Ennui - This one is for you. You seem to be chomping at the bit for a bit of Angel. (although I think you like the Spikey bits)
In What World Could We Have Been Friends
Buffy remembered his voice on the phone. It had been awkward, but it was okay. It wasn't real when they talked on the phone. Buffy could remember about two times that they had talked on the phone in the course of their relationship. If he was worried about her he would never call, it was only a visit.
The phone had been easy.
Now she had to stand in front of him.
"Buffy," he said in a trance. He walked towards her and touched her cheek, "You're alive."
She smiled, "Yes I am."
He always reacted the same way, whenever she died.
Then she saw it and it almost made her cry. In his eyes there was none of the shadow of Angelus. He had never been forced into a soul and then reverted then had to deal with the soul again. There was no hundred years of hell. There was no demon that had ever overcome the body.
Angel was still whole, his soul had never been touched. He had never seen the dark side of himself. He didn't have memories of torturing those he had grown to care about.
The Angel that she had first met was scared, was keeping his distance. The Angel she had made love to was a man who was her guardian and protector. The Angel that had threatened her friends and her family was a cold hearted bastard. The Angel that she had sent to hell was as innocent as a child. The Angel who had said good-bye to her was a being who had been torn apart by too many things. The Angel who had been human, who had given her a perfect day was a hero who had the courage to lead with his heart.
Angelus had destroyed her with cruelty and stalking. Angel had destroyed her by loving her and leaving her, twice.
She would recognize Angel anywhere. No matter what he was part of her soul.
She didn't know the creature before her.
He was as sexy as she remembered, but her heart had stopped singing at the sight of him. She hadn't felt giddy in years. When he took away their chance at normalcy he took away any chance that she had that she would ever love him enough to be with him again. She never forgot. It was all part of her dreams.
What's more she could see in his eyes the truth.
This demon didn't dream.
"Well look who the cat dragged in," a voice behind Angel said. The voice meant to be annoying and meant to be the center of attention.
Buffy smiled, "Hey Cordelia."
Buffy then did something that shocked her to the core. It shocked most of the people in the room.
She walked over to Cordelia and gave her a hug.
Cordelia blinked rapidly.
"So we were friends in this alternant-universe Willow is telling me about."
Cordelia looked uncertain.
Buffy wanted to giggle, "In what world could we have been friends."
Cordelia opened her mouth, but Buffy had already turned back to Angel.
"You shouldn't be here. You're making it easier for Spike and the Anointed One to fix the ceremony."
"You're alive," Angel said happily, "I just wanted to make sure."
"We did," Cordelia said going up to him and taking his arm.
Then Buffy saw it. This Angel hadn't ever loved her. He had worshipped her and adored her, but he had no more memory of her than a few months.
******
Buffy, Angel and Cordelia sat in the living room talking quietly. At the top of the stairs Oz and Dawn listened.
"That is her ex?" Dawn whispered.
Oz nodded, "I never saw it, but I knew that Angel was hung up on Buffy for a long time."
Dawn wrinkled his nose again, she had liked the chemistry with Spike.
"I don't know what it is with that girl and vampires," Oz muttered.
"I think that she spends so much of her time in cemeteries that she wouldn't know what to do with a guy who took her to the beach. She's different. She'll never have the sweet relationships. She's different."
Dawn looked at her quiet boyfriend, a man who could become a wolf.
"We're slayers. We don't do picnics and picket fences."
She grinned as he turned looked at her.
"We find it in the weirdest of places."
Oz kissed her. When he pulled away he growled.
Dawn loved this. She loved when she was able to make him near his brink of control. She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the bedroom.
***
"I lost it years ago," Angel said softly looking at Cordelia.
"What?" Buffy said, her mouth turning into a gaping hole.
Cordelia played with the pillow on the end of the couch.
"It was just after graduation," Angel began hesitantly.
Buffy shook her head, "No it began long before that, didn't it."
Cordelia sighed, "It was mostly my fault. I started hanging out in the library because it was the one place that I felt normal."
"That and Harris was there," Angel interjected.
Cordelia shot him a glance of death, "I went out with Xander for a few months. In those months I saw enough to make it so I didn't ever forget. I knew the darkness under Sunnydale. I couldn't escape. After Xander and I broke up. Then it got worse I was kicked off the cheerleading squad and kind of lost all points of cool at that point. So I started working with the gang and eventually I developed a crush on Angel, to be honest I hit on him."
Angel gave her a look.
"Okay I threw myself at him, booty and all. He constantly rejected me."
This time it was Cordelia's turn to pass along a psychic barb.
