CHAPTER FOUR
Zim was in a remarkable position. He was standing on a spaceship some light years away from Earth. That's not the remarkable part. He was clearly looking confident, and Gir was even obeying. That's also not the remarkable part. He was surrounded by all the most important people on Earth. Not even THAT was the remarkable part. For this, the remarkable part, is truly remarkable. All of the seven-or-so billion people on the planet were watching him, and not a single one knew what was happening.
They all saw him, and those who weren't near a television were unconsciously drawn to one. Gir, who was being the cinematographer, was jiggling a bit, but mankind got the picture.
"Earth-monkeys. You are conquered."
Mankind's eyes widened.
"I have taken over your planet."
Mankind gasped.
"I own you all."
Mankind rubbed its eyes, to make sure it was seeing correctly.
"Even the tacos?" Gir yelled, dropping the camera. Zim slapped his forehead, which was now on the left side of the screen (likewise his feet on the right) and picked up the camera to film it himself.
"Yes. The accursed tacos as well."
He panned across the room, stopping to zoom in on George Bush, the Queen of England, Jean Pierre Raffarin, Jean Chrétien, Junichiro Koizumi, and many other important political figures, including a taco wearing a crown in the corner.
Mankind's jaw dropped.
Gir proceeded to play with mustaches, yank hair, and make a fool out of himself utterly while Zim delivered his evil speech.
"You are all my slaves. I have conquered your pitiful planet quickly and stealthily, and you didn't even know about it before now. Obviously, you are not as cognizant of the world around you as you would like to think. Now before I go on and say it, I'll let the Earth-Monkey George Bush speak…"
George was yanked out of his seat and put center stage, with a microphone in his hand.
"Well…look, I'm sorry. He has firepower beyond our capabilities, and by himself could defeat all our fine armies with ease and pleasure. He has contacted each and every country and delivered his ultimatum. Either we give up now, or die trying. Of course, you know which one we took."
Mankind's face turned resolute, it's jaw set in place, and it nodded in approval.
"…we gave up."
Mankind's face fell instantly, and some portions decided to go to the nearest shop, bust the windows, and steal all the stuff they could get their hands on. Others decided to jump off cliffs. And the rest, stereotypically, stayed glued to the television.
"You know what they say, finders keepers." George Bush said, and sat down. Zim once again appeared on the screen.
"Yes, Human Filth, what he said was RIGHT! I AM YOUR NEW RULER, as it seems that your OLD rulers had no BACKBONE! HA!"
"But master, the Taco King doesn't have no- "
"Yes, yes, Taco King, very nice…Well, in conclusion, you are all doomed. Make your farewells short, because you will die very soon. Have a nice day!"
"EEEEE HEE HEE!!"
Mankind was pissed.
Mankind was also countless light-years away on Trillanus.
Or so it seemed to Dib.
"What was that, Dib? I didn't catch that," said Torin.
"What's….going on?"
"Hmm?" Said Torin.
"They're….."
"Hmm?"
"They're hu…"
"Out with it!"
"THEY'RE HUMAN!!!!!"
Dib exploded with such unexpected loudness that all the humans turned and looked at him.
"No they're not." Said Torin simply.
"Yes, yes they are!"
"Are not."
"Are too!"
"They're whatever you want them to be."
This struck Dib as odd.
"I don't….get it…"
"Look, it's simple, they're whatever you'd be most comfortable looking at. They developed it after many many eons of evolution. They are peaceful, so very peaceful in fact that they sacrificed their own true bodies to please others." Torin smiled. It was really very scary, but then again, how often do Irkens smile, I mean really genuinely? Dib sat down.
"So…I'm most comfortable looking at humans?"
"Oh yes."
"But I'm a paranormal investigator! I'm comfortable with ANYTHING!"
"Ah, but you've grown up surrounded by humans. The only alien you've encountered, you've grown to hate, so you're not at all comfortable with Irkens." He smirked. "And, other than Zim, you've never, ever actually seen anything paranormal. Am I right?"
Dib nodded. "How did you know that?"
"Earth is…..not really in the middle of ANY species' demolition plans….except for maybe the Planet Jackers. Like I said, the Tallest probably didn't even know there WAS a planet where they sent him…." Dib nodded. It all seemed clear now. Well, at least the "Zim=Stupid" part.
"Wait…you said that it would be dangerous to take me back to Earth. Why?"
Torin paused. "Tell me, Dib, what do you think would happen if his only opposition is now on a planet lightyears away from the planet he was trying to conquer?"
Dib's eyes widened.
"You mean…"
"He's won. You can never go back to Earth. As of this moment, if the Tallest aren't "taking their time", I wouldn't be surprised if every living thing on your planet is already dust."
Hey guys. It's been a while since I last updated....oh well. It seems to me that the last two chapters were mostly dialogue.....oh well, that'll change in the next chapter.....*smiles evilly*...
