"Dynasty Carbon-based Life Forms"
by Vanishing Goose
Characters a trademark of the Three Kingdoms Era. Guan Yu will travel forward in time and destroy you if you say you invented him. And stuff. I guess Koei and Omega Force deserve a metric buttload of credit for making such an incredible game. Kudos. And stuff.
This entire story is Copyrighted by me. No, I don't have a paper signifying it, but look at it this way; I'll use my True Musou on you if you take it. It involves Saran-Wrap, a bucket full of moldy honey, and a paint-roller. Are we clear on that?
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LüBu was sitting on his large, red, sit-down lawnmower, wearing a red baseball cap that said "Dynasty Mowing : "Humble the Rebels", with long decorative pheasant-tails streaming behind it. His former employer, Dong Zhuo of "Heartless Tyrant Pizza" (motto: "If you don't like it, we'll mutilate you and say you were bandits!"), had came down with a slight case of death after Lü was offered a very shiny, 500 lawn-a-day sit-down lawnmower, "Red Snapare" in exchange for his loyalty.
He was single-handedly monopolizing the lawn-mowing business in this suburban area, and he was carrying his "Lunar Rake" in his right hand to clear out the fall-season leaves. Little did he realize that he was being watched.
Lui Bei: "He has taken over 80 of our customers; we must act."
Zhang Fei: (bangs his head against a rock in a futile attempt to remove his hangover)
Guan Yu: "Zhang Fei, remember our oath?"
(FLASHBACK)
Lui Bei the landscaper, Zhang Fei the mass-murderer, and Guan Yu the fourth member of ZZ-Top sit at the gardening section of Home Depot, sacrificing a teddy bear that Guan Yu won from one of those claw-machines.
All: "We swear an oath of brotherhood, by the blood and stuffing of the 'Ty' Corporation teddy bear."
Guan Yu: "Hey look, its name was 'Snuffles', and it had a little poem:
Isn't he precious?
His name is Snuffley-Wuffley
You remove this tag
And we'll kick your ass 'till its puffey."
Lui Bei: "I think they've run out of ideas."
(END FLASHBACK)
Zhang Fei: "I think I was drunk."
Lui Bei: "You can do better than that; the only times you weren't drunk was right after your umbilical cord was cut and that time you murdered all the neighborhood children in that apartment complex out west."
Zhang Fei: "Ahh...... good times."
Guan Yu: "No more reminiscing, we must act now!" (strikes a pose and trips on his beard) "Fuck!"
Lui Bei: (helping Guan Yu up) "Now now, my oath-brother, we can't just charge recklessly into...."
Zhang Fei: "DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (floors the gas-pedal of his sit-down lawnmower, flailing his wood-handled broom wildly)
Guan Yu and Lui Bei: "Oh well"
Guan Yu and Lui Bei follow Zhang Fei's charge on their own lawnmowers, Guan Yu wielding a large tree-branch, and Lui Bei holding half of a pool cue.
LüBu notices the coming onslaught, so he takes up a combat position and slashes the toddler playing in the yard a few feet away
LüBu: "RAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!! GET OUT OF MY WAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!"
Guan Yu strikes first with his branch, bouncing easily off of the metal-end of Lü's rake. Zhang Fei expertly spins his broom before passing out and crashing into the front door. Lui Bei bravely jumps off of his lawn-mower and manages to whack Lü's right knuckle before hitting the concrete sidewalk head first.
Lui Bei: "Ahhh...... my brain...... My brain is the foundation of my body. I can't seem to protect it"
LüBu: "I have no time for the likes of you!"
Lü drives his lawnmower down the street at an adrenaline-pumping 3 miles per hour, while Guan Yu attempts to revive his injured oath brothers.
LüBu passes by an police officer on his break, and swings his rake at his head, smacking the officer in the face and knocking him unconscious. The body evaporates. Lü continues driving down the street.
LüBu (to no-one in particular): "I defeated an officer!"
