4. Examined
Buffy never made the table. The others barely managed to restrain her.
"Slayer..." gasped the Leader of the coven, "if you kill Willow Rosenberg, you kill your sister and your Watcher as well. We must let things play out until their end. Besides..."
"Oh look," said Anya. "Dawn and Giles have gotten up. They have no bullet holes anymore. Yay!"
Buffy slumped to the ground. "Oh, God - I tried to kill her. My best friend - I just tried to kill her. And Giles, and my sister..."
"Ssh. It's okay," whispered Xander. He pressed the sobbing Slayer to his chest.
* * *
Dawn rolled over in pain from the bullet wounds, feeling the life ebb out of her body. "Dawn..." Giles gasped, "you must fight it... must disbelieve it's happening with all your will..."
Dawn fought through the pain as hard as she could. [This is isn't happening, there are no real bullets, no real bullets, I SAID no real bullets...] And suddenly, the pain and the bullets were gone.
Giles rolled over, still in pain - but the bullet holes were gone from his chest, too. Both Giles and Dawn slowly got up and returned to their desks. Dawn tried to look as defiant as she could. "It will take more than that to kill us," said Giles.
Demon Willow frowned. "Bother. How impressive - not only have you stopped whining and crying incessantly, you can disbelieve, too. Looks like I won't be able to get rid of you the medium-difficulty way, either. Same with Giles. But it makes things interesting."
"Oh, well," the demon sighed. "Looks like class won't be dismissed early today, after all. Time for another lesson."
With that, Demonic Willow wrote on the board: "LESSON THE THIRD: AN EXPLORATION OF THE FANTASY PERSONA KNOWN AS WILLOW ROSENBERG."
"I have, at great difficulty, acquired the best possible resource for this lesson. I hope you will be most appreciative, class." The demon waved her claws, and an old, ratty book with a torn spine appeared. She began flipping through pages, which were covered with writing. Dawn immediately recognized the writing as Willow's.
"I detect your interest, Miss Summers. Yes, this is a tome you would have done anything to read, to include employing your kleptomania-enabling skills."
Dawn blushed.
"But of course you couldn't, because Willow Rosenberg hid it from you. Magically. This is her secret diary, where she poured out her most secret thoughts and feelings."
Good Willow screamed, but promptly fell back to weeping softly.
Demon Willow nodded in the direction of Good Willow. "I thought you would have no objection," said the demon.
The demon began flipping through pages. "And oh, there's so much in here. We could spend days and days..." The demon was interrupted by a rumble coming from the side wall of the classroom.
The demon smiled. "But, unfortunately, it appears we are on a tight schedule today. So, I'll only have time to read one passage. What shall it be, what shall it be?"
Giles spoke. "I would like to know how we went so terribly wrong, how we didn't know you were hurting so badly..."
The demon laughed. "Wouldn't you, Mr. Giles. Wouldn't you? Sigh. I'm sorry, Mr. Giles, but your contributions, significant as they were, were not responsible for Miss Rosenberg's destruction. Her path was foreordained. From birth, you might say. But let's see, I'm sure I can give you a decent summary of what you want to know, while I look for the special passage I want."
"Let's see," searched the demon, "here we have lots of feelings or jealousy and shame over the way she was treated in school, lots of desire for bloody revenge - my, that girl was creative, even if she wasn't real - and sigh, lots of guilt over her dark impulses. But that's pretty typical. So let's move on."
"Hmm," searched the demon, "here's something a bit more interesting - Miss Rosenberg's school girl crush on Mr. Giles, feelings of jealousy towards Ms. Calendar, desire for bloody vengeance against Ms. Calendar, guilt towards said dark impulses, scratch that, rivers of guilt once Ms. Calendar bought it - my, what did that girl see in such a lout like you, Mr. Giles? But again, this all pretty typical. Let's move on."
Giles blushed. "Willow," he said, softly.
Giles promptly doubled over from an invisible punch to his stomach. The demon laughed. "Mr. Giles, you had your shot, and you wasted it. A very long time ago. Some people never learn. And, we really are on a very tight schedule today. Let's move on."
"Now," searched the demon. "Willow's loves. Half a forest fell to her musings on Oz, and another half fell to her desires for bloody revenge after he left, and, not surprisingly, her guilt about those desires. And as for Tara - well, she took up several forests. Not that she didn't deserve it." The demon looked down, but only for a second.
"Moving on," said the demon quickly. "Willow's best friend, Buffy. Lots of adoration for Super Buff. Also lots of jealousy, especially when she had to be rescued all the time. Lots of wishing that she was Super Buffy, or that she could at least rescue Super Buffy once in a while. Lots of 'I miss her so much' and yup, more guilt after Buffy died. Lots of self- satisfaction when she brought Buffy back - Willow Rosenberg finally got her wish to rescue Super Buffy. Cascades of guilt when she found out Buffy had been in heaven instead of a hell dimension - not many brownie points for 'rescuing' somebody from paradise, after all. Plus great disbelief. For reference, class, I doubt that Buffy was really in heaven, for reasons that are outside of Sunnydale's approved curriculum. But, moving on..."
Dawn burst in. "What do you mean by that? You're lying - you can't deal with the fact that you pulled her out of heaven..."
Good Willow suddenly screamed, and the demon doubled over. Dawn slumped over from an invisible jab to her stomach. "I... did not... pull Elizabeth Summers out of heaven," said the demon. "Mind your manners, little girl."
Dawn dutifully filed the demon's reaction into the back of her mind.
"More on Buffy," said the demon quickly. "Oh, ho, ho, here we go! Willow's secret attraction - and dare I say, it, forbidden love? - for her best friend. Willow's secret jealousy that Buffy never returned her attraction. Willow's guilt over her ongoing attraction to Super Buffy, even during her relationships with Oz and Tara. Willow's imagining..." The demon trailed off, as Good Willow let out an ear-splitting scream.
