a/n: This is the first part. It was getting long and it's getting late and I wanted to leave ya all with another installment.
Waking Up
Buffy was running, she had no intended place to go. She encountered four vampires and staked them without stopping. She just wanted to escape.
****
She found herself in one of Sunnydale's cemeteries.
"Whistler," she yelled, "Whistler get your scrawny but out here."
The only thing that responded was a bird.
Buffy kicked a gravestone and seriously stubbed her toe.
"Whistler if I you don't come out of here right now I will hunt you down and feed you your own toes."
"Imagery slayer."
Buffy whirled around and saw the little man, leaning on the entrance to a crypt, cleaning his nails.
"You know my job is not to come at your every beck and call."
Buffy raced to him and grabbed him by both of his arms. She hefted him up off his feet.
"Then why are you here?" Buffy asked from between clenched teeth.
Whistler shrugged, "Because I have nothing better to do."
Buffy slammed him against the wall again.
"Ouch, be nice I came," Whistler said rolling his neck.
"I want to go back," she growled, "There is no point of me being here. Everything is perfect here. Everyone is happy without me."
Whistler chuckled, "You see things as they are now. You've never been one for the big picture."
"Let me go back to dreaming. I can't do any better everyone is happy here."
Whistler looked at where her hands held his arms.
"Do you think you can let me down. I think its time for round two of explanations."
"With you that doesn't sound too encouraging," Buffy said coldly, dropping him to the ground.
Whistler sat on the ground looking up at her, "So what is your problem."
Buffy kicked at the ground, "I want to go back. They're all happy. They all lived happier without me. They don't need me. Even to make Dawn better, I mean she knows Spike, he'll help her."
"Doll-face, don't you think that we know everything that you say?"
Buffy looked at him, daggers in her eyes, "Well then why am I here?"
"Because you need to be. You didn't deserve to die when you did. This is partially amends, but it is something else. You missed so many years of pain. We just wanted to give you something wonderful."
Buffy rolled her eyes, "I feel so happy."
"Okay since this didn't stick lets just get on with your question."
"So you're not going to tell me."
Whistler shrugged, "Nope."
Buffy sighed, "Well you know what I am sick of this. Willow and Xander are together because I wasn't there to draw Xander's attention. Dawn is this amazingly strong woman without me. Giles still has a purpose. Everything is so happy because I'm not here."
Tears blinded her eyes, but she barely noticed.
"I'm just here to see how much they didn't really need me."
Whistler looked at her sadly. He was moved. This little girl was so confused. It came from her knowing only one side, one world.
"Do you want to see what you missed?"
Buffy shrugged, "Only if I can go home afterwards."
"You choose after you see."
****
They all stood at the graveside. Figures dressed in black. A stone that proclaimed that Buffy Summers once lived. Now all there was left was a body buried in the ground.
They all simply stood.
There were no tears.
****
"They didn't cry at my funeral?" Buffy squeaked.
Whistler looked at her, "Wait."
****
The night after the funeral was bleak.
Giles sat alone in a half lit room. With a bottle of Whiskey. He remained in that chair for two days.
Willow and Xander sat in Willow's bedroom with a bowl of popcorn. They held each other zombie eyed as they watched Indian soap operas.
Angel sat on the steps leading up to the lit world of day. He looked up into the tilted sunlight.
Still none of them cried.
****
"So they were sad after my death so what?" Buffy muttered, yet she was touched by the way that all of them had cared so deeply.
Whistler, reading her thoughts, said nothing.
****
"That girl is impossible." Giles said pacing in the library.
Xander, Willow, and Cordelia were sitting around the library they looked up at him, familiar with this rant.
"She won't do anything without first coming to me and asking my permission. Then she can't do anything outside of the box. She follows the Slayer Manual as if it is the absolute. I cannot stand all of this hand holding. She is protecting the world, the least she could do is think on her own."
"I know Giles," Willow sighed, "She is completely unimaginative."
"And she is so uptight, I bet she keeps her steak in her…"
"Xander behave," Willow chastised.
