Blame

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

"And is that all you can find in your heart for me Father?"

Liam believed I didn't love him, he died believing that. Liam's dead, my son is dead.

I warned him, told him he'd only find trouble leaving like he did. I fought with him. The last words Liam and I exchanged were in anger.

How surprising is that, I can't even remember the last time we held a civil conversation, and now he's dead.

I always believed Liam would eventually outgrow his foolishness. That with more discipline he would improve. I never knew how he interpreted my discipline. How could he think I wanted him to fail? How could I let him think that? Why did he wait so long to tell me how he felt?

What would have happened had he told me? If he said anything more than "Yes Sir," I'd have seen it as impudence. I would have hit him. I truly wonder why I never knew what my son thought, about anything. Now I never will.

Liam was found this morning in the alley behind the pub. Hardly the first time Liam was found there, only this time he wasn't unconscious, his throat had been cut.

Liam's friends, and I use that term reluctantly, Sean, didn't even make it to the alley. He was found passed-out ten steps from the pub's door. He doesn't have any idea who might have killed Liam. If they'd wanted money they waited far too long, Liam never left the pub while he still had coin, anyone from Galaway would have known that. Anyone with ears or a mind would have known that. Liam rarely left quietly once his money had run short.

Of course most people that knew Liam despised him, either for something he'd said or done or because of someone he'd seduced. Liam took nothing seriously, the brawling, the drinking, the girls, none of it meant a thing to him. Unfortunately he didn't have the sense to realize that other people did care. I never imagined that someone might care enough to kill him for it, but someone did, and now he's gone.

He was only twenty-six and his sister will miss him. Kathleen, his little Kathy, can't understand why this happened. She's angry, Liam promised to come back to her and he always kept his promises to her. Only this time he won't keep his promise. Liam's gone forever.

Kathleen blames me, I told Liam if he left he could never come back, now it's true. Liam won't ever come home again and my daughter blames me. With her Liam was different. Kathleen never understood why we always fought. Liam loved her, he never let her be disappointed in him.

That should have made me realize where Liam and I had gone wrong. I told Liam he was a failure, could only find fault with him and he constantly failed me. Kathleen adored him, Liam was her big brother, she thought he could do no wrong, and Liam succeeded for her. For her he kept every promise, except that last one. He promised to come back to her, but he won't, because he ended up murdered in an alley.

He let Kathleen down, his darling Kathy, just like he let everyone down, just like I let him down.

My son is dead, my daughter blames me, and I'm not sure she's wrong in that.

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