Dawn gaped at these revelations, although secretly she was not surprised. Giles's expression revealed no emotion.
"Good Willow is correct. Such content has not been approved by the Sunnydale school board. Moving on - to Willow's feelings about being a Slayerette. Oh, she so loved taking out her aggressions on vamps and demons, and so hated how she felt about her naughty, evil impulses afterwards. But, she did feel she was fighting the good fight, especially with the nasty demons. People good, demons bad, eh, Mr. Giles? I personally find that ironic." The demon grinned.
Giles nodded, and drooped his head.
"Rolling on," searched the demon. "I'm getting closer. Oh, here we go. Another forest fell to Willow Rosenberg's discussion of the Key. The results of her secret studies. She learned a lot about the creation of the Key, and the truth about the creation of you, Dawnie. Lots of fascinating stuff, there. Especially towards the end."
Dawn leaned forward attentively.
"But, we will not have time to cover that material in this lesson."
Dawn sighed disappointedly.
"Oh, getting very close now," said the demon. "Another vast tract of timber fell to Willow's feelings for her parents. Her mom and dad. Her love for them, which she felt went so unrequited. Her endless feelings of inadequacy over her belief that her own parents didn't love her, or even seem to recognize her existence, especially in her later teenage years. Why, it took her mother five months to realize that she was coming home with scratches and bruises on a regular basis after hanging out with 'Bunny.' And we haven't even begin to get into college. Especially when Miss Rosenberg last visited her parents, and discovered that they barely recognized her."
Dawn gasped. "But Willow, that can't be. I can't imagine your parents not recognizing you. I mean..."
"No buts, Dawnie," grinned the demon. "Because then, Willow realized why her parents were losing their memories of her. And that brings me," searched the demon, "to exactly what I've been looking for. Not that it's hard to miss. If Willow Rosenberg sacrificed forests for Oz and her love Tara, she wasted Yellowstone over this. Her dark, hidden, evil little secret. A secret so awful she couldn't admit even to herself, much less to Daddy, Dawnie, or any of her other closest friends and loves."
Giles's eyes widened. The demon nodded.
"The references start early. Even at a very young age, Willow Rosenberg began to realize that there was something 'icky' about her, and that weird things she couldn't explain kept happening to her. It was one of the primary reasons why she threw herself into academics. The references pick up the pace through Miss Rosenberg's teenage years, and become a torrent during her Slayerette years. And as we get towards the end - well, she must have been Weyerhauser's number one customer. So there's just so much to choose from. But, there's one passage in particular I want you to hear. it sounds so good when read aloud. if I can just remember where it is. Of course, how could I be so forgetful?" The demon made a show of smacking her forehead. "It's on the last page."
"And now, class, an excerpt from Willow Rosenberg's secret diary."
--- The darkness swirls throughout my body, coursing ceaselessly throughout my veins. It is getting worse every day, and my nights are now complete torment. I want to release it, let it out, set it free. I can't. I feel I like I am being eaten alive. I wish I would be eaten alive - it would take it all away. And I would be so relieved...
"No, Willow," I scream to myself. "It's just symptoms of your ongoing addiction to dark magic. You noble, recovering addict, you! Just suffer some more, and soon you'll be back to your old reliable, normal, ordinary self. Why, you'll even have her again." I am lying to myself, again. It doesn't work. Nothing does.
The alternative is to face the truth. I wasn't drawn to Rack and his magical happies. That dirty pusher was drawn to me, to the darkness radiating out of my cursed body, like some kind of junkie moth. I follow the insect right to the heart of the matter - my heart of darkness.
No. I have to stop thinking about it. I must be strong, if only for her. Maybe I can dream about her, see her before me, feel her, make it almost real.
I hear footsteps on the stairs. I can sense her. My love, my light is coming to me. At last - I will be happy, in her arms, if only for a little while. Maybe I will tell her. Maybe I will let her know the truth about me.
Yeah, right. And then she will hate me forever, spitting out my name in disgust. After all, I know exactly what her family taught her to think about demons. Just like they'll all hate me. Just as much as I hate myself.
But now she's here. I feel her emotions and know the miracle has really happened. For a while, I can just be with her. I will press her to me, and give her all my love. I will cling to my light like never before. She is the only light I have left. ---
"And that passage," said Demon Willow, "was the last thing that Miss Rosenberg ever wrote. Pity Miss Rosenberg, if you can. Her light went out the next morning, and so did she." The demon let out a mock sob.
"I don't understand, Willow," said Giles, softly. "What was it that you were so afraid to tell us?"
Good Willow suddenly awakened and screamed as the demon doubled over in pain. "NO! You can't tell them! Oh Goddess, it's so terrible, so horrible, so evil, who I really am..." Good Willow trailed off, and fell back into her soft weeping.
The demon quickly stretched and laughed. "And if that sobbing disgrace manages to keep her energy up for just a little while longer, I might be forcibly persuaded to keep it a dark and terrible secret. Forget that, you might not be trapped here. But she can't." Good Willow let out a terrible sob, but otherwise did nothing. Demon Willow grinned and began stroking her breastbone.
"You see, class, it was all about the power. For most of her pathetic little life, Willow Rosenberg felt powerless and worthless. She had what the Sunnydale school board would call a serious self-esteem problem. She felt the same even after she became a Slayerette. Having to be rescued all the time does bad things to one's ego. She wanted to be powerful. She wanted to be special. Using magic gave her both."
Giles sighed. "Willow - but you were always special to us. You were so special to me. Now I understand why you became addicted. But now the secret is out, there's help for you - come back to us."
