"Dynasty Carbon-based Life Forms"
by Vanishing Goose
Chapter 2 - "More Stuff Dies"
--------------------
Zhao Yun walked into the failing lawn-care business of Lui Bei, dressed in blue, white, and gold battle robes, hair tied back in a ponytail. Yun rang the little bell at the desk and Lui Bei stumbled into the lobby, discarding an inflatable wife.
"May I help you mada....? uhh.... sir...... ummm.... What's your name?"
(CUE THEME SONG)
All the guys turn and say "Who's that hun?"
It's Zhao Yun!
All the gals turn and say "I think he's the one!"
Zhao Yun!
Male or Female
Just do notl get impaled
Freud has nothing on Zhao Yun
And Roseanne weighs a metric TON!!!
(END THEME SONG)
Lui Bei: "So uhhh...... can I get you a magazine while you wait? Uhh.... Cosmopolitan? Sports Illustrated?"
Zhao Yun: "What about 'Newsweek'?"
Lui Bei: "Right....."
Zhao Yun: "I was just wondering if you guys could trim my hedges"
Zhang Fei (spitting up 4 gallons of beer): "WHAT!?"
Zhao Yun: "You know, on my lawn..... in front of my house?"
Zhang Fei: "Oh.... yeah.... uhhh.... sure"
Lui Bei: "It's our policy that we get ID..... so just pull it out of your wallet.... or purse....."
Zhao Yun: "You joker, you know I carry my ID in my pocket!"
Zhao Yun holds out the ID card to Lui Bei, thumb covering up the 'Sex' part.
Zhou Yu (walking in): "Hey everyone! Who wants to go get a massage?"
Lui Bei and Zhang Fei: "Noooooooo!!!!!!!!!!"
Lui Bei and Zhang Fei take refuge in the back room.
[INTERMISSION]
Are neighborhood children giving you trouble? Call Nanman Home Protection Agency, where our vine-laced uniforms can't be penetrated by even the strongest of BB guns.
Nanman Home Protection Agency; "Don't make the same mistake Zhuge Liang did!"
[/INTERMISSION]
Lui Bei and Zhang Fei are cowering in the closet.
Lui Bei: "They've joined against us!"
Zhang Fei (growling): "Leave them to me! Not even a DOG SHALL PASS!"
CATS: "Ha ha ha! I are call your bluff of their dog cat! All your lawnmower are shall belong to me and other guy that there!"
Lui Bei: "It's you!"
CATS: "How are you gentlemen!"
Zhang Fei: "I told you we should've fired him....."
Lui Bei: "I dunno, I like his attitude... he's polite."
Suddenly, an F-16 with pheasant tails streaming from the nose enters a bombing dive, dropping powerful bombs around the area, completely destroying a good section of that part of town.
LüBu (piloting the F-16): "RAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!!"
LüBu turns the plane upside turn and pulls the ejection seat. He launches straight down through the skylight into Lui Bei's lawncare business' lobby.
LüBu: "RAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!! I am here to end this rivalry once and for all! COME, RED SNAPARE!!!!"
Lü's large, red, sit-down lawnmower putts slowly through the door to the lobby on its own. LüBu mounts it, and holds his rake out.
LüBu: "Is any man brave enough to fight me?"
Zhao Yun and Zhou Yu ignore him.
LüBu: "Will ANYONE fight me?"
Zhao Yun: (turning head towards LüBu) "If you want something, you can stop shouting about it..... that's what my parents always taught me when I was fighting with my siblings."
LüBu: "Do you take the challenge then? Are you man enough?"
Zhao Yun: "Hardly"
LüBu stares, speechless.
LüBu: "That wasn't the answer I was expecting.....
Zhao Yun: "Well, I'm just full of surprises...."
LüBu: "This is getting too damned weird....... I'm gonna go pick a fight with someone more masculine...."
LüBu drives his lawnmower out into the street and off in the direction of Cao Cao's pizza parlor.
Lui Bei jumps out of the back room and embraces Zhao Yun in the hug.
Lui Bei: "You saved us all! How can I repay you?"
Zhao Yun: "I just finished my jogging..... wanna go get some smoothies?"
Zhou Yu: "Yeah! Let's go, my bestest friend in the whole wide world!"
Lui Bei: "Err.......yeah! Zhang Fei, let's get you a vodka smoothie!"
Zhang Fei: "WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"
-----------
Introducing a new feature: The Thought of the Day!
TotD = If there was beer on the sun, you'd probably need ice.
