawing his head back between her breasts. Menke closed his eyes, his violent shivering gradually subsiding.

"It's only for five minutes, Menke." Tommy murmured against his temple. "You get to go out there and pummel Andy's ass..." She paused. "Hold on, this isn't a normal show, is it?" A wicked gleam appeared in her eyes. "Menke, dear..."

"Oh no..." He recognised the tone in her voice.

"I have a little idea." She murmured, helping him remove the George Bailey wig. He met her gaze through her reflection in the mirror. "Don't worry. Nothing about bonking anyone on the stage or fun like that."

One brow rose as he started to wipe some of his make-up off. None of the costuming aids had arrived in the room yet, most showing up halfway through Skimbleshanks, if what Tony had told him was right. "So do tell..."

"Well, you're trying to outdo Jordan and Rachel and Jordan just had a lightsaber on stage."

"Aw, crap."

"Hear me out, handsome." Tommy murmured against his temple. "I think I have the perfect way for you to beat their freaky asses."

Menke nodded. "I'm listening."

"Well, here's just a suggestion..."

***

As the Skimbleshanks train was hastily bundled away, Blue sought out her roommate, who had just returned to the stage, hurrying to her side. "Tommy." She hissed, nudging the taller dancer. "Is he okay?"

"Menke?" Tommy nodded, giving her small companion a wicked grin, as they all looked towards Antoine, raised on high on the shoulders and body of Jonny and Raymond.

"That look worries me." Blue muttered, only serving to make Tommy grin more broadly, her dark eyes glittering with glee.

The bleach- blonde-haired dancer had tears in his eyes, his last time playing Skimbleshanks more emotional than he thought it would be.

Deposited back on the stage by the two who had lifted him, he passed Tommy, receiving a nod from her and grinned weakly, starting into the reprise of his song that lead into the first Macavity appearance.

A crash from upstage provided Blue with her cue.

"MACAVITY!"

A wild-furred-costumed figure ran up onto the tyre with a deep booming laugh. Blue actually started in fright at the sight of Menke, his expression almost unrecognisable, a chilling sneer on his lips.

Throwing his clawed hands wide, he released another throbbing burst of laughter, the sheer sensual satisfaction and mockery in that single sound making several people stare at one another in surprise.

That was Menke? Sweet, nice, dopey Menke?

One gloved hand singled out Deuteronomy, the lips curving in an arrogant smirk, one finger crooking in the slightest suggestion of a beckoning gesture. Benjamin took a wary step forward, unable to resist this frighteningly good Macavity.

"Take him!" He bellowed, as everyone on the stage seemed to recoil from him. Two figures – Jonny and Malcolm in Henchcat guise – ran down and bundled Benjamin under a sack, dragging him away.

Demeter seemed frozen to the spot as Macavity ran down from the car, pausing to lift her face, everyone staring at him in astonishment.

Bending close to her, his clawed gloves cradling her chin with frightening gentleness, his deep voice was soft, but carried in a threatening rumble over the sound system. "I'll be back," He breathed. "For you."

With that, he threw her back with enough force to look violent, but with enough care so as not to hurt her, into Bombalurina's arms and sprinted off the stage, leaving the startled girl clutching at Tommy's arms.

The stage cleared in seconds, Blue staring around as Tommy receded to the back of the stage, to take her place on the tyre. For once, she did not have to pretend to be startled by a Macavity, the expression in Menke's eyes making her shiver and not just with the shock.

There was something...sexy about it.

Fluffy little Menke had suddenly become something else, something that she would fear, but want to touch at the same time. The curve of his lip, the glint in his green eyes, the bare touch of the glove at her chin...it wasn't Menke, but damn!

If that was what Macavity was meant to be like, she could suddenly understand why Demeter was meant to be the way she was. The fact that she half-wanted to throw herself at him but – in the same heartbeat – wanted to run screaming was frightening.

Shooting a look back at Tommy, she darted across the stage, looking around. Shaking her head and swiping at her wig, she retreated, whipping around with a look of fright, but nothing was there and she started to sing.

***

"Where the HELL did that come from?"

Shivering violently, but grinning, Menke looked at the astounded Jordan. "What?" He was pulling the hefty fake Old Deuteronomy costume over his Macavity costume, the head sitting on the desk beside him.

"You...Mac..."

"Huh?"

Jordan shook his head. "Menke, you were bloody incredible!" He was wearing one of the fake Macavity costumes, his head tucked under his arm. "The laughing...the expressions...the thing you did to Blue...Christ, you even scared me!"

"Let's just say it comes from the experience, Jordan." The green-eyed dancer replied, his voice suddenly quiet. Looking down at the Deuteronomy mask, he picked it up and shot a look at the other dancer. "Time to hit our posts?"

"You betcha."

