Chapter 10

Crichton spends the early part of what he still considers afternoon, aiming at targets and firing. His shot wasn't half bad, but he began to think that he was fooling himself when D'Argo clutched his ribs and begged him to stop shooting.

Please, no more, I haven't seen shooting like that in--I've never seen shooting like that. How did you get this far in life?
Yeah, well, blasting practice was on my to do list. Instead of making fun of me, you could be giving me some helpful instruction.
I don't have a cycle to spare. You're going to have to pick this skill up as you go along.
Great. Crash course killing. You know, I'm not too happy about this plan you all have about going after Scorpius.
Fine, we'll drop you off at the next commerce planet and you can start growing your toenails out.
I didn't say I wouldn't help, just said I wasn't crazy about it, that's all. Where the heck is Kate? I thought she'd come down and see me duded out in leather.
Kate's-- I don't know. Something must have rattled her pretty bad, she's not herself. She's usually the first one up.
Leave it to the old man to screw things up. D, I didn't mean to be so hard on her, I was just shocked that she would--look, it doesn't matter. What's done is done.
Yes, done bun can't be repaired.
Stick to blowing things up, okay? I'm off to find Kate, by the way, what do you do for chafing in these parts?
Excuse me?
Never mind, that explains the skirt.
Crichton enters the passageway and sees Aeryn waving a wrench like object in Rygel's face. As he approaches, Aeryn steps aside and turns her back to him.
Pardon me, didn't mean to interrupt. Has anyone seen Kate?
That Frellnik accused me of stealing her rations. Clearly it was not theft. She was staring into her plate for nearly an arn. Good rations should be enjoyed promptly.
Rygel, answer his question. Tell the man if you've seen Kate so that he may be on his way and you and I can finish our own matter.
As a matter of fact, she is in Pilot's den. Now get out of my way. I won't stand for this rough handling. He turns to Crichton I was the Dominar of over 15 billion beings. I am not used to such treatment. I should be properly respected for my position on this ship.
You're a Frelling thief, and you stole the capacitors from my Prowler. When I'm done wringing your neck, you''ll wish that Durka had been less merciful in sparing your miserable--
Whoa, I'm just looking for Kate, I'll see myself out thanks.
Chiana pulls his arm and leads him down a different passageway.
Seems you've velked everyone on the ship. Except me, of course. Pilot's den is this way.
Thanks. Why exactly do you people stay together?
We're all we've got. You know, family and all. We-We can't go back to where we're from, and there's nowhere to hurry off to, we just run. Stay ahead of the Peacekeepers, and now the Scarrans. I guess the Nebari too. It does seem Frelled, but like I said, we're all we've got.
Are you happy here?
Happy? There's a concept. Happy. Zhaan was the only truly happy being I ever knew. She loved us all, yeah Zhaan. I miss her, you know? Miss her guidance. Her spirit. She really helped Aeryn and Kate come together in the end.
What happened to Zhaan?
's a long story. You probably don't wanna hear it.
You're wrong Chi, I do want to hear it. He sees tears welling in her black eyes, and he puts his hand on her shoulder.
She stepped in front of a pulse pistol blast . We were running from a Scarran patrol squad on Sarius and... Aeryn shot at Kate. Zhaan saw Aeryn pull her pistol and...Kate doesn't know about this okay? It would kill her. Just let it go. Aeryn hasn't drawn her weapon since.
So Zhaan's death is recent?
Little over a cycle ago. She was so serene. We brought her back to Moya and lit candles for her. She asked me to chant with her. Imagine that, me chanting. She wanted me with her when she died. As if I was worthy. She wanted to see my face she said. Zhaan had that in her. To make people more than they were. She was something special.
You probably had it all along.
She pulls away from him. You don't know me. I've done stuff. Right or wrong, I've done stuff. Anyway, that's Pilot's den. Just go in, he's-he's a gentle soul.
Chiana, thank you for your help, I'm having a hard time trying to find my place here and I've already blown things with Aeryn, possibly with Kate. It's good to have a friend.
I know. See ya round okay?
He kisses her forehead and steps into the darkened chamber where Moya's pilot resides. Kate is plotting on a lighted clipboard, and he waves to her.
Hi, Dad.
Look Kate, I want to apologize for being so judgmental. I don't know how it is for you here and I should have just heard you both out. I'm sorry.
It's all right Dad, all riders must pay, right? She steps around the console and a DRD rolls up to her with the sound of metal whisks skimming the floor. Little guy, I need you to monitor the Palsene levels. Pilot and I are going to try re-routing the connection.
What cha working on?
Repairing some conduits, fluid coolant systems stuff. Dry, boring.
I'm thinking of asking Aeryn to marry me.
What?!! You mean by telling her you never want to see her again? That's certainly a clever way of asking.
Would you rather I didn't?
You don't even know her. Why would you do something like that? Don't you think you should take the time to get to know her first? Besides, it's not up to me.
He looks down at her and takes her shoulders in his hands.
Would you rather I didn't?
I'd be lying if I said the thought hadn't occurred to me.
Yeah. I figured as much. How do you think she'll take it?
You mean after she says no? You might give her some time to consider it. Time and distance. Really Dad, why are you even thinking about this?
Crichton turns around and looks over Pilot's den. The chamber is dimly lit, to allow for Pilot's comfort, and the whirring of DRD's making repairs is nearly lost in the deep moans of the ship.
This is about me isn't it?