End of part 2! Rate, review, criticize. I will destroy all of you! HA HA HA!!!!!
by Vanishing Goose
Chapter 2 - "More Stuff Dies"
--------------------
Zhao Yun walked into the failing lawn-care business of Lui Bei, dressed in blue, white, and gold battle robes, hair tied back in a ponytail. Yun rang the little bell at the desk and Lui Bei stumbled into the lobby, discarding an inflatable wife.
"May I help you mada....? uhh.... sir...... ummm.... What's your name?"
(CUE THEME SONG)
All the guys turn and say "Who's that hun?"
It's Zhao Yun!
All the gals turn and say "I think he's the one!"
Zhao Yun!
Male or Female
Just do notl get impaled
Freud has nothing on Zhao Yun
And Roseanne weighs a metric TON!!!
(END THEME SONG)
Lui Bei: "So uhhh...... can I get you a magazine while you wait? Uhh.... Cosmopolitan? Sports Illustrated?"
Zhao Yun: "What about 'Newsweek'?"
Lui Bei: "Right....."
Zhao Yun: "I was just wondering if you guys could trim my hedges"
Zhang Fei (spitting up 4 gallons of beer): "WHAT!?"
Zhao Yun: "You know, on my lawn..... in front of my house?"
Zhang Fei: "Oh.... yeah.... uhhh.... sure"
Lui Bei: "It's our policy that we get ID..... so just pull it out of your wallet.... or purse....."
Zhao Yun: "You joker, you know I carry my ID in my pocket!"
Zhao Yun holds out the ID card to Lui Bei, thumb covering up the 'Sex' part.
Zhou Yu (walking in): "Hey everyone! Who wants to go get a massage?"
Lui Bei and Zhang Fei: "Noooooooo!!!!!!!!!!"
Lui Bei and Zhang Fei take refuge in the back room.
[INTERMISSION]
Are neighborhood children giving you trouble? Call Nanman Home Protection Agency, where our vine-laced uniforms can't be penetrated by even the strongest of BB guns.
Nanman Home Protection Agency; "Don't make the same mistake Zhuge Liang did!"
[/INTERMISSION]
Lui Bei and Zhang Fei are cowering in the closet.
Lui Bei: "They've joined against us!"
Zhang Fei (growling): "Leave them to me! Not even a DOG SHALL PASS!"
CATS: "Ha ha ha! I are call your bluff of their dog cat! All your lawnmower are shall belong to me and other guy that there!"
Lui Bei: "It's you!"
CATS: "How are you gentlemen!"
Zhang Fei: "I told you we should've fired him....."
Lui Bei: "I dunno, I like his attitude... he's polite."
Suddenly, an F-16 with pheasant tails streaming from the nose enters a bombing dive, dropping powerful bombs around the area, completely destroying a good section of that part of town.
LüBu (piloting the F-16): "RAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!!"
LüBu turns the plane upside turn and pulls the ejection seat. He launches straight down through the skylight into Lui Bei's lawncare business' lobby.
LüBu: "RAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!! I am here to end this rivalry once and for all! COME, RED SNAPARE!!!!"
Lü's large, red, sit-down lawnmower putts slowly through the door to the lobby on its own. LüBu mounts it, and holds his rake out.
LüBu: "Is any man brave enough to fight me?"
Zhao Yun and Zhou Yu ignore him.
LüBu: "Will ANYONE fight me?"
Zhao Yun: (turning head towards LüBu) "If you want something, you can stop shouting about it..... that's what my parents always taught me when I was fighting with my siblings."
LüBu: "Do you take the challenge then? Are you man enough?"
Zhao Yun: "Hardly"
LüBu stares, speechless.
LüBu: "That wasn't the answer I was expecting.....
Zhao Yun: "Well, I'm just full of surprises...."
LüBu: "This is getting too damned weird....... I'm gonna go pick a fight with someone more masculine...."
LüBu drives his lawnmower out into the street and off in the direction of Cao Cao's pizza parlor.
Lui Bei jumps out of the back room and embraces Zhao Yun in the hug.
Lui Bei: "You saved us all! How can I repay you?"
Zhao Yun: "I just finished my jogging..... wanna go get some smoothies?"
Zhou Yu: "Yeah! Let's go, my bestest friend in the whole wide world!"
Lui Bei: "Err.......yeah! Zhang Fei, let's get you a vodka smoothie!"
Zhang Fei: "WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"
-----------
Introducing a new feature: The Thought of the Day!
TotD = If there was beer on the sun, you'd probably need ice.
End of part 2! Rate, review, criticize. I will destroy all of you! HA HA HA!!!!!