Title: Into the Darkness
Author: Debbie
Disclaimer: I don't own anybody. NBC & WB are the lucky ones.
Summary: After an accident Bosco must face his fears with the help of his friends.
Spoilers: Up to and including 'Sex, Lies and Videotape'. The ugly Hobart thing never happened here.
Notes: Thanks to Angie for all of her support. I would also like to think Jazzy (The Andorian Ice
Princess) for being there and checking up on me. Feedback is wonderful, any sent my way will
find a good home. This part was delayed because it had to be rewritten after 'Fallen', I watched
that wonderful episode and then was surprised to hear Bosco and Faith saying some of the lines I
wrote. So there wouldn't be any confusion I rewrote the second half
Part Five
Faith knocked on the door again; it was the third time in the last five minutes. Each time
she knocked, he had told her to go away. But, she wasn't about to do that. She wasn't
going to let him push her away. Not after she had seen how upset he had just been. She
couldn't forget that she had felt him tremble at her touch.
When she had come into the room earlier, she had been pleased to see Bosco's mom
visiting. She had almost backed out of the room so they could be alone. Then Faith
stopped and really looked at her. The poor woman looked hurt and upset; she'd looked up
at Faith and tried to smile but Faith could see the pain in her eyes. Then she had gotten
up from her chair quickly and told him goodbye, and then she had fled the room.
When Faith confronted him about his mother, he had been silent at first, then he had basically
told her to butt-out. She had shrugged that off. She was used to Bosco's reluctance to talk
about his family. They had been partners and friends for quite awhile. Bosco knew everything
there was to know about Faith and her family, maybe a little too much. She, however, knew
very little about his family and most of the time he was reluctant to bring anything up. So, when
he didn't want to talk about his mother, she had backed off.
Then her heart had broken as she watched him make his way slowly across the room. She had
stayed behind him, not wanting to give him another opportunity to turn his anger on her, but
unwilling to leave him alone.
Now, though, the last of her patience was draining away, so she decided it was time to put an
end to the standoff. She told herself again that she wasn't going to let him push her away.
"Bosco, if you don't open this door right this minute, I'm coming in."
She recognized the same tone she used on the kids at home; it made her wince slightly. She
listened to the silence on the other side of the door for 5 seconds, then slowly pushed the
door open.
Bosco was on the far side of the room. He was sitting on the floor with his knees pulled up to his
chest, his good arm was wrapped around his knees and his head was buried between them.
He had conned someone out of scrub bottoms; they looked two sizes too big. But, they helped
make him look small and defeated. The man in front of her looked nothing like her headstrong,
stubborn partner.
Faith closed her eyes for a second, and then forced them back open so she could cross the couple
of steps between them. When she reached his side, she lowered herself to the floor beside him
and studied him. He was trying to use his body to protect himself. She didn't know what was
making him so upset but she wasn't going to leave him this way. She reached out and gently
touched his shoulder. He pulled away from her, and she let her hand fall to the floor between
them.
"Please Faith…just leave me alone," he pleaded with her in a soft whisper.
The sound of his voice almost made her change her mind. She questioned herself silently, what
was she doing? But she knew what she was doing; she was trying to help her partner. She was
trying to convince him that he wasn't alone and that she cared.
"Bosco. Tell me what's wrong. Are your worried about your eyes? It's perfectly natural to be
worried, but you have to believe that everything is going to be fine. You can't let this scare you."
Faith noticed Bosco shudder at her words, and then he whispered something to himself. He didn't
say anything to her.
The fingers on his uninjured hand were clenched in a tight fist around his knee. His knuckles
were turning white and even hunched over the way he was, the rest of his body looked very stiff
and rigid. The position reminded Faith of Charlie when he woke up screaming from a nightmare.
Faith's very next thought shook her to her very core. He was afraid.
Worse yet, she didn't know what to say, or what he needed to hear. She didn't know how to
comfort him. The only thing she did know was that she was going to stay with him; she didn't
want him to be alone no matter what he said.
She eased herself slowly to the floor next to him. "Bosco, I'm always going to be here for you.
I'm not going anywhere no matter what happens."
She pulled up her legs like him and rested her head on her knees. She closed her eyes and
decided to wait him out. Neither of them spoke for quite a while. The silence in the bathroom
was starting to overwhelm her when Bosco sighed deeply.
Faith opened her eyes and looked at him. He still had his legs pulled up but he was no longer
hunched over. His head was leaning back against the wall; he lifted his fingers up to his face
and ran them over the bandage.
"I can't handle spending the rest of my life in the dark, Faith."
Faith shook her head slightly. How could she convince him that he might be doing all
this to himself for nothing? The doctor hadn't sounded like he was sure of the outcome,
but he had promised her that he would do everything possible.
"It's okay to be afraid of something like this, Bosco,
"It's not okay, I won't let that happen to me," he told her quietly.
Faith felt something cold and heavy settle in her chest. "Bosco, what are you saying?"
He didn't answer her. He dropped his hand to his knee then cleared his throat. "Did I ever
tell you about this old guy who lived across the hall from us when I was a kid?"
"What?" The change of subject confused her. What was he talking about? When she didn't
answer him, he tipped his head back toward the wall and snorted.
"Probably not, I don't think about him a lot anymore. Anyway, he used to live across the
hall from us. My dad was still living with us then. Sometimes Dad was sober enough to
bored with beating on Mom and come after us. When I could, I would grab Mikey and we
would take off across the hall to old man Gardner, and he and his wife would hide us."
Bosco paused and Faith silently watched him rub his fingers back and forth across his knee.
