TITLE: Baby, Don't You Break My Heart Slow
AUTHOR: Copycat
E-MAIL: copycat_cliffhanger@hotmail.com
RATING: PG
CLASSIFICATION: R (Mic/Mac/Harm) S A
SPOILERS: I honestly wouldn't know. Nothing
specific. Takes place before The Princess and the
Petty Officer.
SUMMARY: Mac has finally made up her mind. But
would it really end with that?
DISCLAIMER: Elephants DO fly. They do.
NOTE: I like Mic. I'm sorry, but I do. I'm not
saying Mac should marry him, I'm just saying that I
like him. That's all.
SECOND NOTE: I wrote most of this before Mac really
DID move the Ring, it's just been lying around
waiting to be finished. I figured it was about
time.
Feedback makes my day.
~^~^~^~
I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow
- Vonda Shepard
~^~^~^~
0347 ZULU
Outside Sarah MacKenzie's apartment
Georgetown
He closed the door to her apartment and stood in
the hallway for a moment, gathering his thoughts.
Back in there, on the other side of that door, sat
the woman who had agreed to be his wife.
She had told him tonight, very matter-of-factly.
Like she was agreeing to a deal on a case: "My
client will accept sixty days in the brig and a
discharge."--"Mic, I'll marry you."
Like cutting a deal was the best she could do.
He should be happy. He should be jumping up and
down. He knew how lucky he was.
So, then why didn't it feel that way?
He walked down the stairs, fishing for his car keys
in his pocket.
Why had he left? That very obviously wasn't what
she had expected. It wasn't what HE had expected.
Something, some voice from deep inside, had just
told him that staying would be wrong.
He didn't like that voice.
Until now he had been able to ignore it, but
tonight it had been yelling so loud that his lame
'headache excuse' wasn't far from the truth.
Actually, he hadn't ignored the voice, exactly. He
had done what a petulant child would do: The louder
the voice said 'no', the more persistently he
pursued his target. It wasn't out of spite. Spite
was just an excuse for his zealousness.
He loved her, he really did. That was why he
disregarded the insistent voice.
But that was also why he had listened tonight.
Because he wanted her happiness more than he wanted
her.
He got in his car and drove down the street.
Looking up he saw the light shining from the
windows to her apartment.
By a sudden impulse he turned his car around at the
end of the street, drove back, and parked three
doors down from her building.
He turned on the radio and found a station playing
nothing but 80s music. Nothing like a bit of
nostalgia when you're depressed.
He had tried not to think about it too much. That
certain 'something' that had been missing from
their relationship. He had figured it would come in
due time.
But tonight, hearing her say that she'd marry him
despite what was missing, he'd realized that it
wasn't going to come.
It hadn't happened yet, so it probably wouldn't
happen at all.
And he didn't want to be a consolation prize any
more than she wanted to spend the rest of her life
with one.
No matter WHAT she'd said.
When he left her apartment it had been with the
intention of giving her a chance to think things
through once more. As if she hadn't had plenty of
those.
But now he realized that leaving tonight was really
the beginning of the end.
If she was going to be miserable HE wasn't going to
be the one to blame for it. He wanted them BOTH to
be happy, not to be so at her expense.
Because that wasn't really possible in the long
run.
He had done pretty well at it up until now, though.
Until he started listening to reason.
A car came up the street and he smiled sardonically
to himself as it stopped in front of her building.
In the dim streetlight the figure crawling out was
but a silhouette, but he didn't really need
illumination to figure out that the mighty Rabb had
come to the rescue.
He'd known, somehow, that the bloke would show up--
that was why he was still sitting here--but that
didn't make it hurt any less.
Now, already on the road of confession, he could
admit to himself that he had enjoyed having
something Harm didn't have.
He knew it was petty, but from the very beginning
Rabb had made it clear that he didn't like the
Australian, and so Mic had felt more than a little
provoked to have some fun at his expense. A bit of
HARM-less fun, that was all.
