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::SHA-CRASH!::
::Bernard Bernoulli comes to in a very dark and frightening place.::
Bernard: What… who… where am I?
::As he struggles to move, he finds himself in a shallow pool of water… the only visible thing being the light shining down from the hole above him.::
Eerie Voice: Come up to the light…
Bernard: What… NO! It… it can't be!
Eerie Voice: Come up to the light…
Bernard: I mean, I thought an afterlife was possible, but I never realized it'd be this clichéd…
Eerie Voice: You moron…
::An arm reaches out of the hole and drags Bernard back into reality. As it turns out, he wasn't dead, but just in the toilet of the Chron-O-John, and was dragged up by Dr. Fred. How anticlimactic.::
Dr. Fred: ::sigh:: Cheap mail-order jewels…
Bernard: Dr. Fred! How did you get to the past?
Dr. Fred: You pocket-protector pinhead- I'm not in the past- you're in the present! Your john materialized here just a minute after I threw the switch!
Bernard: Wow… a whole minute into the future… I feel just like Carlos Castaneda!
Dr. Fred: That would explain quite a bit if you were.
Bernard: ::Slowly realizing that only one john returned:: umm… Dr. Fred… when are Hoagie and Laverne coming back?
Dr. Fred: Well, my dials report that the larger specimen made it back here 199 years and 364 days ahead of schedule… while the ditzy one is going to be late by 200 years and a day! There's laziness for you…
Bernard: Well, throw the switch and bring them back, we have to save the world!
Dr. Fred: I will, I will… but first I need a new diamond!
Bernard: Now is not the time to be thinking about jewelry-
Dr. Fred: FOR THE MACHINE, YOU RHESUS MONKEY!
Bernard: … oh… right.
Dr. Fred: Like I was saying, all I need is a new diamond for the machine. Then all your buddies have to do is plug in their respective johns and-
Bernard: PLUG THEM IN? Where's Hoagie going to find an electrical outlet TWO HUNDRED YEARS IN THE PAST?
Dr. Fred: WILL YOU STOP SAYING STU- oh… wait, you're right… well, he'll be needing my state-of-the-art super battery then, won't he?
Bernard: Plans? How are we going get plans to someone who was alive two hundred years ago? Don't you know it's scientifically impossible to travel back in- oh, right.
Dr. Fred: Don't worry me with details, boy! Just get me those plans! I know they're in this house somewhere!
::Exit Dr. Fred.::
Bernard: Ooh… NOW what am I going to do?
::Enter Dr. Fred::
Dr. Fred: I thought I made myself perfectly clear! Step one: Find plans. Step two: Save world. Step three: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! Now, let's get cracking!
::Exit Dr. Fred.::
Bernard: Okay… ::wandering around the lab, Bernard tries to piece together the recent goings-on.:: Now, where could those plans be? I mean, knowing Dr. Fred, he probably has it in the most obvious place in the world… but where could THAT be?
::Bernard walks up the steps, intent on searching the mansion for as long as it takes to find Dr. Fred's secret battery plans, which are actually on the bulletin board on the side wall right next to the steps.::
Bernard: This could take me all night….
::And so, Bernard begins his long trek to search for the- aw, screw it, we don't have time for this. HEY, BERNARD!::
Bernard: Who said that?
::It's me, the narrator. You've got too much to do to waste your time traipsing about the mansion.::
Bernard: What? What do you mean?
::Listen up. The plans are right next to you.::
Bernard: How do you figure?
::Turn your head to the left.::
Bernard: Okay.
::YOUR OTHER LEFT!::
Bernard: Right… I knew that. Hey, it's Dr. Fred's plans for a super-battery! Apparently, it's capable of storing one gigavolt with a charging time of .01 seconds!
::It also goes great with salads.::
Bernard: Wowee! ::grab:: I've got the plans, Dr. Fred!
::Enter Dr. Fred, stage right::
Dr. Fred: Excellent! Quick, we've got to flush them to Hoagie!
Bernard: Flush?
::Bernard follows Dr. Fred to the Chron-o-john.::
Dr. Fred: My ingenious design for the world's most delicious super-battery, please.
Bernard: Here you go, but I don't see how you're going to get them to-
::FLUSH::
Bernard: You flushed them!
Dr. Fred: Right!
Bernard: Down the toilet!
Dr. Fred: Wrong! Through TIME! Pay attention: Using the highly sophisticated Time-Flux Hydraulic Vortex Chamber I've installed in each john, you can flush small, inanimate objects to each other through time!

200 years from today…
Dr. Fred's distant voice: … flush small inanimate objects to each other through time!
Laverne: Hello? Dr. Fred, is that you?
::No answer.::
Laverne: Drat. It's a good thing I'm 200 years in the future… and hanging from my skirt twelve feet in the air on a tree branch… otherwise I'd give Bernard such a stabbing… if my therapist and I didn't have that agreement… ::sigh:: stupid brain.
Laverne's Brain: Hey!

Bernard: Did you hear something?
Dr. Fred: Of course not! Now, let's see if umm… what's-his-name catches on.

200 years ago today…
::Hoagie can be seen searching the Chron-o-john for an "on" switch
Hoagie: How do I turn this thing on? I wanna ride again!
Dr. Fred's distant voice: Hoagie!
Hoagie: Dr. Fred? How'd you get in the toilet?
Dr. Fred's distant voice: I want you to pick up those plans you see in the Chron-o-john!
Hoagie: Will they show me how to ride this thing again?
Dr. Fred's distant voice: "Ride"? What do you me- … umm… yes! Of course they will! Just bring them to Red Edison! He's my great, great, great, great, great, great, great…

Dr. Fred: …great, great, great, grandfather! He'll know what to do!
Hoagie's distant voice: Got it.
::The light in the toilet disappears- the plans have been taken.::
Dr. Fred: Good boy. Say, Bernard… does he have any experience with electronics?
Bernard: Um… I once saw him take three thousand volts directly through his head without batting an eye…
Dr. Fred: Really? Didn't he pass out?
Bernard: Well, he was already passed out at the time.
Dr. Fred: Interesting. Well, until we establish contact with the other, we've got to get to work looking for a diamond.
Bernard: Where are we going to find a diamond that size, anyway?
Dr. Fred: I'm sure you'll think of something. Now, where's my coffee?

Hoagie: … time for me to save the world, I guess.
::Oh, dear lord…::