Jessica turned on the radio in the
jeep and tried to find some music that would fit her mood. Finally she gave up
and just drove in silence. She didn't know where she was going but she wanted to
get away from her house. Away from Elizabeth. It had only been one day since
their fight but to Jessica it seemed like years. Elizabeth hadn't been yelling
at her or anything since the fight. She had just been ignoring Jessica, treating
her like a stranger. To Jessica that was even worse. She felt a little better
after seeing Jeremy yesterday. But she didn't want to bother him again. He had
his own problems. But she couldn't talk to anyone else. She and Lila still
weren't speaking and Maria, Andy and Tia were more Liz's friends. Jessica
glanced out the window and saw she was close to Fantasy Fun Island. The place of
her and Jeremy's first date and a spot they loved to return to. When she saw the
familiar sign she smiled and pulled over. Maybe playing a few games of skee ball
would make her feel better. She got out and walked in but soon realized coming
here hurt even more. She was alone. Somehow it wasn't the same coming here
without Jeremy. But she had nothing better to do so she walked around smiling at
the little kids. She found a game where you pretend to race a car by sitting in
a booth and moving the steering wheel. She climbed in the booth and sat on
something hard.
"Hey!" a familiar voice called out.
She looked down and saw who she had sat on. "Jeremy!" she exclaimed.
"What are you doing here?"
Jeremy scooted over allowing Jessica to squeeze in next to him. "The same
reason you are. My life sucks and I needed somewhere to let out my anger."
"So I take it that it didn't go well," Jessica said.
"You're right. I totally messed it up and instead of Melissa just hating
me, she now wants to kill me."
"Wow that's terrible." After a thought Jessica burst out laughing,
"Actually it's great. I hate Melissa and it killed me to see you guys
together."
"Really?" Jeremy said smiling.
"Yes really," she nudged him. "The same way it did for you when I was
with Will."
"Wow, I had no idea. I know you disliked her but I thought you were mad at
me."
"Well, I was. It hurt me so much when you said those things. And I tired so
hard to change but I ended up making everything worse."
After a while Jeremy took her hand and looked into Jessica's eyes. "If it
makes you feel any better, I think you have changed." Jessica smiled and
Jeremy's heart ached with sadness. He leaned in and saw Jessica lift her face up
in expectation. But when his face was close enough that he could almost feel her
lips he turned away. Jessica pulled pack hurt. "I can't Jess. The same way
I can't be with Melissa. If I kiss you then it will turn into the same thing. I
can't give you, or anyone, a relationship right now."
Jessica and Jeremy sat there in silence for a while neither of them knowing what
to say. Finally Jessica said quietly, "I understand. It's just I'm so
alone. Without Elizabeth. People expect me to be strong because usually I am.
But without Elizabeth I just feel..."
Jeremy nodded. "You are strong Jess. You just need time. People will
understand."
"I'm good at being the center of attention and being a leader, but
Elizabeth was the strong one. She always knows exactly what people need and what
to say to make things better."
"You'll find your path," Jeremy said slowly. "Not right away but
at college you'll meet new people, try new things."
"I don't know. I know you're right, but I'm scared. I'm trying so desperately
to cling onto anything from the past. Even you."
"I know. Jess, I will always care about you and if you ever need me, I'll
be there for you. But I'm not in love with you anymore."
Jessica hugged him gently. "I know."
"So there I was in this skimpy
little bikini waiting to get Tia and Andy's honest opinion but they are nowhere
in sight. So I go looking for them in the store. I spot them at this stand outside
the store where they are getting cheese samples or something. So I run over to
get them and the store's alarm goes off. I'm still wearing the suit and it still
has the tag on it. So this siren is going off and I'm standing in the middle of
the mall practically naked and like everyone is staring at me. I was soooo embarrassed!"
Tia, Andy, Conner, Ken, Maria, and Evan were all howling as Elizabeth told her
story about what happened at the mall that afternoon. Alanna didn't think it was
so funny but she politely laughed. They were all sitting at a table at the Riot
that night. Alanna wasn't having much fun because Conner was kind of ignoring
her and it appeared that he and Liz were on speaking terms. Plus it didn't help
that Elizabeth looked absolutely gorgeous in a red flower print wrap dress and
her blond hair was falling softly in her face. Alanna couldn't help but notice
that Conner was staring at her mesmerized.
"But that wasn't the worst part!" Tia said giggling. "The mall
security came and Elizabeth was trying to explain what had happened and one of
the men who was like fifty was kind of skeptical. I mean the suit was expensive
and she was running out of the store. He took her into the store to get her away
from the crowd. He told the younger guy who was kind of cute," Tia said
dreamily.
"Whatever," Andy said rolling his eyes and continuing. "Anyway
both the guys were like drooling because she was still in this barely there
bathing suit."
"Andy!" Elizabeth blushed.
"Heck, even I was staring," Andy joked and everyone laughed. "So
basically the mess was cleared and we could go home."
Alanna smiled. She didn't think the story was that funny but Conner seemed to be
enjoying himself. Alanna sighed and sipped her soda. Conner seemed more relaxed
here then he ever did with her. Even though he claimed he liked her and not Liz,
Alanna could tell it just wasn't so. He didn't know the truth. That she was
still drinking and drinking a lot.
"Bye," Conner said as he
dropped Alanna off at her house. She made no gesture to leave and Conner felt
slightly annoyed. Alanna opened her mouth to speak but quickly shut it.
"What is?" Conner asked.
"I want to tell you something." Alanna started. "I'm leaving next
week. I have a problem Conner. I've been drinking since rehab and it's gotten
worse. It's beyond my control. I found this place in Massachusetts for teens and
it has a good reputation. I talked to my counselor and they thought it best
because I can not get better if I am anywhere near my parents. The program lasts
for six months and then I'm going to start college up north. Away from this town
and away from my parents."
"Wow," Conner said. "Are you sure?"
"Yes. And I think we should break up. I don't think I'll ever be coming
home. Unless you want to try long distance-"
"No." Conner said shortly.
Alanna felt tears well up in here eyes. She was right. He didn't want to be with
her. "Okay, then. I think it's better that we don't talk or write because
it would just make things worse." Conner nodded and gave her an awkward
hug. "I'm not the girl for you." Alanna said as she climbed out.
"She's out there but it's not me." And with that she closed to door
and walked to her house alone.