"We had a thing ever so briefly then he decided no."
Buffy gave Cordelia a look of sympathy. She could understand the emotions involved. She had lived it.
"Then everything happened so fast. Kendra was killed and we were sent a new Slayer. Kendra already had a watcher, but he was too old to travel from Jamaica. I thought it was just a miscalculation on the part of the Council, I mean who would have a guy watch over a Slayer when the guy was going to be old when his girl got the job, then they told me she was like twenty-four, can you believe that."
"Cordelia," Angel said slightly amused.
"Well anyways, Faith came with Gwendolyn aka Miss Post, aka Miss Stick-up-her-butt, who turned out to be evil. Then came Wesley. I kind of used Wesley to make Angel jealous. That didn't work so well. Wes and I just don't have any chemistry."
Cordelia was making darting glances at Angel. Buffy figured that Wesley was in LA and Cordelia didn't want to rock the boat.
"Then we had mayor-snake graduation and then we celebrated."
Cordelia, Queen of the Cheerleaders then blushed as she realized what she was talking about. Angel had the decency to look down at his hands.
"So--umm, Angel lost his soul."
"Perfect happiness," Buffy whispered.
Angel looked up at her, "Yeah, I guess that is what it was. I mean I spent all this time trying not to love her, trying to reconcile the surface ditz with the girl underneath."
"Hey," Angel said as Cordelia slapped him, "You did have the kind of bitchy thing going."
Buffy raised her eyebrow in surprise, when did Angel call people bitchy?
"Once again not the point," Cordelia said haughtily, she turned back to Buffy, "Angel lost his soul after graduation. He then promptly left."
"It was hard to reconcile," Angel muttered.
Buffy stared deeply at the two of them.
"So you didn't turn evil?"
"No I just had to learn to control my demon," Angel said.
Buffy nodded.
Cordelia looked at her skeptically, "What kind of curse would that be if he reverted back to the old evil guy? The curse was their way of changing his persona. He was supposed to learn to be a better person. When he finally reached the plane of greater understanding then he would be released of the soul and encouraged to go on.
Buffy suddenly felt cold pass through her.
"She tracked me down," Angel said softly, "It was then that I realized I had my soul right here.
He was looking at Cordelia smiling. His eyes that shone with complete love.
Buffy couldn't breathe, she bolted for the door.
In What World Could We Have Been Friends
Buffy remembered his voice on the phone. It had been awkward, but it was okay. It wasn't real when they talked on the phone. Buffy could remember about two times that they had talked on the phone in the course of their relationship. If he was worried about her he would never call, it was only a visit.
The phone had been easy.
Now she had to stand in front of him.
"Buffy," he said in a trance. He walked towards her and touched her cheek, "You're alive."
She smiled, "Yes I am."
He always reacted the same way, whenever she died.
Then she saw it and it almost made her cry. In his eyes there was none of the shadow of Angelus. He had never been forced into a soul and then reverted then had to deal with the soul again. There was no hundred years of hell. There was no demon that had ever overcome the body.
Angel was still whole, his soul had never been touched. He had never seen the dark side of himself. He didn't have memories of torturing those he had grown to care about.
The Angel that she had first met was scared, was keeping his distance. The Angel she had made love to was a man who was her guardian and protector. The Angel that had threatened her friends and her family was a cold hearted bastard. The Angel that she had sent to hell was as innocent as a child. The Angel who had said good-bye to her was a being who had been torn apart by too many things. The Angel who had been human, who had given her a perfect day was a hero who had the courage to lead with his heart.
Angelus had destroyed her with cruelty and stalking. Angel had destroyed her by loving her and leaving her, twice.
She would recognize Angel anywhere. No matter what he was part of her soul.
She didn't know the creature before her.
He was as sexy as she remembered, but her heart had stopped singing at the sight of him. She hadn't felt giddy in years. When he took away their chance at normalcy he took away any chance that she had that she would ever love him enough to be with him again. She never forgot. It was all part of her dreams.
What's more she could see in his eyes the truth.
This demon didn't dream.
"Well look who the cat dragged in," a voice behind Angel said. The voice meant to be annoying and meant to be the center of attention.
Buffy smiled, "Hey Cordelia."
Buffy then did something that shocked her to the core. It shocked most of the people in the room.
She walked over to Cordelia and gave her a hug.
Cordelia blinked rapidly.
"So we were friends in this alternant-universe Willow is telling me about."
Cordelia looked uncertain.
Buffy wanted to giggle, "In what world could we have been friends."