Exchanging a brief hand-shake, they parted ways, Menke hastily ran out into the main entrance to the auditorium, hiking his long, trailing Old Deuteronomy coat up like a woman – or a cross-dresser – would hike up her – or his – dress to run.

Most Macavitys would just don the coat in the room near the lobby, but Menke had needed to run back to the green room to find his small good-luck charm from Demi, his nauseous nerves almost getting too much for him.

Reaching the doorway, he spotted Jonny and Malcolm waiting for him, both of them sipping from bottles of water. Jonny straightened up first, casting his eyes over the older dancer. "You holding together okay, Menke?"

"Getting there." He held up a gloved hand. It was shaking. "At least it's only my hands, eh?"

"As long as you don't drop Andy on his head, you'll do fine." Malcolm murmured. "Not that it would make much difference to that guy."

Menke forced a laugh. "I still can't believe I'm playing him...and playing him well. That's what scares me the most."

"Just make him super sexy and you'll have the whole audience eating out of the palm of your... er... paw." Jonny gave him a broad grin. Glancing to the door, he placed his bottle on the small ledge beside him. "Heads on, boys. We're up now."

Menke nodded, hastily yanking on the fake Old Deuteronomy head, chewing on his lower lip as they made their entrance into the auditorium.

Several people in the audience turned to look at him and he saw Roberto, in the other false Macavity costume, run off the car as Andy turned towards him, all of the other members of the cast following suite and approaching as he shuffled up the ramp.

Squinting behind the eyeholes of the mask, he saw Blue nearing and stretched out a hand to her. She touched him and he grabbed her hand, making her start in surprise. Pulling back, she backed away from him, a scared look on her face.

He couldn't help thinking she made an exceptional Demeter.

Receiving touches from everyone, he noticed the questioning look in Antoine's eyes and subtly nodded that he was all right. His eyes drifted sidelong and he saw Rachel pacing, just out of range, a suspicious look on her face.

That instant, Blue darted behind him, the familiar staccato notes from orchestra signifying that he was about to get jumped. Blue swept in front of him with a hiss, sending Miranda and Caroline running back in fright.

Andy reached for her, holding out his hands in calming supplication, but Blue was having none of it and threw herself towards Menke the moment his back was to her, her small body so light that – on top of the jacket – he barely noticed her.

Spinning wildly, he felt her squeeze his shoulder reassuringly a second before pitching herself off, taking the false head with her.

Hurling the heavy jacket off, he threw his arms upwards, performing a strange kind of spin, before running his gloved hands from chest to groin, his body undulating sensually, as if gaining some kind of perverse satisfaction from his own touch, his expression one of bliss.

Shaking himself as if reminding himself that he actually had to fight, he whipped around to spot Demeter, lunging forward and grasping the crouched Blue by the wrist, her hand raised in desperate supplication.

Spinning her in a sharp pirouette against her chest, he thrust his face against her neck, as if inhaling her scent, his arm holding her back hard against his chest. Struggling against him, she leapt forward, Menke's momentum catching her, hauling her back in a smooth motion and bringing her up to slump – backwards – over his shoulder.

His arm about her waist, holding her on, his other hand came up and raked rudely up her thrashing thighs, her body whipping against his shoulder, only her trust in him holding her letting her react so wildly to his portrayal of the role.

Andy dove forward, grabbing at her legs as she spasmed her back and lashed upwards, Menke catching hold of her upper body before she could hit the stage and both men swinging her upwards in a battle to keep her.

With Raymond on as Victoria, there seemed no one to come to the rescue of the hissing, kicking girl caught between the two hunky dancers, until Jordan – rapidly changed out of his fake Macavity costume – sprinted up from the wings and ducked under Blue, lifted and spinning out from between the two other dancers.

Menke lashed out at Andy, who staggered back, then ran to follow Blue, who was hidden by the two dark felines but was swiftly blocked by Jordan and Rachel, both of whom arched their backs and hissed dangerously at him.

With a snarl, he spun back to Andy and the fight began in earnest. Menke's make-up only seemed to accentuate the dangerous and powerful aura that surrounded him, his eyes glinting with manic glee.

Panting and shaking, Blue was pressed between Rachel and Jordan, who were watching Menke with rapt amazement and fascination. Glancing at Menke, an idea came to the small dancer and when Menke did his final throw – the fight adapted in the absence of a proper Alonzo – she ran forward to the base of the car.

Macavity, lashing out at anyone who passed as he staggered back, halted at the tiny dancer, a long look exchanged between the two, before he turned and ran up the boot of the car, performing the electrifying disappearing act.

As he dodged down behind the set and hurried towards the green room, he paused in the wings to watch as the slight figure of Demeter, barely visible, crawled unsteadily towards the front of the stage.

The brilliant spotlight shone around, then fell on Andy. The big dancer looked like he was truly in pain, pushing himself up on his forearms, only to collapse again, as Demeter crept nearer, her touch making him start.

