Countdown: Eighteen Hours
By ElsaF
Spoilers: 24-verse AU, which splits off after Dead Things.
Summary: This is a sequel to 19th Nervous Breakdown. Spike
has broken up with Buffy because she won't go public with
their relationship. It's a few days after 19th Nervous
Breakdown.
Sunday afternoon
Warren worked on the lock on the back door of the First
Federal Bank of Sunnydale, while Andrew attached the bypass
to the alarm system and Jonathan kept watch. The alley was
deserted except for the three young men.
"There! Didn't I tell you it would work?" Warren said
triumphantly. "My self-adjusting universal lock pick is a
success." He stood up and gave the unlocked door a quick
push. It swung open.
"All right!" Andrew exclaimed.
"Get inside before someone sees us!" Jonathan said nervously.
"You're such a scaredy cat!"
"You're such a moron!"
"Midget."
"Penis breath."
"Ladies, I suggest you give up on the cat fight and get in here,"
Warren said from inside the bank.
----------------
It started to go wrong when Xander Harris spotted his least
favorite vampire lurking in the shadows at the Bronze. Not that
he had any most favorite vampires. The main thing that made
Spike his least favorite was the simple fact that he wasn't
allowed to stake the bleach-blonde pest. Buffy wouldn't have it.
OK, Spike was harmless. The chip in his head kept him from
harming humans. But there were days when he thought it
would just be easier for everyone if they put the bite-
challenged vamp out of everyone else's misery.
Xander didn't have any doubt about what Spike was doing
here. He was keeping tabs on Buffy -- who was having a latte
with Willow and Tara at a table near the center of the room.
Xander was on his way back from the men's room to join them
when he caught a glimpse of platinum hair and black leather.
Spike was so focused on watching Buffy without being seen
that he didn't notice Xander circling around to get around
behind him.
"Time to take a powder, bleach brain." Xander twisted Spike's
arm behind his back and pushed him up against the pillar he'd
been hiding behind.
"Hey! Public place. Who died and made you the bloody
Gestapo?"
"Look, Buffy's been a little down the last couple of days. And
today she's going to have a nice afternoon out without
worrying about spying vampires."
"I go where I please, and ... Buffy's been down?"
"Nothing to do with you, I'm sure. You could help though.
Why don't you go walk out into the sun and burn up. I'm sure
that would cheer her right up."
"Ha, ha. Why don't you go play with your power tools like a
good little construction worker?"
"That's it. You're out of here."
"Let go of me -- unless you'd like to go someplace private and
get personal," Spike sneered.
"You make me sick."
Xander manhandled the vampire toward the back door.
"You can't throw me out there -- daylight -- remember?"
"Oh I remember. I also know that's how you got in. Alley,
shadows, manhole. So, that's how you're going out."
Xander pushed Spike out into the shaded alley.
"Now get out of here. And if I see you again today, I might
forget that I'm not supposed to stake you!"
"Oh, I'm so frightened. Oh dear, oh dear. Big bad Xander is
talking mean to me. Please, someone come save me."
"I swear, Spike, for ten cents I'd..."
"You'd what? You'd try. Don't let this chip in my head fool
you. If I ever want you dead, you'll..."
"Shut up, Spike."
"Shut up, Spike? That's your snappy rejoinder?"
"No, I mean, shut up. Look..."
Spike looked where Xander was pointing. The back door of the
First Federal Bank of Sunnydale was ajar, and there was some
sort of electronic device attached to the alarm box.
"That doesn't look kosher..."
"Probably just someone working on the electrical system. None
of our business."
"We'd better check it out."
"You'd better check it out. Nothing to do with me. I'll just go
back inside..."
"In your dreams." Xander grabbed Spike's arm and dragged
him along as he went through the open bank door.
----------
"I told you I could hack into the timing mechanism," Andrew
said triumphantly as the vault door swung open.
"Yeah, yeah," Jonathan said grudgingly. "We wouldn't have to
do this if you hadn't got all caught up in that online gambling
site. Everybody knows those things are rigged."
"I was on a roll!"
"Would you two shut up and start loading up the money? I
swear, you are the most annoying pair of minions any
supervillain ever had to put up with."
"Minion? Who's a minion? We're equals!" Andrew said with a
pout.
