Title: Whispered Dreams: Destiny
Author: Celyia (cel@celyia.com)
Rating: R
Notes: This stupid story has more cut-up, disjointed parts than Frankenstein. Bleh!
Chapter 3: Another Road
Saeri shivered as yet another gust of icy wind plowed right into her rather inappropriately dressed figure. A tight, leather leotard and silk sarong doesn't exactly provide much protection from elements, she noted with amusement.
Before Jadeite's return three years before, she had the unenviable job of trying to put the pieces of the Dark Kingdom together. She never figured out why the job fell on her shoulders, for before the Collapse, Saeri was just another face in the sea of youma. But in any case, it did.
Therefore, she understood more than anyone just exactly how important certain stones were to their survival. The Dark Kingdom was inherently a beautiful, but unstable universe whose millions of inhabitants were blessed with psychic talents. The psychic abilities of the natives just seemed to add to the problems of the place by demanding a constant stream of energy just to survive. Attaining the energy was not the problem, but attempting to control something they just could not comprehend turned out to be nearly a catastrophic mistake. But somehow, long ago, a simple street urchin (and some even dare suggest prostitute) had prevented the destruction of her entire universe by inadvertently discovering the powerful qualities of several types of stone.
Of the five sacred stones, kunzite was the most powerful. With the strength to not only absorb stray beams of ki, but to focus it as well, kunzite served as an anchor to the physical world. Psychics, more than any other being, were at risk of being pulled from their bodies into a state of pure energy when harnessing their talents. And once a being's soul returned to the pure energy from which they were born, the body died, leaving the soul no choice but to wait for it's next life.
Zoicite, on the other hand, intensified the psychic's natural gifts. When carried close to the heart, just even a small quantity would amplify the wearer's ki to such a degree that if that person wasn't wearing enough kunzite to balance the effects of the zoicite, the psychic would be dead before he even had time to blink.
If kunzite and zoicite served physical purposes in this Dark Kingdom, then nephrite and jadeite provided the spiritual stability. Nephrite would encourage stability, faith and courage. Be it faith in a Creator, or faith in oneself, this stone would help a psychic become mentally prepared to use his gifts. Without this, a psychic was in danger of losing his sanity. For those who were in danger of losing their sanity, nephrite would help the wearer retain it.
The stone, jadeite, aided a person's ability to learn and comprehend. Besides enhancing knowledge, jadeite seemed to encourage originality of thought. Psychic energy required pure concentration to keep in control. If the user wasn't thinking fast enough to adapt to the constant change of ki, it would backfire, robbing the unfortunate of all ability to make conscious thought. For the rest of his existence, he would be a virtual zombie.
As for cerrussite, she could never understand the sanctity of that rock. Never had Saeri, or anyone else, for that matter, heard of anyone finding a use for it. In fact, the Sacred Stones would decide the identity of the ruling queen's consorts, for it was said that each consort would become a living embodiment of the particular stone to balance the spectacular power of the queen. As a result, for the rest of that consort's life, he would be referred to by the name of that mineral. When the first host of cerrussite died, the stone just seemed to go silent, never choosing a consort to take the last's place.
Saeri shuddered as her short fingered hand unconsciously touched the small pebble of jadeite at her throat. Like most youma, Saeri wished to achieve a balance of personal qualities: life was a lot safer that way. As was custom with her people, she wore a kunzite anklet to anchor her to this life and one other stone to make up for any deficiency of character.
"I just don't think fast enough," she berated herself, regretfully noting that the stone really didn't seem to do much for her. "But at least, it's a step closer to Jadeite," she whispered, her bright red eyes shining dreamily as she thought about her ruler.
Falling out of her reverie, Saeri sighed as she reached her destination: Akuron's Tavern. Shoving the creaky wood door open, she stepped into the dirty joint. Rats scurried away from her feet as she kicked an abandoned jacket out of her way.
"Akuron!" Saeri yelled, her normally husky alto now thin with impatience. "Akuron! Where the hell are you?"
"You shut up," a rather disheveled male groaned as he held a bleeding hand to his forehead. "Away you go..."
Pressing the opportunity, Saeri picked the short, sickly creature up off his barstool. "Tell me where Akuron is, and tell me now."
Whimpering, he struggled in her arms, knocking over a stale wooden mug of ale. "Suriga's ale! Make me spill, you made me!" he huffed as he tried to reclaim the precious liquid.
"I'll get you another mug," Saeri promised as she batted her heavily fringed eyes at him, deciding to change tactics, "I'll get you another mug if you tell me where Akuron is."