Lifting his face, Menke watched as Munkustrap seemed to recover a little, pushing himself upright and touching her face. The couple exchanged a brief muzzle in the light of the spotlight that got considerably more erotic as soon as the light turned elsewhere.

Shaking his head, he chuckled shakily and hurried back towards the green room, hoping he could find Benjamin, before the character of Old Deuteronomy was conjured back onto the stage by Mistoffelees.

***

At the left side of the stage, Blue was squirming in Andy's arms, having been unable to break free from him since they had 'bumped' into each other in the wake of the fight sequence. With her held in his arms, he had crawled around to the car and she had somehow ended up pressed against his chest, his own body almost reclining on the stage.

The moment that the spotlight had swung away from them, to be directed at Roberto on the car, he had pulled her close, kissing her in a way that she was sure would smudge her make-up beyond recognition.

Large hands spread on her hips, he held her close to him, deftly avoiding the spikes of her collar and nipping at the sensitive spots on her throat, making her whimper and swat at him, vainly trying to wriggle free.

"PRESTO!"

Munkustrap's head jerked around from Demeter's neck and he hissed rudely at Mistoffelees, who was grinning down at him from the rope, for interrupting his pleasantly intimate little snuggle with Demeter.

Blue couldn't help giggling, as Andy relinquished his hold on her, both of them slinking up to the car. He took a seat on the fender with her kneeling up between his knees, his arms going around her snugly.

Thanks to the thick warmers obscuring his hands, no one in the audience noticed that he was casually fondling her breasts, chuckling throatily as she continued to swat at him and squirm away from him.

Tommy appeared near them, draping her arm around Andy's shoulders and receiving a playful head-rub from him, her gloved hand brushing casually over Blue's shoulder. The petite dancer gave her a warm smile, still smacking at Andy's hands.

All three of them chuckled at the antics of Tugger, Mistoffelees and Victoria in the middle of the stage, Malcolm having trouble keeping a straight face and Raymond's doe-eyed Victoria more air-headed and dainty-looking than even Geeta's was.

Glancing around to make sure everyone's attention was elsewhere, Andy raised on his hands, turning Blue's face to his and lowered his head, claiming a light kiss from her, her right hand coming up behind his head to stroke through his wig.

Murmuring the equivalent of a purr, they exchanged nuzzles, much the Bombalurina's annoyance, the red-clad dancer dipping her head to nuzzle at Demeter as well, Munkustrap stroking over her mane with his warmered hand.

Cuddled together, they were quite content to remain where they were, but Roberto was having none of that. Despite flirting incessantly with Victoria, he seemed mildly irritated that Bombalurina was not paying more attention to him.

Malcolm started to point towards Joely, as Cassandra, but Roberto caught his hand and re-directed it towards Blue, pulling a face. Andy gave him a horrified look, wrapping Blue up tighter in his arms.

Roberto heaved a frustrated sigh, bending and grabbing at Blue's ankles, the tiny dancer squealing with laughter as she was made into a tug-of-war rope for Andy and Roberto, both of them glaring at each other.

Finally, though, the Tugger won through and Blue was dragged, giggling hysterically, across the stage towards the 'magic' pipe, where she was pushed quickly underneath the brilliant red blanket by Jonny and Jenni.

Ducking into the pipe, she started to crawl quickly through it, stopping short in surprise when she was greeted by a flaming red wig, as opposed to Benjamin's...not-flaming-red one.

More surprising was the face attached to the wig.

"Uh...what?"

"Never mind that now." Menke flashed her a grin. "Just wait back here for me, okay?"

She nodded, letting him dive past, and tumbled out of the pipe and straight into Benjamin's waiting arms. He squinted down at her. "I hate to tell you this, Joely," He murmured, masking a smile. "But either my eyesight is getting worse, or you've shrunk."

"Funny, Ben." Blue grinned. "Mind telling me what's going on?"

The older dancer muffled a laugh. "Apparently, Menke."

***

Everyone was staring.

The audience was lost.

Andy and Tommy were slumped against each other, laughing.

Malcolm looked like he was about to fall over in a bout of hysterics.

Roberto was blinking, rubbing his eyes, looking again, then blinking harder.

Menke was sitting in the middle of the stage, the blanket just pulled off him, still in Macavity garb, looking thoroughly confused.

Shaking his head, Roberto scratched his wig in an attitude of bewilderment. He pointed with both forefingers at the scarlet blanket still gripped in Malcolm's hand, then down at Menke, who gave him a helpless 'I dunno' look.

Grabbing the blanket from Malcolm impatiently, he turned it over in his hands, as if looking for Old Deuteronomy. Giving it a shake, he groaned, then thrust the blanket back at Malcolm, motioning for Menke to return to the position for the 'magic'.