"Well, Mikey would watch TV or make cookies with his wife, but I would sit and listen
to him talk for hours about World War II. I loved listening to him. He had parachuted into
England, he was in the Rangers. He made it sound like so much fun. He was a hero, he
would tell me stories about how the townspeople would cheer when they came through
the town."
He stopped talking; he looked like he was remembering all the old stories. She wasn't sure
where his story was going, but if he needed to talk, she would listen. She wanted him to
understand that she wasn't going to go anywhere. She raised her hand and placed it gently
on his restless fingers. Bosco lifted his head from the wall and turned it slightly toward her.
She thought she saw him smile, but she couldn't be sure.
Then in a quiet unsteady voice, he said, "He never talked about all the things that could go
wrong. Things that you couldn't stop."
"Tell me what went wrong, Bosco."
She said it without thinking. If she had been thinking she probably wouldn't have said it.
Did she really want to know the details of what haunted him?
Bosco shook his head a little too quickly. He blew a breath out of his mouth and she felt his
fingers freeze.
"Nothing, just forget about it."
"No, Bosco, I'm not going to forget it. You do this all the time, you keep everything bottled up
until it blows. Bosco, I want to help you, but you have to tell me."
"It's a long story."
"I'm not going anywhere."
Bosco sighed and let go of his knees, letting his legs slide to the ground in front of him. She
stayed quiet and let him take as much time as he needed.
****************************
She wasn't going to leave him alone until he calmed her down. He didn't want to tell anyone
about that night ten and a half years ago. He had never talked to anyone about what had really
happened. Even the guys in his unit hadn't known the whole story. Maybe it was time to get it
out. He knew Faith wouldn't judge him.
"I had a tough time in high school, I mean it wasn't school so much, everything was just really
screwed up at home. Ma was jumping from guy to guy and Mikey had discovered the wonders
of weed. The three of us would have major fights and I remember sitting in my room telling
myself that if I didn't get away from this place, I was going to turn into a total shit like my dad."
Now that he had let the memories flood back, he felt like he had lost control of them. Bosco
leaned his head back onto the wall again and forced himself to slowly continue.
"The day before graduation, Mikey and I had a huge fight. I left and somehow found myself
standing in front of a Army recruiting office. I stared at the sign and all those stories
Mr. Gardner used to tell me came back to me. Then I realized that this could be my way out.
I guess the officer inside saw a real sucker because I was signed up before I knew it and
on my way home trying to decide what to tell my Ma."
Bosco fell silent when he heard Faith chuckle. "How did your mom take it?"
Bosco thought back to that afternoon. Ma had been almost drunk when he got home, the newest
love of her life had been passed out in the bedroom but she was still on the edge. He had handed
her his papers and watched her struggle to understand what they meant. Then she laughed
and handed them back to him. Then she had asked him,
'What did you go and do something so stupid for?'
'It's not stupid. I'm getting out of here.'
'You think you're too good to stay around here? What about us?"
'I can't stay here. You gotta understand, Ma. If I stay here I'm going turn out just like him."
She had looked at him for a second then she just nodded and told him to be careful.
He had been crushed.
"She was cool about it," he said quickly. "So six months later I was through basic, then I
caught a lucky break and was on my way to Ranger School. I think it was worst two months
of my life. My instructor would lay into me pretty hard, he seemed to think I had a problem
with authority." He paused and listened to her snicker, then he let himself smile, too.
"Anyway, I was assigned to the 82nd and thought my life was set. The NCO, Sargent Nelson,
was the toughest guy I had ever met but we got along great. I remember two years into my
tour and I was considering staying on and becoming a career man."
The images of the guys from his unit came rushing back. Some of the guys he hadn't thought
about too much in the past ten years, others he thought about more often. Sgt. Nelson was the
only face that came to him frequently, usually when he awoke in the middle of the night,
and now in the dark little world he had been forced into.
He must have lost track of real time because he heard Faith move and then he felt her hand
lightly touch his elbow.
"What changed your mind, what happened?" she prodded.
Bosco shrugged his shoulders, then continued. "The Gulf War happened."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"We got shipped over before the first bomb was dropped. At first, we did all sorts of things,
running recon missions, guarding checkpoints, other stuff. When the actual war began,
a lot of the guys, me included, couldn't wait to get out there and contribute, you know go
on a mission that would make a difference.
"We got our chance when an Apache went down right before sunset. Our unit was assigned the
rescue mission." The more he thought about that mission, the more the darkness surrounding
him threatened to engulf him. He forced himself to continue.
"Right before we left we got word that the pilot's last message might have been intercepted
by the Iraqis. His co-pilot had been captured, but he was on his way to a small village
they had flown over. We were on the ground and nearing the village a little over an hour later,
our unit was then ordered to join a Special Forces unit already near the village and
anyway we could.
"McGuire, Franks, Biggs, Sgt. Nelson and I met with a few Special Forces guys right outside the
village. Sgt. Nelson had the rest of the guys in the unit stayed at the landing site to secure it for
our ride home."
He fell silent for a minute, remembering the silent trip across the desert into the village
"What I remember most was how dark it was. It never gets that dark in the city, but out in the
middle of the desert you can hardly see anything. When we entered the village, no one was
there."
He felt Faith shift closer to him. She didn't say a word but she placed her hand over his slightly
trembling hand. She was trying to urge him on, but she was also giving him a little of her
strength to continue.
"The Special Forces guys seemed really on edge about it. The place looked like something had
hit it. Most of the houses were either falling apart or had holes in the walls. I was next to Franks
and Sgt. Nelson when out of nowhere shots were fired. Somehow, the three of got inside one of
the few buildings left standing. Actually Sgt. Nelson was the one that got us inside the building,
it was a small storage hut or something. We didn't think there was anyone inside, so when we
slammed the door shut and took cover, the only thing that was going through my mind was who
in the hell was outside firing at us."