Totally oblivious to his captor's many charms, the youma's face lit up at the idea of getting another mug of ale. "Ah. You get Suriga ale, and Suriga be happy to tell," he smiled eagerly, rubbing anxious fingers across his bald spot.
Hiding her displeasure, Saeri paid for the youma's ale. "Where is he?"
Suriga, lost in his worship of the mug that the bartender retreived for him, didn't answer.
"Now, listen you asshole," Saeri cursed as she forced him to look at her, "you tell me..."
"What, Saeri? Your sniveling master has you beating up harmless drunks now?" a tall human male looked at her in disgust as he stood in the shabby doorway. With his long, blond hair braided out of his face and his classically handsome features, he looked even more out of place in this dump than Saeri did.
Glaring, she set Suriga down, so she could put all of her attention on the man lurking so dangerously just a few feet away.
"Akuron," she growled as she readied herself for a verbal confrontation. "You would do well to mind that tongue of yours..."
"You would do well to leave my tavern for good," he retorted, folding his well-muscled arms across his chest.
Saeri took a step closer to her former lover, disgusted with her folly of once loving him, although, she had been but a child then. "Get me to Quarry Five." she ordered, enjoying the look of surprise on his features.
"I never thought you'd..." Akuron started. Biting his words off, "The weather's too bad for travel." Letting his green eyes fall on her revealing turquoise leotard, he grinned lewdly. "You wouldn't last five minutes out there."
"Well, that's my problem," she barked, pushing aside all fear.
"No, it will be my problem when your precious Jadeite," Akuron spat, his lips arrogantly curled, "starts harassing me because I let you get yourself killed. After the storm lifts, I'll provide transportation, because god knows, I don't want you here."
Saeri nodded, deciding to let it go. Akuron may be a bastard, she thought as she walked towards the stairs, but he wouldn't intentionally try to get me killed.
"What room?" she asked as she started up the rotting steps.
"That depends," Akuron glared at the intruder, "how much do you want to pay."
Flipping him off, Saeri let her long legs lead her back to the room which she used to occupy so many years before. "You'll get however much I think it's worth."
Ignoring the looks of the bystanders, Saeri opened the door to the room, hoping that he hadn't rented it out already. Good, she thought as wave of unsettled dust assaulted her tiny nose. Saeri's mouth dropped as she looked around.
The condition of the room was shocking compared to the rest of the tavern. Saeri's old room was almost exactly how she left it five years before: pale lace curtains flowing as the breeze from the open window, the blue carpet spotless and still as soft as it was the day the workmen put it in. Sitting down on her old, small bed, the memories hit her hard.
"You have no right," Akuron muttered, his face nearly as pale as hers. "You gave up this room when you left me for him."
Tears shining in her eyes, Saeri cursed herself for showing weakness. It wasn't like that, she was dying to tell him, I didn't really leave *you*, Akuron, I was leaving to help my land.
"I didn't realise..." she started, instantly appalled at the tightness of her voice.
"Get out, Saeri. Your room is two doors down on the left. You aren't welcome in here," Akuron stated, his normally passionate baritone dull and listless.
Nodding, she got up and left.
"Damn her," the true man named Akuron whispered, sensing that she still could hear but no longer caring. "Damn her, damn Jadeite, and damn me."
***
Usagi hugged her knees close to her chest as she watched the wind rustle through the ankle-high grass. Shivering slightly as a particularly strong breeze tossed the unbrushed ends of her hair in a chaotic halo around her head, Usagi watched idly as several pale pink cherry blossoms fell into the small body of water to her side.
The normally motionless pond just feet away was a torrent of activity today, Usagi noticed with wry amusement. Since she had discovered this tiny bit of neglected land a few years before, Usagi had been a regular visitor. At first, she had cleared away all the yucky weeds surrounding the clear waters, but as time went on, Usagi began to love watching the little feathery seeds of the dandelion float on the wind, perhaps even more than she liked watching the cherry blossoms swirl upwards in the breeze. Either way, Usagi was in love with this untended spot of land, and anyone who tried to change it would have to go through her first!
Giggling at the thought of holding off a couple of determined gardeners with her old Moon tiara, Usagi stretched her long legs out over the grass. Memories dimmed her good humour, and Usagi was stuck remembering why she had sought this secluded corner of Juuban out. She couldn't help it: whenever things got a little rough, her Secret Hideout would help her think everything through. The worldly part of her insisted that her quiet retreats were nothing more than childish escapism from the harsh reality of life, but deep in her heart, Usagi shunned that explanation.