Shrugging apologetically, Menke got to his feet and shambled back across the stage amiably, scratching at his crotch and butt for good measure with his clawed gloves. Diving under the blanket, he didn't see the broad grins exchanged by Roberto and Malcolm, who were both struggling to keep straight faces.

This time, though, Mistoffelees did what he was meant to and Benjamin reappeared from beneath the blanket, only he wasn't quite the Deuteronomy they remember. Wearing a Disneyland baseball cap and sunglasses, he hastily hid a plastic hotdog behind his back.

By this point, very few faces in the cast were straight any longer and most of the audience was sniggering right along with them.

To conclude the very bizarre song, Malcolm shook his head and mournfully plodded over towards the ramp, to motion for Blue to come back onto the stage, only to stop and stare, before cracking up.

Menke merely grinned, running up the ramp with Blue on his bushy, red shoulder. Kneeling, he deposited her on the floor and in a smooth motion, vanished into the pipe at the back to the stage and disappeared from sight.

***

Helen, who had avoided the majority of the madness, was ready to join in with the last few minutes of chaos. When she staggered on, still being followed by her toilet paper tail, Raymond turned and blew a loud raspberry at her.

In return, she knocked the outer sides of her fists together with an action that could only be recognised from 'Friends'.

Starting to sing Memory, she ignored Raymond's pointed yawning in the first bars of the song, especially when the big, white-clad dancer started playing pounce with Old Deuteronomy's long, bushy tail.

When she fell, Rumpleteaser squealed. "Eek!"

She didn't mean it to be so loud, but she hadn't realised her mike was still on, so a deafening 'eek!' hung in the air of the auditorium and, on the ledge above them, Rhiannon was snickering so hard she could barely get her lines out.

Trying to hide her face, Helen shot a look back at their current Victoria, wondering what kind of reception Grizabella would get from the big kitty who seemed to have a bit of a fixation with the tails of the tomcats.

Tottering to her feet, she started bellowing her closing lines of the song. With a few minor adaptations of course.

"Touch me!" She saw a few people wince at the deafening resonance of her powerful, opera-trained voice. Truth be told, she didn't need no soddin' microphone, having been taught voice projection, but if they wanted to deafen half the audience, so be it! "It's so easy to squeeze me! Going right past my belly! Oh then we'll have fun!" She gave a sassy wiggle. "If you touch me, I'll understand what spazziness is! Look a new day has begun."

She glanced around to see Tommy shaking her head, rubbing her ears and wincing, a pained look on her face. Raymond, though, was blindly ignoring her, wrestling with Deuteronomy's tail, his legs waving in the air.

Staggering towards the edge of the stage, she put her hand behind her back.

Nothing happened.

Coughing, she waved the hand behind her back.

Still, nothing happened.

Turning, she put her hands on her hips and glared at Raymond. He was happily shaking Deuteronomy's tail between his teeth like a ragdoll. Stomping over to him, she kicked his rear and stuck out her hand.

Huge, dark eyes turned and innocently looked up at her, then one of dancer's huge paws grabbed her gloved hand and impatiently slapped it into Benjamin's before going back to the tail-munching session.

Reluctantly, Benjamin forced himself to his feet, grouchily leading the grumpy Grizabella in a fancy wander around the stage, before leading her towards the tyre, in the lead up to the ascension to the Heavyside.

***

"Okay...that was too weird." Annie hissed, as the cast scattered, the audience applauding ad cheering loudly. Raymond jogged past, pausing to nuzzle each of them, Menke – back in George Bailey make-up – repeating the motion in the other direction.

The music continued to play as they were pounced by different cast members, Tommy bending close to Annie from behind without warning and making the artist shriek in fright, when she received a long, wet lick up her cheek.

The bows had started when the trio heard panting from behind them and turned to peer over the back of the seats. Andy was lying in the aisle, looking completely worn out, his arms spread wide, eyes closed.

Maria leaned over the back of the chair and carefully poked his belly. Mismatched eyes opened lazily and regarded her.

With a smooth, perfect movement that brought the tall, elegant Munkustrap to his feet behind them, a dignified look on his face that made Annie look like she was about to pass out, Andy twitched his nose, then slinked off into the wings.

"You okay there?" Cara gave Annie a nudge.

"Meh..."

Maria laughed. "That's a yes."

"Ya think?" Cara snickered, glancing up at the stage to watch the bows, as Raymond daintily skipped on and performed an elaborate curtsey, closely followed by Jordan and Rachel.

The dark pair twirled in from opposite sides of the stage, Jordan carrying a lightsaber to remind people of who he was, made their bows, then tangoed off – tangled around each other – into the sidelines, to deafening applause.

"Hold on..."

Maria and Cara both looked at Annie questioningly. "Eh?"

"Munk is meant to come out now..." She pointed to the stage. "They missed him..."