He laughed out loud, unamused.
He looked up at the windows again, but didn't see
anything. Maybe he should go up there?
No, better give them time to talk through whatever
they needed to talk through.
But he wouldn't want to give them TOO much time,
either. He wasn't really in the mood for a
floorshow.
He shook his head to get rid of the notion. He
didn't honestly think they'd do anything like that.
That was just jealousy talking.
He wondered how she had reached her decision. What
had brought her to the conclusion that marrying him
was the right choice?
"What on Earth possessed you to do something like
that?" He heard Harm's voice clearly in his head.
Of course Harm would never actually say that to her
face. He had been thinking it all along, but he
would never say it out loud.
Not that he really needed to.
Mic felt, and he knew Sarah did, too, his cold air
of disapproval. They just responded to it
differently.
Mic didn't care. Harm had never liked him, now he
just had another reason not to. And he had seen
Harm's distance as an opportunity to get closer to
Sarah. There was no Harm--or the possible return of
Harm--standing in his way.
But it very obviously bothered Sarah. She missed
what she had with Harm. What Mic had thought he
could give her instead.
Only, he had realized that there was no way he ever
could.
It wasn't that he had LOST to Rabb: There had never
been a competition to begin with. Not really.
He knew what she had told him tonight. But he also
knew it wouldn't last. She'd either change her mind
some time during their engagement (if her honor--
and pride-- didn't keep her from speaking up) or
they'd get married and be miserable, because she
couldn't pretend forever.
And THEN she'd leave him.
He really preferred to get it over with rather than
taking the slow road to ruin.
He took a few deep breaths, turned off the car
stereo, and exited the car. Walking to her building
he tried not to think too hard about what he was
doing. There WAS always the chance that he was
wrong. That she had agreed to marry him because she
really WANTED to.
He knocked on her door and took a step back,
waiting.
What would he say? It had been over an hour since
he had left, he couldn't very well come looking for
his keys.
Before he had time to come up with something even
half-sensible the door opened and he found himself
face to face with Harmon Rabb.
The American didn't say anything, he simple stood
there, a hand still on the door, blocking the
entrance.
"Am I interrupting anything, mate?" Mic asked
finally.
Harm still said nothing, but he stepped aside to
let the other man in.
Inside he found Sarah sitting on the couch, legs
pulled up under her. When she saw him she rose
immediately her gaze shifting back and forth
between the two men.
Mic smiled slightly. Push had finally come to
shove, and she was gonna make her decision. The
REAL one.
"Did you--did you forget something?" she asked at
last.
He turned to look at Harm, still standing by the
door, and then back to Sarah. "Y'know, I think I
did," he answered, mostly to himself.
He could tell they found the silence awkward but he
didn't really care. If they felt they had been
caught with their hands in the cookie jar then that
was their business. He was just a guy visiting his
fiancee.
Well, maybe not, but that was what he was SUPPOSED
to be.
Despite the slight pleasure he got out of torturing
Harm this way, he could tell that Sarah was feeling
worse and he put her out of her misery. "Do you
think you could maybe give us a minute, mate?" he
said to Harm, adding the last word again because it
might bother him.
Harm simply shrugged, and Sarah finally woke up
from her state of semi-shock. "We can--go to the
bedroom," she suggested.
Mic carefully closed the door and gestured for her
to sit down on the bed, moving to stand in front of
her.
"I'm sorry, Mic. I didn't know you'd come back. I
just needed to talk to somebody after you'd left
and Harm's--"
He put a finger to her lips to stop her somewhat
frantic explanation. "Shh."
As she quieted he kneeled down in front of her,
gently running his hand through her hair.
She looked down at him, biting her lip.
"I love you, y'know that, don't you?" He said.
"That's the only reason I--" he stopped himself,
not knowing what to say or how to explain, but
feeling the need to.