Dawn nodded.
The demon let out a horrible laugh. "Oh, come back to us, Willow! Be good 12-step Willow. You still don't understand. It was about the power, not about the magic. Dark magic is not physically addictive. I admit, once Willow Rosenberg got mixed up with Pusher Rack, she became quite the junky. But that's because the bad boy was mixing his mana with concentrated heroin. Really. I - well she, but I remember - went through the withdrawal."
Dawn gasped. "But then, it wasn't the magic - it was the power that addicted you."
The demon sighed. "Close, Miss Summers. But not quite there. Oh, Miss Rosenberg loved the power from her wide-ranging magical activities. Craved it. Let it boost her ego, especially when her abilities started racing ahead far faster than should have been possible. Maybe, got a bit dependent on it - okay, maybe a lot dependent. Maybe even abused it a little - okay, a lot. But she nobly gave it all up to win back her friends and her love. She became recovering, sworn-off addictive magic forever Willow. But hey, there was a kind of power in that too, you know? I said you weren't that far off, Miss Summers."
"But, the harder Miss Rosenberg tried to give up the power, the harder it stuck to her. It just wouldn't go away, almost as if it was a part of her." The demon grinned at this. "And then, slowly, the awful truth began to emerge."
"Pity poor Miss Rosenberg, if you can. She secretly knew the truth, had known it for years, but could always run from it. Then she reached the point of no return, but still she kept running. From you, from her friends, but most of all from herself. She could not succeed."
"Willow," Giles voice cracked. "Dear God, why did you hide this secret from us? And what is it? Please, tell us..." his voice trailed off.
Good Willow shrieked off to the side. The demon briefly doubled over, but then smiled. "Mr. Giles, I am pleased to see that you are finally providing the common courtesies which the Sunnydale School Board expects. So I will tell you our dark little secret, even though I am amazed you have not realized it already. But then, you always did see what you wanted to see, and heard what you wanted to hear. That's what made it so easy for Willow Rosenberg to fool you and all of her Slayerette friends."
Another rumbling came from the side wall, louder than before. Demon Willow began rubbing her breastbone forcefully.
"Oh, but I am taking up too much time. Anyway," smiled the demon, proudly, "all Willow Rosenberg wanted was to be powerful and special. Well, she got her wish. Beyond all possible imagination - and beyond all hope. Let's get to the heart of the matter, shall we?"
The demon drove its claws into its chest. Black blood poured out of the wound. The demon began to pull, and Dawn jerked her eyes away. She heard a terrible ripping sound.
"Look at me, students!" yelled Demon Willow.
Dawn slowly opened her eyes. The demon had somehow swung open her rib cage, exposing her heart and lungs. Dawn forced herself not to gag, and concentrated on the now exposed organs. She slowly realized that the demon's heart looked nothing like what she had seen in biology class. Instead, it looked like the demon's heart had been doubled. There were four chambers in an upper section, just like she remembered, but there were another four chambers in a bottom section, pumping blood into a second aorta that seemed to head directly for the demon's lower half.
Giles gasped. "This can't be, Willow," he said. "Humans don't have that configuration, and neither do most demons. Only the most powerful..."
"That's right, students," interrupted Demon Willow. This is not the heart of a human - it's the heart of a demon. Mr. Giles is correct - only the most powerful classes of demons have a heart shaped like this. They're like the only ones that need that many magic horses under the hood, you know? You know how all young boys and girls secretly think they're monsters? In my case it's really true."
Giles let out a cry, and put his head on his chest. A tear rolled down his cheek.
"Finally see the 'whole bloody thing', huh, Daddy? That's right. Your precious redhead is a demon. And we aren't talking little orcs here. We're talking griffins and hydras. We're talking balrons. We may even be talking dragons."
The demon seemed quite satisfied with herself, and closed her rib cage.
"So now at last you see. Both of you. 'Demons bad, people good,' huh, Daddy? Guess what. Your perfect little witch is one of the biggest and baddest of them all. What will you do now, Mister Giles? What?"
Giles put his face in hands. He slowly lifted his face, and mouthed the words, "I'm so sorry." The demon only sneered in response.
"But, Willow," said Dawn, softly. "I've met your parents. They aren't demons."
The demon let out a terrible laugh. "Still hasn't sunk in, has it, Miss Summers?"
From off to the side, Good Willow let a sharp sob. "They don't know what a terrible monster I am." she cried, and then drifted back into her own tears.
"For once, the whiner is right," said the demon. "I'm adopted. I've known it practically since I can remember, since my parents never tried to hide it."
Dawn was taken aback. "But..."
"No buts, Miss Summers," said the demon. "Yeah, they kind of look like me a little, but come on. You'd think someone picked actors to play them. Nor would my conservative Jewish parents naturally have picked 'Willow' as a name for me. I came with that name from the adoption agency. When I was growing up, I often wondered who my real parents were, and why they abandoned me. Now I'm beginning to have a good idea."
Dawn spoke up. "Wow. Okay, Willow, I know this must be hard for you. But, there are lots of good demons. Like Clem, for instance. He's cool, with his floppy ears and..."
"Silence!" the demon roared. Good Willow sobbed off to the side. "I'm a monster, Dawnie. I so don't deserve..." she whispered, then trailed off.
"I do appreciate your display of tolerance, Miss Summers. The Sunnydale School Board would certainly approve. Perhaps Mr. Giles will benefit, too. But we're on a tight schedule here, so it's time to move on. So far you've seen just a part of what's inside of me. There's something else you need to see, too."