"Yeah, right. Just load up the money, Kato."
Jonathan had filled a bag and was headed toward the back door
when he all but ran straight into Xander and Spike. He stopped
dead in his tracks and his eyes got big and round.
"Geez!" he exclaimed, dropping his sack and turning to run
back to Warren and Andrew.
"Andrew, you idiot. You left the door open," he shouted.
"What?"
"People! People inside!"
"Well, well. If it isn't the Witless Wonders. Hold that pose,
while I call the police," Xander said, pulling his cell phone out
of his pocket.
Warren rushed forward and tackled him, knocking the phone
out of his hand and sending it skidding out of reach. Xander
found himself on the ground with an angry robotics expert
slamming his head against the tile.
"Spike ... I ... could ... use ... some ... help ... here..."
"What am I supposed to do? Hello... humans. Besides, got ...
troubles ... of ... my ... own."
Andrew and Jonathan had piled onto him at once, Jonathan
jumping on his back and Andrew pummeling him from the
front.
Xander managed to push Warren off and scrambled to his feet,
but Warren was up faster and got behind him, giving him a
rough shove toward the vault.
"Get him into the vault!" he shouted to the other two.
Xander, still a little disoriented from the head pounding he'd
just received, sprawled as Warren tossed him inside. Spike
resisted, but had little choice but to follow. The door swung
shut.
Xander sat up holding his head. Spike socked the now closed
and locked door.
"Now that was pathetic," the vampire said with disgust.
"What time is it?"
"Time for you to learn how to throw a punch," Spike replied
with disgust.
"No, what time is it?"
"I don't know. You're the one with a watch!"
"Oh... I forgot." Xander looked at his watch. "Three o'clock.
The bank opens at nine tomorrow. So we're stuck in here for
the next 18 hours."
"Oh joy. Eighteen hours alone with you. I may have to stake
myself just to put myself out of my misery."
"I'd do it for you, but I don't think there's anything wooden in
here."
Spike sat down on the floor, his back against the wall, and
pulled out his cigarettes.
"Hey, put those away. There's only so much air in here!"
"And I don't breathe any of it, so I'm going to use my share to
have a smoke."
"No you're not. I'm not going to breathe your second-hand
smoke for 18 hours."
Spike made a disgusted face and put the cigarettes away.
"I wonder if there's enough air in here..." Xander said,
sounding a little bit panicked.
"Probably. After all, only one of us breathes."
"Yeah. I guess that makes you a better than average person to
get trapped in a bank vault with."
Spike just snarled.
"I'm hungry. There's nothing to eat in here."
"Yeah. Too bad I've got this chip in my head. Otherwise, I'd
have plenty to eat here."
"Bite me."
"Don't think I wouldn't like to."
"Shut up, Spike."
-----------------
4 p.m.
Spike paced the small space. Three steps to the back wall.
Three steps back to the door. Three steps to the back wall.
"Would you sit down? You're driving me nuts!"
-----------------
5 p.m.
"So, we need another pallet of roof paper, and the Teamsters
are having a wildcat walkout. And I'm going to have to shut
down the job if I can't get the materials. But I can't just go pick
them up myself, because I'll never get another Teamster
delivery -- ever -- if I do. So I called Tom..."
Spike sat with his knees drawn up, letting Xander's voice go in
one ear and out the other. He'd lost track of what the other man
was saying ages ago.
"And Tom says maybe we can get around ... Spike are you
listening?"
Spike gave him a pitiful look -- and fell over sideways.
"Good, just wanted to make sure you were listening..."
----------------
6 p.m.
"It's not that I don't want to marry Anya. I do. I really do. I'm
just not ready," Xander said with a sigh.
"You should have had the guts to tell her before the wedding."
"Yeah... I should have. I so know that."
"Can't expect her to just go back to the way things were now."
Xander nodded and looked at the floor.
"You know, it wasn't so much that I didn't want to be with
Anya, but, well, I haven't had that much experience -- you
know -- with anybody else. How can I be sure she's the one if
I've only ever been with one other woman? And that was only
once."
Spike smirked.
"Oh, don't go all 'I'm not surprised.' I do all right with women. I
went steady with Cordelia Chase for more than a year in high
school."
"You and Cordy? Never knew that." Spike looked skeptical.
