Questions

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

What was I supposed to say when Riley asked if I were surprised to see him in bed with me the morning after we made love?

That this was the third time I'd had sex and after the first two I'd woken up alone?

That the first guy I ever slept with lost his soul because of it? Then spent the next several months trying to kill or destroy everything I cared about?

That the second guy I slept with turned out to be a jerk that never cared about me at all?

Still Riley was there when I woke up. He was watching me sleep, still the same person he'd been the night before, still loving me. That felt good, it made me feel special, right, confident.

Then his alarm goes off, reminding him to take his vitamins. Which starts me asking questions. Cause Riley may be the person I went to sleep with last night, but suddenly I realize that there's an awful about that person that I don't know.

Riley doesn't ask questions, he follows orders. It's what he was trained to do, in covert ops; I didn't even know he was really in the military! I though he was my psych TA who had a weird night job that was similar to my own. Turns out that that night job is what he really is, the TA is just a cover story. I didn't know that.

I bet the Watcher's council wishes I were like that. The Watcher's Council would have had me let Angel die after Faith poisoned him. I wonder what Riley would have done in my place, if it had been me dying. Would he have followed orders and let me die? Would he have just believed that it was for the greater good because his superiors said so?

You know this isn't just a hypothetical question anymore. Not as of a few hours ago. Not since Professor Walsh set me up. Professor Walsh, Riley's boss, sent me into a trap, she expected me to die.

Apparently she thinks it's for the greater good that I die. What does Riley think? He doesn't ask questions, he trusts what his superiors say. They say I should die, does Riley agree with them?

He slept with me. He loves me. What does that mean to him? I don't know.

Will he ask question when they tell him to kill me? Will he follow orders then?

Why can't my love life ever be simple?

A two hundred and forty year old vampire cursed with a soul; a guy with a death wish; an old friend who wanted to trade my life for being turned into a vampire; a frat guy who wanted to sacrifice me to a nasty snake-monster in his basement. Plus two relatively normal guys who thought I was a normal girl, who both dumped me in under a month.

And now there's Riley. Riley Finn, my cute psych TA, a grad student from a nice normal farm in Iowa. Agent Finn, trained by the US government in covert operations, one of the Commandos running around Sunnydale. These guys hunt demons as part of their night job, they call them Hostile Sub-terrestrials. When they catch them they turn them over to the research types, no questions asked.

Willow wondered what they planned to do with the demons they catch once they're done experimenting. I wonder that myself. What were they going to do with Spike? Leave him to slowly starve to death? Keep him in one of those itty-bitty holding cells for the rest of his life? Forever?

Spike may be evil, but he's a person… well sort of. I'd go nuts locked up in one those cells. No privacy, no rights, no room to move, people cutting him open and doing whatever they like to him.

Vampires kill people. I kill vampires to protect people. I couldn't kill Spike because he was pathetic and helpless; because Spike has helped me in the past, even if was for his own, selfish, reasons; because I know Spike can love and feel pain just like me.

Vampires are just demons, demons are just evil, therefore I kill them, and it's okay that the Initiative tortures them. Except Angel's not evil, he has a soul, but he's still a vampire. Would the Initiative take the time to figure out that he's different or would they just put him on a table and start cutting? Whistler's a demon, but he's not evil, how would the Initiative figure that out? From what Spike's said they aren't real big on talking to HST's.

God, I'm not even comfortable with what they did to Spike, and he's a for real evil demon. But it's like those Jeans Accords they told us about in history class: There are certain things you can do to the other side during a war and there are things you don't do, not if you're a civilized being.

I think putting a mind control chips in the other peoples heads would count as something not to do.

And now the Initiative thinks I'm a threat, a hostile. What did I do? Ask too many questions? Was I too good at killing demons? Was I getting on their turf? What!?

Will they chop up my dead body to figure out what makes me different from other people? I already know that they aren't interested in a live capture when it comes to me. Why am I such a danger to them? I joined them. I thought we were on the same side.

Riley said Professor Walsh liked me, but she still sent me into a trap. What orders would Riley follow with regards to me?

I trusted Angel enough to let him feed from me. I don't know how far I trust Riley.

He follows orders, he doesn't ask questions. A lot of really bad things have happened because of people blindly following orders. How do you know you're doing the right thing if you don't think for yourself? If you don't question what is going on around you?

Why do I keep falling in love with the wrong guy?

The End

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