Taking a deep breath he began again. "I never meant
to pressure you. It's just that I want this so
much. I want YOU so much."
She snaked her arms around his neck. "But you have
me, Mic. I told you that I--"
"No," he interrupted. "I know what you told me, but
I also know that I don't HAVE you."
Removing her arms he got up and went to the window.
"You'll have to excuse me, luv, I've never tried
this before." He smiled. "The way I see it--and you
may not think that I see anything, but I do--it's
very simple:" He ran a hand through his hair
preparing himself for the inevitable. "Do you love
me?"
She looked up at him in surprise. "I don't--I--"
She sighed in resignation. "I WANT to, Mic. Honest,
I do."
He shook his head dismissively. "This isn't about
what you want, luv, it's about how you feel."
"But--"
"No. No 'buts'. Don't you see: You can do better
than 'wanting to'. You know you can. And I can do
better than somebody who isn't able to love me. Try
though she might."
"Mic," she sighed.
"Let me tell you a story," he went on. "Back in
Australia I had this friend. Her name's Kate. We
practically grew up together; she was like a sister
to me. I haven't seen Kate for six years. Do you
know why?"
She shook her head.
"Because Kate married a man I didn't like." He
shook his head sadly. "Now, that alone I might've
been able to overcome, but the bugger of it is,
Kate didn't like him all that much, either.
"I told her she was making a mistake, marrying him,
but she said that she HAD to. He had been pushing
her so hard to get her to marry him that she felt
so guilty for not loving him so she married him to
make up for it.
"I've always resented him for pressuring her the
way he did." He sighed deeply. "But tonight I
realized that I'm doing the exact same thing to
you."
He walked over and sat down next to her taking her
left hand in his. "But I only did it because I love
you and I want you to be happy."
He fiddled with her engagement ring, now placed on
the appropriate ring finger. "That's why I have to
ask you again: Do you really want this?"
She meshed her fingers with his and looked down at
their joined hands. "I do. I just don't..."
"You just don't want it with me," he finished for
her, letting go of her hand.
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah, so am I," he said, smiling slightly. "But
y'know what?"
"What?"
"You may have to twist his arm to get him to admit
it, but I'm pretty sure he loves you." He grinned.
"I mean, what other reason could he possibly have
for hating me so much?"
She smiled, half hopeful, half grateful. "None that
I can think of."
Picking up her hand again he slid the ring off her
finger. "Make sure he's worth you, Sarah. Don't
settle for anything less than what you want."
He got up and slid the ring in his pocket.
"Thanks, Mic," she said simply, a tear sliding down
her cheek.
He kneeled down and gently wiped it away with his
thumb. "Don't cry, luv. He's gonna think I hurt
you."
She smiled through her tears. "You know what? Right
now I'm closer to loving you than I've ever been."
He leaned in to kiss her one last time, savoring
the feel of her lips against his, before standing
up. "Fat lotta good that's gonna do me now."
He walked to the door and with a hand on the knob
he turned to her. "Goodbye, Sarah."
In the living room he found Rabb sitting on the
couch talking to Jingo. He got up and looked at the
door as Mic allowed it to slide closed.
"Take good care of her, Rabb. If you don't, I'll
hunt you down." With that, Mic walked to the door
and left Harm standing dumbly on Sarah's living
room floor.
This time he didn't pause in the hallway but
hurried down the stairs, needing to get away.
Quickly.
He knew he'd done the right thing. But he also knew
that he had let the best thing that had ever
happened to him slip away.
He wasn't really sure how to feel about that.
In there he had been able to keep up a front of
indulgent self-sacrifice, and that was all good and
well, but now he felt like getting plastered,
drowning his sorrows in something stronger than
Foster's.
Probably at some point, maybe around the age of 85,
having done the right thing really WAS going to
feel good, but right now it wasn't all that much
fun.
As he started the car he looked up at her windows
hoping that at least Sarah would be happy without
him.