"Yeah, well the year you were around, we were together, but
she insisted on keeping it a secret from everyone."
"Oh... yeah. I know how that goes."
"But you only shagged her once?"
"Never. That was ... someone else. No -- third base, but no
homeruns with Cordy."
"Well, if its any comfort to you, she's not getting any now
either."
"What do you mean? What do you know about Cordy?"
"She's down in LA with Angel -- you know -- Mr. I-can't-shag-
or-I-turn-evil."
"What? She's just working for him. It isn't anything..."
Spike raised an eyebrow.
"You're kidding..."
----------------
7 p.m.
"You said the Slayer was down. What's she down about?"
"None of your business."
"Just trying to make conversation."
"I don't know, anyway. She wouldn't say. I went over to her
place a couple of days ago and she was crying her eyes out. But
she wouldn't tell me what the trouble was. And I don't think
she's smiled since."
Spike sighed.
"You really should get a girlfriend. Something to keep your
mind off Buffy," Xander said, not unkindly.
"Had one -- for a while. Broke up a couple of days ago."
"Oh, so that's why you're back to stalking Buffy?"
Spike shrugged.
"How come I never saw you with this girlfriend?"
"She didn't like being seen with me. Not respectable enough, I
guess."
"Oh..."
----------------
8 p.m.
"So, I'm curious. What was Harmony like?"
"She about drove me around the bend. Never shut up."
"I mean... in the sack. The guys back in school -- you know, in
the locker room -- they used to say..."
Spike frowned. "Forget it. I don't talk about women that way."
"Oh, suddenly you're Mr. Proper..."
"It's not right!" Spike said with surprising vehemence. "You
ask a woman to trust you, to be intimate with you, then you
turn it into a smutty joke and blab it to any guy who will listen.
Well, not me. Forget it."
"Sorry... didn't realize you felt that way..."
---------------
9 p.m.
"So, this girl who wouldn't be seen with you -- why'd you put
up with that?"
Spike sighed. "Because being with her was good enough that it
was worth putting up with it."
"Why'd you break up?"
"I was tired of putting up with it."
--------------
10 p.m.
"I'm hungry."
"Shut up."
--------------
11 p.m.
"You think if I bought Anya something really nice, she'd
forgive me?"
"Oh, right. You totally humiliated her in front of every being
who means anything to her in the universe -- but if you give
her a nice necklace, she'll be fine."
"Guess not."
"Give her some space. If you two were really meant to be
together, once the hurt starts to heal, things will work out."
"Advice to the lovelorn, from a vampire."
"If you didn't want my opinion, why'd you ask?"
"Just making conversation."
"Well don't. I like the tense, loathing silences a lot better."
"Suit yourself."
-------------------
12 a.m.
"You going to try to make up with mystery girl?"
"If I can."
"Apologize, steal some flowers for her?"
"In a minute -- if she'll agree to stop being mystery girl."
------------------
1 a.m.
"Maybe I'll go back and tell Anya I'm willing to get married,
but we need to be engaged for a while longer."
"Oh, right. She's going to go for that."
"Maybe she will."
"In your dreams."
"Like you're the great authority on women. You and your
invisible girlf..." Xander stopped and his eyes got wide.
"Know more than you'll ever know about women, mate."
"Spike... that time when Buffy went invisible..."
Spike gave him a wary look. "What about it?"
"When I came by your place..."
"Yeah?"
"Buffy was there, wasn't she?"
Spike looked shocked. "No! Of course not. No!"
"You're lying."
"Bugger off."
"Oh God. No. I don't even want to think about it. Your filthy
hands on her. You bastard! I swear I'm going to kill you when
we get out of here." He grabbed Spike by the shoulders. "Don't
you ever..."
Spike batted his hands away. "Get out of my face. I told you.
She wasn't there."
"No? Then who is your mystery girlfriend?"
"I'm not going to tell. I promised to keep it a secret. When she's
ready to tell -- then OK. Not before."
"It's Buffy. You broke up a couple days ago. She was crying a
couple of days ago. The last couple of months she keeps
disappearing for hours. Nobody knows where she goes. It was
you. It was you all along!"
Spike looked away. "No comment."
"As soon as I get my hands on a stake, you are so dead. You
took advantage of her!"