Xander looked innocent, "Well it is true."
"So you don't have to say it," Willow said.
"I can't stand this anymore!" Cordelia yelled, "it's the same everyday. You can't stand Kendra. However everyday instead of any of you trying to teach her or get to know her you just bitch about her. I can't take this any more. You guys hate her for one reason, and we all know what that is."
"Cordy, I think now is not the time," Xander said coolly.
Cordelia looked at him and tilted her chin.
"You all hate her because she isn't Buffy."
"Get out," Giles said in a rough voice.
Cordelia slowly pushed back her chair and looked at all of them.
"You all are so caught up with your 'Buffy is the best and only Slayer' that you can't see anything else. When she died all of you lost hope. Do you guys even notice anything any more?"
Cordelia looked around the room at the three people who wouldn't even speak to her.
"Okay since I'm so welcome here I'm gonna leave you with some fun facts that no one wants to say to you."
She turned to Giles, "You are not fooling anyone. You're tea cup reeks of whiskey."
Giles looked at her and pursed his lips. Then he drank the rest of his cup of "tea" just to spite her.
"Little miss Brainiac," Cordelia said to Willow, "You need to wake up. You walk through all of your days in a daze. You barely passed your classes last semester. You're going to fail out if you aren't careful."
Willow couldn't even look up at her.
"And you," she said turning to Xander, tears full in her eyes, "You are the worst. Because you hide in the dark and kiss me to forget. Every chance you get you hold on to me. You're using me."
Cordelia swung around to the door, but she stopped and turned again. There were tears falling down her face.
"Buffy is dead. You guys aren't."
With that she turned and walked out of the room
***
"Do you know what you meant when you told Cordelia that you guys could never be friends?" Whistler asked.
Buffy shook her head.
"It simply means that you know that she was just like you. A cheerleader who could be amazing given half a chance. You knew that Angel could love her. That is why in a million lifetimes you will never be friends with her. You two are too much alike."
****
That night, the night that they hated Cordelia more than anything, was the first night that Giles, Xander and Willow cried. In the darkness they shed the tears for a girl who had given her life for them.
Waking Up
Buffy was running, she had no intended place to go. She encountered four vampires and staked them without stopping. She just wanted to escape.
****
She found herself in one of Sunnydale's cemeteries.
"Whistler," she yelled, "Whistler get your scrawny but out here."
The only thing that responded was a bird.
Buffy kicked a gravestone and seriously stubbed her toe.
"Whistler if I you don't come out of here right now I will hunt you down and feed you your own toes."
"Imagery slayer."
Buffy whirled around and saw the little man, leaning on the entrance to a crypt, cleaning his nails.
"You know my job is not to come at your every beck and call."
Buffy raced to him and grabbed him by both of his arms. She hefted him up off his feet.
"Then why are you here?" Buffy asked from between clenched teeth.
Whistler shrugged, "Because I have nothing better to do."
Buffy slammed him against the wall again.
"Ouch, be nice I came," Whistler said rolling his neck.
"I want to go back," she growled, "There is no point of me being here. Everything is perfect here. Everyone is happy without me."
Whistler chuckled, "You see things as they are now. You've never been one for the big picture."
"Let me go back to dreaming. I can't do any better everyone is happy here."
Whistler looked at where her hands held his arms.
"Do you think you can let me down. I think its time for round two of explanations."
"With you that doesn't sound too encouraging," Buffy said coldly, dropping him to the ground.
Whistler sat on the ground looking up at her, "So what is your problem."
Buffy kicked at the ground, "I want to go back. They're all happy. They all lived happier without me. They don't need me. Even to make Dawn better, I mean she knows Spike, he'll help her."
"Doll-face, don't you think that we know everything that you say?"
Buffy looked at him, daggers in her eyes, "Well then why am I here?"
"Because you need to be. You didn't deserve to die when you did. This is partially amends, but it is something else. You missed so many years of pain. We just wanted to give you something wonderful."
Buffy rolled her eyes, "I feel so happy."
"Okay since this didn't stick lets just get on with your question."
"So you're not going to tell me."
