CHAPTER THREE
"And now, let's all give a big round of applause to our second invader to be victorious, Invader Skutch!"
"Yeah! What a great guy. And he's not short either."
"Or ugly."
Applause filled the air around Skutch as he walked across the stage to the Tallest. He smiled smugly and waved at the crowd.
"Thank you, thank you. You're too kind." He bowed before the tallest, and looked out the window at the planet he conquered, eagerly awaiting the life-sweep. "Sirs, I brought a good number of the indigenous sentient life forms on the planet up to the ship for menial tasks. They are good workers, but not very bright."
"Very good, Skutch. You have done us proud. Kind of."
"And now, since you're not the FIRST invader, but the SECOND invader to conquer a planet, you won't be fired in the life-sweep."
"Yes!" Skutch cheered under his breath.
"Purple, ready the cannon!"
"Ready. Red…push the button."
Red pushed the button, and they both grabbed the controls for the laser and aimed. A bright blue blast erupted from the barrel of the laser cannon and rocketed towards the planet, eradicating all life within a fifty-mile radius of the blast site.
"WHOO HOO!!!" Red yelled.
"This is what I LIVE for!" Purple said, as the crowd cheered them on. The planet was completely exterminated within a minute, and a search party was sent down to look for any survivors. Red patted Skutch on the head.
"You are a good invader, Skutch. Very good. Sit. Stay." Skutch did so.
"I know, oh Tallest. I amaze myself sometimes."
"Yes, yes, very nice, but Red…we've got a message from Zim coming in."
"Really? Fetch the curly fries."
Skutch was shooed away, and the Tallest sat down on a couch with curly fries, awaiting the call from Zim.
"Heh…this should be good." Red said, and turned on the screen.
"Tallest! Invader Zim, reporting!"
"Yes, Zim, what is it?"
"I have conquered the planet known as Earth. Their leaders are as ANTS beneath the SOLE of my boot, SQUISHY ANTS!!!"
Red and Purple dropped their curly fries.
"W-what? You mean…you actually conquered a planet?"
"Yes, oh Tallest…why do you sound so amazed?"
"Cause you su - " Purple shoved a hand over Red's mouth.
"Because…uh…you did it so quickly! We, uh, assigned that planet to you, uh, because we thought it would be a challenge to such a…great…invader." Purple turned to Red and they both covered their mouths and laughed, before remembering that Zim was still on the line.
"Sirs?"
"Oh…uh…yes. So what is the verdict on the life…forms…things…?"
"They are too arrogant and headstrong to be anything more than target practice, sirs."
"Oh. Good. Uh…yes. We shall be over there very soon…yes. We look forward to sweeping it."
"Yes. You. Sweeping. Thank you, oh Tallest. Thank you. Zim, over and out."
The screen went blank. The whole room was quiet. The Tallest turned to each other and stared.
"Zim actually did it?"
"…I don't believe it."
"Them? Sweep Earth? Ha! The REAL Tallest will be the one to sweep it, not them." Gir walked over to Zim and stared.
"But master…you're not big!"
"What are you talking about, of course I'm - …oh. I hadn't thought of that. Yes…a mere technicality. Those bumbling fools won't stand a chance against me…send ME to a pointless planet, will they??? Not me, no. I was a fool, I didn't see it…but it soon became all too obvious. They just wanted to get rid of me. Well, that was a mistake that they never should have made. They shall suffer the wrath of ZIM!!!"
Dib awoke abruptly to the sound of music. It was loud and obnoxious, and pulsed with a rhythm that was fast and exciting. Raucous yelling could be heard underneath the twangs and bleeps and bangs of the instruments, yelling out incomprehensible obscenities.
"Sounds like home…" Dib murmured as he was carried out of the aero-tram. He stared around himself, taking in the scene being played out before him. It looked like some sort of festival, only held on the tops of extremely tall buildings. There were bridges between them, and many of the young locals were hanging on them, leaning over the edge, much to their mothers' dismay. The middle-aged and senior ones stayed on the roofs, sitting in chairs and staring at the stars.
As Dib awoke, he found that he had a terrible headache, probably from his awkward position in the invisible aero-tram, and the loud music wasn't helping it at all. He noticed that even the seniors were having a good time, even with the horrendous music. He clutched at his head and turned towards Torin, who was talking to one of the children in a strange language.
"Where are we?" He said. Torin turned and thought for a moment.
"Well, we're at the equator of the planet, approximately at the center of the city, on top of an abandoned tower about 2,500 of your feet tall."
Dib's head suddenly swam as he realized another factor in his headache.
"…Why?"
"Because. We're having a celebration."
"Of what?"
"Our first visitor in 25 years."
"Oh. Who's that?"
"You."
"Gotcha. So you're not gonna kill me?"
"…no. It's me, isn't it?"
"Well, to be honest, yeah."
"I'm not like the rest of my race. They abandoned me…left me for dead after the transporter accident. I was sent to the planet instead of to the bridge, and they started doing the sweep. They wiped out all they could see of the planet, one half, and then circled it, not realizing that the planet was turning with them, and ended up missing the whole other half of the planet by mistake. They must have realized eventually, but they also must have figured that the "savages" on the planet had eaten me already, and left me."
Dib stared at him.
"Well, that explains YOU, but I still don't understand why we have to be so far up into the air. I have a terrible headache."
"I expect you do. You were hanging upside down out of the aero-tram, but thanks to the technology, it always keeps you from falling. I didn't want you to wake, so I let you hang there."
"Thanks…I guess."
It was then that Dib took a close look at the local sentient beings of the planet. And it was then that he also realized why he didn't look twice at them before.