"If I didn't come here every once in a while, at least," Usagi whispered aloud, finding comfort in her hushed soprano, "I'd go insane..."
Her beautiful face winced as she pulled her arms in her rather light, purple T-shirt. Suddenly, it had just gotten so cold, her lithe body trembling uncontrollably as her thoughts turned towards her husband. "Come on, Usagi..." she scolded herself as she glanced down at her cut-off jean shorts and sandals. "Rei's right. You really DO have positively no common sense at all! I mean, really, you could have at least thought to bring a jacket on a chilly day like this!"
Usagi frowned. The was no way I could have, she thought as her fingers absently explored the grass. Her eyes suddenly shut in pain as Usagi remembered the cold way Mamoru had looked at her this morning as he opened the door. He hadn't been happy to see her at all, Usagi whimpered helplessly as her eyes filled with tangible sorrow. With not an "Usagi! I'm so SORRY for locking you out!" or even a paltry "Ohayoo" to escape his lips, Mamoru had just stared frigidly at her with those electrifying blue eyes of his. She didn't have the strength to face that lack of emotion. Even his anger would have been easier to deal with than those uncaring eyes. The tears had blinded her at the time, but somehow Usagi had found the presence of mind to grab whatever clothes were closest (although, they had been a tad dirty) to the door, and just left. Her prayers went unanswered, for Mamoru seemed to have no intention to follow her.
The sorrow had been too overwhelming...too soon, Usagi thought as she wiped her messy tears off her wind-reddened cheeks. Just too soon after their wedding ceremony, she sniffled as she remembered that beautiful day...
"Now look at me," she murmured as she lifted a hand dirtied with mud, "the only thing I have now is his indifference."
The guilt twisted in her heart, making it nearly impossible to remain seated, and yet, she had no where to go. Mamo-chan...NO! Usagi corrected herself vehemently as she wiped her eyes, I lost all right to call him that when I found Akuron so incredibly attractive last night. I guess I have to call him Mamoru, she thought as she tried to control her escalating tears.
Her stomach ached as she remembered that look of pure passion that Akuron had so carelessly tossed her way. Usagi shut her eyes tightly as she tried to squeeze those horrible images of their kiss from out of her mind. And yet, it hadn't been so horrible at the time, she thought wonderingly. Never in her life as she experienced something so sensual as that mind-numbingly chaste kiss! Blushing at the response the man evoked in her even now, Usagi tried to turn her thoughts away from him. It didn't work. Perhaps it was because he seemed so incredibly familiar to her, or perhaps she just wanted to cover the surface wounds he thought he hid so well. Either way, since last night, he always returned to her thoughts. She could still feel the tingle of his gentle, but insistent hands on lower back as he pulled her close to him.
Usagi's grass-stained fingers found their way up to her cheek, resting lightly on the place Akuron had so gently stroked. It was almost as if she could still feel the pressure of his touch! Pure carnal passion raced to her nerve-endings, making the simple sensation of her hand pressed against her cheek almost unbearably erotic. Yet, this whirlwind of feeling was *nothing* compared to the lust she had felt for him last night.
Had he asked then, Usagi would have made passionate love to him...with him...But he never asked. Akuron had been the perfect gentleman...
"Well, other than throwing me down on his bed," she laughed nervously, vaguely aware how *bad* that sounded. "Oh, well, it's not like anyone is listening." But even then, Akuron was only trying to protect her.
Her heart seemed to explode at the thought.
"Protect me," she whispered, her mouth tasting the sound. Yes, it felt perfectly right. "Sort of like a guardian angel, but a hell of a lot cuter!" Usagi burst into a fit of giggles, her whole soul possessed by a freeing sense of euphoria. "It's incredible, really. To have someone protect *you*..." Tuxedo Kamen had always protected Sailor Moon, but she couldn't fool herself into thinking that it was truly HER who had inspired his concern: it was only loyalty and love for a long dead Princess. Akuron was the only person outside her parents who really showed a concern for *her* well-being. Not that she deserved it, or anything, she thought roughly as the euphoria slowly died away. Mamoru had never loved her, he loved the memory of his Princess...and Usagi was just too tired to try to fill her shoes anymore.
Knowing what she had to do, and hating herself even more for it, Usagi bowed deeply into her mud-streaked hands, her sobs quick, but quiet as the feeling that she deserved this pain tore her gentle heart to shreds.
* * *
Mamoru just had no idea what had gotten into his pretty, but rather ...trying... wife lately. Gritting his teeth as his racket made violent contact with the tennis ball, Mamoru hid his pleasure as the ball embeded itself between the links of the chain fence.