The demon waved her claws, and the other side wall of the classroom opened. The new space was filled with a large crystalline orb that gave off a sickly yellow glow. A black haze and clouds of black flecks swirled inside the orb. The surface of the orb was engraved with a series of strange runes and letters that Dawn did not understand. Worse, there were cracks in the orb that seemed to bleed a black sludge into a puddle on the floor of the new chamber. The puddle looked like it would soon overflow into the classroom.
"Mr. Giles, do you recognize this object? You should," said the demon.
Giles gasped. "No, it can't be."
"But it is," cackled the demon. "This is the supposedly pure essence of magic you gave me. This is the magical device that was supposed to turn Real Willow back into Crying, Sniveling Willow, who would bow down and whine and beg before Daddy for all her sins. Guess what? The magical device was corrupted. Instead of getting Real Willow in touch with her sensitive side, it got Real Willow in touch with all the pain and suffering in the world."
For the first time, Giles broke down. "Willow, I'm so sorry..."
"Hello! Do I care anything about how you feel any more, Giles?" the demon snapped. "I don't think so. But take time away from your feeling sorry for yourself and look at the orb again. Look at the words engraved on its surface."
Giles did. "These - these are instructions for raising that demonic temple, and..."
"That's right," cackled the demon. "Look's like Real Willow wasn't planning on ending the world, after all. Someone in your precious trusted coven decided to use me for that purpose. And you were the perfect trusting delivery boy."
Giles sobbed.
"Yes. Now we're seeing some real education, Mr. Giles. I said I had only two to go when you first showed up in Sunnydale. Okay, I didn't tell you the whole truth. I had four to go - Andrew, Jonathan, Dawnie, and of course, me."
Dawn was taken aback. "Why me?" she shrieked.
"You'll just have to find out in one of our next lessons, won't you, Miss Summers? Well, okay, it might have been five or six to go by the time I was done, between Super Buffy and Daddy's attempts to show their 'tough love' for me by trying to kick my ass. But they weren't in my plan. No, it took Daddy and his witch friends to turn me from a bad girl into the herald of the apocalypse. I hope you're really proud, Mr. Giles. With your help, your little girl almost did really, really well for herself." The demon laughed.
Giles wiped a tear off of his cheek. "I am so sorry, Willow. But I swear I never meant to hurt you. I only wanted to help you - I love you. We need to go now. We need to find out who in the coven tried to use you - us. And, that leakage out of the essence - Willow, you have to seal it off."
"Oh, Daddy, I love you so much, too. I'll so go save the world now," the demon sneered. "What a load of crap. It's too late for that, Mr. Giles. Way past too late. But, you have become very observant. You're so right about that leakage. That black goo is pure malignant energy, poisoning my veins at this very instant. The muck has already reached levels high enough to bring you and Dawnie here. And, there's a really cool feedback loop kicking in. Soon, the orb will explode, releasing all of its energy into my body. I'll awaken immediately, finally breaking through Crybaby Willow's protective barrier. I'll kill everyone around me, including you. Then I'll destroy the world, which I know from personal experience will be quite a favor. And that, at last, will be the end. Isn't that nice?" The demon grinned.
Giles spoke softly, his voice cracking from defeat. "Willow, no. You can't let this happen. You have to stop it. You can seal the orb off - you almost did before. Please."
Good Willow released a loud sob, but was otherwise unresponsive.
The demon laughed. "Oh 'please, please save the world, temporarily-bad little girl.' How pathetic. Willow Rosenberg is long gone. I'm an evil monster who craves killing and destruction, Mr. Giles. Get it through your thick head."
Giles froze. He looked over at the crying Willow, and looked back towards the demon. His eyes slowly widened. "You're right, demon. You're not Willow. I have no choice. I pray it is the right one." The ex-Watcher leaped out of his desk and threw himself towards Demon Willow.
Giles was stopped in mid-lunge, frozen in mid-air. "Oh come on," laughed Demon Willow. "Don't you ever learn anything?" She waved her arms, and Giles was blown back into the stone table, barely missing Good Willow. The table fell back onto its four legs with a loud bang. Giles fell to the floor, grimacing in pain. Good Willow did not seem to notice.
"Thirty points deducted from Uppity House. You need a time out, Mr. Giles," said the demon, in its most condescending tone. Giles immediately began writhing in pain. He repeatedly tried to disbelieve the pain, but to no avail. "It's a repeating pain spell, Mr. Giles. It will remain in place until I say otherwise."
Dawn scurried over to Giles. "Giles," she said. "Um... we, like, tried to deal with Dark Willow the last time by kicking her ass, and it totally didn't work."
Giles nodded. Painfully.
"Instead," whispered Dawn, "Xander said he was finally able to reach her by reminding her of the 'time she broke the yellow crayon' in kindergarten..."
Suddenly, Dawn was jerked back into her desk. "Come on, Miss Summers," the demon sneered. "You're not using good critical thinking!"
With that, Demonic Willow wrote on the board: "LESSON THE FOURTH: A BRIEF LESSON. THAT STUPID CRAYON STORY WON'T WORK. IT DIDN'T WORK THE LAST TIME. 'GOOD WILLOW' JUST WOKE UP TO THE FACT THAT SHE DIDN'T WANT THE ONLY 'FRIEND' WHO WASN'T TRYING TO KICK HER ASS TO DIE, SO SHE THREW ME. IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. MISS MASOCHIST IS TOO CONSUMED WITH HER OWN SUFFERING. BESIDES, THAT DAMN CRAYON WAS BLUE, NOT YELLOW."
Dawn slumped in her desk.
"Any questions, class? Didn't think so."
With that, Demonic Willow wrote on the board: "LESSON THE FIFTH: WHY MISS SUMMERS MUST GO BACK TO BEING A GREEN BALL OF ENERGY."
Dawn suppressed a scream.
* * *
To be continued in chapter 5.