-I. Krag
Zim was in a remarkable position. He was standing on a spaceship some light years away from Earth. That's not the remarkable part. He was clearly looking confident, and Gir was even obeying. That's also not the remarkable part. He was surrounded by all the most important people on Earth. Not even THAT was the remarkable part. For this, the remarkable part, is truly remarkable. All of the seven-or-so billion people on the planet were watching him, and not a single one knew what was happening.
They all saw him, and those who weren't near a television were unconsciously drawn to one. Gir, who was being the cinematographer, was jiggling a bit, but mankind got the picture.
"Earth-monkeys. You are conquered."
Mankind's eyes widened.
"I have taken over your planet."
Mankind gasped.
"I own you all."
Mankind rubbed its eyes, to make sure it was seeing correctly.
"Even the tacos?" Gir yelled, dropping the camera. Zim slapped his forehead, which was now on the left side of the screen (likewise his feet on the right) and picked up the camera to film it himself.
"Yes. The accursed tacos as well."
He panned across the room, stopping to zoom in on George Bush, the Queen of England, Jean Pierre Raffarin, Jean Chrétien, Junichiro Koizumi, and many other important political figures, including a taco wearing a crown in the corner.
Mankind's jaw dropped.
Gir proceeded to play with mustaches, yank hair, and make a fool out of himself utterly while Zim delivered his evil speech.
"You are all my slaves. I have conquered your pitiful planet quickly and stealthily, and you didn't even know about it before now. Obviously, you are not as cognizant of the world around you as you would like to think. Now before I go on and say it, I'll let the Earth-Monkey George Bush speak…"
George was yanked out of his seat and put center stage, with a microphone in his hand.
"Well…look, I'm sorry. He has firepower beyond our capabilities, and by himself could defeat all our fine armies with ease and pleasure. He has contacted each and every country and delivered his ultimatum. Either we give up now, or die trying. Of course, you know which one we took."
Mankind's face turned resolute, it's jaw set in place, and it nodded in approval.
"…we gave up."
Mankind's face fell instantly, and some portions decided to go to the nearest shop, bust the windows, and steal all the stuff they could get their hands on. Others decided to jump off cliffs. And the rest, stereotypically, stayed glued to the television.
"You know what they say, finders keepers." George Bush said, and sat down. Zim once again appeared on the screen.
"Yes, Human Filth, what he said was RIGHT! I AM YOUR NEW RULER, as it seems that your OLD rulers had no BACKBONE! HA!"
"But master, the Taco King doesn't have no- "
"Yes, yes, Taco King, very nice…Well, in conclusion, you are all doomed. Make your farewells short, because you will die very soon. Have a nice day!"
"EEEEE HEE HEE!!"
Mankind was pissed.
Mankind was also countless light-years away on Trillanus.
Or so it seemed to Dib.
"What was that, Dib? I didn't catch that," said Torin.
"What's….going on?"
"Hmm?" Said Torin.
"They're….."
"Hmm?"
"They're hu…"
"Out with it!"
"THEY'RE HUMAN!!!!!"
Dib exploded with such unexpected loudness that all the humans turned and looked at him.
"No they're not." Said Torin simply.
"Yes, yes they are!"
"Are not."
"Are too!"
"They're whatever you want them to be."
This struck Dib as odd.
"I don't….get it…"
"Look, it's simple, they're whatever you'd be most comfortable looking at. They developed it after many many eons of evolution. They are peaceful, so very peaceful in fact that they sacrificed their own true bodies to please others." Torin smiled. It was really very scary, but then again, how often do Irkens smile, I mean really genuinely? Dib sat down.
"So…I'm most comfortable looking at humans?"
"Oh yes."
"But I'm a paranormal investigator! I'm comfortable with ANYTHING!"
"Ah, but you've grown up surrounded by humans. The only alien you've encountered, you've grown to hate, so you're not at all comfortable with Irkens." He smirked. "And, other than Zim, you've never, ever actually seen anything paranormal. Am I right?"
Dib nodded. "How did you know that?"
"Earth is…..not really in the middle of ANY species' demolition plans….except for maybe the Planet Jackers. Like I said, the Tallest probably didn't even know there WAS a planet where they sent him…." Dib nodded. It all seemed clear now. Well, at least the "Zim=Stupid" part.
"Wait…you said that it would be dangerous to take me back to Earth. Why?"
Torin paused. "Tell me, Dib, what do you think would happen if his only opposition is now on a planet lightyears away from the planet he was trying to conquer?"
Dib's eyes widened.
"You mean…"
"He's won. You can never go back to Earth. As of this moment, if the Tallest aren't "taking their time", I wouldn't be surprised if every living thing on your planet is already dust."
Hey guys. It's been a while since I last updated....oh well. It seems to me that the last two chapters were mostly dialogue.....oh well, that'll change in the next chapter.....*smiles evilly*...
-I. Krag