"Mamoru, you doing ok?" Motoki asked, his lips pursed as he regarded his closest friend. His blond brows knitted in thought, Motoki took a step towards the net.
"Yeah, thanks. I don't feel like tennis anymore," Mamoru stated suddenly as he took a brisk step away from the court.
"Hey! We've hardly been here ten minutes!" Motoki blinked, not in complaint but surprise. Knowing from experience that it would do no good to protest, Motoki followed the tall, darkly handsome man from the tennis court.
Mamoru walked quickly, almost in a jog. It's like he's trying to lose me, Motoki thought, a frown creasing his normally cheerful face. Hmm, I'll give it one more shot, he nodded as he broke out into a run to catch up.
"What's up, Mamoru? You are acting as if something's really bugging you," Motoki grabbed onto Mamoru's shoulder, effectively slowing the man down.
"It's nothing. How's your sister?" Mamoru asked, the full impact of his startling blue eyes even catching Motoki off-balance.
"Yeah, uh... she's fine. Unazuki was just telling me that she was dying to get a motorcycle like yours," Motoki grinned ruefully as he looked at his friend.
"And Mom and Dad have been wondering as to how I could actually introduce my poor, defenseless sister to a hoodlum like you."
Mamoru gave a short bark of laughter. "Obviously they don't know your sister well. Did you tell them that this hoodlum was a respectable, married man?"
Chuckling, Motoki shook his head. "Naaaah, haven't told them. But I will next time."
"That's cool enough," Mamoru grinned as he stepped up to his apartment building. "But I had best get going now. See you later!"
Motoki nearly frowned as Mamoru disappeared into the building. I think I forgot something, he thought as he wracked his brains. Oh, well, he thought as he walked away, I'm sure if it's important it'll come back to haunt me later.
* * *
Groaning, Jadeite fell to his bed. The bright, green glow of his pendant showered the darkened room with streaks of dancing light.
"It even smells like her," Jadeite cursed as he accidentally caught a whiff of the pillow...the one she had slept on on just hours before. With a shout of frustration, he grabbed the soft, feather pillow and threw it HARD against the far wall. It didn't help, he noted as the anger continued to bubble up inside of him. Every where he went, he was reminded of the girl, Usagi. He couldn't even escape from her in his own house!
Blinking, he choked back the laughter that threatened to tumble from his throat. Lately, Usagi had this way of defeating that anger which pulsed through his veins and turned it so easily, too easily, to laughter.
"I can't believe this," Jadeite muttered as he ran an anxious hand through his short, wavy hair. "What the hell is she doing to me?" Every thought turned back to her, Jadeite admitted with dismay. Every thought and every day that had passed, the less hate he felt for the girl who had turned his life upside down.
"Something. I need to do something before she destroys me," he grumbled as his mind shied away from the only solution to present itself. I can't, Jadeite insisted silently as he grasped the pendant dangling from his neck, I can't. Seduce Usagi, a part of him, the most ruthless part, encouraged. Seduce Usagi and you will destroy her. She won't be able to handle betraying her true love, Mamoru, and being betrayed by her lover, Jadeite admitted reluctantly.
But no matter the truth, such a dishonorable action went against the very grain of his soul. Jadeite cringed, but his mind continued to linger on that horrible thought. She's destroying me, Jadeite closed his eyes as visions of Usagi smiling sweetly floated before him.
"Honor is a luxury I can't afford," Jadeite whispered as he stood to look into the small, quaint mirror in the corner of the room. Wincing as he looked at the dark hollows beneath his eyes, he unwittingly ignored the silent green mineral laying against his chest. "This charade has being going on just for too long, Jadeite," he informed himself sadly. "You have to destroy her as quickly as possible before she destroys you. Even at the cost of your honor...It's time I end this."
More Notes: Over the years, this story has received more than its share of complaints. Lemme go over the most common ones I've received really quickly so I can explain my reasoning:
* Mamoru is a bastard!: Ack. I didn't mean to make him into one. Really! It's just I've been trying to make it seem like although both Usa and Mamo are fond of each other, they aren't in love... and as such, this situation is really getting to him. Both are acting out because they feel trapped: Usa with her flirtation with Jaedite and Mamo with his hostility and drinking.
*Usagi cut her hair!: In her own small way, this is Usagi trying to fight against the destiny she feels has usurped her entire existence. She doesn't have much control over the other things in her life, but she can control the way she looks.