Buffy never made the table. The others barely managed to restrain her.
"Slayer..." gasped the Leader of the coven, "if you kill Willow Rosenberg, you kill your sister and your Watcher as well. We must let things play out until their end. Besides..."
"Oh look," said Anya. "Dawn and Giles have gotten up. They have no bullet holes anymore. Yay!"
Buffy slumped to the ground. "Oh, God - I tried to kill her. My best friend - I just tried to kill her. And Giles, and my sister..."
"Ssh. It's okay," whispered Xander. He pressed the sobbing Slayer to his chest.
* * *
Dawn rolled over in pain from the bullet wounds, feeling the life ebb out of her body. "Dawn..." Giles gasped, "you must fight it... must disbelieve it's happening with all your will..."
Dawn fought through the pain as hard as she could. [This is isn't happening, there are no real bullets, no real bullets, I SAID no real bullets...] And suddenly, the pain and the bullets were gone.
Giles rolled over, still in pain - but the bullet holes were gone from his chest, too. Both Giles and Dawn slowly got up and returned to their desks. Dawn tried to look as defiant as she could. "It will take more than that to kill us," said Giles.
Demon Willow frowned. "Bother. How impressive - not only have you stopped whining and crying incessantly, you can disbelieve, too. Looks like I won't be able to get rid of you the medium-difficulty way, either. Same with Giles. But it makes things interesting."
"Oh, well," the demon sighed. "Looks like class won't be dismissed early today, after all. Time for another lesson."
With that, Demonic Willow wrote on the board: "LESSON THE THIRD: AN EXPLORATION OF THE FANTASY PERSONA KNOWN AS WILLOW ROSENBERG."
"I have, at great difficulty, acquired the best possible resource for this lesson. I hope you will be most appreciative, class." The demon waved her claws, and an old, ratty book with a torn spine appeared. She began flipping through pages, which were covered with writing. Dawn immediately recognized the writing as Willow's.
"I detect your interest, Miss Summers. Yes, this is a tome you would have done anything to read, to include employing your kleptomania-enabling skills."
Dawn blushed.
"But of course you couldn't, because Willow Rosenberg hid it from you. Magically. This is her secret diary, where she poured out her most secret thoughts and feelings."
Good Willow screamed, but promptly fell back to weeping softly.
Demon Willow nodded in the direction of Good Willow. "I thought you would have no objection," said the demon.
The demon began flipping through pages. "And oh, there's so much in here. We could spend days and days..." The demon was interrupted by a rumble coming from the side wall of the classroom.
The demon smiled. "But, unfortunately, it appears we are on a tight schedule today. So, I'll only have time to read one passage. What shall it be, what shall it be?"
Giles spoke. "I would like to know how we went so terribly wrong, how we didn't know you were hurting so badly..."
The demon laughed. "Wouldn't you, Mr. Giles. Wouldn't you? Sigh. I'm sorry, Mr. Giles, but your contributions, significant as they were, were not responsible for Miss Rosenberg's destruction. Her path was foreordained. From birth, you might say. But let's see, I'm sure I can give you a decent summary of what you want to know, while I look for the special passage I want."
"Let's see," searched the demon, "here we have lots of feelings or jealousy and shame over the way she was treated in school, lots of desire for bloody revenge - my, that girl was creative, even if she wasn't real - and sigh, lots of guilt over her dark impulses. But that's pretty typical. So let's move on."
"Hmm," searched the demon, "here's something a bit more interesting - Miss Rosenberg's school girl crush on Mr. Giles, feelings of jealousy towards Ms. Calendar, desire for bloody vengeance against Ms. Calendar, guilt towards said dark impulses, scratch that, rivers of guilt once Ms. Calendar bought it - my, what did that girl see in such a lout like you, Mr. Giles? But again, this all pretty typical. Let's move on."
Giles blushed. "Willow," he said, softly.
Giles promptly doubled over from an invisible punch to his stomach. The demon laughed. "Mr. Giles, you had your shot, and you wasted it. A very long time ago. Some people never learn. And, we really are on a very tight schedule today. Let's move on."
"Now," searched the demon. "Willow's loves. Half a forest fell to her musings on Oz, and another half fell to her desires for bloody revenge after he left, and, not surprisingly, her guilt about those desires. And as for Tara - well, she took up several forests. Not that she didn't deserve it." The demon looked down, but only for a second.
"Moving on," said the demon quickly. "Willow's best friend, Buffy. Lots of adoration for Super Buff. Also lots of jealousy, especially when she had to be rescued all the time. Lots of wishing that she was Super Buffy, or that she could at least rescue Super Buffy once in a while. Lots of 'I miss her so much' and yup, more guilt after Buffy died. Lots of self- satisfaction when she brought Buffy back - Willow Rosenberg finally got her wish to rescue Super Buffy. Cascades of guilt when she found out Buffy had been in heaven instead of a hell dimension - not many brownie points for 'rescuing' somebody from paradise, after all. Plus great disbelief. For reference, class, I doubt that Buffy was really in heaven, for reasons that are outside of Sunnydale's approved curriculum. But, moving on..."
Dawn burst in. "What do you mean by that? You're lying - you can't deal with the fact that you pulled her out of heaven..."
Good Willow suddenly screamed, and the demon doubled over. Dawn slumped over from an invisible jab to her stomach. "I... did not... pull Elizabeth Summers out of heaven," said the demon. "Mind your manners, little girl."
Dawn dutifully filed the demon's reaction into the back of her mind.
"More on Buffy," said the demon quickly. "Oh, ho, ho, here we go! Willow's secret attraction - and dare I say, it, forbidden love? - for her best friend. Willow's secret jealousy that Buffy never returned her attraction. Willow's guilt over her ongoing attraction to Super Buffy, even during her relationships with Oz and Tara. Willow's imagining..." The demon trailed off, as Good Willow let out an ear-splitting scream.