No, Dad. Not again. I won't have you making another sacrifice for me. Let's just concentrate on catching up with Scorpius and ending this war before it gets started; before too many lives are lost.
I want you to step down. I want you to marry D'Argo and begin your family if that's what you want.
I will. But when Aeryn says so. Not because of you trying to take my place. There's been enough of that and I won't have it here too. We left all that back on Earth, Dad, I can arrange for you to get home if you're unhappy here.
I'm considering it. But only because I know that you can handle yourself out here and I just don't seem to fit in.
Well that takes time, but if you want to leave then--.

All right, I'll take care of it. Kate sets the clipboard down on the console and steps past Crichton.
Nice to have met you, Pilot.
Likewise, Dr. Crichton.

Several hours later:

Crichton and Aeryn both stare at their plates, neither making eye contact with anyone seated at the table. D'Argo begins clearing the soiled platters, and Chiana stops him. Kate, D'Argo, Chiana and Rygel leave Crichton and Aeryn seated at the table.
I heard that you're leaving.
You heard right. No reason to stay really, Kate's doing well. Can't say I haven't enjoyed my stay, but it's time to get back to my own world.
You're a coward.
You're a bitch. We're even.
Aeryn rolls her eyes and stands.
You gonna shoot me like you shot Zhaan?
Aeryn recoils in horrified silence as he closes the gap between them.
At least I say what I feel.
I didn't want to be called a liar, Aeryn.
You don't want to be with me fine, at least be man enough to admit that you're afraid.
Afraid? That's like the least of what I'm feeling. What I am is angry. I don't cotton well to being used and frankly, this sulking is tiresome.
Sulking. Right. My daughter is dead because your daughter killed her. Zhaan is dead for trying to protect your daughter. Sulking. Right, Crichton. You've said what you have to say, and I'll be Frelled if I'm going to stand here and explain this to you again. Good luck. Aeryn spins on her heel to leave, and Crichton grabs her arm and pulls her back to face him.
I haven't said all that I want to say.
You want to insult me some more?
A single tear slides down her cheek and he wipes it away with his thumb.
I want to tell you that-- Her lip quivers and he lowers his mouth to hers. Crichton holds her tightly as she tries to wriggle out of his grasp. She turns to leave, and he grabs her. With her back to his chest, he whispers in her ear. I want you to give me a reason to stay. You let Kate marry D'Argo, release her from her debt to you, and I will stay.
I can't do that. Aeryn pulls at his arm as he restrains her.
Would seeing Kate happy be too much for you? Is that what this is about?
Aeryn's head dips forward and Crichton buries his nose in her hair.
She owes me.
Aeryn, I'm offering myself in Kate's place. I want you to let her go, or I'm leaving it's as simple as that.
You don't know what you're asking me to do. You don't understand how it works.

I know that I could love you passionately. I know that I am committing suicide by leaving you, but I'm willing to do it. Because I can't sit here and watch this happen to either of you. She's my daughter, Aeryn. She comes first with me. I know this is hard for you. You don't want to be a childless mother---
I hope that you have a safe journey.
Crichton releases his grip on her, the fight drained from him. Aeryn pauses in the doorway, but he doesn't stop her. She turns to look at him but he has his back to the door. Aeryn lifts her hand to touch his back and lets it hang in the air for a moment. Thinking better of it, she lowers her hand.
I wish impossible things.
We all do, Aeryn. He clenches his jaw and turns to face her. Her face is streaked with tears, and her voice is strained.
In another world, could you have loved me, Crichton?
He holds her gaze for a moment, willing her to understand that they had a chance in this one, but she takes his silence for a no, and leaves the room.



Crichton heads to Aeryn's quarters to retrieve the blanket that he and Aeryn had shared. He could still smell the jasmine like perfume that emanated from her hair as he folded the blanket. He had seen space, his daughter was in capable hands, and there was no place for him with these strange beings. He would return to Earth, wait for the frenzy to die down and maybe pen an autobiography. Eventually, the details would become fuzzy, until he could convince himself that it was all a fantasy. He would ease back into the routines that had defined him, kept him sane. Aeryn would haunt his dreams for a few years; and on quiet evenings, when his house was still, he would hear her throaty laugh. The yearning for her would dissipate with a thousand morning fogs, and a million dark nights alone. But he would get through them. Crichton stepped into the passageway and saw Kate consoling Aeryn; the ideal mother and child, and knew that he had to leave....
D'Argo's booming voice came over the comms system, and left them all stunned.
There's a Marauder approaching.