Indeed, Munkustrap was no where to be seen, but – in his absence – Menke sprinted onto the stage doing a handspring and spin, landing neatly on his feet and spreading his hands with a wide grin. The trio leapt to their feet, whooping.

Several others joined them, hooting and cheering.

Fluffing the Macavity wig that had quickly replaced his George Bailey and adjusting his sparkly knickers, he made a coquettish little bow, pivoted and skipped to the back of the stage with a jaunty little kick and coy look at the audience.

Jordan and Rachel had to admit he had won the bet by a mile, both of them inclining their heads in the presence of greatness. He just wiggled his rear and straightened the waistband of his knickers again.

"I don't get it..." By now, Maria's confusion was mirroring Annie's. Benjamin and Helen were both coming forward for their bows, hand-in-hand and smiling, but there had been no sign of Blue or Andy anywhere.

"Hmm..."

Annie glanced at the mattress, spotting someone there. Before she had a chance to recognise the small figure, Steffi launched herself into the backflip routine across the stage as the final bow, which only increased Annie's confusion and concern.

"Where on earth are they?"

"Just what I was thinking..."

***

"But we've missed the bows!"

Behind the stage, Andy grinned down at his girlfriend, who was pressed against the back of the tyre. "Never mind that, Shorty." He murmured, bending to claim a kiss from her. "Trust me on this. I'm gonna get the biggest cheer tonight."

"You wanna make sure Munk gets applause so you run on late?" Blue gave him a dubious look, her hand resting on his shoulder. "I don't see why I have to be dragged back here with you. I don't care how much applause I get."

Giving her an indulgent smile, Andy took one of her small hands in his larger one. "Just because you're wonderful enough to keep me company, lover." He replied, lifting her small fingers to his lips. "C'mon."

He led the way up onto the tyre from behind, the rest of the cast lining the edge of the stage. A few puzzled looks went around the audience as Blue stepped alongside Andy and the full cast melted back to clear the stage for them.

"Uh...Andy?"

Looking down at her with a brilliant smile, he stepped down from the tyre and offered her both his hands, helping her down. Warily looking around at their grinning friends, Blue felt distinctly suspicious. "Trust me, Shorty." He repeated gently.

The audience looked as lost as she felt.

Reluctantly, she let him take both her hands and lead her towards the front of the stage, her blue eyes flicking around nervously, trying to work out what exactly was going on. The orchestra was silent, which worried her.

Glancing towards the orchestra entrance, she saw some of them peeking out as well.

"Andy, what's going on...?"

Halting at the front of the stage, he turned to face her, a broad, deliriously happy smile on his striped face, releasing her slender hands. Going down on one knee in front of her, he reached inside his arm warmer.

"Oh God..." She took a step back. "You better not be doing what I think you're doing..."

"Blue," Withdrawing a small, square box from his warmer, he raised his eyes to her.

"Oh God..." She whispered, her voice shaking with emotion. "You are doing what I thought you were doing, you bloody great git..." Blue's trembling hands came to her nose, tears welling in her eyes.

"Will you hush up, so I can do this, Shorty?" He gave her a bright smile, then took her shaking left hand in his right when she nodded. "Well, how to start...I met you, I fell in love with you and now, I wanna marry you." He cocked his head and gave her a look that was pure Andy. "Wanna marry me, Blue?"

Her right hand still covering her mouth, she released a muffled laugh as he opened the small box and revealed an aquamarine and diamond ring. Tears were pouring down her cheeks and she nodded, unable to reply.

"That a yes?"

With a happy sob, Blue threw herself into his waiting arms, knocking him flat on his back, smattering kisses all over his face. "Yes!" She cried. "Yes, you big, dopey, annoying, stupid, wonderful, wonderful git!"

Flat on his back on the stage, one arm around the laughing and crying Blue, he negotiated the ring out of the box with his teeth, catching it with his right hand and managed to find Blue's left hand to slip the ring on her finger. "S'it fit?"

Nodding, she sat back in his lap as he sat up, gathering her in his arms. Her whisper was heard only by him. "I love you, Andy."

"Likewise, Shorty." He replied, getting to his feet with her still cradled against his chest. With his arms still around her, he placed her on her feet, both of them turning to the audience and taking their bows.

They received a full standing ovation.

With a smug grin, the couple turned to Menke and the dark couple. "Beat that!" Andy crowed, before hoisting his girlfriend up onto his shoulder as the orchestra started playing again and the stage started to clear.

"You only won cos I'm already married!" Menke pulled a face and 'riverdanced' his way off, followed by a conga line of two dark twins and Cassandra. Andy grinned up at Blue, who ran a hand over his wig, as he took them down the ramp.