"Harris, look, I'm not admitting anything here. But just say, for
argument's sake, my mystery girlfriend was the Slayer. Do you
honestly think there's any way I could take advantage of her?
She's the Slayer, for Christ's sake. If I did anything, she could
kill me in a heartbeat."
"Not physically. Emotionally. She's been so depressed..."
"Oh, you mean, she's been so depressed since you and your
little friends ripped her out of heaven because you were too
cowardly to go on without her here to protect you? And it's my
fault if I try to be a friend, and listen to her when she talks
about how betrayed she feels? And I'm a really, really bad
person if I keep her confidences and don't report back to the
people who did it to her?"
"You son of a bitch. I don't need a stake. I'm going to tear your
head off..."
"Give it your best shot, pillock."
"Oh, God. I can't do this. I can't know this. It makes me sick."
"Right. It's all my fault. You had nothing to do with it. You're
just a victim..."
"Shut up. Just shut up."
"Whatever."
--------------------
2 a.m.
"Spike?"
"Shut up."
"Why'd you do it?"
"What?"
"Break up with her?"
"It wasn't her."
"Why'd you do it?"
"None of your business."
"Come on..."
"I've got as much right as anybody to be treated like a person."
"You're not a person. You're a vampire."
"I'm not a human. But I am a person."
"Debatable."
-------------
3 a.m.
"Harris, wake up. You're snoring."
"What?"
"There. That's better."
------------
4 a.m.
"I can't sleep on this floor. It's killing my back."
"Not my problem, mate."
"So, why won't you admit it was Buffy?"
"Whoever the lady was, I'm not going to say anything until she
says it's OK."
"I don't get you. Chivalry. More than a hundred years of
murder and mayhem, and you're still trying to protect a
woman's reputation."
"I'm evil, mate, not an asshole."
------------
5 a.m.
"I can't believe Buffy would have slept with you."
"Then don't believe it. I told you it wasn't her."
"Yeah, and I believed you so much."
"What business of yours is it anyway. Buffy's a grown woman.
She can make her own choices."
"She's my friend. I don't want to see her get hurt."
"You're all together too interested in her love life, if you ask
me. She never tried to get you to stop seeing Demon Girl, did
she?"
"That was different."
"Why?"
"I'm a man. I can..."
"You can make your own decisions, but she's got to let you
make hers for her?"
"No... it's just..."
"Give it a rest, mate. It's none of your business."
------------
6 a.m.
"Well, at least it's over. She'll never go back to you."
"That's up to her. Not you, not me."
"I won't let her."
"And you're going to stop her how?"
"I don't know. I'll talk her out of it."
Spike rolled his eyes. "I've come all over terrified..."
"Shut up."
"You shut up."
"Why'd I have to get stuck in here with you?"
"Because you're an idiot who didn't think to try to call the
police until after we were inside."
"Don't try to blame this on me."
"Oh, right. It's my fault. Everything is. This, Buffy, the
economy and the Chicago fire..."
"Did you have anything to do with the Chicago fire?"
"Oh, please... I was 15 years old, and hadn't ever been out of
London in 1871."
-----------
7 a.m.
"When you were with Buffy..."
"I told you. It wasn't Buffy."
"OK, just hypothetically saying if you'd been with Buffy..."
"Give it a rest."
----------
8 a.m.
"Not long now. They'll open up the vault before they open the
bank at nine."
"Yeah... At last, I'll be able to get away from you."
"I'm just trying to think of what I'm going to say to Buffy next
time I see her."
"You're going to say nothing. You hear me, Harris? Nothing at
all. She's got enough to worry about without having to look at
you and think about what you're imagining she did with me. Be
a man for once. Think about what she's feeling instead of
yourself, for a change."
"I guess you're right."
-----------
8:45 a.m.
The lock on the vault clicked as the timing mechanism hit its
"unlock" point. The door swung out slowly.
"Come out with your hands up," said a voice from outside.
"This is the police. You're under arrest."
"You don't understand," Xander said plaintively. "We're not the
robbers. We were trying to stop the robbery. The real thieves
locked us in here."
"You'll have to come down to the station and make a statement,
sir."
"Oh bugger," Spike said with a frown. "Now I get to spend all
day answering questions from Sunnydale's finest. I'll probably
miss, Passions. I blame you for this, Harris..."