THE END
AUTHOR: Copycat
E-MAIL: copycat_cliffhanger@hotmail.com
RATING: PG
CLASSIFICATION: R (Mic/Mac/Harm) S A
SPOILERS: I honestly wouldn't know. Nothing
specific. Takes place before The Princess and the
Petty Officer.
SUMMARY: Mac has finally made up her mind. But
would it really end with that?
DISCLAIMER: Elephants DO fly. They do.
NOTE: I like Mic. I'm sorry, but I do. I'm not
saying Mac should marry him, I'm just saying that I
like him. That's all.
SECOND NOTE: I wrote most of this before Mac really
DID move the Ring, it's just been lying around
waiting to be finished. I figured it was about
time.
Feedback makes my day.
~^~^~^~
I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow
- Vonda Shepard
~^~^~^~
0347 ZULU
Outside Sarah MacKenzie's apartment
Georgetown
He closed the door to her apartment and stood in
the hallway for a moment, gathering his thoughts.
Back in there, on the other side of that door, sat
the woman who had agreed to be his wife.
She had told him tonight, very matter-of-factly.
Like she was agreeing to a deal on a case: "My
client will accept sixty days in the brig and a
discharge."--"Mic, I'll marry you."
Like cutting a deal was the best she could do.
He should be happy. He should be jumping up and
down. He knew how lucky he was.
So, then why didn't it feel that way?
He walked down the stairs, fishing for his car keys
in his pocket.
Why had he left? That very obviously wasn't what
she had expected. It wasn't what HE had expected.
Something, some voice from deep inside, had just
told him that staying would be wrong.
He didn't like that voice.
Until now he had been able to ignore it, but
tonight it had been yelling so loud that his lame
'headache excuse' wasn't far from the truth.
Actually, he hadn't ignored the voice, exactly. He
had done what a petulant child would do: The louder
the voice said 'no', the more persistently he
pursued his target. It wasn't out of spite. Spite
was just an excuse for his zealousness.
He loved her, he really did. That was why he
disregarded the insistent voice.
But that was also why he had listened tonight.
Because he wanted her happiness more than he wanted
her.
He got in his car and drove down the street.
Looking up he saw the light shining from the
windows to her apartment.
By a sudden impulse he turned his car around at the
end of the street, drove back, and parked three
doors down from her building.
He turned on the radio and found a station playing
nothing but 80s music. Nothing like a bit of
nostalgia when you're depressed.
He had tried not to think about it too much. That
certain 'something' that had been missing from
their relationship. He had figured it would come in
due time.
But tonight, hearing her say that she'd marry him
despite what was missing, he'd realized that it
wasn't going to come.
It hadn't happened yet, so it probably wouldn't
happen at all.
And he didn't want to be a consolation prize any
more than she wanted to spend the rest of her life
with one.
No matter WHAT she'd said.
When he left her apartment it had been with the
intention of giving her a chance to think things
through once more. As if she hadn't had plenty of
those.
But now he realized that leaving tonight was really
the beginning of the end.
If she was going to be miserable HE wasn't going to
be the one to blame for it. He wanted them BOTH to
be happy, not to be so at her expense.
Because that wasn't really possible in the long
run.
He had done pretty well at it up until now, though.
Until he started listening to reason.
A car came up the street and he smiled sardonically
to himself as it stopped in front of her building.
In the dim streetlight the figure crawling out was
but a silhouette, but he didn't really need
illumination to figure out that the mighty Rabb had
come to the rescue.
He'd known, somehow, that the bloke would show up--
that was why he was still sitting here--but that
didn't make it hurt any less.
Now, already on the road of confession, he could
admit to himself that he had enjoyed having
something Harm didn't have.
He knew it was petty, but from the very beginning
Rabb had made it clear that he didn't like the
Australian, and so Mic had felt more than a little
provoked to have some fun at his expense. A bit of
HARM-less fun, that was all.