"They're…human…"
"And now, let's all give a big round of applause to our second invader to be victorious, Invader Skutch!"
"Yeah! What a great guy. And he's not short either."
"Or ugly."
Applause filled the air around Skutch as he walked across the stage to the Tallest. He smiled smugly and waved at the crowd.
"Thank you, thank you. You're too kind." He bowed before the tallest, and looked out the window at the planet he conquered, eagerly awaiting the life-sweep. "Sirs, I brought a good number of the indigenous sentient life forms on the planet up to the ship for menial tasks. They are good workers, but not very bright."
"Very good, Skutch. You have done us proud. Kind of."
"And now, since you're not the FIRST invader, but the SECOND invader to conquer a planet, you won't be fired in the life-sweep."
"Yes!" Skutch cheered under his breath.
"Purple, ready the cannon!"
"Ready. Red…push the button."
Red pushed the button, and they both grabbed the controls for the laser and aimed. A bright blue blast erupted from the barrel of the laser cannon and rocketed towards the planet, eradicating all life within a fifty-mile radius of the blast site.
"WHOO HOO!!!" Red yelled.
"This is what I LIVE for!" Purple said, as the crowd cheered them on. The planet was completely exterminated within a minute, and a search party was sent down to look for any survivors. Red patted Skutch on the head.
"You are a good invader, Skutch. Very good. Sit. Stay." Skutch did so.
"I know, oh Tallest. I amaze myself sometimes."
"Yes, yes, very nice, but Red…we've got a message from Zim coming in."
"Really? Fetch the curly fries."
Skutch was shooed away, and the Tallest sat down on a couch with curly fries, awaiting the call from Zim.
"Heh…this should be good." Red said, and turned on the screen.
"Tallest! Invader Zim, reporting!"
"Yes, Zim, what is it?"
"I have conquered the planet known as Earth. Their leaders are as ANTS beneath the SOLE of my boot, SQUISHY ANTS!!!"
Red and Purple dropped their curly fries.
"W-what? You mean…you actually conquered a planet?"
"Yes, oh Tallest…why do you sound so amazed?"
"Cause you su - " Purple shoved a hand over Red's mouth.
"Because…uh…you did it so quickly! We, uh, assigned that planet to you, uh, because we thought it would be a challenge to such a…great…invader." Purple turned to Red and they both covered their mouths and laughed, before remembering that Zim was still on the line.
"Sirs?"
"Oh…uh…yes. So what is the verdict on the life…forms…things…?"
"They are too arrogant and headstrong to be anything more than target practice, sirs."
"Oh. Good. Uh…yes. We shall be over there very soon…yes. We look forward to sweeping it."
"Yes. You. Sweeping. Thank you, oh Tallest. Thank you. Zim, over and out."
The screen went blank. The whole room was quiet. The Tallest turned to each other and stared.
"Zim actually did it?"
"…I don't believe it."
"Them? Sweep Earth? Ha! The REAL Tallest will be the one to sweep it, not them." Gir walked over to Zim and stared.
"But master…you're not big!"
"What are you talking about, of course I'm - …oh. I hadn't thought of that. Yes…a mere technicality. Those bumbling fools won't stand a chance against me…send ME to a pointless planet, will they??? Not me, no. I was a fool, I didn't see it…but it soon became all too obvious. They just wanted to get rid of me. Well, that was a mistake that they never should have made. They shall suffer the wrath of ZIM!!!"
Dib awoke abruptly to the sound of music. It was loud and obnoxious, and pulsed with a rhythm that was fast and exciting. Raucous yelling could be heard underneath the twangs and bleeps and bangs of the instruments, yelling out incomprehensible obscenities.
"Sounds like home…" Dib murmured as he was carried out of the aero-tram. He stared around himself, taking in the scene being played out before him. It looked like some sort of festival, only held on the tops of extremely tall buildings. There were bridges between them, and many of the young locals were hanging on them, leaning over the edge, much to their mothers' dismay. The middle-aged and senior ones stayed on the roofs, sitting in chairs and staring at the stars.
As Dib awoke, he found that he had a terrible headache, probably from his awkward position in the invisible aero-tram, and the loud music wasn't helping it at all. He noticed that even the seniors were having a good time, even with the horrendous music. He clutched at his head and turned towards Torin, who was talking to one of the children in a strange language.
"Where are we?" He said. Torin turned and thought for a moment.
"Well, we're at the equator of the planet, approximately at the center of the city, on top of an abandoned tower about 2,500 of your feet tall."
Dib's head suddenly swam as he realized another factor in his headache.
"…Why?"
"Because. We're having a celebration."
"Of what?"
"Our first visitor in 25 years."
"Oh. Who's that?"
"You."
"Gotcha. So you're not gonna kill me?"
"…no. It's me, isn't it?"
"Well, to be honest, yeah."
"I'm not like the rest of my race. They abandoned me…left me for dead after the transporter accident. I was sent to the planet instead of to the bridge, and they started doing the sweep. They wiped out all they could see of the planet, one half, and then circled it, not realizing that the planet was turning with them, and ended up missing the whole other half of the planet by mistake. They must have realized eventually, but they also must have figured that the "savages" on the planet had eaten me already, and left me."
Dib stared at him.
"Well, that explains YOU, but I still don't understand why we have to be so far up into the air. I have a terrible headache."
"I expect you do. You were hanging upside down out of the aero-tram, but thanks to the technology, it always keeps you from falling. I didn't want you to wake, so I let you hang there."
"Thanks…I guess."
It was then that Dib took a close look at the local sentient beings of the planet. And it was then that he also realized why he didn't look twice at them before.
"They're…human…"