By ElsaF
Spoilers: 24-verse AU, which splits off after Dead Things.
Summary: This is a sequel to 19th Nervous Breakdown. Spike
has broken up with Buffy because she won't go public with
their relationship. It's a few days after 19th Nervous
Breakdown.
Sunday afternoon
Warren worked on the lock on the back door of the First
Federal Bank of Sunnydale, while Andrew attached the bypass
to the alarm system and Jonathan kept watch. The alley was
deserted except for the three young men.
"There! Didn't I tell you it would work?" Warren said
triumphantly. "My self-adjusting universal lock pick is a
success." He stood up and gave the unlocked door a quick
push. It swung open.
"All right!" Andrew exclaimed.
"Get inside before someone sees us!" Jonathan said nervously.
"You're such a scaredy cat!"
"You're such a moron!"
"Midget."
"Penis breath."
"Ladies, I suggest you give up on the cat fight and get in here,"
Warren said from inside the bank.
----------------
It started to go wrong when Xander Harris spotted his least
favorite vampire lurking in the shadows at the Bronze. Not that
he had any most favorite vampires. The main thing that made
Spike his least favorite was the simple fact that he wasn't
allowed to stake the bleach-blonde pest. Buffy wouldn't have it.
OK, Spike was harmless. The chip in his head kept him from
harming humans. But there were days when he thought it
would just be easier for everyone if they put the bite-
challenged vamp out of everyone else's misery.
Xander didn't have any doubt about what Spike was doing
here. He was keeping tabs on Buffy -- who was having a latte
with Willow and Tara at a table near the center of the room.
Xander was on his way back from the men's room to join them
when he caught a glimpse of platinum hair and black leather.
Spike was so focused on watching Buffy without being seen
that he didn't notice Xander circling around to get around
behind him.
"Time to take a powder, bleach brain." Xander twisted Spike's
arm behind his back and pushed him up against the pillar he'd
been hiding behind.
"Hey! Public place. Who died and made you the bloody
Gestapo?"
"Look, Buffy's been a little down the last couple of days. And
today she's going to have a nice afternoon out without
worrying about spying vampires."
"I go where I please, and ... Buffy's been down?"
"Nothing to do with you, I'm sure. You could help though.
Why don't you go walk out into the sun and burn up. I'm sure
that would cheer her right up."
"Ha, ha. Why don't you go play with your power tools like a
good little construction worker?"
"That's it. You're out of here."
"Let go of me -- unless you'd like to go someplace private and
get personal," Spike sneered.
"You make me sick."
Xander manhandled the vampire toward the back door.
"You can't throw me out there -- daylight -- remember?"
"Oh I remember. I also know that's how you got in. Alley,
shadows, manhole. So, that's how you're going out."
Xander pushed Spike out into the shaded alley.
"Now get out of here. And if I see you again today, I might
forget that I'm not supposed to stake you!"
"Oh, I'm so frightened. Oh dear, oh dear. Big bad Xander is
talking mean to me. Please, someone come save me."
"I swear, Spike, for ten cents I'd..."
"You'd what? You'd try. Don't let this chip in my head fool
you. If I ever want you dead, you'll..."
"Shut up, Spike."
"Shut up, Spike? That's your snappy rejoinder?"
"No, I mean, shut up. Look..."
Spike looked where Xander was pointing. The back door of the
First Federal Bank of Sunnydale was ajar, and there was some
sort of electronic device attached to the alarm box.
"That doesn't look kosher..."
"Probably just someone working on the electrical system. None
of our business."
"We'd better check it out."
"You'd better check it out. Nothing to do with me. I'll just go
back inside..."
"In your dreams." Xander grabbed Spike's arm and dragged
him along as he went through the open bank door.
----------
"I told you I could hack into the timing mechanism," Andrew
said triumphantly as the vault door swung open.
"Yeah, yeah," Jonathan said grudgingly. "We wouldn't have to
do this if you hadn't got all caught up in that online gambling
site. Everybody knows those things are rigged."
"I was on a roll!"
"Would you two shut up and start loading up the money? I
swear, you are the most annoying pair of minions any
supervillain ever had to put up with."
"Minion? Who's a minion? We're equals!" Andrew said with a
pout.
"Yeah, right. Just load up the money, Kato."