Soon, the only people left on the stage were Raymond, Malcolm, Helen and Roberto, who had just emerged from the wings and tapped Helen on the shoulder. She looked at him, then nodded to Malcolm and Raymond who were dancing a kind of quazi-waltz.

Roberto looked shocked and annoyed.

Strutting up towards the couple, he cleared his throat loudly, both of the other dancers turning to look at him curiously. He gave Raymond a flirtatious wink, to which, the big dancer giggled and pawed at him.

Roberto offered an arm to the 'Queen'-Size Victoria. Raymond looked him up and down for several seconds, then giggled again and swung the startled and shrieking Roberto over his shoulder and ran gleefully towards the wings.

Malcolm and Helen exchanged glances, both laughing, then took each other's arms and skipped off into the wings after the howling Roberto, who was still bouncing up and down against Raymond's muscled back.

***

"Oh my..."

"Uh huh..."

"Did they...I mean, were they...are they...huh?"

"Yeah...that too..."

Maria shook her head. "Munkustrap and Demeter...engaged..."

"Sketchpad...must use..."

Cara grinned. "You'll have time at the stage door." She remarked, shaking her head. "That has to be top of the chart for the all time weirdest show ever..."

"Uh huh..."

"And another gorgeous guy off the market." Annie grumbled. Both her friends looked at her. "I know, I know. I'm taken as well, I know." They gave her a questioning, teasing look. "Phil's at home though."

"And there was me thinking that, with my mental powers of persuasion, I would convince the hunk to pick me." Cara sighed with mock despair. "All the best ones...gay or taken by very, very small people."

Maria gave her a wicked grin. "You could always start playing for the other side."

"Yeah...I'll have to ask Tommy about that side of things, won't I, Annie?" Both of the younger women grinned wickedly as Annie blushed scarlet to the roots of her hair.

***

"Congratulations!"

"Likewise."

Menke gave them a puzzled look. "Why? I didn't just get engaged."

"No, but you played the best Macavity I've seen in my life without getting all upset on stage and stuff." Blue stepped away from Andy – who had his unitard rolled down to his waist – to hug the taller dancer. Menke smiled faintly, going on one knee to hug her properly. "You scared the crap outta me."

The South African chuckled. "Well, I only learned from the worst...or best...I dunno...I just know that my Mac had nothing on his."

"Anyone we know?" Blue drew back a little and looked him in the face.

"No one you would want to." He replied softly, lifting a hand to fondly brush his knuckles down her cheek. "He's in an asylum for the criminally insane now and trust me when I say that I feel safer knowing he's in there."

The petite dancer nodded. "Mine's still on remand...trial in a few months..." She accepted another warm hug from the dancer. "And if we keep doing this, my Andy might get a lil bitty jealous, won't you?"

"Of girly bonding?" Andy chuckled, holding out a hand to her. She returned to him, rising on her toes to pull his face down to hers. "Never could be jealous of that, love." He ran a hand down her back. "You run and get changed. I'll meet you out here, okay?"

Blue nodded, smiling in delight and fingering the ring he had given her. "See you in a bit, Andy." She replied, darting off to join Tommy, who insisted on inspecting the ring, before waving at Andy and letting the petite dancer into their dressing room.

"And I thought I had strange taste, going for a vet." Menke chuckled, shaking his

"Try goin' for a goth-boy." Raymond murmured huskily, approaching with Malcolm hugged snugly against his side. "There's somethin' weird about fancyin' someone with a face like a zebra's ass."

"Charming." Malcolm groused, as they separated from Menke in the halls lined with their dressing rooms.

Menke couldn't help laughing. "We going for a drink to celebrate everything tonight?"

"Guess so." Andy shrugged. "Don't think we've got any reason not to." He high-fived Menke and turned to enter the small dressing room he shared with Malcolm, Raymond and Jordan, only to stop short, staring.

"Oh my gawd!"

Jordan didn't even give them a look. He still had his wig and make-up on, but the rest of his solid, muscular body was buck naked, his palms braced against the far wall of the dressing room, his hips ululating sinuously.

A stunning tattoo of a black and gold Chinese dragon rippled and writhed on his back as his muscles shifted and similar patterns on his calves and arms stretched as he rotated his pelvis forward, towards the end wall of the room.

One of the three at the door tried to think of something to ask about why he was humping a wall, when two feminine hands appeared around his sides, splaying on his back and a long, slim and thoroughly naked leg hooked over his hip.

Rachel's face appeared at her husband's shoulder and she gave them a smoky smile. "Don't mind us." She panted, her nails digging into Jordan's smooth back leaving pink crescents on any unmarked skin. "Pretend we're not here."

Her face tilted as Jordan claimed her lips with a savage kiss, a low growl escaping him. She responded by raking her nails down his back, making him groan. Her own moan of pleasure sounded in chorus with his.

All three men in the doorway were still staring, jaws hanging.

