-12-
::200 years from today, Laverne finds herself imprisoned in the holding cell of the mansion. Trapped behind an invisible wall of sweet, soothing electricity, Laverne pleads her case to the standard One Inept Guard, situated in a chair next to the door, more concerned with today's headlines than the job at hand…::
Laverne: GET ME OUT OF HERE! This is a violation of my rights!
Guard Tentacle: Rights? What? You're a human, you don't have any rights.
Laverne: But I haven't done anything!
Guard Tentacle: Well, you musta' done something, or else you wouldn't be in here. You'd be outside with your owner getting dressed up for the human show.
Laverne: OWNER? No one OWNS me!
Guard Tentacle: Gosh, no owner? That's too bad… well, don't worry, I'm sure someone will come adopt you before we have to put you to sleep.
Laverne: ::collecting her jaw from off the floor and going into soliloquy mode:: Great… this is just.. great. I always hoped for the day when our rotten species would get its comeuppance, but this is too much like Planet Of The Apes for my liking. ::sigh:: looks like I'm going to have to save the world after all, but first I've got to get home… and to do it, I'm going to have to usurp the authority of a race of mutated tentacles who've given me all the social standing of a canine.
Guard Tentacle: By the way, feeding time's in an hour. Hope you like asbestos.
Laverne: Damn that Doctor Fred.
Fred-lookalike in a vintage jailbird outfit: Hey, she knows the Edison family motto!
Laverne: YOU! ::Instantly recognizing the voice, she spins around and begins to throttle her fellow prisoner.:: This is all your fault! I need to be studying for my final tomorrow, and YOU went and stuck me in this scene from a low-grade Japanese horror flick!
::You think we've used that joke enough?::
No.
~The Management
Laverne: I have half a mind to-
Fred-lookalike in a vintage jailbird outfit: Stoppit, stoppit, stoppit! I'm not Doctor Fred!
Laverne: Says you! ::she continues to strangle::
Guard Tentacle: Quiet, you two. Don't make me get the duct tape.
Laverne: ::snapping away quickly:: I'll be good.
Guard Tentacle: That's better. ::buries his… um… sucker back in the newspaper::
Laverne: Alright, if you're not Doctor Fred, who are you?
Fred-lookalike in a vintage jailbird outfit: I'm Zed Edison, and this is my wife Zedna and my son Ved. ::motioning to the Edna and Ed look-alikes cheating at cards on the opposite bench::
Laverne: So you're related to Doctor Fred?
Zed: Absolutely, but there hasn't been a Fred in the Edison family in two hundred years. The last Fred was such a shame to the family- not to mention the entire human race!
Laverne: So what you're saying is that we DON'T stop Purple Tentacle?
Zed: How's that for a spoiler? Purple took over the world, enslaved humanity, broke us all to this humiliating level… not the happy ending you were expecting, was it?
Laverne: It's a bit of a downer, I will say that.
::Wait, wait…. If that's how it ends, that means… the story's over! Well, this was certainly an easy paycheck. Sad ending, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. Good night, America!::
For reasons of total idiocy, the narrator has been sacked. Please bear with us as we attempt to find a replacement. Thank you.
~The Management
::200 years from today, Laverne finds herself imprisoned in the holding cell of the mansion. Trapped behind an invisible wall of sweet, soothing electricity, Laverne pleads her case to the standard One Inept Guard, situated in a chair next to the door, more concerned with today's headlines than the job at hand…::
Laverne: GET ME OUT OF HERE! This is a violation of my rights!
Guard Tentacle: Rights? What? You're a human, you don't have any rights.
Laverne: But I haven't done anything!
Guard Tentacle: Well, you musta' done something, or else you wouldn't be in here. You'd be outside with your owner getting dressed up for the human show.
Laverne: OWNER? No one OWNS me!
Guard Tentacle: Gosh, no owner? That's too bad… well, don't worry, I'm sure someone will come adopt you before we have to put you to sleep.
Laverne: ::collecting her jaw from off the floor and going into soliloquy mode:: Great… this is just.. great. I always hoped for the day when our rotten species would get its comeuppance, but this is too much like Planet Of The Apes for my liking. ::sigh:: looks like I'm going to have to save the world after all, but first I've got to get home… and to do it, I'm going to have to usurp the authority of a race of mutated tentacles who've given me all the social standing of a canine.
Guard Tentacle: By the way, feeding time's in an hour. Hope you like asbestos.
Laverne: Damn that Doctor Fred.
Fred-lookalike in a vintage jailbird outfit: Hey, she knows the Edison family motto!
Laverne: YOU! ::Instantly recognizing the voice, she spins around and begins to throttle her fellow prisoner.:: This is all your fault! I need to be studying for my final tomorrow, and YOU went and stuck me in this scene from a low-grade Japanese horror flick!
::You think we've used that joke enough?::
No.
~The Management
Laverne: I have half a mind to-
Fred-lookalike in a vintage jailbird outfit: Stoppit, stoppit, stoppit! I'm not Doctor Fred!
Laverne: Says you! ::she continues to strangle::
Guard Tentacle: Quiet, you two. Don't make me get the duct tape.
Laverne: ::snapping away quickly:: I'll be good.
Guard Tentacle: That's better. ::buries his… um… sucker back in the newspaper::
Laverne: Alright, if you're not Doctor Fred, who are you?
Fred-lookalike in a vintage jailbird outfit: I'm Zed Edison, and this is my wife Zedna and my son Ved. ::motioning to the Edna and Ed look-alikes cheating at cards on the opposite bench::
Laverne: So you're related to Doctor Fred?
Zed: Absolutely, but there hasn't been a Fred in the Edison family in two hundred years. The last Fred was such a shame to the family- not to mention the entire human race!
Laverne: So what you're saying is that we DON'T stop Purple Tentacle?
Zed: How's that for a spoiler? Purple took over the world, enslaved humanity, broke us all to this humiliating level… not the happy ending you were expecting, was it?
Laverne: It's a bit of a downer, I will say that.
::Wait, wait…. If that's how it ends, that means… the story's over! Well, this was certainly an easy paycheck. Sad ending, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. Good night, America!::
For reasons of total idiocy, the narrator has been sacked. Please bear with us as we attempt to find a replacement. Thank you.
~The Management