Jonathan had filled a bag and was headed toward the back door
when he all but ran straight into Xander and Spike. He stopped
dead in his tracks and his eyes got big and round.
"Geez!" he exclaimed, dropping his sack and turning to run
back to Warren and Andrew.
"Andrew, you idiot. You left the door open," he shouted.
"What?"
"People! People inside!"
"Well, well. If it isn't the Witless Wonders. Hold that pose,
while I call the police," Xander said, pulling his cell phone out
of his pocket.
Warren rushed forward and tackled him, knocking the phone
out of his hand and sending it skidding out of reach. Xander
found himself on the ground with an angry robotics expert
slamming his head against the tile.
"Spike ... I ... could ... use ... some ... help ... here..."
"What am I supposed to do? Hello... humans. Besides, got ...
troubles ... of ... my ... own."
Andrew and Jonathan had piled onto him at once, Jonathan
jumping on his back and Andrew pummeling him from the
front.
Xander managed to push Warren off and scrambled to his feet,
but Warren was up faster and got behind him, giving him a
rough shove toward the vault.
"Get him into the vault!" he shouted to the other two.
Xander, still a little disoriented from the head pounding he'd
just received, sprawled as Warren tossed him inside. Spike
resisted, but had little choice but to follow. The door swung
shut.
Xander sat up holding his head. Spike socked the now closed
and locked door.
"Now that was pathetic," the vampire said with disgust.
"What time is it?"
"Time for you to learn how to throw a punch," Spike replied
with disgust.
"No, what time is it?"
"I don't know. You're the one with a watch!"
"Oh... I forgot." Xander looked at his watch. "Three o'clock.
The bank opens at nine tomorrow. So we're stuck in here for
the next 18 hours."
"Oh joy. Eighteen hours alone with you. I may have to stake
myself just to put myself out of my misery."
"I'd do it for you, but I don't think there's anything wooden in
here."
Spike sat down on the floor, his back against the wall, and
pulled out his cigarettes.
"Hey, put those away. There's only so much air in here!"
"And I don't breathe any of it, so I'm going to use my share to
have a smoke."
"No you're not. I'm not going to breathe your second-hand
smoke for 18 hours."
Spike made a disgusted face and put the cigarettes away.
"I wonder if there's enough air in here..." Xander said,
sounding a little bit panicked.
"Probably. After all, only one of us breathes."
"Yeah. I guess that makes you a better than average person to
get trapped in a bank vault with."
Spike just snarled.
"I'm hungry. There's nothing to eat in here."
"Yeah. Too bad I've got this chip in my head. Otherwise, I'd
have plenty to eat here."
"Bite me."
"Don't think I wouldn't like to."
"Shut up, Spike."
-----------------
4 p.m.
Spike paced the small space. Three steps to the back wall.
Three steps back to the door. Three steps to the back wall.
"Would you sit down? You're driving me nuts!"
-----------------
5 p.m.
"So, we need another pallet of roof paper, and the Teamsters
are having a wildcat walkout. And I'm going to have to shut
down the job if I can't get the materials. But I can't just go pick
them up myself, because I'll never get another Teamster
delivery -- ever -- if I do. So I called Tom..."
Spike sat with his knees drawn up, letting Xander's voice go in
one ear and out the other. He'd lost track of what the other man
was saying ages ago.
"And Tom says maybe we can get around ... Spike are you
listening?"
Spike gave him a pitiful look -- and fell over sideways.
"Good, just wanted to make sure you were listening..."
----------------
6 p.m.
"It's not that I don't want to marry Anya. I do. I really do. I'm
just not ready," Xander said with a sigh.
"You should have had the guts to tell her before the wedding."
"Yeah... I should have. I so know that."
"Can't expect her to just go back to the way things were now."
Xander nodded and looked at the floor.
"You know, it wasn't so much that I didn't want to be with
Anya, but, well, I haven't had that much experience -- you
know -- with anybody else. How can I be sure she's the one if
I've only ever been with one other woman? And that was only
once."
Spike smirked.
"Oh, don't go all 'I'm not surprised.' I do all right with women. I
went steady with Cordelia Chase for more than a year in high
school."
"You and Cordy? Never knew that." Spike looked skeptical.