Dawn gaped at these revelations, although secretly she was not surprised. Giles's expression revealed no emotion.
"Good Willow is correct. Such content has not been approved by the Sunnydale school board. Moving on - to Willow's feelings about being a Slayerette. Oh, she so loved taking out her aggressions on vamps and demons, and so hated how she felt about her naughty, evil impulses afterwards. But, she did feel she was fighting the good fight, especially with the nasty demons. People good, demons bad, eh, Mr. Giles? I personally find that ironic." The demon grinned.
Giles nodded, and drooped his head.
"Rolling on," searched the demon. "I'm getting closer. Oh, here we go. Another forest fell to Willow Rosenberg's discussion of the Key. The results of her secret studies. She learned a lot about the creation of the Key, and the truth about the creation of you, Dawnie. Lots of fascinating stuff, there. Especially towards the end."
Dawn leaned forward attentively.
"But, we will not have time to cover that material in this lesson."
Dawn sighed disappointedly.
"Oh, getting very close now," said the demon. "Another vast tract of timber fell to Willow's feelings for her parents. Her mom and dad. Her love for them, which she felt went so unrequited. Her endless feelings of inadequacy over her belief that her own parents didn't love her, or even seem to recognize her existence, especially in her later teenage years. Why, it took her mother five months to realize that she was coming home with scratches and bruises on a regular basis after hanging out with 'Bunny.' And we haven't even begin to get into college. Especially when Miss Rosenberg last visited her parents, and discovered that they barely recognized her."
Dawn gasped. "But Willow, that can't be. I can't imagine your parents not recognizing you. I mean..."
"No buts, Dawnie," grinned the demon. "Because then, Willow realized why her parents were losing their memories of her. And that brings me," searched the demon, "to exactly what I've been looking for. Not that it's hard to miss. If Willow Rosenberg sacrificed forests for Oz and her love Tara, she wasted Yellowstone over this. Her dark, hidden, evil little secret. A secret so awful she couldn't admit even to herself, much less to Daddy, Dawnie, or any of her other closest friends and loves."
Giles's eyes widened. The demon nodded.
"The references start early. Even at a very young age, Willow Rosenberg began to realize that there was something 'icky' about her, and that weird things she couldn't explain kept happening to her. It was one of the primary reasons why she threw herself into academics. The references pick up the pace through Miss Rosenberg's teenage years, and become a torrent during her Slayerette years. And as we get towards the end - well, she must have been Weyerhauser's number one customer. So there's just so much to choose from. But, there's one passage in particular I want you to hear. it sounds so good when read aloud. if I can just remember where it is. Of course, how could I be so forgetful?" The demon made a show of smacking her forehead. "It's on the last page."
"And now, class, an excerpt from Willow Rosenberg's secret diary."
--- The darkness swirls throughout my body, coursing ceaselessly throughout my veins. It is getting worse every day, and my nights are now complete torment. I want to release it, let it out, set it free. I can't. I feel I like I am being eaten alive. I wish I would be eaten alive - it would take it all away. And I would be so relieved...
"No, Willow," I scream to myself. "It's just symptoms of your ongoing addiction to dark magic. You noble, recovering addict, you! Just suffer some more, and soon you'll be back to your old reliable, normal, ordinary self. Why, you'll even have her again." I am lying to myself, again. It doesn't work. Nothing does.
The alternative is to face the truth. I wasn't drawn to Rack and his magical happies. That dirty pusher was drawn to me, to the darkness radiating out of my cursed body, like some kind of junkie moth. I follow the insect right to the heart of the matter - my heart of darkness.
No. I have to stop thinking about it. I must be strong, if only for her. Maybe I can dream about her, see her before me, feel her, make it almost real.
I hear footsteps on the stairs. I can sense her. My love, my light is coming to me. At last - I will be happy, in her arms, if only for a little while. Maybe I will tell her. Maybe I will let her know the truth about me.
Yeah, right. And then she will hate me forever, spitting out my name in disgust. After all, I know exactly what her family taught her to think about demons. Just like they'll all hate me. Just as much as I hate myself.
But now she's here. I feel her emotions and know the miracle has really happened. For a while, I can just be with her. I will press her to me, and give her all my love. I will cling to my light like never before. She is the only light I have left. ---
"And that passage," said Demon Willow, "was the last thing that Miss Rosenberg ever wrote. Pity Miss Rosenberg, if you can. Her light went out the next morning, and so did she." The demon let out a mock sob.
"I don't understand, Willow," said Giles, softly. "What was it that you were so afraid to tell us?"
Good Willow suddenly awakened and screamed as the demon doubled over in pain. "NO! You can't tell them! Oh Goddess, it's so terrible, so horrible, so evil, who I really am..." Good Willow trailed off, and fell back into her soft weeping.
The demon quickly stretched and laughed. "And if that sobbing disgrace manages to keep her energy up for just a little while longer, I might be forcibly persuaded to keep it a dark and terrible secret. Forget that, you might not be trapped here. But she can't." Good Willow let out a terrible sob, but otherwise did nothing. Demon Willow grinned and began stroking her breastbone.
"You see, class, it was all about the power. For most of her pathetic little life, Willow Rosenberg felt powerless and worthless. She had what the Sunnydale school board would call a serious self-esteem problem. She felt the same even after she became a Slayerette. Having to be rescued all the time does bad things to one's ego. She wanted to be powerful. She wanted to be special. Using magic gave her both."
Giles sighed. "Willow - but you were always special to us. You were so special to me. Now I understand why you became addicted. But now the secret is out, there's help for you - come back to us."
