Disclaimer: Sorry to any who I may have offended please don't kill me for infringement of copyright laws. I'm only 17 and I wanted to make people laugh.
Random Weird Freak
Twinkle, twinkle little bat.
A nonsensical version of events quoting many authors.
"You would not think, to look at me, that I was a dangerous alien," said Alice as she sat at the table." What do you mean, dangerous?" asked Crackle, circling the teapot where the dormouse was imprisoned. "Yes" cried Pop. Muffled by a loud bang emanating from Snap's attempt at converting a napkin and a box of matches into a space rocket. "Well," continued Alice, "I don't actually exist, I'm a computer simulation of a little girl sent from the future to destroy all stories, and make the children of the future emotionless and without imagination. Even as I speak Inventors are hard at work creating a box that will draw the attentions of children everywhere away from books." The Alice-creature stood up and laughed out loud. A cold, evil laugh that rang out over the assembled guests. The Cheshire cat, who had materialised some way through the speech, Suddenly burst out laughing. "And what is so funny?" asked the cloned Alice incredulously. "Just, my dear that you've obviously been too long in this world. Didn't I tell you that everyone was mad here?" "Now leave the girl alone." Called out a voice from the end of the table "I was just getting into this, go on deary do the cursing and such, she'll make a good witch one day Esme." "Aye, there's no doubt of that, but she needs to stop with the frills and fancy. Anyone can do magic with a runic blade, but it takes skill to do it with a kitchen knife." "What on earth are you talking about?" asked Alice-thing "I'm no witch, I'm a computer program. What are all of you doing here anyway? I was just supposed to see the March Hare and the Mad Hatter." "Has anyone seen the white rabbit lately?" called out Little Red Riding Hood, "only I think my wolfy friend here wants a snack." "Hold on," cried Alice-robot "where have all of you come from? Oh dear, I think my programming is shot." And with that a spaceship landed on her and the Munchkins danced past singing "Ding, dong the witch is dead." From the craft climbed a crowd of people, "oh my" one exclaimed. "I think we've done it now. We've killed a valuable children's story character. I think we'd all better become writers to make up for it." The crowd agreed and scrambled back into the spaceship. Once they had taken off the Munchkins could see what a mess had been made of The strange replica-Alice and so it was decided that the Wolf should eat up the remains, because "otherwise one of us has to clean up" the others said. "That was ridiculous" called out one of the black clad figures at the back. I know my plays and that's not the way to do it."