Whistler shrugged, "Nope."
Buffy sighed, "Well you know what I am sick of this. Willow and Xander are together because I wasn't there to draw Xander's attention. Dawn is this amazingly strong woman without me. Giles still has a purpose. Everything is so happy because I'm not here."
Tears blinded her eyes, but she barely noticed.
"I'm just here to see how much they didn't really need me."
Whistler looked at her sadly. He was moved. This little girl was so confused. It came from her knowing only one side, one world.
"Do you want to see what you missed?"
Buffy shrugged, "Only if I can go home afterwards."
"You choose after you see."
****
They all stood at the graveside. Figures dressed in black. A stone that proclaimed that Buffy Summers once lived. Now all there was left was a body buried in the ground.
They all simply stood.
There were no tears.
****
"They didn't cry at my funeral?" Buffy squeaked.
Whistler looked at her, "Wait."
****
The night after the funeral was bleak.
Giles sat alone in a half lit room. With a bottle of Whiskey. He remained in that chair for two days.
Willow and Xander sat in Willow's bedroom with a bowl of popcorn. They held each other zombie eyed as they watched Indian soap operas.
Angel sat on the steps leading up to the lit world of day. He looked up into the tilted sunlight.
Still none of them cried.
****
"So they were sad after my death so what?" Buffy muttered, yet she was touched by the way that all of them had cared so deeply.
Whistler, reading her thoughts, said nothing.
****
"That girl is impossible." Giles said pacing in the library.
Xander, Willow, and Cordelia were sitting around the library they looked up at him, familiar with this rant.
"She won't do anything without first coming to me and asking my permission. Then she can't do anything outside of the box. She follows the Slayer Manual as if it is the absolute. I cannot stand all of this hand holding. She is protecting the world, the least she could do is think on her own."
"I know Giles," Willow sighed, "She is completely unimaginative."
"And she is so uptight, I bet she keeps her steak in her…"
"Xander behave," Willow chastised.
Xander looked innocent, "Well it is true."
"So you don't have to say it," Willow said.
"I can't stand this anymore!" Cordelia yelled, "it's the same everyday. You can't stand Kendra. However everyday instead of any of you trying to teach her or get to know her you just bitch about her. I can't take this any more. You guys hate her for one reason, and we all know what that is."
"Cordy, I think now is not the time," Xander said coolly.
Cordelia looked at him and tilted her chin.
"You all hate her because she isn't Buffy."
"Get out," Giles said in a rough voice.
Cordelia slowly pushed back her chair and looked at all of them.
"You all are so caught up with your 'Buffy is the best and only Slayer' that you can't see anything else. When she died all of you lost hope. Do you guys even notice anything any more?"
Cordelia looked around the room at the three people who wouldn't even speak to her.
"Okay since I'm so welcome here I'm gonna leave you with some fun facts that no one wants to say to you."
She turned to Giles, "You are not fooling anyone. You're tea cup reeks of whiskey."
Giles looked at her and pursed his lips. Then he drank the rest of his cup of "tea" just to spite her.
"Little miss Brainiac," Cordelia said to Willow, "You need to wake up. You walk through all of your days in a daze. You barely passed your classes last semester. You're going to fail out if you aren't careful."
Willow couldn't even look up at her.
"And you," she said turning to Xander, tears full in her eyes, "You are the worst. Because you hide in the dark and kiss me to forget. Every chance you get you hold on to me. You're using me."
Cordelia swung around to the door, but she stopped and turned again. There were tears falling down her face.
"Buffy is dead. You guys aren't."
With that she turned and walked out of the room
***
"Do you know what you meant when you told Cordelia that you guys could never be friends?" Whistler asked.
Buffy shook her head.
"It simply means that you know that she was just like you. A cheerleader who could be amazing given half a chance. You knew that Angel could love her. That is why in a million lifetimes you will never be friends with her. You two are too much alike."
****
That night, the night that they hated Cordelia more than anything, was the first night that Giles, Xander and Willow cried. In the darkness they shed the tears for a girl who had given her life for them.