Dawn nodded.
The demon let out a horrible laugh. "Oh, come back to us, Willow! Be good 12-step Willow. You still don't understand. It was about the power, not about the magic. Dark magic is not physically addictive. I admit, once Willow Rosenberg got mixed up with Pusher Rack, she became quite the junky. But that's because the bad boy was mixing his mana with concentrated heroin. Really. I - well she, but I remember - went through the withdrawal."
Dawn gasped. "But then, it wasn't the magic - it was the power that addicted you."
The demon sighed. "Close, Miss Summers. But not quite there. Oh, Miss Rosenberg loved the power from her wide-ranging magical activities. Craved it. Let it boost her ego, especially when her abilities started racing ahead far faster than should have been possible. Maybe, got a bit dependent on it - okay, maybe a lot dependent. Maybe even abused it a little - okay, a lot. But she nobly gave it all up to win back her friends and her love. She became recovering, sworn-off addictive magic forever Willow. But hey, there was a kind of power in that too, you know? I said you weren't that far off, Miss Summers."
"But, the harder Miss Rosenberg tried to give up the power, the harder it stuck to her. It just wouldn't go away, almost as if it was a part of her." The demon grinned at this. "And then, slowly, the awful truth began to emerge."
"Pity poor Miss Rosenberg, if you can. She secretly knew the truth, had known it for years, but could always run from it. Then she reached the point of no return, but still she kept running. From you, from her friends, but most of all from herself. She could not succeed."
"Willow," Giles voice cracked. "Dear God, why did you hide this secret from us? And what is it? Please, tell us..." his voice trailed off.
Good Willow shrieked off to the side. The demon briefly doubled over, but then smiled. "Mr. Giles, I am pleased to see that you are finally providing the common courtesies which the Sunnydale School Board expects. So I will tell you our dark little secret, even though I am amazed you have not realized it already. But then, you always did see what you wanted to see, and heard what you wanted to hear. That's what made it so easy for Willow Rosenberg to fool you and all of her Slayerette friends."
Another rumbling came from the side wall, louder than before. Demon Willow began rubbing her breastbone forcefully.
"Oh, but I am taking up too much time. Anyway," smiled the demon, proudly, "all Willow Rosenberg wanted was to be powerful and special. Well, she got her wish. Beyond all possible imagination - and beyond all hope. Let's get to the heart of the matter, shall we?"
The demon drove its claws into its chest. Black blood poured out of the wound. The demon began to pull, and Dawn jerked her eyes away. She heard a terrible ripping sound.
"Look at me, students!" yelled Demon Willow.
Dawn slowly opened her eyes. The demon had somehow swung open her rib cage, exposing her heart and lungs. Dawn forced herself not to gag, and concentrated on the now exposed organs. She slowly realized that the demon's heart looked nothing like what she had seen in biology class. Instead, it looked like the demon's heart had been doubled. There were four chambers in an upper section, just like she remembered, but there were another four chambers in a bottom section, pumping blood into a second aorta that seemed to head directly for the demon's lower half.
Giles gasped. "This can't be, Willow," he said. "Humans don't have that configuration, and neither do most demons. Only the most powerful..."
"That's right, students," interrupted Demon Willow. This is not the heart of a human - it's the heart of a demon. Mr. Giles is correct - only the most powerful classes of demons have a heart shaped like this. They're like the only ones that need that many magic horses under the hood, you know? You know how all young boys and girls secretly think they're monsters? In my case it's really true."
Giles let out a cry, and put his head on his chest. A tear rolled down his cheek.
"Finally see the 'whole bloody thing', huh, Daddy? That's right. Your precious redhead is a demon. And we aren't talking little orcs here. We're talking griffins and hydras. We're talking balrons. We may even be talking dragons."
The demon seemed quite satisfied with herself, and closed her rib cage.
"So now at last you see. Both of you. 'Demons bad, people good,' huh, Daddy? Guess what. Your perfect little witch is one of the biggest and baddest of them all. What will you do now, Mister Giles? What?"
Giles put his face in hands. He slowly lifted his face, and mouthed the words, "I'm so sorry." The demon only sneered in response.
"But, Willow," said Dawn, softly. "I've met your parents. They aren't demons."
The demon let out a terrible laugh. "Still hasn't sunk in, has it, Miss Summers?"
From off to the side, Good Willow let a sharp sob. "They don't know what a terrible monster I am." she cried, and then drifted back into her own tears.
"For once, the whiner is right," said the demon. "I'm adopted. I've known it practically since I can remember, since my parents never tried to hide it."
Dawn was taken aback. "But..."
"No buts, Miss Summers," said the demon. "Yeah, they kind of look like me a little, but come on. You'd think someone picked actors to play them. Nor would my conservative Jewish parents naturally have picked 'Willow' as a name for me. I came with that name from the adoption agency. When I was growing up, I often wondered who my real parents were, and why they abandoned me. Now I'm beginning to have a good idea."
Dawn spoke up. "Wow. Okay, Willow, I know this must be hard for you. But, there are lots of good demons. Like Clem, for instance. He's cool, with his floppy ears and..."
"Silence!" the demon roared. Good Willow sobbed off to the side. "I'm a monster, Dawnie. I so don't deserve..." she whispered, then trailed off.
"I do appreciate your display of tolerance, Miss Summers. The Sunnydale School Board would certainly approve. Perhaps Mr. Giles will benefit, too. But we're on a tight schedule here, so it's time to move on. So far you've seen just a part of what's inside of me. There's something else you need to see, too."