His heart began to pound loudly; he had the insane thought that Faith could hear it. He pulled his
arm from Faith and wrapped it around himself. He wasn't sure that he would be able to continue
if he could feel her touch. But then the memories of those next few minutes began to rush back to
him, and once he started he couldn't stop himself.
"Nelson pointed for us to take up positions near the door while he stepped back and tried to radio
the rest of the unit. The firing continued outside, I could hear people shouting and some return
fire. I didn't know what he was going to do when he squatted down next to me and whispered
for me to stay put, but before I had the chance to ask, we heard a noise from behind us and Franks
screamed. I remember looking up at him and watching him fall. Sgt. Nelson jumped forward and
caught him. I turned around and fired at a shadow near the back wall without thinking. My bullet
caught an Iraqi solider in the chest.
"It was the first person I had ever shot at close range." Bosco could still remember the way he
slid slowly to the ground and the terrible gurgle as he tried to breathe.
"I think I froze for a second, cause the next thing I remember was that Sgt. Nelson was yanking
me around by my shirt and yelling at me to get Franks over to the back wall and stay there. I
grabbed Franks and pulled him over to the wall and watched Sgt. Nelson grab Franks's gun and
hand it to me. He said he was going out, and ordered me to stay put until he came back with
reinforcements."
Bosco stopped talking suddenly. He remembered how scared he had been but every impulse in
his body was telling him to follow Nelson outside and help him and his friends. Nelson had
known it and when he had handed him the gun, he had grabbed his shoulder and forced him to
look him directly in the eyes.
'I'm going out there, Boscorelli. I want you to stay here with Franks and wait for and a medic.
You got that? You are not to move one inch until Franks is secure. I don't care what happens-you move your ass one inch and you'll be sorry. You hear me?'
'Yes, Sir.'
'Good Luck, Son.'
'You too, Sir.'
Then Nelson had turned and ran out the door shutting it behind him. Bosco shuddered and let his
breath out slowly trying to calm himself.
"I never saw him again."
"Bosco. It wasn't your…"
Bosco shook his head and gripped his leg a little tighter.
"Don't." His hand flew up in front of him, trying to make her stop whatever excuse she was
about to offer him. It worked because she became silent.
"He never came back. I sat in that little room with Franks all night
"The shots soon stopped outside, the fire fight moved up the hill away from the village. Every
now and then someone outside would scream something I couldn't understand or call out for
help. Franks passed out right after I moved him, so I pulled him up in front of me and we
squeezed into the far corner of the room, that way I could use my gun if I needed to
All night I kept putting my hand across his nose to see if he was breathing, making sure he was
alive. I couldn't see a thing in there, but there were noises.
"Every time something would creak, I would jerk my gun up toward the sound. I felt
alone and at first I was jumpy, plus I felt trapped because Franks was on me so I couldn't move.
Just when I was started to force myself to calm down, the Iraqi I shot started to moan. It scared
the shit out of me the first time I heard him. I thought he was dead but he kept on moaning for
what seemed like hours. When he finally stopped I was so happy, I was happy that he was dead."
He took a slow, even breath and brought both his hands up to rub the sides of his face and across
his ears to convince himself that the sounds from that night were just in his head. He rubbed his
ears once then let his hands drop to his sides where he tightened his right hand into fist.
He tried to push the memories from his mind and then he forced the last of his words out in a
whisper.
"We were there for seven hours. No one came until morning. By the time they got there, Franks
had been dead for three hours and the medic had to pry him away from me."
"I was scared." His voice was trembling slightly, but he no longer cared. "I don't know which
was worse-the darkness or not knowing what was out there in the dark that I couldn't control
because I was stuck in that damn corner. I was afraid and helpless just like now."
He felt her take his hand and squeeze. "Bosco, you are not helpless."
He snorted and shook his head slightly. "Faith, I can't even take a piss by myself." He sobered
quickly then sniffed. "I can't help the way I feel, Faith."
"I know Bosco, I know." Faith sighed quietly and gently rubbed his hand.
He leaned toward her and she shifted slightly then pulled his head down onto her shoulder.
Her contact broke down the last of his control and he began to silently sob.
*********************
Faith sat silently next to him and held him to her as his shoulders shook with silent tears. She
rested her head down on his and continued to rub his hand and arm gently as her own tears slid
down her cheeks.
She wasn't sure what else she could do for him so she just sat there and held him close and
whispered, "It's going to be okay, Bosco."
The story he had told her had been both frightening and more than a little disturbing. If he was
able to push something like that so far down and function as well as he did, how many other
things was he able to push down and not face? Did she really want to know how many other
things were just below the surface of her partner's emotional wall?
His body stilled as he got control of his emotions and then he sniffed and pulled his head up
and away from her. She was still unsure of what to say. She didn't have any words to comfort
him. His jaw was still clenched but he was trying to get himself back under control.
"I can't live in the darkness for the rest of my life, Faith, I won't," he said solemnly.
Faith closed her eyes at his words, she vowed silently that she wasn't going to give him the chance to prove it.
Then anger that she didn't know was there swelled up inside her. She knew she didn't have
the right, but how dare he tell her something like that? How dare he tell her that he was going
to just give up? After everything he had been through. after everything they had been through.
It just wasn't fair of him to do that to her.
"Shut up!" she exploded.
He jumped and pulled away from her. "Faith?"