Cordelia opened her mouth, but Buffy had already turned back to Angel.
"You shouldn't be here. You're making it easier for Spike and the Anointed One to fix the ceremony."
"You're alive," Angel said happily, "I just wanted to make sure."
"We did," Cordelia said going up to him and taking his arm.
Then Buffy saw it. This Angel hadn't ever loved her. He had worshipped her and adored her, but he had no more memory of her than a few months.
******
Buffy, Angel and Cordelia sat in the living room talking quietly. At the top of the stairs Oz and Dawn listened.
"That is her ex?" Dawn whispered.
Oz nodded, "I never saw it, but I knew that Angel was hung up on Buffy for a long time."
Dawn wrinkled his nose again, she had liked the chemistry with Spike.
"I don't know what it is with that girl and vampires," Oz muttered.
"I think that she spends so much of her time in cemeteries that she wouldn't know what to do with a guy who took her to the beach. She's different. She'll never have the sweet relationships. She's different."
Dawn looked at her quiet boyfriend, a man who could become a wolf.
"We're slayers. We don't do picnics and picket fences."
She grinned as he turned looked at her.
"We find it in the weirdest of places."
Oz kissed her. When he pulled away he growled.
Dawn loved this. She loved when she was able to make him near his brink of control. She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the bedroom.
***
"I lost it years ago," Angel said softly looking at Cordelia.
"What?" Buffy said, her mouth turning into a gaping hole.
Cordelia played with the pillow on the end of the couch.
"It was just after graduation," Angel began hesitantly.
Buffy shook her head, "No it began long before that, didn't it."
Cordelia sighed, "It was mostly my fault. I started hanging out in the library because it was the one place that I felt normal."
"That and Harris was there," Angel interjected.
Cordelia shot him a glance of death, "I went out with Xander for a few months. In those months I saw enough to make it so I didn't ever forget. I knew the darkness under Sunnydale. I couldn't escape. After Xander and I broke up. Then it got worse I was kicked off the cheerleading squad and kind of lost all points of cool at that point. So I started working with the gang and eventually I developed a crush on Angel, to be honest I hit on him."
Angel gave her a look.
"Okay I threw myself at him, booty and all. He constantly rejected me."
This time it was Cordelia's turn to pass along a psychic barb.
"We had a thing ever so briefly then he decided no."
Buffy gave Cordelia a look of sympathy. She could understand the emotions involved. She had lived it.
"Then everything happened so fast. Kendra was killed and we were sent a new Slayer. Kendra already had a watcher, but he was too old to travel from Jamaica. I thought it was just a miscalculation on the part of the Council, I mean who would have a guy watch over a Slayer when the guy was going to be old when his girl got the job, then they told me she was like twenty-four, can you believe that."
"Cordelia," Angel said slightly amused.
"Well anyways, Faith came with Gwendolyn aka Miss Post, aka Miss Stick-up-her-butt, who turned out to be evil. Then came Wesley. I kind of used Wesley to make Angel jealous. That didn't work so well. Wes and I just don't have any chemistry."
Cordelia was making darting glances at Angel. Buffy figured that Wesley was in LA and Cordelia didn't want to rock the boat.
"Then we had mayor-snake graduation and then we celebrated."
Cordelia, Queen of the Cheerleaders then blushed as she realized what she was talking about. Angel had the decency to look down at his hands.
"So--umm, Angel lost his soul."
"Perfect happiness," Buffy whispered.
Angel looked up at her, "Yeah, I guess that is what it was. I mean I spent all this time trying not to love her, trying to reconcile the surface ditz with the girl underneath."
"Hey," Angel said as Cordelia slapped him, "You did have the kind of bitchy thing going."
Buffy raised her eyebrow in surprise, when did Angel call people bitchy?
"Once again not the point," Cordelia said haughtily, she turned back to Buffy, "Angel lost his soul after graduation. He then promptly left."
"It was hard to reconcile," Angel muttered.
Buffy stared deeply at the two of them.
"So you didn't turn evil?"
"No I just had to learn to control my demon," Angel said.
Buffy nodded.
Cordelia looked at her skeptically, "What kind of curse would that be if he reverted back to the old evil guy? The curse was their way of changing his persona. He was supposed to learn to be a better person. When he finally reached the plane of greater understanding then he would be released of the soul and encouraged to go on.
Buffy suddenly felt cold pass through her.
"She tracked me down," Angel said softly, "It was then that I realized I had my soul right here.
He was looking at Cordelia smiling. His eyes that shone with complete love.
Buffy couldn't breathe, she bolted for the door.