The demon waved her claws, and the other side wall of the classroom opened. The new space was filled with a large crystalline orb that gave off a sickly yellow glow. A black haze and clouds of black flecks swirled inside the orb. The surface of the orb was engraved with a series of strange runes and letters that Dawn did not understand. Worse, there were cracks in the orb that seemed to bleed a black sludge into a puddle on the floor of the new chamber. The puddle looked like it would soon overflow into the classroom.
"Mr. Giles, do you recognize this object? You should," said the demon.
Giles gasped. "No, it can't be."
"But it is," cackled the demon. "This is the supposedly pure essence of magic you gave me. This is the magical device that was supposed to turn Real Willow back into Crying, Sniveling Willow, who would bow down and whine and beg before Daddy for all her sins. Guess what? The magical device was corrupted. Instead of getting Real Willow in touch with her sensitive side, it got Real Willow in touch with all the pain and suffering in the world."
For the first time, Giles broke down. "Willow, I'm so sorry..."
"Hello! Do I care anything about how you feel any more, Giles?" the demon snapped. "I don't think so. But take time away from your feeling sorry for yourself and look at the orb again. Look at the words engraved on its surface."
Giles did. "These - these are instructions for raising that demonic temple, and..."
"That's right," cackled the demon. "Look's like Real Willow wasn't planning on ending the world, after all. Someone in your precious trusted coven decided to use me for that purpose. And you were the perfect trusting delivery boy."
Giles sobbed.
"Yes. Now we're seeing some real education, Mr. Giles. I said I had only two to go when you first showed up in Sunnydale. Okay, I didn't tell you the whole truth. I had four to go - Andrew, Jonathan, Dawnie, and of course, me."
Dawn was taken aback. "Why me?" she shrieked.
"You'll just have to find out in one of our next lessons, won't you, Miss Summers? Well, okay, it might have been five or six to go by the time I was done, between Super Buffy and Daddy's attempts to show their 'tough love' for me by trying to kick my ass. But they weren't in my plan. No, it took Daddy and his witch friends to turn me from a bad girl into the herald of the apocalypse. I hope you're really proud, Mr. Giles. With your help, your little girl almost did really, really well for herself." The demon laughed.
Giles wiped a tear off of his cheek. "I am so sorry, Willow. But I swear I never meant to hurt you. I only wanted to help you - I love you. We need to go now. We need to find out who in the coven tried to use you - us. And, that leakage out of the essence - Willow, you have to seal it off."
"Oh, Daddy, I love you so much, too. I'll so go save the world now," the demon sneered. "What a load of crap. It's too late for that, Mr. Giles. Way past too late. But, you have become very observant. You're so right about that leakage. That black goo is pure malignant energy, poisoning my veins at this very instant. The muck has already reached levels high enough to bring you and Dawnie here. And, there's a really cool feedback loop kicking in. Soon, the orb will explode, releasing all of its energy into my body. I'll awaken immediately, finally breaking through Crybaby Willow's protective barrier. I'll kill everyone around me, including you. Then I'll destroy the world, which I know from personal experience will be quite a favor. And that, at last, will be the end. Isn't that nice?" The demon grinned.
Giles spoke softly, his voice cracking from defeat. "Willow, no. You can't let this happen. You have to stop it. You can seal the orb off - you almost did before. Please."
Good Willow released a loud sob, but was otherwise unresponsive.
The demon laughed. "Oh 'please, please save the world, temporarily-bad little girl.' How pathetic. Willow Rosenberg is long gone. I'm an evil monster who craves killing and destruction, Mr. Giles. Get it through your thick head."
Giles froze. He looked over at the crying Willow, and looked back towards the demon. His eyes slowly widened. "You're right, demon. You're not Willow. I have no choice. I pray it is the right one." The ex-Watcher leaped out of his desk and threw himself towards Demon Willow.
Giles was stopped in mid-lunge, frozen in mid-air. "Oh come on," laughed Demon Willow. "Don't you ever learn anything?" She waved her arms, and Giles was blown back into the stone table, barely missing Good Willow. The table fell back onto its four legs with a loud bang. Giles fell to the floor, grimacing in pain. Good Willow did not seem to notice.
"Thirty points deducted from Uppity House. You need a time out, Mr. Giles," said the demon, in its most condescending tone. Giles immediately began writhing in pain. He repeatedly tried to disbelieve the pain, but to no avail. "It's a repeating pain spell, Mr. Giles. It will remain in place until I say otherwise."
Dawn scurried over to Giles. "Giles," she said. "Um... we, like, tried to deal with Dark Willow the last time by kicking her ass, and it totally didn't work."
Giles nodded. Painfully.
"Instead," whispered Dawn, "Xander said he was finally able to reach her by reminding her of the 'time she broke the yellow crayon' in kindergarten..."
Suddenly, Dawn was jerked back into her desk. "Come on, Miss Summers," the demon sneered. "You're not using good critical thinking!"
With that, Demonic Willow wrote on the board: "LESSON THE FOURTH: A BRIEF LESSON. THAT STUPID CRAYON STORY WON'T WORK. IT DIDN'T WORK THE LAST TIME. 'GOOD WILLOW' JUST WOKE UP TO THE FACT THAT SHE DIDN'T WANT THE ONLY 'FRIEND' WHO WASN'T TRYING TO KICK HER ASS TO DIE, SO SHE THREW ME. IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. MISS MASOCHIST IS TOO CONSUMED WITH HER OWN SUFFERING. BESIDES, THAT DAMN CRAYON WAS BLUE, NOT YELLOW."
Dawn slumped in her desk.
"Any questions, class? Didn't think so."
With that, Demonic Willow wrote on the board: "LESSON THE FIFTH: WHY MISS SUMMERS MUST GO BACK TO BEING A GREEN BALL OF ENERGY."
Dawn suppressed a scream.
* * *
To be continued in chapter 5.