Title: Always
Chapter: #5 – Break you…
Author: Nevoreiel (lamort_noir@hotmail.com)
Pairing: Draco/Harry
Rating: R just to be safe, dark content, rape, non-concentual sex, coerced sex, suicidal thoughts, violence, some language, and questionable behavior, but I like it that way. :)
Summary: Draco can't sleep so he decides to wander. To his surprise he finds Harry at the Astronomy Tower. A fight ensues and the consequences bring out strange emotions.
Disclaimer: The characters in no way, shape, or form ever did, are, or will belong to me. The twisted storyline belongs to me though. J.K. Rowling would not be caught dead writing such things. No money is made of this and who would want to pay for something like this?
Warning: The only warning would be that if RAPE and NON-CONCENTUAL SEX between the same genders make you faint, then DO NOT READ. This story is SLASH (male/male relationship); the R rating is for a reason. Not as much for this chapter either.
Notes: This chapter title also comes from NIN's "The Downward Spiral" CD, the song's called "Eraser". This is Harry's point of view taking place right after he walks out of the Astronomy Tower.
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Gah, I could kick myself. What did I say that for? No idea whatsoever except that I felt the need to say it or I would go mad. At least I have my revenge though it doesn't feel as good as I thought it would be. Will I ever get Malfoy lying on the floor, completely beaten, out of my head? At least it isn't the image of Malfoy leering at me. I don't think I'll ever get the feel of his hands off my skin.
I wish that I didn't have any image at all; just get him out of my head. But then the dialogue takes over. He said my name and in as discreet a manner as he could he told me that he did not hate me. But he can't actually love me; I've given him no reason to do so. But neither had I given a good enough reason to Ginny and look what happened there.
I bring up a good point to negate myself. I think the whole Malfoy problem has scrambled my brain indefinitely
I don't think that staring at the canopy of my bed helps much. Will I ever be able to have a goodnight's sleep again? Things just aren't going my way. Will they ever?
Why exactly did I tell him to think about it? I'm sure that he won't find a different answer and do I really want a different answer? I ask too much of myself.
Will I ever be able to forget the whole thing? Gods, I can't take this. Why should everything happen to me?
***
If I ever spend another such night I'll start falling asleep during dinner. Hmm, maybe I should warn Ron, wouldn't do any good to drown in my soup.
Everyone jovially races down to breakfast and I follow halfheartedly. Going down to breakfast means that I'll be seeing Malfoy there and that's not such a good prospect after what I did recently. Oh, lord, did I just think that? Do I really take everyone else's feelings over my own? Eh, I don't want to even start thinking about that.
"Harry, hey… Harry, are you still with us?" Ron's face appears and thankfully he shocks me out of it.
"Uhh, yes, I'm fine," he just gives me an inquisitive look but from then on left me to my wandering mind. Very wandering mind. There will come a time when all my pathetic excuses for the sleepless nights will not make do. I should come up with some better excuses.
And there's Malfoy sitting at his table with those idiots, as usual. He looks normal enough which is not that unusual. I think I'm too preoccupied as to whether Malfoy looks affected or not. Why should I care? I don't think that he thought about me one whit after he raped me. Gods, now why should I think about that right now?
He made me feel so impure. What the hell was he trying to prove? On, this is useless. I shouldn't be asking these things of myself I should be asking Malfoy.
I think that's exactly what I'll do, as soon as I can get him alone. Hmm, I better eat before Hermione decides to stuff something down my throat like yesterday, I don't like the way she keeps glancing my way. Best to smile and eat something.
Thankfully Malfoy no longer stares at me except that I have trouble from keeping my gaze away from him.
***
I hope I wasn't mistaken, the schedule does say that Slytherins have Quidditch practice today. But, no, here they come. Putting the Invisibility Cloak over myself I retreat into a corner. No good to be trampled by that lot.
Malfoy's the last of them and for that I'm grateful. Carefully I walk behind him, when the rest of the team is out of sight I take off the cloak and as cautiously as possible I tap him on the shoulder.
The response is instant; he almost jumps out of his skin. Oh, Hell, I don't think I can do this. Maybe he's not as unaffected as he looks. And come to think of it he doesn't look all that healthy at the moment, his skin is too sallow, even for him. Actually, he looks very disheveled and windblown. Er… I'll deal with that treacherous thought later.
"Malfoy, I need to talk with you," not the best I could've said, not the best tone I used either.
He regains some of his arrogant demeanor and glares at me, "So talk."
"Not now and not here," I gesture around to indicate the hallway.
"So when and where?" he smirks for effect.
Oh, I'm getting tired of this, "Forbidden Forest, at midnight tonight."
"And why should I listen to you?" will he ever give up the disinterested routine?
"I'm sure you want to talk about this as much as I do, so spare yourself and me the trouble and just listen for once to what's being asked of you. I'm sure that doesn't happen too often but make an exception this one time," my little speech surprises him as much as myself.
"Alright, but where exactly? The Forbidden Forest is not particularly that small," Malfoy bring up a good point even though I do want to strangle him by now.
"You know what? Just come to the edge of the forest, I'll find you," the Marauder's Map will come in handy here.
"Fine, and if there's nothing else you have to say I have to go and take a shower," interesting lilt that his voice acquires at the strangest moments. I don't think I've heard this tone of voice before.
Before I can dissect that sentence further Malfoy looks at me funny and then without further bantering he leaves me there. I decide not to push my luck and just let him walk away.
I have trouble of thinking about anything but the downtrodden look on Malfoy's face when I confronted him. He looked… sad. I don't think I've seen him that sad before, excluding the times when he didn't get what he wanted. Argh, I am what he wants! Now why does that sound so unlikely and crazy and… improbable? Because it is! But he does look remorseful and so… broken.
I didn't mean to break you, Malfoy, honest, but now I don't know if I'll be able to put you back together… or myself.
To Be Continued…
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Next Installment: Will Harry be able to put Draco back together? What is Harry planning? Does Draco even know that he's been tamed? Answers in the next chapter. Most probably to be posted on September 1st.
A/N: I don't particularly even like this chapter. Sorry that it was short. The idea is not completely developed so I'm not sure how much longer this all will go on, I'm trying my hardest to keep this going with interesting plot and keep them in character. (I'm not even sure if there is one.) This will continue at least up to chapter 8. I had to hit myself over the head with a bottle so I could resume breathing after reading your reviews. Lilah.Morgan: I think I've read that story just a few days ago, it's very nicely written. Misako: Since everything before this chapter was Draco's point of view he would never know if Harry did talk about it with his friends. Mikki White: Thank you so much for the comments. And I did think about becoming an author (my parents aren't exactly supportive of that idea) the only problem I see is that I need some sort of imposed deadline in order to keep writing something long. (All the reviews I get here motivate me :) I do write original stories, that's all I wrote until this little story settled in and wouldn't leave until I wrote it down. For now there are only 4 stories that I posted on ff.net, one of them is still incomplete. Here's the link to my profile which has all the links to the originals if anyone wants to read them: http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=233552