Hope this little explanation helps! Thanks!
Author: Celyia (cel@celyia.com)
Rating: R
Notes: This stupid story has more cut-up, disjointed parts than Frankenstein. Bleh!
Chapter 3: Another Road
Saeri shivered as yet another gust of icy wind plowed right into her rather inappropriately dressed figure. A tight, leather leotard and silk sarong doesn't exactly provide much protection from elements, she noted with amusement.
Before Jadeite's return three years before, she had the unenviable job of trying to put the pieces of the Dark Kingdom together. She never figured out why the job fell on her shoulders, for before the Collapse, Saeri was just another face in the sea of youma. But in any case, it did.
Therefore, she understood more than anyone just exactly how important certain stones were to their survival. The Dark Kingdom was inherently a beautiful, but unstable universe whose millions of inhabitants were blessed with psychic talents. The psychic abilities of the natives just seemed to add to the problems of the place by demanding a constant stream of energy just to survive. Attaining the energy was not the problem, but attempting to control something they just could not comprehend turned out to be nearly a catastrophic mistake. But somehow, long ago, a simple street urchin (and some even dare suggest prostitute) had prevented the destruction of her entire universe by inadvertently discovering the powerful qualities of several types of stone.
Of the five sacred stones, kunzite was the most powerful. With the strength to not only absorb stray beams of ki, but to focus it as well, kunzite served as an anchor to the physical world. Psychics, more than any other being, were at risk of being pulled from their bodies into a state of pure energy when harnessing their talents. And once a being's soul returned to the pure energy from which they were born, the body died, leaving the soul no choice but to wait for it's next life.
Zoicite, on the other hand, intensified the psychic's natural gifts. When carried close to the heart, just even a small quantity would amplify the wearer's ki to such a degree that if that person wasn't wearing enough kunzite to balance the effects of the zoicite, the psychic would be dead before he even had time to blink.
If kunzite and zoicite served physical purposes in this Dark Kingdom, then nephrite and jadeite provided the spiritual stability. Nephrite would encourage stability, faith and courage. Be it faith in a Creator, or faith in oneself, this stone would help a psychic become mentally prepared to use his gifts. Without this, a psychic was in danger of losing his sanity. For those who were in danger of losing their sanity, nephrite would help the wearer retain it.
The stone, jadeite, aided a person's ability to learn and comprehend. Besides enhancing knowledge, jadeite seemed to encourage originality of thought. Psychic energy required pure concentration to keep in control. If the user wasn't thinking fast enough to adapt to the constant change of ki, it would backfire, robbing the unfortunate of all ability to make conscious thought. For the rest of his existence, he would be a virtual zombie.
As for cerrussite, she could never understand the sanctity of that rock. Never had Saeri, or anyone else, for that matter, heard of anyone finding a use for it. In fact, the Sacred Stones would decide the identity of the ruling queen's consorts, for it was said that each consort would become a living embodiment of the particular stone to balance the spectacular power of the queen. As a result, for the rest of that consort's life, he would be referred to by the name of that mineral. When the first host of cerrussite died, the stone just seemed to go silent, never choosing a consort to take the last's place.
Saeri shuddered as her short fingered hand unconsciously touched the small pebble of jadeite at her throat. Like most youma, Saeri wished to achieve a balance of personal qualities: life was a lot safer that way. As was custom with her people, she wore a kunzite anklet to anchor her to this life and one other stone to make up for any deficiency of character.
"I just don't think fast enough," she berated herself, regretfully noting that the stone really didn't seem to do much for her. "But at least, it's a step closer to Jadeite," she whispered, her bright red eyes shining dreamily as she thought about her ruler.
Falling out of her reverie, Saeri sighed as she reached her destination: Akuron's Tavern. Shoving the creaky wood door open, she stepped into the dirty joint. Rats scurried away from her feet as she kicked an abandoned jacket out of her way.
"Akuron!" Saeri yelled, her normally husky alto now thin with impatience. "Akuron! Where the hell are you?"
"You shut up," a rather disheveled male groaned as he held a bleeding hand to his forehead. "Away you go..."
Pressing the opportunity, Saeri picked the short, sickly creature up off his barstool. "Tell me where Akuron is, and tell me now."
Whimpering, he struggled in her arms, knocking over a stale wooden mug of ale. "Suriga's ale! Make me spill, you made me!" he huffed as he tried to reclaim the precious liquid.
"I'll get you another mug," Saeri promised as she batted her heavily fringed eyes at him, deciding to change tactics, "I'll get you another mug if you tell me where Akuron is."
