Bluff

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

Thank God that girl, Faith, turned herself in.

I can't believe how relieved I am. She gave Angel and I an escape, a way out of a game of chicken that could have proved fatal.

"It's murder," the blond girl had said.

I wouldn't have let it to that far. I don't think I would have. The eastern exposure thing was just a bluff; I wouldn't have left him to burn, not really. I just wanted to scare him, to force him to give her up.

But what if he'd called my bluff?

They say burning is the most torturous form of death.

Would Angel have held his position? Angel does what he thinks is right. He expected me to take his life with Penn's that day in the sewers, his eyes gave me permission to do just that. He believed that it was necessary to kill Penn, and he was ready to sacrifice his life to see that done.

I have to believe that he'd have died rather than betray that girl as well.

So I'm back to wondering what I would have done. I push, I'm willing to go to the edge to see that what I think is right is done. I've been reprimanded for pushing interrogations too far before. How far would I have taken things with Angel?

God, I don't even know how far's too far in this case. I could have killed him by accident. I know what can safely be done to a human, but I have no idea what a vampire's tolerance to sunlight is.

Why was he protecting her? Angel doesn't protect murders I know that. Once again, look at Penn, in vampire terms Penn is Angel's childe, that term implies an emotional connection, but Angel would have killed Penn.

Why was Faith different? What was he hoping to accomplish?

He seemed happy with how things turned out. Was he trying to get her to turn herself in? What was he trying to save her from?

I don't understand Angel, he's a monster, literally, one of the things that lurk in the shadows, or under the bed. But he saves people; I owe him my own life more than once. I don't understand why. Once he was a remorseless killer, now he's a good person, what changed?

So much is missing, so many gaps in his story. My feeling for him only make things messier. Before the Vampire thing came out I think I was starting to fall for him. At the very least he was a trusted friend. I feel like he betrayed me, just by being what he is. And I can't deal with what he is; just being near him makes my skin crawl.

I've threatened to kill him twice now. I couldn't go through with it the first time, this time, I wasn't put to the test. Some part of me agrees with that slime from Wolfram and Heart and wants to lump Angel in with all the other not human things, but I know it's not the truth, Angel isn't like the things that murdered my father.

Where Angel is concerned I just don't know what I'll do. I'm working with a fraction of the facts and a turmoil of conflicting emotions.

I wish, everyday, that I'd never met him.

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