"Don't you dare Faith me. What in the hell am I supposed to say? How dare you tell me
something like that and expect me to just let you…"
She couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence. Instead, she pushed herself up off the floor and
stalked to the far wall. All the horrible images he had told her were running through her head.
But what she couldn't get control of were her own emotions. Fear and sorrow and anger were
all hopelessly jumbled together. She didn't know what to do and she certainty didn't know what
to feel.
"Faith?" he called out to her.
She turned back to look at him. He was still sitting on the floor, but his hand was reaching out
toward her. He let it hang in the air for a couple of seconds then it dropped to his side. She
dropped her head and brought her hands up to rub her eyes and temples.
She suddenly felt very ashamed. Did she have the right to be angry with him? After he had
trusted her enough to tell her probably one of the worst moments of his life? She couldn't think
about that right now, she still felt angry with him but she knew that this was not a good time to
yell at him for thinking about such things. If she pushed him too far, he would push back even
harder or worse, he would think she was going abandon him.
"Bos, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"
He didn't let her finish this time. "I just don't think I could live like this forever. It feels like
I'm right back there in that hut afraid of what I can't see what I can't control," he said sadly.
She crossed the room and was squatting down in front of him before he had finished. She reached
out and took his face with both of her hands and held him tightly. Even though he couldn't see
her, she needed this contact to say what she needed to tell him.
"Bosco, now I want you to listen to me. You are not helpless, no matter what you think, you
are the strongest and bravest man I know. I know you're scared, I know you feel like you're
not in control but, Bosco, no one can ever really be in total control of their lives. I want you to
know that I'm here for you no matter what happens."
She paused for a second and watched him bite his lip and nod his head slightly. Then she leaned
forward until her forehead was resting on his and whispered, "I'm not leaving you and you have
to promise me that you won't leave me either."
"I won't Faith, I promise," he answered her with a slight break in his voice.
Faith smiled and shut her eyes for a second. Relief flooded through her and she forced herself to
hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.
She managed to say, "I'm holding you to that promise, Partner."
They sat that way for a few more seconds, then Faith cleared her throat and pulled away from
him. She noticed that his jaw tightened and what she could see of his forehead wrinkled slightly
It took her a moment to realize that he had winced.
"Bosco, did I hurt you?"
"No," Bosco tried to chuckle but it came out flat and a little too strained. "You know you're not
heavy, you're my partner and all that."
Faith groaned. His face had also been burned and the doctor had told her that he would be in pain
from the burns until they healed. But she had forgotten and had been leaning and gripping his
bandages and in turn probably putting pressure on his burns.
"Jeez, Bos, why didn't you say something?"
He snorted then smiled up at her. "After crying on your shoulder like a baby, did you really think
I was going to open my mouth again?"
Faith sighed but was happy to see some of her partner's stubbornness reappear.
"Let's get you back to bed."
She saw him grin and then open his mouth to say something, but she cut him off quickly.
"I don't want to hear it," she warned.
She climbed to her feet and reached down and took his right hand and helped him to his feet.
When she put a hand on his elbow to guide him across the room and out of the bathroom he
stopped and pulled away from her.
"What is it? Do you need something?"
"Ugh, I have to…can you wait for me outside. If have to use the head. And before you ask I don't
need any help I got it covered."
Faith felt herself blush as she bit her lip trying to control the laugh that was threating to surface.
She didn't think he would appreciate her laughing at him right that minute.
"Okay I'll be right outside. Knock if you need anything."
He didn't say anything but nodded in her direction and turned away from her. Faith walked
quickly to the door and pulled it open. She stepped through and pulled it shut behind her
She was surprised to see a nurse bending down next to his bed picking up the bits of glass from
the vase that Bosco had shattered earlier. The nurse turned when she heard her and smiled.
"I brought Mr. Boscorelli's pain medication." She gestured toward a syringe laying on the table
next to the bed, then glanced at the door Faith was now leaning on. "I didn't want to interrupt."
"Thank-you." Faith really wasn't sure which she was more thankful for, the nurse bringing the
medication that Bosco needed or for not interrupting them.
"You need some help?" she smiled and stepped forward to help the nurse clean up the mess Bosco had made earlier.
It was five minutes before the door to the bathroom opened and Bosco emerged. His hair was wet
and he looked a little pale.
"Bosco, are you okay?"
Faith and Cathy, the nurse, rushed across the room to him. When they reached him, Faith saw
him pull back from Cathy, but he reached a hand out toward her and let her guide him across the
room to his bed. When he was settled under the covers, Faith reached forward and brushed his
wet hair back and asked him again if he was okay.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just got a little sick, but I'm okay now."
Faith thought there might be a little more to that statement, but she wasn't going to bring it up
now especially with Cathy right beside her.
"Mr. Boscorelli, I'm Cathy. I'm going to be your nurse for the rest of the afternoon. I have some
pain medication for you. It's going to make you sleepy so why don't you try to get some rest."
Cathy eased Bosco on his side and injected the syringe into his hip. "Okay, I'll check on you
later." Cathy smiled up at Faith, then turned and left the room.
Bosco rolled back over slowly and blew a long breath out. He hadn't grumbled at all about the
shot so Faith knew he must have needed it.
"This stuff works fast," he said.
Faith patted him on the arm gently. "I think that's the point, Bos."
She was about to turn and leave, when he grabbed her hand and squeezed.
"You said you wouldn't leave," he muttered sleepily.
She smiled down at him as he dropped off to sleep. She pulled the chair up beside the bed and sat down making sure that she never let go of his hand.
"Never, Partner," she whispered as she watched his chest rise and fall evenly. She prayed silently
that his sleep wouldn't be invaded by the demons he had just shared with her.