"Yeah, well the year you were around, we were together, but
she insisted on keeping it a secret from everyone."
"Oh... yeah. I know how that goes."
"But you only shagged her once?"
"Never. That was ... someone else. No -- third base, but no
homeruns with Cordy."
"Well, if its any comfort to you, she's not getting any now
either."
"What do you mean? What do you know about Cordy?"
"She's down in LA with Angel -- you know -- Mr. I-can't-shag-
or-I-turn-evil."
"What? She's just working for him. It isn't anything..."
Spike raised an eyebrow.
"You're kidding..."
----------------
7 p.m.
"You said the Slayer was down. What's she down about?"
"None of your business."
"Just trying to make conversation."
"I don't know, anyway. She wouldn't say. I went over to her
place a couple of days ago and she was crying her eyes out. But
she wouldn't tell me what the trouble was. And I don't think
she's smiled since."
Spike sighed.
"You really should get a girlfriend. Something to keep your
mind off Buffy," Xander said, not unkindly.
"Had one -- for a while. Broke up a couple of days ago."
"Oh, so that's why you're back to stalking Buffy?"
Spike shrugged.
"How come I never saw you with this girlfriend?"
"She didn't like being seen with me. Not respectable enough, I
guess."
"Oh..."
----------------
8 p.m.
"So, I'm curious. What was Harmony like?"
"She about drove me around the bend. Never shut up."
"I mean... in the sack. The guys back in school -- you know, in
the locker room -- they used to say..."
Spike frowned. "Forget it. I don't talk about women that way."
"Oh, suddenly you're Mr. Proper..."
"It's not right!" Spike said with surprising vehemence. "You
ask a woman to trust you, to be intimate with you, then you
turn it into a smutty joke and blab it to any guy who will listen.
Well, not me. Forget it."
"Sorry... didn't realize you felt that way..."
---------------
9 p.m.
"So, this girl who wouldn't be seen with you -- why'd you put
up with that?"
Spike sighed. "Because being with her was good enough that it
was worth putting up with it."
"Why'd you break up?"
"I was tired of putting up with it."
--------------
10 p.m.
"I'm hungry."
"Shut up."
--------------
11 p.m.
"You think if I bought Anya something really nice, she'd
forgive me?"
"Oh, right. You totally humiliated her in front of every being
who means anything to her in the universe -- but if you give
her a nice necklace, she'll be fine."
"Guess not."
"Give her some space. If you two were really meant to be
together, once the hurt starts to heal, things will work out."
"Advice to the lovelorn, from a vampire."
"If you didn't want my opinion, why'd you ask?"
"Just making conversation."
"Well don't. I like the tense, loathing silences a lot better."
"Suit yourself."
-------------------
12 a.m.
"You going to try to make up with mystery girl?"
"If I can."
"Apologize, steal some flowers for her?"
"In a minute -- if she'll agree to stop being mystery girl."
------------------
1 a.m.
"Maybe I'll go back and tell Anya I'm willing to get married,
but we need to be engaged for a while longer."
"Oh, right. She's going to go for that."
"Maybe she will."
"In your dreams."
"Like you're the great authority on women. You and your
invisible girlf..." Xander stopped and his eyes got wide.
"Know more than you'll ever know about women, mate."
"Spike... that time when Buffy went invisible..."
Spike gave him a wary look. "What about it?"
"When I came by your place..."
"Yeah?"
"Buffy was there, wasn't she?"
Spike looked shocked. "No! Of course not. No!"
"You're lying."
"Bugger off."
"Oh God. No. I don't even want to think about it. Your filthy
hands on her. You bastard! I swear I'm going to kill you when
we get out of here." He grabbed Spike by the shoulders. "Don't
you ever..."
Spike batted his hands away. "Get out of my face. I told you.
She wasn't there."
"No? Then who is your mystery girlfriend?"
"I'm not going to tell. I promised to keep it a secret. When she's
ready to tell -- then OK. Not before."
"It's Buffy. You broke up a couple days ago. She was crying a
couple of days ago. The last couple of months she keeps
disappearing for hours. Nobody knows where she goes. It was
you. It was you all along!"
Spike looked away. "No comment."
"As soon as I get my hands on a stake, you are so dead. You
took advantage of her!"