"I-I think we'll...uh...just...uh...leave you for now..." Andy hastily said, steering Malcolm and Raymond out of the door quickly. He pulled the door shut, blinking. "Oh God...I really didn't need to be seeing that."

"Seeing what?" Menke called from his dressing room, the door still wide open.

Entering the cramped dressing room shared by Jonny, Antoine, Menke and Roberto, Andy pulled a face at them. "Jordan and Rachel were going at it up against the wall of our dressing room."

"I was wondering when they would have another round due. They haven't been this bad for four years, as far as I know." Antoine remarked absently, half to himself, as he continued to wipe of his make up in the mirror, using a handful of wipes.

"Round?"

"Four years?"

"Huh?"

Antoine looked at them. "You did notice they were all over each other tonight?"

"Hard to miss, wasn't it?" Andy said dryly.

"Well, I was in a show with Jordan six years back – you can guess he has trouble getting roles cos of his face – but anyway, he was in it, but she wasn't," Antoine laid aside his wipes and turned to his audience. "We never saw her, until this one day, when she took a day off her own show and was all over him any time he wasn't on stage. Four years ago, he was out of work, but she was working and it was exactly the same."

"So this is a regular thing?"

"Not...exactly." The bleach blond dancer replied. "I have no idea what it is about those two, but they only get like that in the lead up to one thing. Nine months after I saw them behaving like that, their second kid was born, about five years back."

Malcolm snorted. "You're saying when they're horny, she gets knocked up? Why didn't she after they got horny four years back?"

"I'm not saying anything without evidence, but every time I've heard about them being like this, a pregnancy has quickly followed." Green eyes looked away. "As for the one four years back... before she came to Cats, she lost a baby. Stillborn. A daughter. She had been healthy right up until labour and something went wrong. They had to C-section her, but by the time they got the baby out, she had been strangled by the umbilical cord. Rachel was distraught."

"God..." Malcolm's eyes clouded with pity. "Poor Rach."

"So you think she's going to end up with another bun in the oven from this? If it's been a few years, maybe she's feelin' ready..."

Antoine shrugged. "I don't know, Ray, but I honestly think this'll help her...maybe even help both of them." He grimaced. "The loss of that baby hit them both harder than anyone realised, until Rach tried to top herself." He shook his head. "Jordan found her in the nursery of their house two days after they had the funeral, wrists slashed, blood everywhere, completely hysterical with grief. He just got her to the hospital in time."

"You sure you should be telling us this?" Malcolm raised a brow.

The bleach-blonde sighed, looking up at the little Goth. "Mal, those two trust everyone in this room not to say anything to anyone. They know I wouldn't tell anyone that I thought would run and blab to everyone."

Jonny nodded. "I had a friend who was working with Jor when it happened. You look at them and they seem the least emotional people you can imagine, but back then...Christ, they just went to pieces. They care so much about each other and their family, but no one realised how much until things went bad."

"Will they be okay in the dressing room, though? They won't go psychotic of anything?"

Antoine chuckled faintly. "If they're shagging, it's not likely."

"And what about our clothes?" Andy demanded petulantly.

"The easiest thing to do is ignore them and let them get on with it and hope they're not sitting on your clothes." The blonde dancer grinned. "You get used to it after a while. They're usually so wrapped up in each other, they won't even see you if you stand right in front of them."

"Uh...right..." Reluctantly, Andy turned to the two men who shared his dressing room. "Dare we go and try this ignoring thing out?" Malcolm shrugged, Raymond playing with the shiny studs on his pretty, pink collar.

The trio crossed the hall and carefully opened the door. There was no sound from within, so they opened the door fully, stopping short again. Andy vaguely registered Raymond's murmur of admiration and had to agree that – despite the oddness of the scenario – it was beautiful.

Jordan and Rachel were sitting in a strange kind of cross-legged position, clearly still intimately joined, Rachel's ankles crossed behind her husband's back, Jordan's crossed legs a cradle for her lower body.

They were gazing at one another, the tips of their noses just touching each other. Both of them were naked but for their wigs and make-up, Rachel's hands were spread on her husband's muscled chest, his arms loosely around her waist.

Tears were cascading down her face and glittering on her long lashes, her make-up somehow still intact. In unison, they both bowed their heads until their brows were touching lightly, both closing their eyes.

They seemed to sit like that for an eternity, until Rachel released a soft sob. With a sad smile, her husband gently gathered her against his body, her face buried in the hollow of his shoulder as she wept.

"Jor...is she okay?"

Jordan nodded, holding her closer. Their arms were around one another tightly, Jordan's cheek and chin resting on his wife's slim shoulder, his rough hands spread on the smooth, unmarred planes of her back.

"I'm guessing you won't be coming out with the rest of us tonight, then?"