Author: Debbie
Disclaimer: I don't own anybody. NBC & WB are the lucky ones.
Summary: After an accident Bosco must face his fears with the help of his friends.
Spoilers: Up to and including 'Sex, Lies and Videotape'. The ugly Hobart thing never happened here.
Notes: Thanks to Angie for all of her support. I would also like to think Jazzy (The Andorian Ice
Princess) for being there and checking up on me. Feedback is wonderful, any sent my way will
find a good home. This part was delayed because it had to be rewritten after 'Fallen', I watched
that wonderful episode and then was surprised to hear Bosco and Faith saying some of the lines I
wrote. So there wouldn't be any confusion I rewrote the second half
Part Five
Faith knocked on the door again; it was the third time in the last five minutes. Each time
she knocked, he had told her to go away. But, she wasn't about to do that. She wasn't
going to let him push her away. Not after she had seen how upset he had just been. She
couldn't forget that she had felt him tremble at her touch.
When she had come into the room earlier, she had been pleased to see Bosco's mom
visiting. She had almost backed out of the room so they could be alone. Then Faith
stopped and really looked at her. The poor woman looked hurt and upset; she'd looked up
at Faith and tried to smile but Faith could see the pain in her eyes. Then she had gotten
up from her chair quickly and told him goodbye, and then she had fled the room.
When Faith confronted him about his mother, he had been silent at first, then he had basically
told her to butt-out. She had shrugged that off. She was used to Bosco's reluctance to talk
about his family. They had been partners and friends for quite awhile. Bosco knew everything
there was to know about Faith and her family, maybe a little too much. She, however, knew
very little about his family and most of the time he was reluctant to bring anything up. So, when
he didn't want to talk about his mother, she had backed off.
Then her heart had broken as she watched him make his way slowly across the room. She had
stayed behind him, not wanting to give him another opportunity to turn his anger on her, but
unwilling to leave him alone.
Now, though, the last of her patience was draining away, so she decided it was time to put an
end to the standoff. She told herself again that she wasn't going to let him push her away.
"Bosco, if you don't open this door right this minute, I'm coming in."
She recognized the same tone she used on the kids at home; it made her wince slightly. She
listened to the silence on the other side of the door for 5 seconds, then slowly pushed the
door open.
Bosco was on the far side of the room. He was sitting on the floor with his knees pulled up to his
chest, his good arm was wrapped around his knees and his head was buried between them.
He had conned someone out of scrub bottoms; they looked two sizes too big. But, they helped
make him look small and defeated. The man in front of her looked nothing like her headstrong,
stubborn partner.
Faith closed her eyes for a second, and then forced them back open so she could cross the couple
of steps between them. When she reached his side, she lowered herself to the floor beside him
and studied him. He was trying to use his body to protect himself. She didn't know what was
making him so upset but she wasn't going to leave him this way. She reached out and gently
touched his shoulder. He pulled away from her, and she let her hand fall to the floor between
them.
"Please Faith…just leave me alone," he pleaded with her in a soft whisper.
The sound of his voice almost made her change her mind. She questioned herself silently, what
was she doing? But she knew what she was doing; she was trying to help her partner. She was
trying to convince him that he wasn't alone and that she cared.
"Bosco. Tell me what's wrong. Are your worried about your eyes? It's perfectly natural to be
worried, but you have to believe that everything is going to be fine. You can't let this scare you."
Faith noticed Bosco shudder at her words, and then he whispered something to himself. He didn't
say anything to her.
The fingers on his uninjured hand were clenched in a tight fist around his knee. His knuckles
were turning white and even hunched over the way he was, the rest of his body looked very stiff
and rigid. The position reminded Faith of Charlie when he woke up screaming from a nightmare.
Faith's very next thought shook her to her very core. He was afraid.
Worse yet, she didn't know what to say, or what he needed to hear. She didn't know how to
comfort him. The only thing she did know was that she was going to stay with him; she didn't
want him to be alone no matter what he said.
She eased herself slowly to the floor next to him. "Bosco, I'm always going to be here for you.
I'm not going anywhere no matter what happens."
She pulled up her legs like him and rested her head on her knees. She closed her eyes and
decided to wait him out. Neither of them spoke for quite a while. The silence in the bathroom
was starting to overwhelm her when Bosco sighed deeply.
Faith opened her eyes and looked at him. He still had his legs pulled up but he was no longer
hunched over. His head was leaning back against the wall; he lifted his fingers up to his face
and ran them over the bandage.
"I can't handle spending the rest of my life in the dark, Faith."
Faith shook her head slightly. How could she convince him that he might be doing all
this to himself for nothing? The doctor hadn't sounded like he was sure of the outcome,
but he had promised her that he would do everything possible.
"It's okay to be afraid of something like this, Bosco,
"It's not okay, I won't let that happen to me," he told her quietly.
Faith felt something cold and heavy settle in her chest. "Bosco, what are you saying?"
He didn't answer her. He dropped his hand to his knee then cleared his throat. "Did I ever
tell you about this old guy who lived across the hall from us when I was a kid?"
"What?" The change of subject confused her. What was he talking about? When she didn't
answer him, he tipped his head back toward the wall and snorted.
"Probably not, I don't think about him a lot anymore. Anyway, he used to live across the
hall from us. My dad was still living with us then. Sometimes Dad was sober enough to
bored with beating on Mom and come after us. When I could, I would grab Mikey and we
would take off across the hall to old man Gardner, and he and his wife would hide us."
Bosco paused and Faith silently watched him rub his fingers back and forth across his knee.