"Harris, look, I'm not admitting anything here. But just say, for
argument's sake, my mystery girlfriend was the Slayer. Do you
honestly think there's any way I could take advantage of her?
She's the Slayer, for Christ's sake. If I did anything, she could
kill me in a heartbeat."
"Not physically. Emotionally. She's been so depressed..."
"Oh, you mean, she's been so depressed since you and your
little friends ripped her out of heaven because you were too
cowardly to go on without her here to protect you? And it's my
fault if I try to be a friend, and listen to her when she talks
about how betrayed she feels? And I'm a really, really bad
person if I keep her confidences and don't report back to the
people who did it to her?"
"You son of a bitch. I don't need a stake. I'm going to tear your
head off..."
"Give it your best shot, pillock."
"Oh, God. I can't do this. I can't know this. It makes me sick."
"Right. It's all my fault. You had nothing to do with it. You're
just a victim..."
"Shut up. Just shut up."
"Whatever."
--------------------
2 a.m.
"Spike?"
"Shut up."
"Why'd you do it?"
"What?"
"Break up with her?"
"It wasn't her."
"Why'd you do it?"
"None of your business."
"Come on..."
"I've got as much right as anybody to be treated like a person."
"You're not a person. You're a vampire."
"I'm not a human. But I am a person."
"Debatable."
-------------
3 a.m.
"Harris, wake up. You're snoring."
"What?"
"There. That's better."
------------
4 a.m.
"I can't sleep on this floor. It's killing my back."
"Not my problem, mate."
"So, why won't you admit it was Buffy?"
"Whoever the lady was, I'm not going to say anything until she
says it's OK."
"I don't get you. Chivalry. More than a hundred years of
murder and mayhem, and you're still trying to protect a
woman's reputation."
"I'm evil, mate, not an asshole."
------------
5 a.m.
"I can't believe Buffy would have slept with you."
"Then don't believe it. I told you it wasn't her."
"Yeah, and I believed you so much."
"What business of yours is it anyway. Buffy's a grown woman.
She can make her own choices."
"She's my friend. I don't want to see her get hurt."
"You're all together too interested in her love life, if you ask
me. She never tried to get you to stop seeing Demon Girl, did
she?"
"That was different."
"Why?"
"I'm a man. I can..."
"You can make your own decisions, but she's got to let you
make hers for her?"
"No... it's just..."
"Give it a rest, mate. It's none of your business."
------------
6 a.m.
"Well, at least it's over. She'll never go back to you."
"That's up to her. Not you, not me."
"I won't let her."
"And you're going to stop her how?"
"I don't know. I'll talk her out of it."
Spike rolled his eyes. "I've come all over terrified..."
"Shut up."
"You shut up."
"Why'd I have to get stuck in here with you?"
"Because you're an idiot who didn't think to try to call the
police until after we were inside."
"Don't try to blame this on me."
"Oh, right. It's my fault. Everything is. This, Buffy, the
economy and the Chicago fire..."
"Did you have anything to do with the Chicago fire?"
"Oh, please... I was 15 years old, and hadn't ever been out of
London in 1871."
-----------
7 a.m.
"When you were with Buffy..."
"I told you. It wasn't Buffy."
"OK, just hypothetically saying if you'd been with Buffy..."
"Give it a rest."
----------
8 a.m.
"Not long now. They'll open up the vault before they open the
bank at nine."
"Yeah... At last, I'll be able to get away from you."
"I'm just trying to think of what I'm going to say to Buffy next
time I see her."
"You're going to say nothing. You hear me, Harris? Nothing at
all. She's got enough to worry about without having to look at
you and think about what you're imagining she did with me. Be
a man for once. Think about what she's feeling instead of
yourself, for a change."
"I guess you're right."
-----------
8:45 a.m.
The lock on the vault clicked as the timing mechanism hit its
"unlock" point. The door swung out slowly.
"Come out with your hands up," said a voice from outside.
"This is the police. You're under arrest."
"You don't understand," Xander said plaintively. "We're not the
robbers. We were trying to stop the robbery. The real thieves
locked us in here."
"You'll have to come down to the station and make a statement,
sir."
"Oh bugger," Spike said with a frown. "Now I get to spend all
day answering questions from Sunnydale's finest. I'll probably
miss, Passions. I blame you for this, Harris..."