Again, Jordan just shook his head wordlessly, his gentle hands moving in soothing circles on Rachel's bare back. He pressed a kiss to her freckled shoulder, then rested his chin back where it had been, still holding her and tenderly rocking her against his body.

Exchanging concerned looks, the trio quickly changed back into their regular clothing without disturbing the couple seated together on the floor. A knock at the door made them jump in fright, the silence broken.

"Who is it?"

"Just us, Andy." Blue replied through the door. "You ready?"

"Just a sec." He looked down at Jordan again. "Are you guys going to be all right?" Jordan gave him a suggestion of a smile and nodded. "And Cori and Tanto aren't going to be joined at the pelvis at the next show?" A soft chuckle escaped Rachel and she looked up at him, nodding in spite of her tears. Andy smiled. "Just coming, Shorty!"

***

"Has Menke come out yet?"

"DEMI!"

"The one and only." Demi replied, her hands in her the pockets of her fleece. "Trust me to forget my bloody jacket when the weather starts getting cold." She groused, stamping her feet to keep them warm. "Anyway...Menke..."

"Not yet." Annie replied. "I guess he told you he was on as...well...him?"

Demi nodded. "How did he do?"

"Guuuuuuuuuuuh!"

The blonde-haired woman stared at the shortest brunette of the trio in confusion. "Uh...is that a good thing?"

"Cara, here, is a little bit of a Macavity fan." Maria explained, clearly amused, patting the grinning Cara on the arm. "If she approved of Menke's Macavity, you've got approval from the highest level."

"So that would be 'he dun good' then?"

"Let's just say that was the sexiest bloody Mac that I've seen in my freaking life!" Cara seemed to have got past the initial timidity, her eyes sparkling. "He did a thing...then with his thing... and her thing...and wow..."

"I think I get the idea." Demi chuckled. "Anything else interesting happen?"

Maria shrugged. "Coricopat and Tantomile were horny for the whole show. Genghis and Growltiger had lightsabers for their fight. Nothing much really happened." She paused, then added. "And Blue and Andy got engaged."

"WHAT?"

Annie laughed. "Yep. The shrimp and her Munk are going to be married." She glanced towards the door, where Menke was exiting, pausing to do something with what looked like a mobile phone in his hand. "Hey Menke."

"Just a second..." He called.

Maria frowned when her phone rang shrilly to tell her she had a message. Opening the message, she couldn't help laughing. "Uh, Annie, Menke wants me to tell you that he's very sorry he used all your credit up."

"Huh?"

A mobile phone swam into her line of sight. "I believe this is yours?" Menke gave her a grin, as she snatched it back, opening his arms for his wife to embrace him. He held her tightly, pressing his eyes shut, his face buried in her long hair.

"You nicked my bloody phone?"

"You expected me not to have some fun after going through your bag?" He murmured. "Oh and I beat your record for Tetris."

"You git!"

Menke shrugged modestly. "That's me." With one arm around his wife, one of hers around his waist, he sighed. "I'm glad that shows over now. I'm going to ask to be taken off the Mac rotation. I can't do that again."

"Evening all!"

"Andy! Blue! I hear congratulations are in order!"

The tall dancer grinned. "Yeah! I got me a life-time dishwasher for the price of a ring."

"You wish!" Blue stamped on his foot with enough force to earn a yelp of surprise from her fiancé. "Serves you right." She cooed with mock-sweetness, reaching up to hug him. "Oh, and we're going for a drink somewhere...little celebration." She glanced back at the door. "If Tommy gets her arse out here."

"Handsome!"

"Oh god no!"

"Moni!" Four female voices squealed as one.

Picking up his fiancée with both hands, he held her – giggling painfully – in the direction of the drag-princess. "I'm taken properly now, Moni! Stay back or I'll set the missus on you!"

"Missus?" Blue proffered her left hand, showing off the ring with a broad smile. "Oh! Sweetie-pie!" The tall Latino snatched the tiny dancer, hugging her warmly. "Look at you! You're all engaged and everything!" Hoisting Blue on her hip, like any adult would do a child, Moni lifted the girl's hand. "Wow! That's pretty!" She batted long lashes in Andy's direction. "You have such good taste, handsome."

"Don't start." Andy moaned, backing behind Menke.

"Why Andy!" Menke feigned shock. "Anyone would think that you didn't like being flirted with by dear, beautiful Moni." Moni immediately coyly hid her face behind a hand, batting her long, curly eyelashes. "You should be flattered!"

"You tell him, gorgeous." Moni purred, placing Blue back on solid ground and taking Menke's free arm between manicured hands with a seductive smile. Blinking, Menke stared at her, then at Andy, who was smirking smugly.

"Uh, Andy...?" Withdrawing his arm from Moni's grip, he reached behind him and jerked Andy to his side. "I think this is your department."

Andy could only wail in despair as Moni squealed in delight, clapped her hands and threw her arms around his neck.