"Well, Mikey would watch TV or make cookies with his wife, but I would sit and listen
to him talk for hours about World War II. I loved listening to him. He had parachuted into
England, he was in the Rangers. He made it sound like so much fun. He was a hero, he
would tell me stories about how the townspeople would cheer when they came through
the town."
He stopped talking; he looked like he was remembering all the old stories. She wasn't sure
where his story was going, but if he needed to talk, she would listen. She wanted him to
understand that she wasn't going to go anywhere. She raised her hand and placed it gently
on his restless fingers. Bosco lifted his head from the wall and turned it slightly toward her.
She thought she saw him smile, but she couldn't be sure.
Then in a quiet unsteady voice, he said, "He never talked about all the things that could go
wrong. Things that you couldn't stop."
"Tell me what went wrong, Bosco."
She said it without thinking. If she had been thinking she probably wouldn't have said it.
Did she really want to know the details of what haunted him?
Bosco shook his head a little too quickly. He blew a breath out of his mouth and she felt his
fingers freeze.
"Nothing, just forget about it."
"No, Bosco, I'm not going to forget it. You do this all the time, you keep everything bottled up
until it blows. Bosco, I want to help you, but you have to tell me."
"It's a long story."
"I'm not going anywhere."
Bosco sighed and let go of his knees, letting his legs slide to the ground in front of him. She
stayed quiet and let him take as much time as he needed.
****************************
She wasn't going to leave him alone until he calmed her down. He didn't want to tell anyone
about that night ten and a half years ago. He had never talked to anyone about what had really
happened. Even the guys in his unit hadn't known the whole story. Maybe it was time to get it
out. He knew Faith wouldn't judge him.
"I had a tough time in high school, I mean it wasn't school so much, everything was just really
screwed up at home. Ma was jumping from guy to guy and Mikey had discovered the wonders
of weed. The three of us would have major fights and I remember sitting in my room telling
myself that if I didn't get away from this place, I was going to turn into a total shit like my dad."
Now that he had let the memories flood back, he felt like he had lost control of them. Bosco
leaned his head back onto the wall again and forced himself to slowly continue.
"The day before graduation, Mikey and I had a huge fight. I left and somehow found myself
standing in front of a Army recruiting office. I stared at the sign and all those stories
Mr. Gardner used to tell me came back to me. Then I realized that this could be my way out.
I guess the officer inside saw a real sucker because I was signed up before I knew it and
on my way home trying to decide what to tell my Ma."
Bosco fell silent when he heard Faith chuckle. "How did your mom take it?"
Bosco thought back to that afternoon. Ma had been almost drunk when he got home, the newest
love of her life had been passed out in the bedroom but she was still on the edge. He had handed
her his papers and watched her struggle to understand what they meant. Then she laughed
and handed them back to him. Then she had asked him,
'What did you go and do something so stupid for?'
'It's not stupid. I'm getting out of here.'
'You think you're too good to stay around here? What about us?"
'I can't stay here. You gotta understand, Ma. If I stay here I'm going turn out just like him."
She had looked at him for a second then she just nodded and told him to be careful.
He had been crushed.
"She was cool about it," he said quickly. "So six months later I was through basic, then I
caught a lucky break and was on my way to Ranger School. I think it was worst two months
of my life. My instructor would lay into me pretty hard, he seemed to think I had a problem
with authority." He paused and listened to her snicker, then he let himself smile, too.
"Anyway, I was assigned to the 82nd and thought my life was set. The NCO, Sargent Nelson,
was the toughest guy I had ever met but we got along great. I remember two years into my
tour and I was considering staying on and becoming a career man."
The images of the guys from his unit came rushing back. Some of the guys he hadn't thought
about too much in the past ten years, others he thought about more often. Sgt. Nelson was the
only face that came to him frequently, usually when he awoke in the middle of the night,
and now in the dark little world he had been forced into.
He must have lost track of real time because he heard Faith move and then he felt her hand
lightly touch his elbow.
"What changed your mind, what happened?" she prodded.
Bosco shrugged his shoulders, then continued. "The Gulf War happened."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"We got shipped over before the first bomb was dropped. At first, we did all sorts of things,
running recon missions, guarding checkpoints, other stuff. When the actual war began,
a lot of the guys, me included, couldn't wait to get out there and contribute, you know go
on a mission that would make a difference.
"We got our chance when an Apache went down right before sunset. Our unit was assigned the
rescue mission." The more he thought about that mission, the more the darkness surrounding
him threatened to engulf him. He forced himself to continue.
"Right before we left we got word that the pilot's last message might have been intercepted
by the Iraqis. His co-pilot had been captured, but he was on his way to a small village
they had flown over. We were on the ground and nearing the village a little over an hour later,
our unit was then ordered to join a Special Forces unit already near the village and
anyway we could.
"McGuire, Franks, Biggs, Sgt. Nelson and I met with a few Special Forces guys right outside the
village. Sgt. Nelson had the rest of the guys in the unit stayed at the landing site to secure it for
our ride home."
He fell silent for a minute, remembering the silent trip across the desert into the village
"What I remember most was how dark it was. It never gets that dark in the city, but out in the
middle of the desert you can hardly see anything. When we entered the village, no one was
there."
He felt Faith shift closer to him. She didn't say a word but she placed her hand over his slightly
trembling hand. She was trying to urge him on, but she was also giving him a little of her
strength to continue.
"The Special Forces guys seemed really on edge about it. The place looked like something had
hit it. Most of the houses were either falling apart or had holes in the walls. I was next to Franks
and Sgt. Nelson when out of nowhere shots were fired. Somehow, the three of got inside one of
the few buildings left standing. Actually Sgt. Nelson was the one that got us inside the building,
it was a small storage hut or something. We didn't think there was anyone inside, so when we
slammed the door shut and took cover, the only thing that was going through my mind was who
in the hell was outside firing at us."