Totally oblivious to his captor's many charms, the youma's face lit up at the idea of getting another mug of ale. "Ah. You get Suriga ale, and Suriga be happy to tell," he smiled eagerly, rubbing anxious fingers across his bald spot.
Hiding her displeasure, Saeri paid for the youma's ale. "Where is he?"
Suriga, lost in his worship of the mug that the bartender retreived for him, didn't answer.
"Now, listen you asshole," Saeri cursed as she forced him to look at her, "you tell me..."
"What, Saeri? Your sniveling master has you beating up harmless drunks now?" a tall human male looked at her in disgust as he stood in the shabby doorway. With his long, blond hair braided out of his face and his classically handsome features, he looked even more out of place in this dump than Saeri did.
Glaring, she set Suriga down, so she could put all of her attention on the man lurking so dangerously just a few feet away.
"Akuron," she growled as she readied herself for a verbal confrontation. "You would do well to mind that tongue of yours..."
"You would do well to leave my tavern for good," he retorted, folding his well-muscled arms across his chest.
Saeri took a step closer to her former lover, disgusted with her folly of once loving him, although, she had been but a child then. "Get me to Quarry Five." she ordered, enjoying the look of surprise on his features.
"I never thought you'd..." Akuron started. Biting his words off, "The weather's too bad for travel." Letting his green eyes fall on her revealing turquoise leotard, he grinned lewdly. "You wouldn't last five minutes out there."
"Well, that's my problem," she barked, pushing aside all fear.
"No, it will be my problem when your precious Jadeite," Akuron spat, his lips arrogantly curled, "starts harassing me because I let you get yourself killed. After the storm lifts, I'll provide transportation, because god knows, I don't want you here."
Saeri nodded, deciding to let it go. Akuron may be a bastard, she thought as she walked towards the stairs, but he wouldn't intentionally try to get me killed.
"What room?" she asked as she started up the rotting steps.
"That depends," Akuron glared at the intruder, "how much do you want to pay."
Flipping him off, Saeri let her long legs lead her back to the room which she used to occupy so many years before. "You'll get however much I think it's worth."
Ignoring the looks of the bystanders, Saeri opened the door to the room, hoping that he hadn't rented it out already. Good, she thought as wave of unsettled dust assaulted her tiny nose. Saeri's mouth dropped as she looked around.
The condition of the room was shocking compared to the rest of the tavern. Saeri's old room was almost exactly how she left it five years before: pale lace curtains flowing as the breeze from the open window, the blue carpet spotless and still as soft as it was the day the workmen put it in. Sitting down on her old, small bed, the memories hit her hard.
"You have no right," Akuron muttered, his face nearly as pale as hers. "You gave up this room when you left me for him."
Tears shining in her eyes, Saeri cursed herself for showing weakness. It wasn't like that, she was dying to tell him, I didn't really leave *you*, Akuron, I was leaving to help my land.
"I didn't realise..." she started, instantly appalled at the tightness of her voice.
"Get out, Saeri. Your room is two doors down on the left. You aren't welcome in here," Akuron stated, his normally passionate baritone dull and listless.
Nodding, she got up and left.
"Damn her," the true man named Akuron whispered, sensing that she still could hear but no longer caring. "Damn her, damn Jadeite, and damn me."
Usagi hugged her knees close to her chest as she watched the wind rustle through the ankle-high grass. Shivering slightly as a particularly strong breeze tossed the unbrushed ends of her hair in a chaotic halo around her head, Usagi watched idly as several pale pink cherry blossoms fell into the small body of water to her side.
The normally motionless pond just feet away was a torrent of activity today, Usagi noticed with wry amusement. Since she had discovered this tiny bit of neglected land a few years before, Usagi had been a regular visitor. At first, she had cleared away all the yucky weeds surrounding the clear waters, but as time went on, Usagi began to love watching the little feathery seeds of the dandelion float on the wind, perhaps even more than she liked watching the cherry blossoms swirl upwards in the breeze. Either way, Usagi was in love with this untended spot of land, and anyone who tried to change it would have to go through her first!
Giggling at the thought of holding off a couple of determined gardeners with her old Moon tiara, Usagi stretched her long legs out over the grass. Memories dimmed her good humour, and Usagi was stuck remembering why she had sought this secluded corner of Juuban out. She couldn't help it: whenever things got a little rough, her Secret Hideout would help her think everything through. The worldly part of her insisted that her quiet retreats were nothing more than childish escapism from the harsh reality of life, but deep in her heart, Usagi shunned that explanation.
