Promises Made

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

He looks so peaceful when he sleeps, truly angelic. I can almost ignore the chains.

We didn't kid around with the chains. Angelus is no one to take chances with. If Angel were human we would have had to worry about his ability to breath. The weight and tightness of the chains would have prevented his lungs from expanding. Lucky for us Angel doesn't breath, so we don't have to worry.

Of course if Angel were human we wouldn't have had to do this in the first place. Tranquilizers don't turn humans into psychotic killers who like to play with their food, which would be us by the way.

Wesley thinks that the drugs will wear off and in few hours, when Angel wakes up, he'll be Angel again, not psycho-evil guy. I hope he's right, but we really don't know. Angel could wake-up drug free and still soulless.

Wesley and I haven't really discussed what we'll do in that case. I'm praying Willow will be able to cast that freaky Restoration spell again. But the thing is most of Willow's spells, they don't work. She doesn't even know why she started speaking gypsy or hocus-pocus or whatever it was that she spouted the last time she cast the spell, it might have been a fluke, she might not be able to do it again. What if we can't give Angel his soul back?

What do we do then? More to the point, what do I do then? See I made a promise that if Angel ever changed back that I'd kill him. And now it's happened, Angel is Angelus. If we can't get his soul back there's really no choice about what needs to be done.

I didn't have much sympathy for Buffy's difficulties during our junior year. I couldn't see why he was so much harder to stake than any other evil vampire.

Now I'm sitting here, watching Angel sleep, thinking about what a good friend he's been for the last few months. He and Doyle and now Wesley are the closest friends I've ever had. I've already lost Doyle, now I might have to kill Angel.

He's all chained up, technically, it shouldn't be hard. Stake, heart, poof. Technically that's all there is to it. Which completely ignores the part where I have to kill the body that used to belong to my best friend, and that by doing so I give up all hope of ever getting him back.

A part of me wants to weasel out of this. I want to say someone else has to do this, not me, but I promised Angel.

It would kill Buffy to do it again and Angel wouldn't want that. I don't think Willow or Wesley could actually do it. Wesley's gotten real dependent on Angel lately, he needs Angel. For what's probably the first time in his life, Wesley has a place; he knows he's valued for the contributions he makes, and thats all thanks to Angel. I don't think he could give that up. Willow would never give up on anyone; she would keep trying the spell until the world ended. Angel wouldn't want that either, they would give Angelus the time he needs to escape, Angel wouldn't want to risk that. Xander or Giles could do it, easily. They'd enjoy killing Angel, that's why I can't let them do it either. This is about doing what's right, what Angel would prefer, not about spite or vengeance or jealously. Oz is gone. That's why, if worst comes to worst, I have to do it.

I promised Angel. Angel knows me, I'm practical, I do what needs to be done. I'm not a whiney cry-Buffy, I can do what I have to and not let it break me. Angel could trust me to do what's right.

But I don't want to. Angel's my friend; I don't want to kill him. I really, really want him to wake-up and be himself.

Please let him be okay. Don't make me do this, please

Home

Next

Please Send Feedback