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End of part 1! Rate, review, criticize. I will destroy all of you! HA HA HA!!!!!
by Vanishing Goose
Characters a trademark of the Three Kingdoms Era. Guan Yu will travel forward in time and destroy you if you say you invented him. And stuff. I guess Koei and Omega Force deserve a metric buttload of credit for making such an incredible game. Kudos. And stuff.
This entire story is Copyrighted by me. No, I don't have a paper signifying it, but look at it this way; I'll use my True Musou on you if you take it. It involves Saran-Wrap, a bucket full of moldy honey, and a paint-roller. Are we clear on that?
--------------------
LüBu was sitting on his large, red, sit-down lawnmower, wearing a red baseball cap that said "Dynasty Mowing : "Humble the Rebels", with long decorative pheasant-tails streaming behind it. His former employer, Dong Zhuo of "Heartless Tyrant Pizza" (motto: "If you don't like it, we'll mutilate you and say you were bandits!"), had came down with a slight case of death after Lü was offered a very shiny, 500 lawn-a-day sit-down lawnmower, "Red Snapare" in exchange for his loyalty.
He was single-handedly monopolizing the lawn-mowing business in this suburban area, and he was carrying his "Lunar Rake" in his right hand to clear out the fall-season leaves. Little did he realize that he was being watched.
Lui Bei: "He has taken over 80 of our customers; we must act."
Zhang Fei: (bangs his head against a rock in a futile attempt to remove his hangover)
Guan Yu: "Zhang Fei, remember our oath?"
(FLASHBACK)
Lui Bei the landscaper, Zhang Fei the mass-murderer, and Guan Yu the fourth member of ZZ-Top sit at the gardening section of Home Depot, sacrificing a teddy bear that Guan Yu won from one of those claw-machines.
All: "We swear an oath of brotherhood, by the blood and stuffing of the 'Ty' Corporation teddy bear."
Guan Yu: "Hey look, its name was 'Snuffles', and it had a little poem:
Isn't he precious?
His name is Snuffley-Wuffley
You remove this tag
And we'll kick your ass 'till its puffey."
Lui Bei: "I think they've run out of ideas."
(END FLASHBACK)
Zhang Fei: "I think I was drunk."
Lui Bei: "You can do better than that; the only times you weren't drunk was right after your umbilical cord was cut and that time you murdered all the neighborhood children in that apartment complex out west."
Zhang Fei: "Ahh...... good times."
Guan Yu: "No more reminiscing, we must act now!" (strikes a pose and trips on his beard) "Fuck!"
Lui Bei: (helping Guan Yu up) "Now now, my oath-brother, we can't just charge recklessly into...."
Zhang Fei: "DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (floors the gas-pedal of his sit-down lawnmower, flailing his wood-handled broom wildly)
Guan Yu and Lui Bei: "Oh well"
Guan Yu and Lui Bei follow Zhang Fei's charge on their own lawnmowers, Guan Yu wielding a large tree-branch, and Lui Bei holding half of a pool cue.
LüBu notices the coming onslaught, so he takes up a combat position and slashes the toddler playing in the yard a few feet away
LüBu: "RAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!! GET OUT OF MY WAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!"
Guan Yu strikes first with his branch, bouncing easily off of the metal-end of Lü's rake. Zhang Fei expertly spins his broom before passing out and crashing into the front door. Lui Bei bravely jumps off of his lawn-mower and manages to whack Lü's right knuckle before hitting the concrete sidewalk head first.
Lui Bei: "Ahhh...... my brain...... My brain is the foundation of my body. I can't seem to protect it"
LüBu: "I have no time for the likes of you!"
Lü drives his lawnmower down the street at an adrenaline-pumping 3 miles per hour, while Guan Yu attempts to revive his injured oath brothers.
LüBu passes by an police officer on his break, and swings his rake at his head, smacking the officer in the face and knocking him unconscious. The body evaporates. Lü continues driving down the street.
LüBu (to no-one in particular): "I defeated an officer!"
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End of part 1! Rate, review, criticize. I will destroy all of you! HA HA HA!!!!!