He laughed out loud, unamused.
He looked up at the windows again, but didn't see
anything. Maybe he should go up there?
No, better give them time to talk through whatever
they needed to talk through.
But he wouldn't want to give them TOO much time,
either. He wasn't really in the mood for a
floorshow.
He shook his head to get rid of the notion. He
didn't honestly think they'd do anything like that.
That was just jealousy talking.
He wondered how she had reached her decision. What
had brought her to the conclusion that marrying him
was the right choice?
"What on Earth possessed you to do something like
that?" He heard Harm's voice clearly in his head.
Of course Harm would never actually say that to her
face. He had been thinking it all along, but he
would never say it out loud.
Not that he really needed to.
Mic felt, and he knew Sarah did, too, his cold air
of disapproval. They just responded to it
differently.
Mic didn't care. Harm had never liked him, now he
just had another reason not to. And he had seen
Harm's distance as an opportunity to get closer to
Sarah. There was no Harm--or the possible return of
Harm--standing in his way.
But it very obviously bothered Sarah. She missed
what she had with Harm. What Mic had thought he
could give her instead.
Only, he had realized that there was no way he ever
could.
It wasn't that he had LOST to Rabb: There had never
been a competition to begin with. Not really.
He knew what she had told him tonight. But he also
knew it wouldn't last. She'd either change her mind
some time during their engagement (if her honor--
and pride-- didn't keep her from speaking up) or
they'd get married and be miserable, because she
couldn't pretend forever.
And THEN she'd leave him.
He really preferred to get it over with rather than
taking the slow road to ruin.
He took a few deep breaths, turned off the car
stereo, and exited the car. Walking to her building
he tried not to think too hard about what he was
doing. There WAS always the chance that he was
wrong. That she had agreed to marry him because she
really WANTED to.
He knocked on her door and took a step back,
waiting.
What would he say? It had been over an hour since
he had left, he couldn't very well come looking for
his keys.
Before he had time to come up with something even
half-sensible the door opened and he found himself
face to face with Harmon Rabb.
The American didn't say anything, he simple stood
there, a hand still on the door, blocking the
entrance.
"Am I interrupting anything, mate?" Mic asked
finally.
Harm still said nothing, but he stepped aside to
let the other man in.
Inside he found Sarah sitting on the couch, legs
pulled up under her. When she saw him she rose
immediately her gaze shifting back and forth
between the two men.
Mic smiled slightly. Push had finally come to
shove, and she was gonna make her decision. The
REAL one.
"Did you--did you forget something?" she asked at
last.
He turned to look at Harm, still standing by the
door, and then back to Sarah. "Y'know, I think I
did," he answered, mostly to himself.
He could tell they found the silence awkward but he
didn't really care. If they felt they had been
caught with their hands in the cookie jar then that
was their business. He was just a guy visiting his
fiancee.
Well, maybe not, but that was what he was SUPPOSED
to be.
Despite the slight pleasure he got out of torturing
Harm this way, he could tell that Sarah was feeling
worse and he put her out of her misery. "Do you
think you could maybe give us a minute, mate?" he
said to Harm, adding the last word again because it
might bother him.
Harm simply shrugged, and Sarah finally woke up
from her state of semi-shock. "We can--go to the
bedroom," she suggested.
Mic carefully closed the door and gestured for her
to sit down on the bed, moving to stand in front of
her.
"I'm sorry, Mic. I didn't know you'd come back. I
just needed to talk to somebody after you'd left
and Harm's--"
He put a finger to her lips to stop her somewhat
frantic explanation. "Shh."
As she quieted he kneeled down in front of her,
gently running his hand through her hair.
She looked down at him, biting her lip.
"I love you, y'know that, don't you?" He said.
"That's the only reason I--" he stopped himself,
not knowing what to say or how to explain, but
feeling the need to.
