Disclaimer: No. Not mine. Tolkien's. And Fred…Fred is Fred's. He lives to torment me. *gets whacked by Fred…again*
A/N: Fred turns into a psychotic pink fluffy bunny of DOOOOM in this chapter. I like doom ^.^ doooooom. Dooooom. Doooo- *gets whacked by Fred* OW! Meanie. *sniffle*
Chapter Two: Fred- The Psychotic Pink Fluffy Bunny of DOOOM!!
Fred walked for a long time, until he reached a large and gloomy forest. He walked more. His legs got tired, so he sat down. He looked to his right and got a really big shock- there was a whole house made out of candy!!
Just as he was about to run toward it and eat it all, 'cuz he was really hungry, he remembered a story his mother Prose had told him when he couldn't sleep. It was about a poor witch who lived in a gingerbread house, and people kept eating it, so it leaked and she was wet and cold and annoyed. Then these two obnoxious kids came and threw her in an oven, then made up some story about her to their lawyer dad, who sued her estate and got rich from her hard-earned money. It gave him the creeps.
Maybe that's her house, he thought, and shuddered.
He turned around and kept walking, passing some pretty weird characters, including a cross-dressing wolf and a crazy chick in glass shoes running away, from what he couldn't tell.
Anyway, Fred realized that he hadn't brought any food or water.
I haven't brought any food or water, he realized.
STOP IT!
Stupid author, he grumbled under his breath.
He's so mean. *sniffle*
Anyway, Fred kept walking. Soon he saw a pretty, clear stream that babbled along attractively. Fred was thirsty, so he knelt and was about to drink, when suddenly someone pinched his butt.
He leapt up. There was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen, aside from his sister Mary Sue.
"Hey, tiger," she said.
"Did you just pinch my butt?"
"Yeah."
"…why?"
"Because you're cute." She giggled annoyingly.
"Umm…how flattering…" he said. No one had ever pinched his butt before. In fact, all eligible girls were usually captivated by Gary Stu, so he hadn't had a girlfriend. Ever.
"So, you want to kiss me?"
He looked her over. She giggled annoyingly again. Fred didn't like annoying gigglers.
"No."
She looked shocked. "Did you just say…no?"
"Umm…yes..."
She looked shocked for a second, then turned into a scary witch.
"Aah!" yelled Fred. Then he sighed. His sister Evil Villainess had turned into much scarier things.
"MY NAME IS MARIE SOO! I'M A WITCH! I'M GOING TO TURN YOU INTO A…into a…"
"Marie Soo? Are you related to Mary Sue?"
"NO! I'm prettier than her. THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO TURN YOU INTO A PINK FLUFFY BUNNY OF DOOOOOM!"
She waved her arms, and suddenly Fred was a lot closer to the ground.
Great, he thought. Now I'm a pink fluffy bunny. Can this get any worse??
He hopped and hopped, now and then taking a nibble of grass. Suddenly a rabid squirrel popped out of the bushed.
"I'm a squirrel. I'm rabid."
"I'm Fred, the Pink Fluffy Bunny of Doom."
"Nice to meet you! I'm going to bite you now!"
Fred's eyes widened.
I should have known better than to tempt the laws of Narrative Comedy. Of course it can get worse.
Stupid Fred. Never tease your author.
The squirrel bit Fred. Fred felt like his head was going explode. His eyes turned red.
WATCH OUT WORLD! he thought. HERE COMES FRED THE PSYCHOTIC PINK FLUFFY BUNNY OF DOOOOOOOM!!!!
A/N: LotR comes next chapter, I promise. Tee hee ^.^ Poor Fred.
Fred: Why did you turn me into a psychotic pink fluffy bunny of doom?
Me: You annoyed me. MWAHAHAHAHAH!