His heart began to pound loudly; he had the insane thought that Faith could hear it. He pulled his
arm from Faith and wrapped it around himself. He wasn't sure that he would be able to continue
if he could feel her touch. But then the memories of those next few minutes began to rush back to
him, and once he started he couldn't stop himself.
"Nelson pointed for us to take up positions near the door while he stepped back and tried to radio
the rest of the unit. The firing continued outside, I could hear people shouting and some return
fire. I didn't know what he was going to do when he squatted down next to me and whispered
for me to stay put, but before I had the chance to ask, we heard a noise from behind us and Franks
screamed. I remember looking up at him and watching him fall. Sgt. Nelson jumped forward and
caught him. I turned around and fired at a shadow near the back wall without thinking. My bullet
caught an Iraqi solider in the chest.
"It was the first person I had ever shot at close range." Bosco could still remember the way he
slid slowly to the ground and the terrible gurgle as he tried to breathe.
"I think I froze for a second, cause the next thing I remember was that Sgt. Nelson was yanking
me around by my shirt and yelling at me to get Franks over to the back wall and stay there. I
grabbed Franks and pulled him over to the wall and watched Sgt. Nelson grab Franks's gun and
hand it to me. He said he was going out, and ordered me to stay put until he came back with
reinforcements."
Bosco stopped talking suddenly. He remembered how scared he had been but every impulse in
his body was telling him to follow Nelson outside and help him and his friends. Nelson had
known it and when he had handed him the gun, he had grabbed his shoulder and forced him to
look him directly in the eyes.
'I'm going out there, Boscorelli. I want you to stay here with Franks and wait for and a medic.
You got that? You are not to move one inch until Franks is secure. I don't care what happens-you move your ass one inch and you'll be sorry. You hear me?'
'Yes, Sir.'
'Good Luck, Son.'
'You too, Sir.'
Then Nelson had turned and ran out the door shutting it behind him. Bosco shuddered and let his
breath out slowly trying to calm himself.
"I never saw him again."
"Bosco. It wasn't your…"
Bosco shook his head and gripped his leg a little tighter.
"Don't." His hand flew up in front of him, trying to make her stop whatever excuse she was
about to offer him. It worked because she became silent.
"He never came back. I sat in that little room with Franks all night
"The shots soon stopped outside, the fire fight moved up the hill away from the village. Every
now and then someone outside would scream something I couldn't understand or call out for
help. Franks passed out right after I moved him, so I pulled him up in front of me and we
squeezed into the far corner of the room, that way I could use my gun if I needed to
All night I kept putting my hand across his nose to see if he was breathing, making sure he was
alive. I couldn't see a thing in there, but there were noises.
"Every time something would creak, I would jerk my gun up toward the sound. I felt
alone and at first I was jumpy, plus I felt trapped because Franks was on me so I couldn't move.
Just when I was started to force myself to calm down, the Iraqi I shot started to moan. It scared
the shit out of me the first time I heard him. I thought he was dead but he kept on moaning for
what seemed like hours. When he finally stopped I was so happy, I was happy that he was dead."
He took a slow, even breath and brought both his hands up to rub the sides of his face and across
his ears to convince himself that the sounds from that night were just in his head. He rubbed his
ears once then let his hands drop to his sides where he tightened his right hand into fist.
He tried to push the memories from his mind and then he forced the last of his words out in a
whisper.
"We were there for seven hours. No one came until morning. By the time they got there, Franks
had been dead for three hours and the medic had to pry him away from me."
"I was scared." His voice was trembling slightly, but he no longer cared. "I don't know which
was worse-the darkness or not knowing what was out there in the dark that I couldn't control
because I was stuck in that damn corner. I was afraid and helpless just like now."
He felt her take his hand and squeeze. "Bosco, you are not helpless."
He snorted and shook his head slightly. "Faith, I can't even take a piss by myself." He sobered
quickly then sniffed. "I can't help the way I feel, Faith."
"I know Bosco, I know." Faith sighed quietly and gently rubbed his hand.
He leaned toward her and she shifted slightly then pulled his head down onto her shoulder.
Her contact broke down the last of his control and he began to silently sob.
*********************
Faith sat silently next to him and held him to her as his shoulders shook with silent tears. She
rested her head down on his and continued to rub his hand and arm gently as her own tears slid
down her cheeks.
She wasn't sure what else she could do for him so she just sat there and held him close and
whispered, "It's going to be okay, Bosco."
The story he had told her had been both frightening and more than a little disturbing. If he was
able to push something like that so far down and function as well as he did, how many other
things was he able to push down and not face? Did she really want to know how many other
things were just below the surface of her partner's emotional wall?
His body stilled as he got control of his emotions and then he sniffed and pulled his head up
and away from her. She was still unsure of what to say. She didn't have any words to comfort
him. His jaw was still clenched but he was trying to get himself back under control.
"I can't live in the darkness for the rest of my life, Faith, I won't," he said solemnly.
Faith closed her eyes at his words, she vowed silently that she wasn't going to give him the chance to prove it.
Then anger that she didn't know was there swelled up inside her. She knew she didn't have
the right, but how dare he tell her something like that? How dare he tell her that he was going
to just give up? After everything he had been through. after everything they had been through.
It just wasn't fair of him to do that to her.
"Shut up!" she exploded.
He jumped and pulled away from her. "Faith?"