Taking a deep breath he began again. "I never meant
to pressure you. It's just that I want this so
much. I want YOU so much."
She snaked her arms around his neck. "But you have
me, Mic. I told you that I--"
"No," he interrupted. "I know what you told me, but
I also know that I don't HAVE you."
Removing her arms he got up and went to the window.
"You'll have to excuse me, luv, I've never tried
this before." He smiled. "The way I see it--and you
may not think that I see anything, but I do--it's
very simple:" He ran a hand through his hair
preparing himself for the inevitable. "Do you love
me?"
She looked up at him in surprise. "I don't--I--"
She sighed in resignation. "I WANT to, Mic. Honest,
I do."
He shook his head dismissively. "This isn't about
what you want, luv, it's about how you feel."
"But--"
"No. No 'buts'. Don't you see: You can do better
than 'wanting to'. You know you can. And I can do
better than somebody who isn't able to love me. Try
though she might."
"Mic," she sighed.
"Let me tell you a story," he went on. "Back in
Australia I had this friend. Her name's Kate. We
practically grew up together; she was like a sister
to me. I haven't seen Kate for six years. Do you
know why?"
She shook her head.
"Because Kate married a man I didn't like." He
shook his head sadly. "Now, that alone I might've
been able to overcome, but the bugger of it is,
Kate didn't like him all that much, either.
"I told her she was making a mistake, marrying him,
but she said that she HAD to. He had been pushing
her so hard to get her to marry him that she felt
so guilty for not loving him so she married him to
make up for it.
"I've always resented him for pressuring her the
way he did." He sighed deeply. "But tonight I
realized that I'm doing the exact same thing to
you."
He walked over and sat down next to her taking her
left hand in his. "But I only did it because I love
you and I want you to be happy."
He fiddled with her engagement ring, now placed on
the appropriate ring finger. "That's why I have to
ask you again: Do you really want this?"
She meshed her fingers with his and looked down at
their joined hands. "I do. I just don't..."
"You just don't want it with me," he finished for
her, letting go of her hand.
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah, so am I," he said, smiling slightly. "But
y'know what?"
"What?"
"You may have to twist his arm to get him to admit
it, but I'm pretty sure he loves you." He grinned.
"I mean, what other reason could he possibly have
for hating me so much?"
She smiled, half hopeful, half grateful. "None that
I can think of."
Picking up her hand again he slid the ring off her
finger. "Make sure he's worth you, Sarah. Don't
settle for anything less than what you want."
He got up and slid the ring in his pocket.
"Thanks, Mic," she said simply, a tear sliding down
her cheek.
He kneeled down and gently wiped it away with his
thumb. "Don't cry, luv. He's gonna think I hurt
you."
She smiled through her tears. "You know what? Right
now I'm closer to loving you than I've ever been."
He leaned in to kiss her one last time, savoring
the feel of her lips against his, before standing
up. "Fat lotta good that's gonna do me now."
He walked to the door and with a hand on the knob
he turned to her. "Goodbye, Sarah."
In the living room he found Rabb sitting on the
couch talking to Jingo. He got up and looked at the
door as Mic allowed it to slide closed.
"Take good care of her, Rabb. If you don't, I'll
hunt you down." With that, Mic walked to the door
and left Harm standing dumbly on Sarah's living
room floor.
This time he didn't pause in the hallway but
hurried down the stairs, needing to get away.
Quickly.
He knew he'd done the right thing. But he also knew
that he had let the best thing that had ever
happened to him slip away.
He wasn't really sure how to feel about that.
In there he had been able to keep up a front of
indulgent self-sacrifice, and that was all good and
well, but now he felt like getting plastered,
drowning his sorrows in something stronger than
Foster's.
Probably at some point, maybe around the age of 85,
having done the right thing really WAS going to
feel good, but right now it wasn't all that much
fun.
As he started the car he looked up at her windows
hoping that at least Sarah would be happy without
him.
THE END