"If I didn't come here every once in a while, at least," Usagi whispered aloud, finding comfort in her hushed soprano, "I'd go insane..."
Her beautiful face winced as she pulled her arms in her rather light, purple T-shirt. Suddenly, it had just gotten so cold, her lithe body trembling uncontrollably as her thoughts turned towards her husband. "Come on, Usagi..." she scolded herself as she glanced down at her cut-off jean shorts and sandals. "Rei's right. You really DO have positively no common sense at all! I mean, really, you could have at least thought to bring a jacket on a chilly day like this!"
Usagi frowned. The was no way I could have, she thought as her fingers absently explored the grass. Her eyes suddenly shut in pain as Usagi remembered the cold way Mamoru had looked at her this morning as he opened the door. He hadn't been happy to see her at all, Usagi whimpered helplessly as her eyes filled with tangible sorrow. With not an "Usagi! I'm so SORRY for locking you out!" or even a paltry "Ohayoo" to escape his lips, Mamoru had just stared frigidly at her with those electrifying blue eyes of his. She didn't have the strength to face that lack of emotion. Even his anger would have been easier to deal with than those uncaring eyes. The tears had blinded her at the time, but somehow Usagi had found the presence of mind to grab whatever clothes were closest (although, they had been a tad dirty) to the door, and just left. Her prayers went unanswered, for Mamoru seemed to have no intention to follow her.
The sorrow had been too overwhelming...too soon, Usagi thought as she wiped her messy tears off her wind-reddened cheeks. Just too soon after their wedding ceremony, she sniffled as she remembered that beautiful day...
"Now look at me," she murmured as she lifted a hand dirtied with mud, "the only thing I have now is his indifference."
The guilt twisted in her heart, making it nearly impossible to remain seated, and yet, she had no where to go. Mamo-chan...NO! Usagi corrected herself vehemently as she wiped her eyes, I lost all right to call him that when I found Akuron so incredibly attractive last night. I guess I have to call him Mamoru, she thought as she tried to control her escalating tears.
Her stomach ached as she remembered that look of pure passion that Akuron had so carelessly tossed her way. Usagi shut her eyes tightly as she tried to squeeze those horrible images of their kiss from out of her mind. And yet, it hadn't been so horrible at the time, she thought wonderingly. Never in her life as she experienced something so sensual as that mind-numbingly chaste kiss! Blushing at the response the man evoked in her even now, Usagi tried to turn her thoughts away from him. It didn't work. Perhaps it was because he seemed so incredibly familiar to her, or perhaps she just wanted to cover the surface wounds he thought he hid so well. Either way, since last night, he always returned to her thoughts. She could still feel the tingle of his gentle, but insistent hands on lower back as he pulled her close to him.
Usagi's grass-stained fingers found their way up to her cheek, resting lightly on the place Akuron had so gently stroked. It was almost as if she could still feel the pressure of his touch! Pure carnal passion raced to her nerve-endings, making the simple sensation of her hand pressed against her cheek almost unbearably erotic. Yet, this whirlwind of feeling was *nothing* compared to the lust she had felt for him last night.
Had he asked then, Usagi would have made passionate love to him...with him...But he never asked. Akuron had been the perfect gentleman...
"Well, other than throwing me down on his bed," she laughed nervously, vaguely aware how *bad* that sounded. "Oh, well, it's not like anyone is listening." But even then, Akuron was only trying to protect her.
Her heart seemed to explode at the thought.
"Protect me," she whispered, her mouth tasting the sound. Yes, it felt perfectly right. "Sort of like a guardian angel, but a hell of a lot cuter!" Usagi burst into a fit of giggles, her whole soul possessed by a freeing sense of euphoria. "It's incredible, really. To have someone protect *you*..." Tuxedo Kamen had always protected Sailor Moon, but she couldn't fool herself into thinking that it was truly HER who had inspired his concern: it was only loyalty and love for a long dead Princess. Akuron was the only person outside her parents who really showed a concern for *her* well-being. Not that she deserved it, or anything, she thought roughly as the euphoria slowly died away. Mamoru had never loved her, he loved the memory of his Princess...and Usagi was just too tired to try to fill her shoes anymore.
Knowing what she had to do, and hating herself even more for it, Usagi bowed deeply into her mud-streaked hands, her sobs quick, but quiet as the feeling that she deserved this pain tore her gentle heart to shreds.
Mamoru just had no idea what had gotten into his pretty, but rather ...trying... wife lately. Gritting his teeth as his racket made violent contact with the tennis ball, Mamoru hid his pleasure as the ball embeded itself between the links of the chain fence.
