--Chapter 1 – The Big Hexagon Thing--
Disclaimer: I actually really enjoyed MGS 2, and I love Invader ZiM. Any misrepresentation of characters is purely for fun and humor value.
"Snake, do you remember what happened two years ago?"
No shit, Sherlock, I've only done the simulation TEN THOUSAND TIMES!
He forced the CODEC connection shut. Jack wasn't the happiest of bishunon today. His pretty hair was restrained by an aqua-helmet/hairnet/SCUBA device. The AHHNSCUBA was rather irritating, he had to admit. And that was its proper name. Even the NAME was irritating. And, worse yet, the damned seawater had washed all of the purple out of his hair!
Swim swim swim. Swim swim swim. DAMMIT, WHY CAN'T I JUST KILL THINGS TODAY?! He swam through a hole in the oil fence, not even noticing it was there, just taking its presence for a given. He bumped into a little twirling box that had IR goggles inside. Rubbing his head, he pocketed the goggles and surfaced, tearing the demonic mask thingy off his face.
SHINE! His hair was finally liberated! Unfortunately, he slipped on some sea lice and fell back into the water.
"Raiden, you swim by using the analog joystick. Hit the punch button to go faster."
…Punch button? And when did my codename get changed? Gah…
Raiden sat there in the water for about six minutes, blinking dumbly at the ladder right in front of him. Oddly enough, his muscles didn't seem to want to move. Then, suddenly, he was filled with vigor; he grabbed the ladder, and JUMPED up it with amazing speed, like some kind of ferret on crack cocaine.
…What the hell was that?
Suddenly his CODEC opened again. Then for some unknown reason he placed another call to Rosemary, "Jack?"
"…"
The CODEC then closed again. Seems the gods had a sense of humor today. A good one. Like how he had just jumped over a railing, shimmied to the right, hopped back over, grabbed an electric shaver that was behind some deep water diving suits for God-knows-what reason, then shimmied back. Against his will. Yep, the Gods were rolling on the floor laughing their asses off at him. Bastards.
Opening the nearby lockers, he pulled out some spinney round things. As he did, the word "RATION" appeared in the air. …What the fuck? He pondered the magical word as his feet shuffled him over to the large door. His arms reached out and grabbed the wheel, then let go. He grabbed it again, only to release it again. Grab. Release. Grab. Release. Grab. Release. Grab. Release.
This went on for an hour or so. Raiden had already been contemplating various ways to create and properly sustain a cold fusion reaction, when finally he managed to actually TURN the wheel on the door. The lock clunked open and he swung it aside. He stood there for five minutes, staring down the hall. Then his feet swung into action! Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, right turn, left right left right leftright STOP! He looked around the box… there were guards with… funny star rings rotating over their heads? Raiden blinked a few times at this, even as his body ran over to the node in the corner.
CODEC again.
"Raiden, use the action button to access the node."
"Did you say Nerd?"
"Node, wiseass, node."
First time he's called me a wiseass… He reached out a hand to the node. And he received an incredibly powerful blast and DIED!
Then came Raiden clone #001. Fortunately, the information the first Raiden received persisted. A little box with a topographical layout appeared in the upper right-hand corner of his view. He promptly stared at it for the next twenty minutes. Unfortunately, Raiden clone #001 was not the intellectual Raiden #000 was.
"Duuuuuuuuh… there's a boxy thingee in my eyes…"
"…"
Raiden clone #001 died. Colonel Campbell didn't feel like reeducating a moron. Raiden clone #000 woke back up. He wasn't dead, just in shock. *rimshot*
Raiden stepped onto the elevator that was against the back of the wall and went to the top of Column A of The Big Hexagon Thing.
--Set: End: Chapter 1 – The Big Hexagon Thing--