"Don't you dare Faith me. What in the hell am I supposed to say? How dare you tell me
something like that and expect me to just let you…"
She couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence. Instead, she pushed herself up off the floor and
stalked to the far wall. All the horrible images he had told her were running through her head.
But what she couldn't get control of were her own emotions. Fear and sorrow and anger were
all hopelessly jumbled together. She didn't know what to do and she certainty didn't know what
to feel.
"Faith?" he called out to her.
She turned back to look at him. He was still sitting on the floor, but his hand was reaching out
toward her. He let it hang in the air for a couple of seconds then it dropped to his side. She
dropped her head and brought her hands up to rub her eyes and temples.
She suddenly felt very ashamed. Did she have the right to be angry with him? After he had
trusted her enough to tell her probably one of the worst moments of his life? She couldn't think
about that right now, she still felt angry with him but she knew that this was not a good time to
yell at him for thinking about such things. If she pushed him too far, he would push back even
harder or worse, he would think she was going abandon him.
"Bos, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"
He didn't let her finish this time. "I just don't think I could live like this forever. It feels like
I'm right back there in that hut afraid of what I can't see what I can't control," he said sadly.
She crossed the room and was squatting down in front of him before he had finished. She reached
out and took his face with both of her hands and held him tightly. Even though he couldn't see
her, she needed this contact to say what she needed to tell him.
"Bosco, now I want you to listen to me. You are not helpless, no matter what you think, you
are the strongest and bravest man I know. I know you're scared, I know you feel like you're
not in control but, Bosco, no one can ever really be in total control of their lives. I want you to
know that I'm here for you no matter what happens."
She paused for a second and watched him bite his lip and nod his head slightly. Then she leaned
forward until her forehead was resting on his and whispered, "I'm not leaving you and you have
to promise me that you won't leave me either."
"I won't Faith, I promise," he answered her with a slight break in his voice.
Faith smiled and shut her eyes for a second. Relief flooded through her and she forced herself to
hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.
She managed to say, "I'm holding you to that promise, Partner."
They sat that way for a few more seconds, then Faith cleared her throat and pulled away from
him. She noticed that his jaw tightened and what she could see of his forehead wrinkled slightly
It took her a moment to realize that he had winced.
"Bosco, did I hurt you?"
"No," Bosco tried to chuckle but it came out flat and a little too strained. "You know you're not
heavy, you're my partner and all that."
Faith groaned. His face had also been burned and the doctor had told her that he would be in pain
from the burns until they healed. But she had forgotten and had been leaning and gripping his
bandages and in turn probably putting pressure on his burns.
"Jeez, Bos, why didn't you say something?"
He snorted then smiled up at her. "After crying on your shoulder like a baby, did you really think
I was going to open my mouth again?"
Faith sighed but was happy to see some of her partner's stubbornness reappear.
"Let's get you back to bed."
She saw him grin and then open his mouth to say something, but she cut him off quickly.
"I don't want to hear it," she warned.
She climbed to her feet and reached down and took his right hand and helped him to his feet.
When she put a hand on his elbow to guide him across the room and out of the bathroom he
stopped and pulled away from her.
"What is it? Do you need something?"
"Ugh, I have to…can you wait for me outside. If have to use the head. And before you ask I don't
need any help I got it covered."
Faith felt herself blush as she bit her lip trying to control the laugh that was threating to surface.
She didn't think he would appreciate her laughing at him right that minute.
"Okay I'll be right outside. Knock if you need anything."
He didn't say anything but nodded in her direction and turned away from her. Faith walked
quickly to the door and pulled it open. She stepped through and pulled it shut behind her
She was surprised to see a nurse bending down next to his bed picking up the bits of glass from
the vase that Bosco had shattered earlier. The nurse turned when she heard her and smiled.
"I brought Mr. Boscorelli's pain medication." She gestured toward a syringe laying on the table
next to the bed, then glanced at the door Faith was now leaning on. "I didn't want to interrupt."
"Thank-you." Faith really wasn't sure which she was more thankful for, the nurse bringing the
medication that Bosco needed or for not interrupting them.
"You need some help?" she smiled and stepped forward to help the nurse clean up the mess Bosco had made earlier.
It was five minutes before the door to the bathroom opened and Bosco emerged. His hair was wet
and he looked a little pale.
"Bosco, are you okay?"
Faith and Cathy, the nurse, rushed across the room to him. When they reached him, Faith saw
him pull back from Cathy, but he reached a hand out toward her and let her guide him across the
room to his bed. When he was settled under the covers, Faith reached forward and brushed his
wet hair back and asked him again if he was okay.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just got a little sick, but I'm okay now."
Faith thought there might be a little more to that statement, but she wasn't going to bring it up
now especially with Cathy right beside her.
"Mr. Boscorelli, I'm Cathy. I'm going to be your nurse for the rest of the afternoon. I have some
pain medication for you. It's going to make you sleepy so why don't you try to get some rest."
Cathy eased Bosco on his side and injected the syringe into his hip. "Okay, I'll check on you
later." Cathy smiled up at Faith, then turned and left the room.
Bosco rolled back over slowly and blew a long breath out. He hadn't grumbled at all about the
shot so Faith knew he must have needed it.
"This stuff works fast," he said.
Faith patted him on the arm gently. "I think that's the point, Bos."
She was about to turn and leave, when he grabbed her hand and squeezed.
"You said you wouldn't leave," he muttered sleepily.
She smiled down at him as he dropped off to sleep. She pulled the chair up beside the bed and sat down making sure that she never let go of his hand.
"Never, Partner," she whispered as she watched his chest rise and fall evenly. She prayed silently
that his sleep wouldn't be invaded by the demons he had just shared with her.