"Mamoru, you doing ok?" Motoki asked, his lips pursed as he regarded his closest friend. His blond brows knitted in thought, Motoki took a step towards the net.
"Yeah, thanks. I don't feel like tennis anymore," Mamoru stated suddenly as he took a brisk step away from the court.
"Hey! We've hardly been here ten minutes!" Motoki blinked, not in complaint but surprise. Knowing from experience that it would do no good to protest, Motoki followed the tall, darkly handsome man from the tennis court.
Mamoru walked quickly, almost in a jog. It's like he's trying to lose me, Motoki thought, a frown creasing his normally cheerful face. Hmm, I'll give it one more shot, he nodded as he broke out into a run to catch up.
"What's up, Mamoru? You are acting as if something's really bugging you," Motoki grabbed onto Mamoru's shoulder, effectively slowing the man down.
"It's nothing. How's your sister?" Mamoru asked, the full impact of his startling blue eyes even catching Motoki off-balance.
"Yeah, uh... she's fine. Unazuki was just telling me that she was dying to get a motorcycle like yours," Motoki grinned ruefully as he looked at his friend.
"And Mom and Dad have been wondering as to how I could actually introduce my poor, defenseless sister to a hoodlum like you."
Mamoru gave a short bark of laughter. "Obviously they don't know your sister well. Did you tell them that this hoodlum was a respectable, married man?"
Chuckling, Motoki shook his head. "Naaaah, haven't told them. But I will next time."
"That's cool enough," Mamoru grinned as he stepped up to his apartment building. "But I had best get going now. See you later!"
Motoki nearly frowned as Mamoru disappeared into the building. I think I forgot something, he thought as he wracked his brains. Oh, well, he thought as he walked away, I'm sure if it's important it'll come back to haunt me later.
Groaning, Jadeite fell to his bed. The bright, green glow of his pendant showered the darkened room with streaks of dancing light.
"It even smells like her," Jadeite cursed as he accidentally caught a whiff of the pillow...the one she had slept on on just hours before. With a shout of frustration, he grabbed the soft, feather pillow and threw it HARD against the far wall. It didn't help, he noted as the anger continued to bubble up inside of him. Every where he went, he was reminded of the girl, Usagi. He couldn't even escape from her in his own house!
Blinking, he choked back the laughter that threatened to tumble from his throat. Lately, Usagi had this way of defeating that anger which pulsed through his veins and turned it so easily, too easily, to laughter.
"I can't believe this," Jadeite muttered as he ran an anxious hand through his short, wavy hair. "What the hell is she doing to me?" Every thought turned back to her, Jadeite admitted with dismay. Every thought and every day that had passed, the less hate he felt for the girl who had turned his life upside down.
"Something. I need to do something before she destroys me," he grumbled as his mind shied away from the only solution to present itself. I can't, Jadeite insisted silently as he grasped the pendant dangling from his neck, I can't. Seduce Usagi, a part of him, the most ruthless part, encouraged. Seduce Usagi and you will destroy her. She won't be able to handle betraying her true love, Mamoru, and being betrayed by her lover, Jadeite admitted reluctantly.
But no matter the truth, such a dishonorable action went against the very grain of his soul. Jadeite cringed, but his mind continued to linger on that horrible thought. She's destroying me, Jadeite closed his eyes as visions of Usagi smiling sweetly floated before him.
"Honor is a luxury I can't afford," Jadeite whispered as he stood to look into the small, quaint mirror in the corner of the room. Wincing as he looked at the dark hollows beneath his eyes, he unwittingly ignored the silent green mineral laying against his chest. "This charade has being going on just for too long, Jadeite," he informed himself sadly. "You have to destroy her as quickly as possible before she destroys you. Even at the cost of your honor...It's time I end this."
More Notes: Over the years, this story has received more than its share of complaints. Lemme go over the most common ones I've received really quickly so I can explain my reasoning:
* Mamoru is a bastard!: Ack. I didn't mean to make him into one. Really! It's just I've been trying to make it seem like although both Usa and Mamo are fond of each other, they aren't in love... and as such, this situation is really getting to him. Both are acting out because they feel trapped: Usa with her flirtation with Jaedite and Mamo with his hostility and drinking.
*Usagi cut her hair!: In her own small way, this is Usagi trying to fight against the destiny she feels has usurped her entire existence. She doesn't have much control over the other things in her life, but she can control the way she looks.
Hope this little explanation helps! Thanks!